"Calypso," I hear my voice being called in Percy's silk smooth voice. Though I know it is a trick, I must run to it, for the chance of it being real is always too great to risk. I know it is Kronos, and I know he only does it because that is the only way to get a response out of me. Otherwise, I do what I was doing, nothing. Nothing can pull me out of my reverie, except for the sound of his voice, which Kronos discovered long ago. I only show passion when I am sword fighting. I only show interest when he is mentioned. I dutifully do every task I am assigned, as I have since he plucked me from my island, 7 months ago.
Kronos beckons to me, to remind me what I already know. The date is in 5 months. 5 months before the most brutal battle history has known. 5 months before I must confront him. I just hope my thoughts and feelings are arranged before then. When it comes time for me to play my part, I must know exactly what to say and do. One moment of indecision could turn the battle, to which side I know not.
I head off to train, because I know I must be strong when it comes time. I am no longer immortal, so I can bleed and die, just as easily as you can. When I slice my sword through the dummies, splintering them, mauling them, and utterly pulverizing them until they are beyond recognition, it feels good, because I may picture every hero on it. Every single hero who has ever abandoned me, left me for the next man to come along and do the same. Except for the most recent one, I don't not picture, because that would hurt too much.
As I train, I feel eyes on my back. This does not give me a creepy sensation, because I have long gotten used to it. The golden eyes that watch me mean no harm, only to gaze upon me in utter satisfaction. Kronos promised me he would never hurt me, physically or emotionally. And to this day he has kept it, unlike someone else.
I can tell, because of centuries of practice, that the human side of Kronos desires me. He has 'fallen in love with me'. But do not dare ask if I return it, because I do not know if the mangled bloody thing I call a heart can bear that again. And, mortal, do not judge, because if you could feel what I feel, you would be obliterated by the pain by now. Kronos has been good to me. And in the future, it could be possible for me to return the feelings. But Percy Jackson must never cross my path again, because I would either need to brutally murder him or smother him in my love. That's the decision, and if you have ever needed to make one like that, to kill or want the person you love, I feel sorry for you.
I continue to swing and maul the dummies with the men's faces, in my mind, on them. But my thoughts are who knows how many miles away, on Ogygia. I wonder what it would have been like if I had stayed, declined Kronos' offer. Would the next male have found me, crumpled in a ball, surrounded by dead and lost dreams? Perhaps, but I sincerely wonder if the fates would have sent another. Would they have decided enough it is enough? These kinds of questions haunt my mind, while I swing and slice, while I continue to come up empty for answers.
I swing again and my sword hits no resistance. I realize, in my deep thought, I have destroyed all of the dummies. I would have Kronos make more for me, but I am too tired for anything. So I retire to my quarters, still being haunted by the thought of Ogygia.
Other thoughts plague my mind continuously. Now, since it is nearing his birthday, I must think about him more and more. I wake in the night with tears streaming down my face, because I have dreamed of his face. The food they serve me does taste, but with the bitterest flavor, as if the good stuff left with him. When hear the daily announcements, about what the hero's are doing and what the gods are up too, my heart aches. And whenever his name is mentioned, I feel a start go through me, like lighting, no, like a tsunami came and went, leaving behind the wreckage, and leaving all my thoughts and feelings in disarray. The day will come, soon, when I have to choose. To the titans, and to the future hope of victory and the possibility of Kronos, or to the gods, and to the future hope of forgiveness, and the possibility of Percy? My questions meet no answers now, but I can only pray to whoever is listening, that I will receive an answer, soon.
