A few moments later, Maxon pulled away. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as my thoughts raced on how to make the best use of our limited time together.
Questions bombarded me. Why had he ignored me for the past week? Why had he gone on at least three dates with Kriss and hadn't even spoken to me alone? Why was I still here?
"I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you," Maxon apologized, reading the confusion on my face. "It's not that I didn't want to. It's just complicated. Father thinks…" He trailed off, absentmindedly shaking his head.
"Well," I began, forcibly keeping my tone light and teasing despite my frustrations, "how am I supposed to prove anything to you if I can't even see you?" I kissed him lightly on the cheek.
I was taken aback by how bothered the question made him. He ran his fingers through his hair and wouldn't meet my gaze for a moment.
"Just give it time, okay? I haven't forgotten about you or anything, okay? Just trust me."
"Okay," I echoed, perhaps too glibly.
"I mean it, America," he said, staring me right in the eyes. "But I have to go. How about I make it up to you tonight? I'll figure something out."
I nodded slightly, but he was already heading out the door. "Oh-Okay!" I called after him.
I spent the rest of the morning sitting in my room, absentmindedly playing the piano. I wanted to be alone to digest what Maxon had said and revel in his words.
I focused on the fact that Maxon wanted to see me, it was his father who was stopping him. But, his father had yet to force him to send me home. So there was hope.
A siren interrupted my daydreams of what could have been if I hadn't messed everything up, if the cameras hadn't caught Marlee, and if I was able to make a decisive decision between Aspen and Maxon.
I jumped from the bed and quickly slid into my shoes and grabbed a book Silvia had loaned me before I had floundered on national television. Trying to move quickly, I began to scramble for my notebook I had been using to take notes in.
My door burst open.
"America, you need to get out of here now," insisted Aspen, grabbing my wrist forcefully and pulling me from my room.
"Why have you been ignoring-?"
"Go. Now. The sirens were delayed."
I hesitated. Then ran for the secret staircase I had become all too familiar with. At the door, I paused again to look back, and saw Aspen standing there loyally, waiting for me to disappear out of site.
"Go, Mer!"
I stumbled clumsily down the stairs, running my hand along the wall until I got to the door leading to the safe room. I took a deep breath before I walked in in order to collect myself. I had taken it as a personal challenge to try to handle myself appropriately in all public situations, especially when the King was present. I had to find a way to change his mind about me.
It had become surprisingly apparent that without the King's approval, I would never be able to see Maxon, let alone marry him.
"She's it!" called Silvia as I stepped into the room. The guards closed and bolted the heavy door behind me.
Although Maxon was already talking with Elise, our eyes met for the briefest of moments. I could have sworn I saw relief in them. By the time I managed to smile, he had already reverted his attention back to Elise.
Calmly, I walked over to one of the beds inserted into the wall and put my few belongings into one of the lower ones. I watched as everyone settled into his or her proper places from my cot. After the door was shut and securely locked, the King left Queen Amberly's side to go discuss what seemed to be important matters with the guards. Queen Amberly settled into her own corner of the room. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Maxon moved from Elise to Celeste then to Kriss.
I remembered back to the Halloween party, where Maxon had danced with all the other girls multiple times before ever approaching me. He had told me he was saving the best for last. I soothed myself with this memory of that night that everything almost worked out perfectly. Still, I didn't enjoy feeling so uncertain in my position here.
Maxon spoke with Kriss for what felt like forever while I busied myself with Silvia's book. It was a book devoted to the various countries and cultures around the world. I opened the book to a large section on New Asia and decided it was as good as any.
"Is it interesting?" questioned Maxon as he sat next to me in my cot.
"Absolutely riveting," I responded with sarcasm leaking from my words.
He moved closer to me under the guise of trying to see what the book was detailing.
"Oh, yes. New Asia. Very fascinating. You know I-"
"Maxon!" beckoned the King, calling him to join the discussion with the guards.
"You'll have to excuse me," Maxon finished instead. "I'm glad you're all right," he added under his breath. He looked at me apologetically as he left to join his father.
I watched as the conversation continued. The King made no effort to include his son in the discussion; I watched as he spoke over Maxon.
Frustration began to boil inside of me again, but I knew I had to keep calm. My strong emotions were what had gotten me into this mess. I had to find a way to channel them productively in this world where no one said exactly what they meant and always thought at least two moves ahead before acting.
Was this really the world I wanted to belong in?
My immediate desire was to sink into my cot, but I knew that that would get me nowhere. Glancing around, I noticed that Celeste was doing just that; she sat alone in a corner reading one of her magazines. Kriss was on the other side of the room with Elise, both of them near the meeting with the guards. I wondered if they were eavesdropping, but quickly dismissed the idea, as they seemed too engrossed in their own conversation. I contemplated going and joining them, in order to listen to just what the King and Maxon were discussing.
As I watched them giggle over something Kriss said, I wondered how it could bother them so little. Sure, rebel attacks were becoming something of a consistent thing, but that didn't mean they should be something that everyone just accepted. I wondered if they had ever asked Maxon about them, as I had on countless occasions.
Next, I noted Queen Amberly still sitting silently in her secluded corner. She seemed very pale, but maintained her calm façade as she normally did. She sat with her hands folded in her lap with her eyes cast downward.
I gathered my nerve and stood and approached her. I curtsied when I was a few feet away.
"Queen Amberly," I said politely as Silvia had trained us to. She stirred slightly, meeting my gaze with a small smile. "I was just wondering if you were all right?"
"Yes, thank you, Lady America."
I smiled in what I hoped to be a comforting way. She made me nervous suddenly. I had nothing to lose, but I didn't want to dig myself into an even deeper hole. I wasn't sure just how solid the ground was underneath me after everything I'd been through in the last week.
"You always look so calm in these situations. I know everyone respects you for that and it certainly helped calm me the first time I ever experienced this. How do you do it? How does it not frighten you?"
The Queen laughed. "Would you like to sit?"
I nodded eagerly. I moved a nearby chair so that it angled next to the Queen while still being able to observe the rest of the room. I sat gracefully, trying to remember all the lessons Silvia had drilled into my head.
"I'll tell you a secret. Just between us girls," she said quietly. Her tone was one of light-hearted confidence. "Every time that siren goes off –and even when it doesn't- I'm terrified. I've never been not frightened"
"Then how do you do it?" I asked, more eager to continue a conversation with the Queen than anything else.
"In much the same way you do, I suspect," she noted, acknowledging the fact that I had been one of the few that hadn't allowed the Rebel attacks to bring me to a publicly emotional fit. "I do everything I can to keep the people around me safe, and then I try to reassure myself knowing that we are as safe as I can make us."
I nodded slightly. "Sometimes I wonder what they're after," I asked slowly, hoping not to push any boundaries too far.
"Some people in this country are very unhappy. I am sure you're familiar with that feeling, America."
I was taken aback by both her boldness. I nodded slightly, not wanting to seem too eager to agree in case she suspected me of sympathizing with the rebels.
"But to attack the palace… It's a rather extreme action. Surely there are more productive ways to handle the situation," I stated politically.
She smiled teasingly at me. "You seem to be very familiar with extreme actions yourself."
My face flushed pink. I started talking fast, trying to explain the situation. "I wish I could take that back. It messed everything up. I was just in a bad place with everything that happened with Marlee and I just-"
"Do you think we should get rid of it?" she asked conversationally, surveying the room in such a way that it appeared that we were talking about our latest dresses we had had designed or the cold weather that had overtaken the warm days.
"Excuse me?"
"Do you believe we should get rid of the caste system in our country?" she reiterated. Her tone was not threatening, but I felt as if I was stuck in a difficult place. I took a deep breath, unsure of how to proceed. I remembered what Maxon had said and quickly recalled all the flaws the angry King had shattered my plan with.
"I believe that in order to preserve Illea, we must be willing to adapt to the needs of her people," I stated slowly, trying to instill confidence in each of my words. "What I presented in my original plan would have been too sudden and chaotic. However, I believe through small changes the caste system can work to our advantage in order to maintain order in Illea and happiness of all the castes. Eventually, the caste system may become obsolete, through gradual, small changes that allow people to move through the different castes by merits such as hard work and intelligence."
My eyes hesistantly met Queen Amberly's. My heart was racing in anticipation of her reaction. Instead, she just nodded slightly, with a very thoughtful look on her face.
"That's a very interesting opinion." She seemed neither displeased nor pleased. Just thoughtful.
We talked quietly about small happenings around the castle for the next few hours. I told the Queen of how excited I was to see the gardens covered in snow and she told me of all the foreign visitors we were expecting in the next two weeks: the French, the Italians again and even an ambassador from New Asia were visiting briefly. We were brought from our quiet conversation with the loud opening of the vaulted doors. As I looked up, I noticed the King quickly approaching with Maxon trailing several feet behind. I stood quickly and curtsied. The King brushed past me.
"Go back to your room," the King said curtly to me, as he turned to his wife.
"Yes, your majesty," I said politely, as I went to collect my things. As I grabbed my book, I kept looking toward Maxon, hoping to catch his gaze. I never did.
"You never went to the garden this morning," stated Kriss, suddenly appearing by my side. "I went, and I looked, and the guards said no one had been out there, and it was awful cold. Just like I said."
"I'm sorry. I stayed inside to play my piano instead." I had completely forgotten I had invited her to join me outside because of Maxon's surprise visit.
"So," began Kriss as she looped her arm around mine, as if we were the best of friends, "what was that all about?"
I looked back one final time to see the Royal family in a deep conversation in the corner of the secret room as Kriss lead me back toward my room. Maxon still didn't notice me.
"That?" I asked, playing confused. I had neither idea nor any desire to explain to Kriss just what we talked about. I liked her, and we had promised not to sabotage one another. However, the whole thing that happened a week ago was just too embarrassing to bring up again with her.
"You're conversation with the Queen," she stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "What did she say? What did you talk about? I wish I had thought of that."
"Oh. Nothing really," I stated dismissively. "Just small talk."
"Tell me everything," implored Kriss, not believing me.
I opened the door to my room to Anne and Mary huddled around a sobbing Lucy who was trying to pull herself together. Immediately, I forgot Kriss at the door.
The bedroom was a mess. Everything was out of place. Everything that once was in drawers was on the floor. My closet was torn apart; my beautiful dresses were shredded. Paintings on the wall were ripped from their holdings. There were papers of sheet music strewn across the floor.
"What's the matter? Is everyone okay?" I implored as I jumped to their side.
"We'll talk later, then," awkwardly added Kriss, as she closed the door behind me.
"Are you guys okay?" I repeated, looking them over quickly trying to discern any sign of injury.
"We're fine," responded Anne firmly, her hand making small circles on Lucy's back. "It could have been worse. We're just fine."
I wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure Lucy or me, but I accepted her response. It took several minutes for Lucy to calm down enough to speak.
"He's hurt," she finally managed to get out. She tried to collect herself. "He's in the H-hospital Wing right now."
Lucy began sobbing again immediately after. She crumbled into her hands. I watched as her small shoulders shook with every breath.
"Who? Who's hurt?" I demanded, looking expectantly toward Anne and Mary.
"Lucy has had a crush on a guard for weeks now," stated Anne, with a harsh tone in her voice.
"He's usually on your room rotation," further explained Mary, her tone more understanding. "Tall, black hair. Officer Leger."
My heart surged. "Officer Leger?"
Lucy nodded through her sobs.
