Disclaimer-I own nothing! Except my insanity which produced this story!

Author Note-Here's chapter two! I hope you all like it… Well, actually, this is kind of like a crack story, except it's a romantic comedy. So, word of warning, oocness-actually, think Itachi with Naruto mix in for at least the Itachi in this story-and lots of crazy things.


Ch.2 "Needs Of A Vampire-like Zombie"

Itachi hummed while hopping towards where he base was at, holding a bag full of clothes he made for Naruto. He had left over fabric from making his clothing repairs as well extra for costumes he made Shisui wear when they did bets and Itachi won. He even brought some of the smaller ones from the past to see if Naruto would wear them.

"Oh…" Itachi quickly pinched his nose as blood came out. 'I would be in heaven if she wears those…. But, knowing her, she isn't. Yet, doesn't mean I can't dream, can I?' Itachi thought while drooling at the thoughts he was having. He wiped the drool away as he reached the abandoned hotel and entered it.

"Naruto, I got you some clothes!" Itachi shouted as he walked up the stairs to the room where Naruto was at. He decided to pick some hydrangea from the wild bushes close by to make the room a little brighter as Naruto would be living there till he could figure out a way to explain her to Konoha.

"Naruto?" Itachi blinked when he opened the door to find the blond not laying on the floor as last night, the blond complained of stiffness and was suffering from a bit of rigor mortis. "She must have gone outside to exercise a bit… The fox did say she would need to exercise regularly." Itachi let out a sigh as he put the bag with the clothes down and looked at the room. 'What the? She must have been looking for something to eat…' Itachi noticed everything was even more a mess than before.

'But, can a zombie still eat?' Itachi thought before the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Just like when an enemy was behind him.

"Master…" Itachi turned around only to look at what was in front of him with shock. A blond hair adult woman with a large bosom, amazing curves, and long limbs that were stiff was standing before the Uchiha with just a black shirt on and a yellow slip of paper with her name on it. The blond had long black claw like nails and pale ice blue eyes, almost white, with white, silted blind looking pupils.

"N-Naruto?" Itachi's nose leaked out blood before he was tackled down by the blond to the ground. "Naruto! What are you doing!" Itachi shouted in panic.

"I'm starving, master." Naruto purred like a cat, making the Itachi sweat as the blond's ears was now cat ear looking in a pointed sort of way. However, his mind instantly went to what the blond said.

'…Zombie… She's going to eat me!' Itachi thought before his mind went to a complete haul when Naruto mashed her lips onto his own. 'NANI!' Itachi thought before he felt some of his chakra leaving his body through his mouth and some chakra entering his body from Naruto and watched as the talisman's markings changed to the seal originally on the paper before the blond moved back and grabbed the hydrangeas he had dropped.

"…Nani?" Itachi asked while Naruto stuffed the flowers, including stem and leaves, into her mouth and chewed them before swallowing. Much to Itachi's shock, Naruto's body began to shrink and returned to the normal body from before with normal-though slightly sharp-black nail, simple cute body with slightly larger than age normal bosom along with slightly more than average curves, and her eyes back to just ice cold sapphire with slightly silted pupils. "N-Naruto?"

"What? I said I was hungry." Naruto sighed before going back to chewing down on the poisonous plants.

"O-kay… Maybe making the gaki into a Jiang Shi wasn't the best thing I could have done." Itachi mentally glared at the Kyuubi, though his image of the fox a clone of him with fox ears and tails as he didn't know what the fox really looked like.

"What do you mean, fox?" Itachi growled as Naruto was too busy eating poisonous flowers to pay any attention.

"I forgot how the gaki gets when hungry and it seems her hunger helped shaped her true Jiang Shi form… Let's just say when Naruto is hungry, she will attack and even kill small animals just to feed herself before. Now, she has to mainly eat the main ingredient of your potion to keep her body in peak condition and devour some of your chakra." Kyuubi sighed, remembering the blond's little demonic trait that seemed to be the only "evil" thing he managed to get out of his host… One that makes him wishes he was an herbivore sometimes.

"My chakra?" Itachi blinked in shock. He understood the hydrangeas as it would make since that she would eat those to keep the potion's effects going as the Kyuubi said it was "incomplete," though the Kyuubi completed it some. 'Wait! That's right! Jiang Shi are known to absorb the life energy of living things they killed…' Panic suddenly covered his face in the form of sweating and paling.

"Baka… Sure, she's like a vampire, but she doesn't need to kill to get chakra to feed off of. Since she has me inside her, the gaki doesn't need much chakra to satisfy her hunger. However, she needs yours constantly to keep the seal on her forehead up and keep her more powerful form locked up till your release it for battle as that form is when my chakra becomes hers and increases her power by a lot. Since the way it happen was unstable, her other form is unstable and will be till she grows up in a few years."

"Oh… That explains it." Itachi sighed. 'But, why did I feel chakra go inside me from her?'

"Simple, you're body didn't just get demonized by my chakra during the possession, but your chakra adapted to my chakra and now you need some to keep the unique mixture of demonic and human chakra up to keep your body from reacting badly as it would completely deteriorate… You would probably fall ill easily and die thanks to cancer since your body would not be able to produce cells better and-"

'O-Okay… I get it…' Itachi cried. 'But, feeding by kissing?... I don't hate it.. But…' Itachi's kept a straight face, but the blood coming from his nose made it clear he didn't hate kissing Naruto, but loved it.

"Simple. Your mouth is connected to your stomach area where a major pool of chakra is held within a spiral, hence why the spot is used to seal demons within humans. It's a lot cleaner than eating a person for chakra." Itachi's nosebleed instantly went rapid flow at that thought. "Uchiha-baka, you have on sick imagination and quite an impressive blood supply." Itachi mentally glared at the fox as Naruto finished eating her "meal" and noticed the bag Itachi had on the floor.

"What's in here?" Naruto asked innocently at Itachi before glaring at him when she saw his nose bleeding. 'He's a pervert…' Naruto glared at Itachi who had put tissues in his nose.

"Clothes, but…" Itachi did a cat smirk. "Since you technically attacked me, you have to wear a costume I made as punishment. You understand?"

"Yes, Master!" Naruto chimed with a smile before slapping her hand over her mother. "N-Nani!"

"Gaki… You're technically his slave in sorts." Kyuubi chuckled as Naruto went into a depression.

'No! I lost my freedom!' Naruto cried as Itachi was too happy and busy getting the clothes out to hear the blond's thoughts. 'He probably going to put me in skimpy clothes and make me…' Naruto's face turned beet red as her mind froze at the images coming into her head as the Kyuubi was rolling in laughter.

"Here's your outfit for punishment." Naruto blinked at the very lacy, cute, and overall modest maid dress with all the bells and whistles… With kitten paw gloves and shoes.

"Eeeeh?" Naruto blanked out in shock.

"Huh? What's wrong? I got cat ears connected to the bonnet and a tail, too. Also a collar with a bell." Itachi said innocently while holding what he said up.

"…What of the other clothing?" Naruto asked, eyeing the bag with a heated glare, expecting something perverted.

"Well, look for yourself." Itachi chimed at his handy work as Naruto was shocked all the clothes Itachi had laid out was cute, mainly modest, and basically clothes an overly protective father would probably make their female child wear. There were also several costumes, but they were all cute and mainly modest.

"What's this?" Naruto asked while holding up a very lacy black shirt with some kind of puffy shorts.

"That's a baby doll nightie. You know, sleepwear." Naruto sweated as she suddenly got the image that was in Itachi's head of her wearing it and looking innocently cute in bed as said Uchiha was having a nose bleed.

'O-kay… I believe we find out why Uchihas don't get turn on the normal way males do.' Naruto let out a sigh.

"No, gaki… This baka is one of the very few super innocence perverts in the entire universe. He can't even get his head in the gutter as he can't think past the clothes and this one is stuck on first base." Kyuubi sighed, wondering how it somehow attracted the weirdoes in the human and abnormal human world now.

"First base?" Naruto asked innocently as Kyuubi sweated and wondered how it managed to get to mostly innocence ninja in one room. Especially since both has possibly seen the worst of humanity as Itachi had Naruto change into the costume.

"This costume is actually comfortable. Nya." Naruto mewled while sitting on the ground looking like an adorable kitten made maid neko. Her almost white blond hair was in ringlets and the only thing that didn't match was her wild eyes, but they oddly did with her talisman still on her forehead for Itachi and somewhat creepy for the Kyuubi.

"Holy demons… I never knew you could make a predator look cute... In a freaky way." Kyuubi said with shock as Naruto still managed to look cute even though her eyes were now a bit scary thanks to getting a bit of a beastly thanks to Kyuubi putting its chakra through the blond's body to prepare it for being made into a Jiang Shi.

"I'm in heaven!" Naruto blushed as Itachi hugged Naruto, cooing the blond.

"…But, why do you like these kinds of clothes on women?" Naruto asked, playing with the tails that came with the costume. Naruto was kind of embarrassed to be in the clothes she was now it, even though they were comfortable.

"I don't know… Maybe it's because a lot of the girl figurines and such for zombies have cute styles… I just don't like all those pieces of clothing that barely cover a person's body. It just creeps me out unless the article of clothing was ripped by a zombie." Itachi spoke without thinking as Naruto sweated. "That and cute is the one thing I don't see as gross with females as all my fangirls keep going for that stupid beauty and exposure fashion. I don't mind even if I get a fat wife. As long as she is cute in my eyes, I'll love her always. Be her young or old."

"Wow. A true noble Uchiha… Check outside, gaki. It must be raining ramen."

"WHERE!" Itachi and Naruto ran to the window and both pouted in disappointment while Kyuubi was laughing its tails off in the seal. Maybe having a mental link with two gullible humans of sorts wasn't so bad.

~~~~~~Jiang Shi~~~~~~~

-BAM!-

"Oie!" Naruto jumped up and caught a training log that had many punch craters in it in her cat paw covered hands and landed gracefully on the ground before putting it back in front of Itachi. "Yesh. I heard of being too powerful, but this is the first time I've seen an actual literal version of the case." Naruto sighed while looking at Itachi would flexed his hand which had no signs of bruises or cuts from all the punching he has been doing to try and get a better control over his new strength. However, he was now thankful to have Naruto around as the first training log was launched into the woods outside of Konoha thanks to his strength and he now had the snow blond as they discovered Naruto's hair has been slowly paling to a bleached blond white catching the logs as her body no longer was under the limit of her mind and was strong, but able to control her strength.

"I know. But, I wonder what else this demonizing Kyuubi did to my body does." Itachi smirked. "Naruto, hit me with a strong kick to my cheek."

"Wait! You forgot I can't attack you!" Naruto shouted in anger while puffing her cheeks out.

"Yeah. But, I'm ordering you to, so it should work. So, come on. We're trying to figure out if I can take it." Itachi faced his cheeks at her and pointed at it.

"Fine. I'm not responsible if you get hurt." Naruto charged forward and jumped up to slam her foot into Itachi's face right on the cheeks for the ground beneath them to crumble and blast out from the power. Naruto jumped back and landed carefully to not get her "clothes" dirty as Itachi rubbed his cheek.

"Ow… Holy Hokage… I can piss off the Slug Sannin and get away with just a painful cheek." Itachi said with amazement.

"I rather not test it out." Naruto sighed at the Uchiha before finding her legs stiff. "What the?" Naruto tried to move to almost fall over. However, she managed to keep her balance by hopping with her feet and keeping her arms out forward before getting stable. "What is wrong with my legs?"

"They must be getting stiff from rigor mortis." Itachi sighed while walking over to Naruto and pinched her leg muscles some. "Yeah… You're muscles are stiff. I guess you can't go long without eating those flowers if you are not in a cold room." Itachi ruffled Naruto's hair before taking out a pack bag and pulled some hydrangea's he picked earlier for the blond before they came to the training ground near his base. Naruto snatched the flowers out of his hand with annoyance and stuffed them into her mouth.

"You don't have to eat it all at once." Itachi sighed as Naruto glared at him. "But, I guess you have to change your fighting style. It seems though I know why Jiang Shi hops and have their arms out while doing it."

"Why?" Naruto snorted, swallowing her snack to find her joints much less stiff the instant she swallowed.

"Well, the hopping because of rigor mortis, but the arms out help balance since those is also limited in movement as well." Itachi said while putting up the sack. "But, I remembered you also did a similar thing this morning, so it could just be a Jiang Shi thing." Itachi then flinched as it was now hard to talk with a stinging cheek. "Man, now I wish I had some 'ice.'" Itachi stuck his tongue out, hopping to make his cheek hurt less when suddenly his tongue sparked and ice suddenly lightly coated mostly around the area where he was standing. "What the-HECK!" Naruto laughed as Itachi had slipped and landed on his back.

"Well, you got the ice you wanted."Naruto snickered as the Uchiha annoyingly used a kunai to stab out a bit of the ice and put it in a towel he kept for training and put it on his sore cheek which oddly has yet to make a bruise. "But, how did you do that?"

"I don't know… I just said ice and it happen." Itachi then had an idea. "'Kunai.'" Itachi said with his tongue out for it to spark again and a kunai suddenly appeared in his hand as he focuses for it to appear there. "Heh….'Wall!'" Itachi shouted for the earth to suddenly shot up in a wall. "So. Freaking. Cool!"

"You can say that again." Naruto said, kind of being crept out by the fact Itachi was getting excited about the new power. She was having a hard time getting used to an Uchiha with emotions around her.

"Yep… It's official. Three tails was overkill." Both Naruto and Itachi blinked. "The Uchiha-baka is a kotodama tsukai or word user. And now, for sure, I can now tell he's a hanyou."

"Hanyou? What's that?" Itachi asked while Naruto shrugged in confusion.

"It means your half-human, half-demon."

"Oh… Wait! Won't that show up on DNA tests!" Itachi went into a panic. Everyone once in a while, the Uchiha clan often did DNA tests-which Itachi dreaded as he hated needles-as some of the members of the clan can experience genetic problems with their Sharingan which is why even Hatake Kakashi has to get them as well.

"No. If you were born one, yeah. But, becoming one out of possession keeps your genetics same enough so no one can tell that way, but your chakra has change, but will seem the same to people used to your chakra." Kyuubi rolled his eyes as Itachi sighed in relief. However, both were sweating when they noticed an evil grin on Naruto's face, just missing what the blond had thought while Itachi was having a panic fit.

"Hm…"

"Be afraid. I know that grin anywhere and expect the worst prank wise possibly." Kyuubi shivered, remembering the other evil tendency he put in Naruto and it was his-er, her prank abilities.

"Master." Itachi's nose bled out like a river when Naruto did watery eyes and posed cutely. "Can you get me some supplies so that I can make some weapons as I think I know what I am going to do about my fighting style?" Naruto cutely asked, making the Uchiha's mind haul and he was drooling.

"How much blood is in the human body as I am sure you clearly bled probably twice that amount in just less than half a day?" Kyuubi's question about the Uchiha was ignored as Itachi hugged Naruto and was acting like her servant. 'Yesh… And it's the Uchiha whose suppose to be the master? I thought all those stick-in-the-rears' always wanted to be the ones dominant?' Kyuubi thought, trying to figure out the man that had in another dimension killed off his clan and made his own brother sort of go crazy. So far, that answer was like one of the mysterious of the universe as to how the heck a guy could be in heaven thanks to a girl in cute clothing, yet looks dead being cute. To the fox, especially the fact it was Naruto the once thirteen year old boy, it just crept the Bijuu out.

~~~~~~Jiang Shi~~~~~~~

'Where is that stupid dope!' A large hawk size raven thought while hopping down a street of Konoha, tired from flying all over the place looking for one blond hair, blue eyed thirteen year old idiot that said bird was going to claw eyes out of for making him worry his feathers off…

Okay, so Uchiha Sasuke was not in a good mood. Waking up at the Valley of End after both Uzumaki Naruto's and his attacks collided and knocked him out, that was okay. Waking up to find the curse mark on him had turned him into a Tengu like demon and he was clearly not in the same world both knew, not okay. Unable to find said blond idiot who helped caused said mess, so not okay. No, more like a possible disaster!

'I got to find that dope before he gets in trouble and then find a way back home!' Sasuke thought, brooding too much to notice he was passing merchant stands and many of them notice the darker than usual hawk.

"Get out of here!" Sasuke jumped before getting hit by some rocks by the vendors that were selling fish and meat before he managed to get off the ground and fly off with some bruises.

'Yesh… What was their problem?' Sasuke thought as flew into the academy's main training ground and landed on one of the training stumps. He checked over his bird like form and let out a sigh that none of his feathers were damaged. Sure, he did not like being a demon, but it was kind of convenient right now to have a humanoid form and bird form and he was using it to the fullest to find Naruto. 'Right when I need to find that stupid blond, he finally discovers how to hide himself in his yellow and orange glory.' Sasuke snorted as he noticed his feathers were dirty from the barrage and began to clean them. He did not want dirt to cake on his feathers and make it harder to fly as it was already hard thanks to the fact he has only been flying for around two days if you add in all the falls and crashes. Sasuke found out the hard way not to take off in the middle of the woods and not look around first to see where branches were.

"Hey! I challenge you!" Sasuke rolled his eyes as he hears Inuzuka Kiba's voice. He knew he was in sort of another reality that was almost exactly like the one he was in. Probably with younger ages though if Kiba was still in the academy.

"So, what? Loud mouth." Sasuke let out a sigh, hearing his voice. The Naruto of this world was probably about to add his two cents in. Sasuke didn't even hair to look up from his self-grooming as it could just see it in his head.

"Leave Sasuke-kun alone!" Sasuke blinked as he heard the fangirls going off. That was not right. Naruto always, almost always joins in when someone challenged the Uchiha. Sasuke looked up from his cleaning to see his old class all as thirteen year olds… Yet, there was no blond hair boy wearing orange… In fact, he quickly counted all the heads to quickly find the class was missing just one person. That said person that had whisker like scars and summer blue eyes.

'T-This can't be… Maybe the dope is skipping today or is sick!' Sasuke reassured himself… Too bad Umino Iruka had called the class together and did a roll call to find Naruto was indeed not in the class. 'Nani!... Oh-no…What if… this is a reality where Naruto never existed!' Sasuke was now in a panic. So far, this world seemed a lot better off than the one he was in. The Uchiha clan was alive, the Kyuubi no Yoko never attacked, and even the Fourth Hokage was still around… So, if Naruto didn't exist here and said blond found out.

'I got to find him before he thinks all those bad things happened because of him!' Sasuke knew Naruto was such a nice idiot that he would indeed blame himself for causing a lot of Konoha's problems back home and he rather not find out if the blond would help their Konoha out by 'ridding' them of him.

However, Sasuke's mind panic was cut short when a pain suddenly came from his right wing and he barely jumped off the post before more kunai could hit him and kill him.

"Kiba! You hit that hawk!" Several girls in the class glared at the dog boy who looked pale.

"I-It was an accident! I thought it was someone's bag! Ow!" Iruka raised an eyebrow as the said "hawk" that Kiba hit with his training kunai began to try to peck Kiba's toes off. He then noticed blood coming off of the large dark bird's wing and guess it wanted revenge before it was killed.

"Kiba… Er…" Iruka sweated as the hawk managed to climb up onto Kiba's shoulders and was trying either to peck either the boy's eyes out or his brains. If it was the latter, then there wasn't much that hawk could munch on. Iruka grabbed the bird by its legs and it blinked in confusion as to what was going on. "Sasuke, since it is clear this bird wants nothing to do with Kiba, could you take it to the Inuzuka vet as it has damage to its wing?"

"Sure." Sasuke the "hawk" looked at his own thirteen year old counterpart as the thirteen year old took him from the older man and ran out of the academy towards the Inuzuka compound. "Thanks… That place was driving me crazy." The "human" Sasuke sighed. "They don't teach anything worthwhile there."

"I can understand." Hawk Sasuke instantly cursed as his human counterpart stopped and looked at him.

"…Did you just speak?" Sasuke asked in shock, looking at the bird more closely. He realized it wasn't a hawk, but a raven or crow… Big raven or crow equals demon! "Are you a Tengu?" Human Sasuke asked, remembering reading some of the supernatural stuff Shisui and Itachi felt out. He guesses that was what both his cousin and older brother were into and why they were sort of friends.

'Oh, this is… Wait a second.' If birds could smirk, Sasuke Would be smirking on evil smirk. "Hai. I am a tengu… Tengu Sasuke is the name in fact." Sasuke noticed how his counterpart's eyes lit up and he knew he had to kid in his grasp. "My comrade and I were having a fight in the demon world when we suddenly screwed up and our attacks ripped a hole in the dimensions. I'm hoping to find him before he does something stupid as he is a kitsune or I think he is. Back in the demon world, we kind of look like you humans, but when we got here, our forms changed to more like our demonic forms we get when older. Naruto is a bit weird as since he is an orphan and his scent is weird, we just guess he is a kitsune with the whisker like marks on his cheeks."

"I see. Wait, if you are a demon, then why did you get hit by that kunai?" Human Sasuke asked while the raven glared at him.

"Trust me. If you knew the dope like I do, then you would be worried enough to not pay attention to your surrounds…" "Tengu" Sasuke sighed. "Now, could you please take me to the vet? Even though I am a demon, Tengu don't heal as fast as other demons."

"Oh, sorry." Sasuke rushed his new demonic friend towards the vet. "But, what if I help you?"

"Oh… I know a lot of fire based jutsu and I'll teach you them as they are kind of hard to understand from scroll you humans put them on." Tengu Sasuke sighed. It was pretty ironic that he was tricking "himself" to get help, but, hey, at least he had something funny to tell Naruto once he found the blond and proceed to beat said blond for making him worry about him if blond was alright.

~~~~~~~Jiang Shi~~~~~~~~

Alright. This chapter is short, but the next ones will be longer! Please review, especially with answers to which of the four stories you want me to post which are listed in the beginning of chapter one!