Disclaimer: Once again I do not own Naruto because I was hungry.


"I suppose you're right. Why ruin such an occasion like this one with something as dreadful as death on the same day? Besides I can't refuse the wish of a young lady on her wedding day. That would be rude. Zabuza, Haku, simply lock them away for now." said Itachi.

Deidara sighed in relief while Zabuza just lowered his sword disappointedly. Haku hugged Zabuza as he patted his back soothingly, "There will be others…"

"You're right…" agreed Zabuza. The duo disappeared out the door, probably off to relay Itachi's orders to the others who had caught Hidan and Kakuzu.

"Continue." ordered Itachi.

"Hmm?" said a confused Deidara.

"The vows." Tobi reminded Deidara.

"Oh…I do." said Deidara, completing the vows. 'Damn, I thought they forgot!'

"You may now kiss the bride." Itachi smiled.

'Crap!' thought Deidara in alarm, but he reacted too slowly. Tobi lifted the veil just enough for his lips to meet Deidara's. Their noses touched and this kiss was brief but satisfying. All of Deidara's mouth hands felt like hurling. 'That tasted like an orange lollipop, un.' noted Deidara even though he wished he hadn't. Everyone clapped politely, one extremely rowdy and drunken blond even dared to say "Again!"

"Ah, Naruto-kun! You're drunk!" panicked a flustered looking girl with strange pale eyes, who was trying to help the intoxicated man who had spoken get back on his feet.

"I am not Hinata-chan! Believe it-hic!"

"Damn it! Naruto, stop creating a scene!" yelled Sasuke, glaring at Naruto. Sakura cracked her knuckles, ready to deliver a beating.

" 'ello Saucegay- teme. And a good day to you too Sakura-chan." slurred Naruto.

"Na-Naruto-kun. You should stop, this is bad." said Hinata, noticing the hostile glares directed at Naruto.

"Again!" he repeated.

"Again!" said Hinata, copying Naruto. Others began to copy Naruto too.

Soon the entire room was going "Again!"

"I don't feel well… "said Deidara, which was not a complete lie, he felt sick to his stomach. Plus he was craving lollipops for some reason.

"Sorry, we can't. She doesn't feel well so we'll have to turn in for the night." said Tobi, apolitically.

No one seemed disappointed, after all Tobi and Deidara were going to 'turn in for the night!'

"Aw, they aren't going to kiss again? At least I can still kiss you Hinata-chan…"

Naruto really did, and then passed out. What happened next was Hinata fainted too from shock.

Sakura single handedly chucked Naruto out the door with her super strength. Neji sighed unhappily, he was responsible for Hinata and Naruto's well being.

"I guess that's why you're the designated driver!" laughed Tenten, taking a sip from a margarita she had in her hand.

"Not you too?!"

"Promise me that when we get married I can have a ceremony just like this. An open bar and everything…"

"Isn't it to early to be thinking about that?" said Neji with some color appearing on his face.

"Whatever you say snookums."

Poor Neji…


The moment Tobi and Deidara entered the room Sakura and Sasuke locked them in, ALONE.

"Let me out, un!" demanded Deidara, pounding his fists against the door frame.

"Sorry Ino-chan, we have to make sure you spend the whole night with Tobi-kun," apologized Sakura.

"It's ni-san's orders." said Sasuke, "There's only one bed…"

Deidara pounded harder in frustration, he couldn't see Sakura or Sasuke because of the locked door that keep the two guards outside, but if he did he would probably beat the stuffing out of them for locking him in with Tobi.

"Damn it! My name is not Ino, it's Deidara!" he yelled out angrily.

"I thought your name was Ino…' said Tobi in confusion.

Deidara stopped pounding, "Deidara is my nickname…yeah. You can just call me that."

"What an…interesting nickname." commented Tobi, taking off his shoes.

"What are you doing, hmm?" questioned Deidara.

"Whee!" laughed Tobi, jumping up and down on the bed. "Would you like to join me In-Deidara?"

Hesitantly Deidara took off his shoes and began to jump on the bed too. 'This isn't so bad.' he thought, laughing along with Tobi as the two of them leaped around the bed. All was going well until Deidara tripped and sprawled onto the bed, Tobi offered a hand to help Deidara get back on his feet but Deidara refused his help and shifted his foot to trip Tobi. Unfortunately this caused Tobi tofall and land on top of Deidara. Deidara blushed and immediately pushed Tobi down against the bed to switch their positions. "What are you-" Tobi began to ask, but Deidara clamped his hand against Tobi's mouth. "Do you hear that, hmm?"

"What?" Tobi tried to ask, but Deidara clamped his hand against Tobi's mouth harder. He used his free hand to place a index finger against his lips, making the sign for silence. Tobi tried to listen but it was sort of distracting with Deidara's mouth hand's tongue in his mouth. Finally Tobi noticed a sound coming from the other side of the closed door.

"Can you hear anything?" said a familiar voice, Sasuke's.

"Of course not, maybe if you stop breathing down my neck. A little space please?" said a responding female voice, definitely Sakura.

"How's this?" asked Sasuke, leaning even closer onto Sakura until his chin was rested on her shoulder.

"You're even closer than before!" muttered Sakura, trying not to blush. "What are those two doing? At first I thought I heard laughter but it stopped."

Deidara removed his hand and Tobi gasped for breath but he still signaled for silence. Deidara raised his two mouth hands which began to release a few varying pitches. Finally he seemed satisfied with the two different pitches. At first Tobi appeared confused but later he understood what Deidara was doing.

Deidara's two mouth hands began to make noises, one sounded like a man the other a woman.

The noises, the moans and groans could only mean the man and woman were probably participating in a activity both of them could enjoy. Soon Sasuke's face turned as red as Sakura's hair, likewise it was the same for Sakura.

"I think we should go and give them some privacy." said Sakura. Sasuke agreed instantly and the two walked away. Deidara's hand mouths stopped making noises as soon as he heard Sasuke and Sakura's retreating footsteps.

"You're quite talented?" said Tobi, understanding Deidara's intentions to deceive. "Thank goodness we didn't really have to…you know."

"You mean you didn't want to either, hmm?"

"It's not that you're not attractive…" said Tobi sheepishly, misreading Deidara's confused expression with a hurt one. "You're quite pretty. It's just because I'm not ready. I don't think I was ready to marry yet here I am!" Tobi got off the bed and headed to the table placed in the room. He sat down and poured himself a cup of sake from the bottle conveniently placed on the tabletop. "It was an arranged marriage, I hardly even know you." said Tobi, emptying the cup of sake in one gulp.

'You know me even less than you realize, un.' thought Deidara. Deidara actually agreed with everything Tobi had said, except the attractive part. He didn't find Tobi attractive at all, not a bit…or so he tried to convince himself. Deidara actually felt sorry for Tobi and his fate.

"But what was I supposed to do?!" said Tobi, drinking more sake. "I couldn't disobey ni-san. It's for the sake of the Uchiha clan! The Uchiha clan!"

Deidara got off the bed and sat across from Tobi at the table. He also got a cup and poured himself sake. He swallowed it in one cup, mimicking Tobi. He refilled both their cups.

"To us, yeah!" exclaimed Deidara, clashing cups with Tobi. Simultaneously the married couple emptied the cups as fast as they were filled.

"You're a girl." said Tobi. "Are you sure you can take that much alcohol?"

"I can take more than you, lightweight. Just try me, un!" said Deidara, once again refilling the cups. Once again they emptied the liquid into their systems, and each time afterwards Deidara refilled the cups. This was done over and over again several times until Tobi's single open eye began to droop.

" 'oor good at this." slurred Tobi. He waited for a response but Deidara has already passed out. Tobi followed his example and passed out too.


Both of them woke up with a hangover yet Tobi managed to wake up first and head down to the family breakfast. Deidara woke up later and but the time he changed and headed down to eat he was half an hour late. The first thing Deidara did was seat himself and shovel food into his mouth, with his hands!

Sasuke and Sakura looked at Deidara strangely. For somebody with an upbringing like Ino she sure ate with the table manners of a petty thief, which was exactly what Deidara was…not that they knew. I wasn't Deidara's fault he was like this, it was how he was raised. Deidara used to have eating contests with Hidan, Kakuzu, and Sasori all the time. Of course he won most of the time because of his mouth hands. Thinking about his friends made Deidara feel quite homesick. He was not the only sick one, Itachi had a weak stomach and therefore lost his breakfast at the sight of Deidara eating.

"Deidara- chan, please use the utensils." said Tobi nervously.

"Deidara?! I thought her name was Ino!" said Itachi, outraged by Deidara's behavior. "Now listen here, miss. Eat like the civilized aristocrat you are instead of a beggar off the street that hasn't eaten a meal in days or I'll send you to your room!"

"Deidara is her nickname." explained Tobi, wiping the food residue off Deidara's face. "Please use the silverware." he begged, pointing at the multiple spoons and forks lining the dinging table.

"Send me to my room?! Who do you think you are pansy? My mom, hmm?" retorted Deidara.

"What did you say?!" yelled Itachi, rising from his chair in a rage.

"I said you're real angsty! Go eat a bomb!"

"Watch your blood pressure ni-san." worried Sasuke, trying to get Itachi to sit down.

Deidara and Itachi were at a stalemate, glaring at each other in silence. Itachi was about to win by using the Sharingan but someone else spoke up.

"Deidara? That's an interesting name." commented Sakura. 'Isn't that a guy's name?'

Itachi sat down again but he was still glaring, wary of Deidara's every movement. Doubts filled his mind.

'Ino, no, Deidara certainly is strange. I'm pretty sure I set Tobi up with the most prestigious family outside of the Uchiha clan. Their daughter was supposed to be perfect, a lady…yet before me is something different entirely!'

Deidara sat down and looked at the assortment of utensils lining his plate, in his grasp. The amount was dizzying, his hangover did not help. Not to mention he didn't know what to use at all.

"You have something there." said Tobi, licking a sauce stain off Deidara's cheek. On second thought Deidara did know what to do with one of the forks. Tobi gasped as he felt a shooting pain in his sides. Not as good as a kunai Deidara decided but good enough.

"What should I use, Tobi-kun?" Deidara asked Tobi, who was convulsing on the floor in fetal position.

"U-use t-the fo-fork on your far left, it's for eating fish." answered Tobi.

Itachi, who had been cutting up dango into small pieces with a fork and knife and popping them into his mouth suddenly stopped. Sasuke choked on the tea he was drinking so Sakura had to pat his back. Everyone was staring at Deidara who had taken the fork on his RIGHT. Itachi exploded, "You don't even know your left from your right?! That's it! Go to your room! You are forbidden to eat anything until you know what utensils to use!"

Sasuke and Sakura stood up and before Tobi knew it those two had taken Deidara and locked him in his room. "Let her out!" begged Tobi but Itachi refused. "I'll let her out at the end of the day. By then Deidara would have hopefully learned her lessen." said Itachi. "I am not angsty…" he muttered.

Deidara sat in the room, reflecting on the events that happened so far. He really wished he had eaten more.

'Why am I still here anyway, hmm?' thought Deidara, ' I should be out finding Sasori-no-danna and saving Hidan and Kakuzu, un! It's not like I'm obligated to stay here with my so called 'husband.' Deidara frowned and absent mindedly touched his cheek where Tobi had licked him, it was still wet. Deidara frowned, why did he miss that feeling? Deidara's thoughts returned to his friends again and he felt a pan of guilt. He shouldn't be trapped here, he should be out saving his companions.

Deidara made up his mind and caused a small explosion in the ground, creating a hole big enough for him to fit though and dig his way to freedom. Deidara waited but no one heard the explosion, that or anyone who heard didn't bother to go to its source. He crawled out of the hole and escaped to the world outside.


The first thing Deidara did when he got out was go to the second hideout. There was no doubt the first was being watched. Deidara was right about the second hideout, as expected Sasori was there waiting for him. He had been hiding in a tree near the cave entrance, waiting for Deidara to appear. When he had, Sasori jumped down, wielding a kunai menacingly. "Why'd you make me wait that long, Deidara? You know I'm not patient. I was starting to think you were captured. Aren't you even armed with a weapon right now? So reckless…"

"Captured, hmm? No, something much worse. Thanks to your brilliant idea I'm married, un! How did you ever talk me into doing that, hmm?"

"To Tobi Uchiha? This is perfect!"

"Hmm? No, it's a disaster, yeah!"

"You'll have to stay with him for the time being."

"What?!"

"Let me explain. Tomorrow his majesty and his wife, Pein and Konan are inviting the Uchihas to a charity auction and to celebrate the newly wed couple. Um, that would be you and that Uchiha."

"So?"

"You have to get Pein's Proof of Authority, the badge he carries around."

Deidara nodded, he knew what the Proof of Authority was. There was only one king but some people went around saying they were even though they weren't. So the Proof of Authority was created, absolute proof the owner was king. Stealing such an artifact was priceless. It was made of pure gold, one inch wide by three inches long and one millimeter thick. The royal symbol, a red cloud should be engraved on it.

"You have to get it or we will never get Hidan and Kakuzu out alive. They are in a maximum security prison, if we try to break them out it would be suicide…" explained Sasori.

"…unless we have the Proof of Authority. The guards would have no choice but to obey us and let them go…" understood Deidara. "I get it now. Ugh! I went thought the trouble of escaping, now I have to go back, hmm?"

"I'm afraid so…"


Author's Notes: Tobi doesn't find Deidara's mouth hands weird, okay maybe a little but there are stranger things. People with multiple arms, two heads, or four hearts. (You know who I'm taking about) Poor Deidara, after escaping only to discover that he has to go back!

Why is Deidara's manners like that? I this fic he is a thief/lowly commoner. He's just raised like that, not like a rich well raised Uchiha. This is troublesome as Shikamaru might say. The Proof of Authority is a plot device I made up, yes the imperial symbol is the Akatsuki cloud. Stuff like this really were made because people tried to impersonate Kings and other important officials.

By the way Naruto called Sasuke 'teme' which is a swear word in japanese which I shouldn't have told you about. What the hey, that's what Naruto calls him in the anime anyway.

Please Review! I need feedback.