Hi guys! I'm so happy of how many of you joined me in this new journey! Here is chapter 2, I hope you liked it! Chapter 3 is almost done, hopefully I'll have it finished during the weekend!
SM owns everything!
Chapter 2: Let It Go
"Let It Go" - Blue October
Where do you go
When the day is long?
And where does your heart beat
And who is wrong?
Why do I feel this way?
Why do I kneel?
How could I let it go?
Why do I feel?
Why do I feel?
Why?
Follow me home
Through the, the maze and on
I'll show you the road
That I led you the wrong way on
Two weeks later…
"Still nothing Alice?" I hear Carlisle ask my sister downstairs.
I've been trying to avoid their talk but there is not much I can do. Especially since my name is in everyone's thoughts.
"No. It's weird… he's there but not at the same time." She says softly.
"Tell us if anything changes."
It's been about two weeks since I disappeared from Alice's visions. I know I should be scared or concerned but I really don't care. If it's my time then it's my time, but according to Alice I'm not dying, she says something or someone is blocking her from seeing me which is strange since I'm not a shielder nor are any of member my family.
I roll on my back and stared out of the large window in to the dark forest.
I wish I could sleep.
It's almost dawn, the sun is about to rise and soon all of us will have to get ready for another tedious day. Alice and Jasper will go to Eagle River High School –where they pretend to be in senior year- and Rose, Emmett and I will drive to the University of Alaska and after my classes I'll join Carlisle at the hospital for my volunteering.
Emmett asked me once why I decided to volunteer at the hospital, since I don't really have to get any recommendations for the future, but I just shrug it off. I didn't want to burden him with my demons since the real reason why I'm volunteering, -apart from keeping my mind occupied and not think so much about her- was to try and make me feel better of myself. So every time I looked in the mirror I wouldn't see the monster I really was, to try and redeem myself from the sins of my past.
For all that I did to her.
"Edward, it's time to go." Emmett calls.
Where did the time go?
I run at vampire speed downstairs and take my coat, getting ready to head out - it's mid November so we must pretend we are cold because of the snow and chilling wind - as my siblings discuss the weekend plans.
"The Denali's are coming over this weekend, there's going to be a storm so we thought about a little baseball game." Emmett says in his always good spirits mood "What do you say Eddie? Are you in?" He turns to me.
"I'll think about it." I answer in a monotone voice.
"Such a party pooper."
"C'mon Edward, it's been years since we last played."
I flinch as I remember the last time we had played. It had been that time in… Forks, -I flinch again- the time we also met James and his clan.
Emmett notices the pain in my stance.
"Sorry, didn't think about it." He apologizes guiltily.
"It's Ok." I answer him.
"You know, there might not be a storm after all." Alice interjects "The weather channel got it wrong again, you should have asked me." She adds smugly.
"Awww c'mon!" Emmett complains. "I'm beyond bored here!"
"Maybe we can go hunting?" Jasper suggests wrapping his arm around Alice's tiny frame and I look away at the love display.
"Is not bear season." Emmett deadpans.
"We can discus something to do for the weekend later, but we have to hurry or we will be late, the roads are frozen so we have to respect the speed limits." Rose says seeing her own reflection over the glass window.
"My woman has spoken, let's go." Emmett pulls her by her hand.
We say goodbye at the porch steps and Alice and Jasper take Alice's new Porsche while the rest of us take my Volvo.
Half an hour later we park in the campus parking lot and with a last wave each of us part on our own way. My first class starts at nine so I have an hour to kill, I decide to go to the library as always and find something new and worthy to read.
I cross the campus, passing through the frozen football fields and go into the main building, going through the crowded hallways in my way and avoiding every type of contact with every human. I can smell the burning logs on the big chimney on the main floor of the library before I even enter, once I do I immediately feel the heat and take off my coat.
"Mr. Cullen!" The receptionist greets me with a smile, but on instinct she quickly averts her eyes.
So yummy… ugh! I hate it he makes me so nervous…"
"Uhmm… Hi… how do you do?" She stammers.
"I can't even form a coherent sentence around him!"
"Tiffany." I nod politely in acknowledgment and dart towards the classics instead of the new arrivals, better keep it friendly.
"Ugh! He must think I'm a freaky library rat."
I scan the shelves, which I don't know why I even bother as I know what I'm going to pick in the end. I take the worn book out, sat on the nearest chair and pick up where I left yesterday, losing myself in the old England and doomed love between Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff.
Time flies when you don't notice the world around you, and I'm surprised when the grandfather clock on the second floor announces two. I missed my classes but I don't care. With a sigh I close the book and return it to its place.
Time to go to the hospital.
This has basically been my days for the last couple of months since I returned, home-library-classes-hospital-home. I keep myself busy, no much time to let my mind wander. But the pain was still there and I needed a way to let it all out so it wouldn't eat me alive. So I started to play the piano at night, letting out all the pain and regret that was bottling inside of me, but stopped when I noticed how my haunted music affected everyone in the house, especially Jasper. So instead I started writing… and I wrote a lot.
I already have a drawer full of journals and notepads on my room, each journal and notepad full of my dark, haunting and painful thoughts. If someone were to read them I'm sure they'd declare me insane.
But like running, it's freeing. It doesn't make me feel better but it helps me to keep me sane. I don't re-read what I write, I'm sure it doesn't even make sense. There are just jumbled thoughts and whatever emotions that are going through my head at the moment printed on ink, a physical proof of the war going on inside of me.
I always keep a journal with me in my briefcase, just in case I need a moment to breathe and get it all out but I try to do that at night when I have free time and nobody would see me crumble. I hate the pity, that's why I keep myself busy during the day so no one would notice how I'm faring and let it go when I'm by myself in the solace of my room or at the hill.
Although there is one person who I can't fool, Jasper… hell I'm sure I'm not fooling anyone but at least I try, but Jasper is the only one who knows exactly how I feel and it makes everything worse because he already thinks it's his fault I left.
If he only knew the truth.
I'm a monster.
No matter how many times I get everything out, no matter how many times I've justified myself and tried to reason with myself why I did it… I'm still a monster.
I walk out of the library and head back to my car, Em and Rosalie are not waiting for me so I guess they must have ran home or lost themselves in the woods. I go straight to the hospital and take a deep encouraging breath to face the next few hours.
I'm behind Carlisle on my Volvo, we are almost back home when my phone vibrates on my pocket and I take it out to see the caller ID.
Tanya.
I ignore it.
I'm not in the mood for mindless chitchat and her subtle innuendo. She knows what I'm going through and she says she is just trying to be a friend to me but I know better. It has always been the same with her.
I'm so not looking for the weekend.
The phone vibrates again and I realize she is going to insist until I answer, if I turn off the phone she'll try the house.
"I'm not in the mood Tanya." I answer straight to the point.
"You are never on the mood Edward."
"Then why do you keep calling?"
She sighs.
"Edward… you worry me. What happened to you?" She asks in concern.
I don't answer.
"Just listen… come to live with us for a while… I'm sure we can take your mind out of things…"
"Tanya, please stop. I'm not going anywhere… I have my family."
"We are your family too. C'mon, Eleazar is tired of being the only male here… it will be fun."
"Tanya, I know what you want and I can't give you that."
"Because of the human?"
I flinch.
"Yes."
"C'mon Edward… if you were able to leave her she mustn't be that important, stop playing hard to get."
"You don't get it, and I'm not playing hard to get, I'm nothing you can get."
"Edward… please… just give me six months, I'm sure I'll make you forget her. Don't you want that? Don't you want to stop suffering? We could be happy."
Agh!
"Tanya… I love her, I can't forget her."
"She's just a human! You didn't even want to change her! How can you say you love her? You were going to lose her eventually."
I shut my eyes close and breathe, trying to regain my temper.
"Goodbye Tanya."
"No, Edwa-"
I shut the phone off.
I park next to Carlisle's Mercedes and immediately run to the woods without a word. I need time to think, I want to be alone.
"Stay close." Carlisle says, still worried about Alice not seeing me.
"I'll be on the hill." I say to appease him.
Minutes later I'm on the hill, I sat on the same rock and opened my journal.
Will the pain ever end? I remember Carlisle telling me once that our kind never changed, that's why when something struck us it stays with us. Like Rosalie's pain for what happened to her just before her transformation, or Esme's desire to be a mother after what happened to her baby.
Will I ever be able to let her go?
I know the answer to that.
I'm damned to an endless existence full of pain.
She's what I've always wanted without knowing what I was looking for.
I'm so sorry.
I did it for you.
One peek… one tiny peek… I can't ask Alice, at least I have the excuse that she looked sick, maybe I can tell her I just wanted to know how's she?
NO!
Whatever it is… I'm sure she'll be fine, she's strong… it can just be a cold. Humans have that all the time.
But her eyes… she looked so sad.
I clutch my eyes close as a wave of pain assaults my insides, making me tremble and shake.
I'm sorry… I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
I love you.
She must hate me, I do. I shouldn't have given in, I should have been strong, and it only made everything worse later. But I had to leave, what happened later was proof enough that I didn't deserve her.
When I saw the bruises… I was petrified.
I hurt her… first physically and then emotionally, I don't know which one is worse.
I'm a monster.
I hurt the only thing that mattered in my life, it was the only thing that made sense.
I love you…
I'm sorry.
It's almost dawn again… another painful and empty day without her.
I close my journal stand from the rock on the hill and ran back home. I go into the house through the kitchen and I hear everyone in the library. I struggle between secluding myself in my room or being in the background with them while Emmett and Jasper bicker about some video game they are playing, I don't want to keep worrying Esme.
With a heavy sigh I walk into the living room.
Emmett's on the floor and Alice is behind him making signs to Jasper on the couch about Emmett's next move. Rosalie is flipping through a magazine and Esme and Carlisle are cuddled together on the love seat.
I sat on the couch next to Jasper, he winces when he feels my mood.
"I'm sorry dude."
He apologizes, once again blaming himself about my decision.
I ignore him.
We spend the next couple of hours like this until it's almost time to go again. One by one everyone disappears to get ready for the day, and I'm in my room when I hear Alice's gasp and something crash.
"Oh god." She cries and like lighting we are all next to her in the kitchen.
"What is it?" Carlisle asks urgently, his eyes flickering to me but I know this is not about me… well, not only me.
"We disappeared." She whispers.
"What?!" Carlisle asks with bewildered eyes.
"I can't see us, any of us… something is blocking me."
"We are moving." Carlisle says firmly "There's obviously a threat and we need to escape."
We all nod, a ting of fear on everyone's faces and we all dart to our own rooms and start making arrangements.
What the hell is going on? I ask myself, truly worried for the first time.
"The Volturi? But what have we done?" Carlisle muses to himself.
"Another clan." Jasper thinks.
"We've been discovered. Why didn't Edward or Alice see it coming earlier?" Rosalie says frustrated. "Maybe the Volturi found out about Bella knowing about us and now we are paying. I knew we couldn't trust her!"
I growl at her.
"Leave her out of this!" I yell as I run into the study where she and Esme are buying plane tickets to Alberta.
"You know it's a possibility." She glares "She could have exposed us out of bitterness."
"You don't know her!" I almost throw myself at her but Emmett appears next to her. "She'd never do that!"
"How do you know that?!" She yells back.
"It wasn't Bella, I would have seen it. I don't know what's going on… something is blocking me but I know it has nothing to do with the Volturi… Bella didn't do it." Alice explains.
"Victoria." Jasper hisses. "Maybe she went to them."
"It's not the Volturi!" Alice screams again in frustration.
"Ok, let's keep calm…" Carlisle cuts us off "We'll continue with this when we get to Alberta, I already talked to Tanya they'll help us and meet us in our house there. Now we have to hurry and get out of here."
And with that we resume packing and arranging stuff while I ignore Rosalie yelling in her mind and Alice's attempts to see anything. It's almost nine, the plane leaves at six but we are leaving the house at two just in case whatever is looking for us finds us.
I'm packing my books when a vision hits Alice and I drop everything to the floor as the image penetrates on my brain and burns whatever that was left inside me.
"Alice?" I choke as I enter the living room where she is in a flash.
"I don't know… it just appeared." She whispers as she replays the image on her head.
"What's going on?" Esme asks as she comes into the living room too, the rest following her.
"Bella." Alice says softly, her eyes red with unshed tears.
Bella, my angel… she crying… no, she is bawling, pouring her guts out all alone in a strange room. She looks so fragile and broken it brings me to my knees in the middle of the floor.
"I need to go to her." I say.
"NO!" Rosalie shrieks. "Whatever is happening must be because of her, you can't risk all of us because of one meaningless human!"
Emmett must have seen my anger as he is suddenly in front of the stupid blond and Jasper grabs my shoulder trying to calm me.
"But she is not doing this!" Alice yells, wanting to help her friend too "We need to help her! Something is wrong with her!"
"You can see her so she is not dying, but you can't see us and I'm not risking Emmett for a human!"
I'm about to throw myself at her when we hear a car pulling on the drive way and we all freeze.
"145… it must be here… Dammit could he live in a more remote place?"
"Who is it?" Carlisle asks me.
"I don't know… Alice?"
"I can't see anything." She cries.
Jaspers runs to the window.
"It's a human… he has on a suit and a fancy coat."
"Where is the file? Oh, here it is…" The human mussed as he looks into his briefcase.
"I think he's from the government… or something like that… he's thinking about a file…" I say trying to read his mind but he is not thinking much.
"Dammit! We've been discovered!" Rosalie hisses.
"That can't be… we erased all our records from Forks… we started new." Jasper says instinctively standing next to Alice. "Carlisle, I'm sorry but we should kill him… he might expose us."
"We would not do such a thing." Carlisle berates him calmly. "He's an innocent soul, let's see what he wants first."
"Mhmm… yes, Mr. Edward Cullen."
"He's looking for me?" I frown and all eyes turn to me as we hear him approaching the front door.
"What should we do?" Esme asks concern for me in her voice.
"Let's wait we can't do anything right now." Carlisle says "Alice, stay alert…"
The doorbell rings.
"Everyone stay calm." Carlisle says again before he and Esme walk at human pace to the front door.
Carlisle takes a moment to compose himself before opening the door with a warm smile.
"Hello?" He greets the lanky man in front of him.
"Hello sir…" He stammers as his instincts kick in "I'm looking for a Mr. Edward Cullen?" He asks reading what looks like a legal paper in front of him. "Does he live here?"
"Yes," Carlisle answers "May I ask who's looking for him?"
"My name is Mark Jackson from social services…" WHAT?! "Is he home? I need to speak to him, it's really important."
That's not what I was expecting, if anything I thought he would be from the bank or… I don't know… what has social services to do with me?
"Sure, please come in." Carlisle says, his surprise well hidden in his features "Me and my family were about to go on a family trip, so excuse us for the mess. We are all in the living room."
"Well, then I must be lucky I catch you in time."
Carlisle and Esme walk into the room with the man behind them, his heartbeat increases exponentially as he finds himself in a room full of vampires, but his eyes stay on mine.
"Mr. Edward Cullen?" He asks and I nod, not knowing what else to do.
"Huh… I figured."
"Yes?" I ask politely.
"Well Mr. Cullen, you were really hard to find, we've been looking for you for weeks!"
"I'm a private person." I answer.
"I can see that, thankfully we were able to find you at last." He smiles and I'm about to rip his head off. "You live quiet far from civilization."
Enough with the small talk!
He must see the impatience on my face as he clears his throat and gets down to business.
"Excuse me the impertinence sir, but I'm here on behalf of your late brother's girlfriend."
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise, what the man just had said throwing us all out of balance.
"What?" Everyone thinks at the same time.
"My brother?" I ask making a face in utter confusion.
"Yes, Anthony Masen? I'm sorry, I have under my knowledge that you lost contact with him after your adoption but as I said I'm here on behalf of his girlfriend…" he opens a manila envelope and reads another legal paper "a Miss Isabella Swan."
I choke on my breath at the mention of her name.
Again… What the hell is going on?!
All thoughts around me are as confused and stunned as mine.
"Play along!" Alice yells at me as she tries to look into the future in vain. She still can't see us.
"Yes… uhmm… Anthony…" I stammer. "What about Bella?" I ask urgently.
Did something happen to her? Why would they come to me? What about her parents? And what the hell with this late brother thing!
"Uhmm sir, this is a delicate matter… I'll prefer if we do this alone?"
"Poor guy… the package he has now on his shoulders… if he accepts of course."
…
…
…
What is he talking about?
"Sir?"
"Oh, yes sorry…. Uhm yes but my… other brother and his wife are staying." I say as everyone leaves the room, although is unnecessary but we have to keep appearances.
"Oh, you have another brother?" He asks re-reading the file.
"We were both adopted." Carlisle interjects. "We are not related by blood."
"Oh… that explains it then… well, as you wish… can I take a seat?" He gestures to the couch.
"Please." I say as Carlisle, Esme and I sit on the couch. "What's all this about?" I ask again, about to lose my patience. All I want to know is how my angel is.
He looks into the manila folder again and produces a picture, placing it in front of me and I'm frozen on the spot.
"This is Elizabeth."
I don't know about you, but Daddyward is my favorite Edward.
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Till next time!
Saludos!
tpec
