Title: I'm a Shade Too Pale For Handsome and Have Habits I Can't Shake
Author: Emono
Rating: FRM
Fandom: Wrestling
Series: I'd Rather Fight With You Than Make Love With Anyone Else verse
Pairings: John Cena/Jack Swagger, Randy/Cody (Candy), Miz/Morrison, Chris/Evan, Hardycest
Disclaimer: The WWE is not mine nor are any of it's child branches, it is the 96% property of the McMahon's and God bless the bastards that work for them. I respect the sexual preferences and identities of all the wrestlers on WWE roster, and who they share a bed with is really none of my business.
Beta: gil_follower
Warnings: Wrestling violence, slash, episode re-writes, love, fluff, smut, good stuff. Spoilers for July 27th RAW episode, Triple H bashing (but they're only saying what I'm feeling.)

It was two hours before the live taping of RAW, everyone was go through the locker rooms trying to get ready in time. In the Legacy locker room, Cody was lacing up his boots and wondering what the matches were tonight. Apparently Shaq himself (which had sent many of the wrestlers into a twitter by itself) was going to call them in a few at a time and tell them what their role would be tonight.

Cody slipped on his The Legacy t-shirt, jumping when the door opened. He turned, seeing none other than his best friend standing there in his ring gear.

Cody gaped, "Ted?"

Ted was bowing his head in shame, but managed a weak smile, "Hey Codes."

"Teddy!" Cody rushed toward the older man, smiling "I was worried, damn it! I was afraid…"

Cody trailed off, stopping abruptly a few feet from the blonde. Ted winced, his friend's eyes hardening and his jaw setting as he remembered himself.

"What the fuck are doing here?" the cold hiss was so strange coming from Cody's mouth, but appropriate "Now you show up? Where were you, DiBiase?!"

"I was in Tampa" Ted licked his lower lip, drawing it between his teeth.

Cobalt eyes narrowed at him, "Drinking."

It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, a bit more than I shoulda been" Ted drawled, obviously ashamed "Before you tear me a new one…can I try explain myself?'

Cody was a bit more than reluctant, but he nodded anyways.

"I got so jealous, man" Ted admitted, each word like sandpaper in his throat "We grew up together, learning the ropes together, and then Randy takes you under his wing. I wanted to be apart of it so bad, just to be close again. And I finally got there with some means I ain't too proud of. We were Priceless! We were perfect, we were champions!"

The glow died from those dark eyes, leaving only a bitter feeling behind, "But no matter what we did, no matter how much time we had together…Randy was closer to you. I didn't think it was fair that you two favored each other. I was part of Legacy too, ya know?"

Cody tisked, "Jesus, Ted!"

"I realize now I was wrong" Ted assured him, stepping closer and touching his arm "All those things I said to you were wrong. You're not…what you and Randy is yer business. Is' none of mine, ok? The fact that you found someone who's gonna take care 'a you like you deserve? Someone you love? That's…that's more than I could ask for, ok?"

Ted got shy all of a sudden, "I know you've wanted Randy for a real long time, 'is not fair that I'm tryin' to ruin it for ya."

Cody's lips quirked, "Now that's the Ted I remember. You know Randy took us both under his wing. In most of our training sessions lately, you've been acting like you're too good to be there."

"I thought it was kinda weak" Ted replied, shame still bright in his eyes "Ya know, admitting that Randy knew so much more than me."

"God, Ted" Cody shook his head, tisking "Why have you been such asshole to me? What did I do?"

"I thought that if I made you hate me…if I tried to convince myself I hated you then…" Ted scrubbed a hand over his eyes, obviously struggling "Then it wouldn't hurt so much when I lost you."

"You're not gonna lose me, you moron" Cody grabbed his friend and brought him into a hug, grinning when the other gave a grunt of surprise "It'd take a helluva lot more than an ass-beating and being called a cheap bitch to drive me away."

Hope lit up the other's face, "So you forgive me?"

Cody pulled away, unsure if he should be so fast to forgive. Maybe he would, but…

"If you forgive 'im, I will."

They both turned, finding Randy standing there in the doorway. He had the belt around his waist, his arms crossed over his chest. He raised a brow at them, expecting an answer.

"Uh, Randy…" Ted was ready to get on his knees and beg if that's what it meant "I'm sorry for what went down, I had no right to-"

"I heard, but it doesn't mean anything to me" Randy held up a hand, silencing him "It's Cody who has to forgive you. You left him out there to get beaten by The Big Show. By rights, I should take a chair to your head…"

Randy flexed his neck, signaling the hidden rage that laid just beneath the surface, "But I won't."

Ted lowered his eyes, guilt riddling his heart.

Cody squeezed the older man's shoulder, "I forgive you, Ted. But next time you feel something like this…tell me, ok?"

"I swear" Ted looked between them "Damn, I'm sorry. The Legacy could have had gold all the way around. I was watching Night Of Champions and…shit, Swagger?"

"Yeah, we got the belts" Cody worried his lower lip "Ted, I don't think we could've got it."

The man's brow creased, "What?"

"What he means is…" Randy stepped into the room, face serious "Priceless couldn't of won against the Big Show and Jericho. It's nothing against you, Ted. Swagger, as much as they like to make fun of him, has some serious skill."

Cody's eyes widened, "You think he's a good match for me?"

"No" Randy replied quickly "I'd much rather see Priceless with the gold, but I can't see Swagger giving up his position anytime soon."

"I'll guess we'll see soon enough if he's worthy of you, Codes" Ted teased, reaching up and ruffling the brunette's hair like he did when they were little. Cody swatted his hand away playfully, a smile on his lips.

Randy sighed, glad his boys had made up.

//But if he pulls this shit again, I'm going to eat him.//

-xXxXxXx-

Jack and John found themselves "summoned" together, walking toward the guest host's room. They had a little more than an hour before the show started, and everyone was a bit antsy.

When they arrived, they found they weren't alone. Legacy was there, Randy leaning against the wall with his boys flanking him. Evan was standing by the couch the Miz was spread out on, fedora nearly covering his eyes it was pulled down so low.

"Whoa" John looked around, letting out a low whistle "They got the whole gang together, huh? This…this cannot be good for anyone."

"I'm sure it's nothing" Evan assured softly "It's not like he's gonna pit all of us against each other."

Miz's lips pursed, just visible beneath the brim of his hat, "I don't like this guest host business, I don't like it all, man."

"We're just gonna have to deal with it" Jack pointed out, nudging his friend's foot "And be nice to these hosts. They can do whatever they want."

"To think, RAW, one of the longest running and most popular events on TV" Randy scowled, glaring at nothing in particular "Controlled by people who have no business in our business."

"Despicable" John stated in his best Sylvester voice.

Jack pinched him hard in the arm, getting a jolt and a glare, "Don't make fun of me."

The older man sputtered, "I-I'm not…I-I-I…I'm not makin' fun of you!"

The blonde smiled brightly, "Joke. Lighten up, Jay."

Blue eyes narrowed, "Yer mean."

Before Cody could tell them to grow up, the door cracked open and Vince McMahon's voice came from inside, "Get in here, boys."

They filed in, John making a big show of opening the door and bowing for Orton to enter first. Randy scowled at him, but let his boys go in first to show a point. John rolled his eyes, but the rest filed in like a row of ducks. The guest room was done up basketball style, like full out NHL. There was a giant bean bag chair in the middle of the room, that's where the giant that was Shaq sat. His long legs were stretched out, and a clipboard was resting on his knees.

Jack sized the man up, he was much bigger in person.

Vince was standing behind the black man, out of his sight but directly in theirs, "Line up, now."

Randy wanted to snap at the man that they weren't children, but then realized they kind of were in a way and shut his mouth. They lined up in front of Shaq, presented in their ring gear for all their glory.

"It's almost like having my own collection of action figures" Shaq's laugh was deep, rumbling even. He had the whitest smile ever, glowing even.

Jack felt really racist and guilty for even thinking that.

"And you" Shaq pointed at the blonde, putting on a thick lisp "If 'id isthn't Thack Thwagger himthelf."

Oh! Look at that! Somehow, by magic, the guilt lifted.

"And you" Jack put on a smile, his tone sugary sweet and sarcasm to anyone who really knew him "Shaq himself. It's a pleasure…really. An honor."

John twitched, and the Miz tried not to laugh out loud.

"You guys have been putting on quite a show these past couple weeks…hell, these last months" Shaq's voice was a low drawl, amused even "I've been watchin' closely, seein' all these relationship forming. It's…not what the WWE should be."

Vince looked mildly surprised, apparently not having been briefed on this.

"We're not WWE material?" Randy asked in faux-curiosity, shifting his belt higher over his shoulder.

"There's just been some…bad blood here" Shaq crinkled his nose, looking down at the clipboard "I've prepared a Beat-The-Clock melee for Summer Slam. Whoever wins this challenge…gets to face Orton here for the belt come Summer Slam."

"Oh really?" Randy flexed his neck, keeping his eyes on the older man "Do tell."

"I don't like this" Shaq gestured "These relationships ya'll have formed. Doesn't sit right with me."

Vince cleared his throat loudly, "Shaq…what my boys do behind closed doors is their business. Now unless I see Orton ruttin' on the kid in the middle of the ring or Swagger getting fucked on the ramp, I don't care. And it's not your business to care."

Jack and Cody shared a brief look at this, cheeks coloring.

"Well, so be what it is" Shaq cleared his throat "There will be five Beat-The-Clock matches. MVP versus this Chris guy, uh...Henry and that Carlito. Whatever, those aren't the important ones…these are the ones that pertain to you seven."

Shaq pointed to Cody, "You're the first one of this little group to go up."

Cody tensed, "I don't want a shot at the title."

"No, ya little arrogant brat" but Shaq's voice was amused, and Vince gave Randy a look when the champion balled his fist up "Yer goin' up against Triple H."

Cody paled, but only nodded. Ted already had an idea forming in his head, and clapped his hand over his best friend's shoulder with a small smile.

"You're gonna do fine, Codes."

Randy scoffed, //So Hunter is still drooling for my gold. Typical old man, doesn't know how to let go.//

Jack bent over a little, peering down where Legacy stood at the end of the line, "Oh, look, it's DiBiase. I'm guessin' Priceless is back?"

Ted raised a brow at him, "Full strength, Swagger."

Jack chuckled lowly, "Thanks for the gold, Teddy. It's nice."

Ted's smiled was just as false, "Mmm, yeah. I bet it looks better when you're on yer back."

"Oh, cold" Jack puckered his lips in a pout "So icy, Teddy."

Vince cleared his throat, giving them a warning look.

"Next match, after I have some fun humiliating Chavo" Shaq chuckled, eyes still on the clipboard "Next is, uh…oh! Thack Thwagger."

The blonde locked his jaw, canines nearly piercing his tongue as he pressed down onto it, //God give me the strength not to strike this motherfucker down.//

Shaq looked as if he could read his thoughts, and he was entertained, "I couldn't think of who else to put in this Beat-the-Clock melee, since all the actual stars were taken, so I decided you'd be a nice losing match."

"Me? Get a shot for the ultimate gold?" Jack gave a heated glance at McMahon, who was smirking knowingly "Why not? I've fuckin' earned it."

"Now, now" the dark skinned man raised a huge palm, as if to physically settle him "Cool it there, Thwagger. You're not going to win this match."

Jack's voice couldn't have gotten more sarcastic, "Oh really? Why not?"

"Because you're not gonna beat Air Bourne."

Evan's eyes widened, "Me? Against Jack?"

"Yeah" Shaq grinned at the blonde "A bitch like you? No way you can beat Air Bourne."

"Is that so?" everyone tensed at the low, deadly tone Jack's voice took. His face was deadpan, but his eyes were smoldering at the implication. "I'm too much of a bitch?"

"You're not a contender here, man, no matter what you say" the older man pointed out "You're a toy."

"We'll see" Jack drawled, scowling deeply "We'll just fuckin' see, now won't we?"

"Easy there, Thwagger" Shaq teased, having much too much fun with this "Wait to get upset when I've revealed the last match."

Jack visibly drew into himself, letting his emotions and thoughts stew and come to a rolling boil.

"The last match, and my personal favorite, is -of course- John Cena…" Shaq's eyes slid over the group, his eyes landing one the one with newly dyed hair "And The Miz."

"Ah, shit" Mike hissed, already foreseeing how this was going to go. Evan gave him an elbow to the ribs and a harsh look. "What, Evvy? This fuckin' sucks and you know it!"

"The kid? Distract me?" John grinned, adjusting the brim of his cap "That gold's mine, Orton."

Randy resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "You wish, Cena."

"That's just about it" Shaq dismissed them with a wave "See you boys on the big screen."

The group in an orderly fashion.

-WwE-

They hadn't even gotten all the way down the hall when Jack blew up, Legacy had no opportunity to split off from the others and get away.

"Not a contender? Not a contender?" Jack barked, nearly clawing at his hair "I'll show him Thack Thwagger, I'll fuckin' show them all! I thought I resolved all this stupid shit when I beat Angle!"

John held out a hand, "Now Jack-"

"God, I could just bite something!" Jack howled, winding back his leg and kicking out. About a dozen chairs stacked on top of one another against the wall fell beneath the force of impact, clanging loudly off the tiled floors of the hall.

John scrubbed a hand over his face, "Jack, quit it! Damn."

"He thinks he can give me a chance at the title because there's no one left? Like I'm a safe choice?" Jack made a face, clearly enraged at the thought "I could take it if I wanted to! If I really wanted, I could go after it! Maybe I just don't want that kind of burden? What if I have different ambitions? Not everyone wants the shiniest toy!"

John's shoulders sagged, "Yes, Jack."

"You're too much of bitch, you can't beat Air Bourne" Jack mocked in a deep imitation of Shaq "Ha! Like I'm a total wuss or something."

Evan took offense, "Are you saying I can't beat you?"

"Oh get off it, Evan" Jack glared at his friend "If I have to beat your ass on live television to prove I'm an actual player here, I'll do it."

Evan stepped up to him, dark eyes narrowed, "You think I'm easy to beat?"

"I'm not saying you're easy" Jack glared down at him, his own eyes blazing "But I am saying I can do it with one hand tied behind my back."

"Guys? Guys!" the Miz got between them, putting an arm across both their chests and physically pushing them back "As a very smart blonde told me not too long ago: He's just doing this to fuck with our heads. Pit us against one another, make us fight to bleed instead of entertain."

"And you!" obviously, Jack was too lost in his own to hear the intelligent words Mike was saying "Did you ask for this? You said this shit with John was over!"

The blonde narrowed his eyes, "Did you not hear me in there? I don't wanna do this. I promised you, man."

"What The Miz says means shit most of the time anyways, I shoulda known this wouldn't be any different" Jack threw his friend's arm away, backing up "Everyone knows you're the best actor of us all, Miz."

"Dude, don't fuck with me!" Miz barked, pointing at his friend "This isn't cool. You're being a dick, Jack."

"You know what? Whatever, I'm done" Jack threw up his hands, walking back and away from them "I wash my hands of all of you."

With that, Jack turned on his heels and left them all gaping after him.

"Oh fuck" Cody ran a hand over his eyes "And that's my new tag-team partner. I really hope we don't have a match soon…I'm gonna be fucked."

"What do you think this means for me?" John asked, trying to lighten the mood "I don't think I'm getting laid tonight."

Evan balled his hands into fists at his sides, "Fine. I'll show him too. I'll beat his ass and show him I'm not some Goddamn push over!"

Air Bourne stormed off just as dramatically, steam practically pouring off him.

"Fuck this" the Miz groaned, getting out of there too.

Ted looked at his team members, "The language, man. What are we? In high school?"

-WwE-

The Legacy entered their locker room, Randy plopping down on the bench. He set his belt to the side, looking a little more than worried.

"That old bastard" Randy spat "I wish he'd retire, I am so sick of seeing his face."

"He was your mentor once, Randy" Cody pointed out, but his tone was soft.

"The past doesn't matter anymore" Randy stated "He's not going to show any mercy, and neither should you. When you're out there, Cody, go for his knee."

Cobalt eyes widened fractionally, "His injured knee?"

"Yes."

Cody chewed his lower lip, unsure.

"It's time we show him his place among the younger stars" the champion was dead serious on this, his eyes lit into a lapis fire "Take out his leg, Cody…it's his only weakness. Otherwise…"

Randy gestured him closer, the younger man not hesitating to step up to him. He grabbed Cody around the back of his thigh, pulling him closer to stand between his knees. He looked up into those lovely eyes, knowing his boy was going to end up with some bruises before the end of the night.

"Play dirty" Randy commanded "We aren't known for our integrity, so there's no reason to show any decency to him. Don't hold back."

Cody nodded, knowing when his lover was worried.

"And you" Randy looked over at Ted, raising a brow "You got our boy's back now? Are you going to play as part of the team?"

"Yeah, I promise" Ted nodded "If it gets real bad, I'll come get you, Baby-boy."

Though his heart kept screaming at him over and over that Ted had abandoned him once and could do it again, Cody nodded.