A/N: The dialog came from GateWorld. The Beta was done by ladygris.

What If…The Shrine

Sheppard

Chapter 2

DAY 15

10:52

John sat in the chair just like they told him to. He couldn't remember why so he just waited. The people standing nearby were there to help him though he couldn't remember their names. Well, one. Randy. Maybe. He was standing next to pretty girl with blonde hair and they were smiling though they didn't look happy. His jeans, T-shirt and sneakers felt strange, as though he should be wearing something else. The color was all wrong too. Flexing his hands, he could feel the shape of things constructed of metal and plastic that made loud noises, but not what they were called or why he should be holding them.

"You can go ahead now, John." The voice spoke from behind the monitor where he'd been told a camera was recording him.

"'N do what?"

"Start with your name, like we've been doing, okay? And we'll just go from there."

He squinted, confused and not able to concentrate. "John, uh, Sheppard. Am I s'posed to say my middle name too?"

"Only if you want to."

Shaking his head, his eyes met those of a man with brown hair and blue eyes. "LaVerne. I think."

"Good. Go on. What else?"

"I don't…Air Force…I'm-I'm in the Air Force. A Co…No. Lieutenant Colonel. My base is…um…it's called…It's not on Earth, is it?" He glanced at the girl and she gave him an encouraging smile. Another girl with darker blonde hair and greenish eyes came up beside her and they traded places.

"Hi, John. Do you remember me?"

"Who are you?"

"My name's Amanda. We're…friends."

John gave her a child-like smile. He liked having friends. "Good."

"Go on with what you were saying."

"I have a brother, Dave." I remembered!

"Great. What's next?"

"Um…Spanish. I know Spanish. Am I s'posed to say somethin'?" John saw Amanda's eyes get brighter. Why is she crying?

"Yes, please." The two girls traded places again, Amanda pulling a chair up next to him, her hand resting on his. "Say the phrase, the one you chose."

Crossing his arms, John pouted. "Don't 'member."

"Sure you do. What if I start?" Nodding, he agreed. "Mi aerodeslizador…"

"Um…esta lleno de-de-de…" his eyes tracked back and forth, "…a-a-aguilas."

Amanda smiled, cheered though she knew better. "That's great, John. Now what does it mean?"

"Um…I…it means…" struggling to grasp the meaning and not able to, John got angry, "I don't remember, dammit!" He stood so quickly his chair overturned, ignored by everyone. "Where is…where is-is…Rodney? I want to see Rodney. He's my best friend and the smartest man ever. He'll tell you what it means." Losing his balance, John was caught by another man he hadn't noticed standing off to one side. Amanda righted the chair and John was helped back into it. He looked at the concerned face even with his. "Are you-Are you my brother?"

"Not exactly, sir." Evan Lorne kept his face neutral. "You're my…commanding officer."

"I am?" John shook his head. "What do we do?"

Evan looked over John's head at Amanda. Reluctantly she nodded that he should continue. "We protect and defend Atlantis."

"'Zat mean we're heroes?"

"Some might think so."

John snorted. "Don't feel like a hero. Where's Rodney? I need to talk to Rodney. He knows all this stuff. He can help me 'member."

~~O~~

Dave clicked off the recording, holding the remote in one hand, forgotten. "You said he's only been ill for a few days. How could my brother be this far gone so quickly?"

Jennifer took the remote and placed it on the desk in front of the monitor. "That's how this thing works. You're infected and less than three weeks later…"

"You die?"

Both women nodded miserably, Amanda continuing. "If I had recognized the symptoms in time…"

Jennifer touched her shoulder. "It's not your fault, Amanda."

Woolsey moved in front of Dave. "You were contacted as soon as we became aware of the seriousness of his condition. We were…concerned that you wouldn't make it here in time." His tone changed, became softer. "We thought you deserved a chance to say good-bye."

~~O~~

Dave, Woolsey, Jennifer and Rodney looked down into the main isolation room watching as Amanda knelt beside John's wheelchair. He'd started to lose his motor skills that morning yet refused to stay in the chair so they'd had to tie him in and post a guard, a duty Ronon had volunteered for. Over the intercom, they could hear them talking.

"John." Amanda touched his face with her fingers to get his attention. "Do you want me to send Dave in?" He didn't know who she was talking about, she could tell.

"Um…'kay."

Smiling at him reassuringly, Amanda looked up at the others. "He's ready for you."

Dave hid his apprehension behind an unreadable mask eerily like his older brother's. He glanced at those around him, backed up and followed Evan down the stairs.

~~O~~

Not hesitating, Dave walked determinedly into the room, moved a chair into position in front of John and sat down. "John? Johnny? It's Dave."

A slight look of surprise came to John's eyes. "You're my brother."

"Yes." Dave smiled, happy that John remembered him. "I've…missed you."

"Because you're my brother." John's head sagged to his chest and when he lifted it again, his eyes were unfocused. "Am I…sick?"

"Yeah."

"Don't wanna be sick."

With a chuckle, Dave touched John's arm. "I know. You never liked going to the doctor."

John didn't respond, just patted his pockets and looked around. "Where's m' gun? I had a gun but I lost it. Don't want the kids to find it." The longer he looked, the more agitated he became.

Gripping his brother's shoulders, Dave forced John to look at him. "I'll go find it and lock it up for you. That okay?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be right back." Dave waited a few seconds for a response but none came, as if John had already forgotten he was there.

~~O~~

The hallway outside the isolation room was dimly lit, the slats letting in only a small amount of natural light, the artificial illumination turned low as well. Standing in a dark corner, Ronon waited while Dave talked to John. He pushed off the wall when Dave came out and began pacing, one hand rubbing his head and the back of his neck. "Hi."

"Oh, sorry. I…"

"You're Sheppard's brother." The Satedan stuck out his hand. "Ronon Dex."

Dave shook Ronon's hand then resumed pacing. "Crap! I want to be able to say goodbye, but it's like…it's like he's already gone. There must be something we can do. It can't just end like this. Not after all he's been through."

"There is a way. It's a place-I've been there before. He'll be himself again and you can say good-bye."

Now Dave was angry. The doctors, Woolsey, none of them had said anything about a cure. "Then why haven't you already taken him?"

"Because it's dangerous, but I'm willing to risk it if you are."

DAY 06

21:16

The video camera activated to show John sitting in front of it, smiling. He straightened his uniform shirt, smoothing his hands down the front.

Jennifer took a breath certain that things would work out and John would okay. "All set?"

"This is absurd. Whose idea was it to make videos of me not remembering?"

"Rodney's."

Snorting, John gave the camera and Jennifer a lopsided grin. "I should've known."

"It was a good idea to keep a record of what's happening to you and how fast, but if you'd rather not…"

He waved a hand. "No, it's fine. I start with my name, right?"

"Right."

A falsely good-humored grin came over his face. "Woohoo! I remembered!"

Jennifer chuckled. "Just do it, John."

"My name is Lieutenant Colonel John LaVerne Sheppard. I am the head of the military contingent for…for Atlantis in the, um…" He wracked his brain for several seconds chuckling ruefully before shaking it in exasperation. "Oh, crap." He lifted his head and looked at Jennifer, his smile dimming. "In the Pegasus galaxy."

"Not bad. Keep going."

"Jennifer, there's something I wanted to say while I can still remember. Something I wanted to say before…"

"Go ahead."

John looked down at his lap then back to the camera, his face serious. "It's about Amanda. I… Well, I think I'm in love with her."

"Oh?"

A gasp came from behind John. He spun around in the swivel chair to see Amanda, a hand to her mouth, her hazel eyes wide. She turned and hurried away.

"Amanda! Wait!" John jumped up and chased after her. "Please, don't go! Mandy!"

~~O~~

After a hot meal and being shown to his room, Dave returned to the Infirmary to sit with his brother. He'd had to be sedated and was now sleeping, twitching as if having bad dreams. A small, exotic-looking woman sat at his side. Though she dozed in the chair, she still held his hand. Walking softly so he wouldn't disturb them, he headed for the room at the end of the hall. Though it was quiet, the wedge of light on the floor told him someone was still hard at work.

Peeking in the door Dave saw Amanda and Jennifer watching a video.

"Dr. Keller? Dr. Cole?" Upon hearing his voice, the video shut off, but Dave had seen enough to know it had been another of the ones his brother had made.

"Mr. Sheppard. Please come in."

Getting right to the point, Dave said, "I need to know more about what's wrong with my brother and what you're doing to help him."

Jennifer led the way to a workstation, picking up the remote and turning on the monitor. A three dimensional view of a brain turned slowly on the screen. She touched a button and the image tilted forward until the view was from above, pointing to a dark spot. "This dark area that looks like a tumor is actually a parasitic organism. The tendrils have spread beyond any hope of surgical extraction and have not responded to any form of treatment. Stasis barely even slowed its progression. There are still a number of drug combinations that may be used but…"

Dave stopped her with a wave of his hand. "How did he become infected with this parasite?"

She glanced at Amanda who picked up the thread. "It's a common ailment here in Pegasus and it's possible that we all get it and most of us fight it off. Because John…Colonel Sheppard is reluctant to ask for treatment for what he considers minor illnesses or injuries, we usually don't know about them unless he's being treated for something more serious."

With a wry smile, Dave nodded. "That's my brother. He's been that way since I can remember and it got worse after mom died." The smile faded. "John was ten at the time. They were very close."

"On their last mission, he and his team fell into an icy river. They weren't in there long but the walk back to the Stargate took them over an hour in freezing temperatures."

"So he was infected somehow on that mission?" It still felt strange talking about his brother in these terms, as if his life were a science fiction movie and not science fact.

"Maybe, but not necessarily. It was too small to show up on a scan at the time. In the Pegasus galaxy the condition is fairly common among the very old."

"Then why him?"

Making a sound indicative of someone who'd gone over the same information multiple times, Amanda waved a hand in the air. "He was already suffering from a viral infection when he went on the mission, then being dropped into freezing water, the long walk back to the Stargate in the cold air…"

"His resistance was low. I'm not surprised."

Amanda nodded in wry agreement. "The parasite doesn't so much kill cells as render them dormant for reasons we still don't completely understand, but the net result is ever-diminishing brain function. As it spreads, he'll lose motor control, regulation of organ function…"

Crossing his arms, Dave gave her a stare that was a milder version of John's death glare. "Ronon's people call the disease the Second Childhood."

"You talked to Ronon." Amanda turned away, exasperated. "I know what he's told you…"

"He's dying and there's nothing you can do."

Jennifer had stayed silent long enough. "No. He's dying and we're doing everythingwe can."

"Dr. Cole, why did you tell me you didn't recognize the symptoms in time?"

Her head hung down in embarrassment, she softly said, "Because he was already showing the symptoms when he came back from the mission…and I didn't see it."

~~O~~

The quiet of the Infirmary was broken by a whirring sound that started and stopped at random intervals, punctuated by grunts, growls and the occasional "Ha!" of triumph.

Sitting on the side of the bed, the only concession he would make to the ruling that he needed to stay overnight, John held a remote control in both hands. He watched the small car run back and forth across the floor, under the bed across from him, around the workstation a short distance away and back again. Starting his run again, John sent the car barreling down the main drag nearly running Amanda over in the process.

Performing a jumping dance step to keep from tripping over the car, she came to John's side shaking her head. "Boys and their toys."

"That's not what this is. I'm testing it."

"Testing? Is that what they're calling it these days when adults…"

"Hey. It's a gift for Torren. I got it then realized he's too young for it. Wanted to make certain it still worked."

"Sure you did." He shot her a mock glare at her tone of disbelief. "I came to see how you're feeling but I can see things are normal."

"Does that mean I can go?" John asked hopefully.

"Uh…no. We're still waiting for some of your tests to come back though everything looks good so far. Your temperature's normal, no sign of hypothermia and we didn't see anything on the scans."

She didn't leave, just stood watching him with a strange little smile he didn't understand. Or maybe he did. It had been a while since he'd seen that particular one aimed at him when there wasn't some ulterior motive lurking in the background. "Wanna try it?"

The smile grew. "Sure."

John got to his feet just behind her leaning close, her shoulder pressing against his chest. Placing the remote in her hands, he instructed her on which control did what. To anyone watching, they might have been a couple talking quietly, especially knowing John's propensity for avoiding causal contact with others. That he actually initiated the contact was a telling moment. She stepped away from him and he missed the warmth of that touch.

~~O~~

Amanda powered up the remote and sent the car careening down the hall at full speed. It turned around and headed back in their direction, swerving under and around a chair making her laugh. The car began the return trip but her aim was off a little and it ran into the side of a cabinet. "Whoops."

"What the hell are you doing?"

John snatched the remote from her hands, the ferocity of his words startling her. She'd never heard him speak to any woman in that tone, not counting Wraith queens. When she turned to chastise him, the look of rage on his face almost forced her to take a step back but she was a doctor. She stood her ground. "What the hell are you doing, John? It's a toy. Not a nuclear bomb."

Realizing what he'd just done, John immediately backed down, his features falling into an expression of shock and shame. "Sorry, Mandy. Don't know why I did that." The tone of his voice matched the look on his face.

"Mandy? I haven't been called that in a long time."

Back to his usual charming self, John grinned and shrugged. "It fits you."

Her grin matched his. "Get back in bed. I'll order you some dinner."

Nodding, John did as he was told, laying the remote on the bedside table. Amanda retrieved the car and set it with the remote then went to call the Mess Hall.

TBC