I need to update more often no? Yes I do. So if someone can explain that fact to my little brother, I will be grateful enough to send you a peach cobbler, that I inevitably burned my hand on. Fact of my life, out of the six dishes I've baked in recent years, I've burned myself four times. Think I'd learn what an oven mitt is? Yep. It just runs away when I go to look for it.
The question on how the story first got its name, which if you read the first chapter's author's note, you would know that my older brother and I were discussing jutsu's and the discussion evolved into this story. However much I would like to I have to say the Shiki Fujin did not come up. Sorry my reviewer. That means the prize is up is still up for grabs. The chapter e-mailed to you in advance. So lets try this again.
Who can guess what jutsus my older brother and I were discussing when the idea for this story came up?
Now the second chapter.
Edited- 11/20/09
Chapter 2- How the Hells did this happen?
How in all the levels of Hell did he, the Great Demon Lord of the Fox Tribe, get sealed inside a, no this blond, being that didn't deserve the title of brat? Try why did he get sealed into an apathetic evil genius in the making? He raved inside the cage that was the kid's mind. His life just was fucked up in ways that only the Gods could manage. So how did it get screwed up to that level?
Easy, he answer himself, the Gods collected their due. Now he was stuck in a position to where he couldn't finish his task. Knowing the Gods and Destiny, -not Fate- they had a couple of back-up plans. The continuation of the universe sort of depended on it. As Gods were fundamental parts of the universe, they were saving their own asses. They would implement them. And not care at the cost. Kyuubi wondered how much they would fuck up the world. It had been remade at least once that he knew of, gone through several mass extinctions, which pissed off 'Mother Earth' the collective big bitch of all the smaller Earth gods and goddesses. Delegation was everywhere now, he blamed Nessy.
As Kyuubi had learned by reflection, and contemplation, Fate was a bitch. Destiny was a bigger one. Necessity, often called Nessy, was probably the worst one of the three. If Nessy said you had to get in an accident and hurt your legs, Destiny made sure it would happen, and then if by some strange phenomenon, a.k.a. Lady Luck, or some small God or Goddess of Chaos, and if it didn't happen, Fate would then step in and make it happen, and typically in a worse fashion for whoever. Say you were supposed to sprain your ankle, and by some stroke of luck you didn't, Fate would make you fall down the stairs and break a leg and maybe a rib or two and give you a nasty headache while at it.
Somehow in a way that his Liege Lady, a.k.a. a Goddess who he owed a favor to, subtly circumvented his questions about how a group of mortals, could influence the balance and thus the fate of the Universe.
Her answer was like this, "Well, see this family lives in this Village. I think its called Konoha-kurga. Or something like that. Anyway, this family, I forget their name. Mortals don't live long enough for me to remember it, and I don't really socialize all that much with them. Shine-san does enough of that. Point is that, this family needs to be killed. I've already got a deal set up with Shinigami-chan, to where Shine-san will take their souls, -Shinigami-chan and not some summer Shinigami- and put them in lock-up. No forgetful fountain, no reincarnation, no way back into the mortal realm ever. Going on, if we don't, this family will gain a bunch of power, and tip the scales of balance, then this power they've accumulated will eventually shift, most likely towards evil, and the death magics, which will go and be the death of the world."
When he asked why not the entire race of humans, his answer was this.
"Sorry no can do. The Earth Mother is mad enough. I mean, if we did that would make like the seventh or eighth time we re-created humanity. She's just might get pissed enough to scrap them entirely. Then we would get bored without humans to entertain us. We might just have to go to plan P. Pandas! Maybe after a few tries we could get them worship us. It only took us three tries to get them to the current cuteness level. Although my brother would get mad. He likes bunnies better. I think he managed to get a colony of those super-bunnies to live in that place, as like a civilization."
Current cuteness level? Had he really once thought that all Goddess would be mature?
"Hey! Don't you dare make fun of me! I can spread your ashes on the wind."
What ashes? I am a mass of swirling energy with intelligence. I could be anything. A mouse even. I just like the fox's form. It's what s/he was used to.
"I am so going to turn you into a mouse later. After you finish this task."
Can I be a cute mouse with a Mohawk, and could I breathe fire?
"No, last time I let you do that I was grounded for like a century. The Dragon peoples still are mad at us."
So how will I know which family to kill?
"Well they look like...."
Hence how he went and got screwed. It was supposed to be easy. However what he didn't expect was what happened next.
Everyone and their third cousin-twice removed, knew what happened next. A blond man with a white cape -he somehow sensed Irony coming into play with the White Knight Theme Thingy there- holding a baby who was also blond, on a giant Yakuza frog, went and sealed him away. Yep, His life was fucked up. At least with what he was able to do before the seal shut him off he was able to escape boredom somewhat. In truth it was like watching a movie in surround-sound, with other benefits. Such as smell. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact he'd tied his senses in with the kid's. There was also the fact that when humans were around age ten or so is when their sense of smell was sharpest. The kid wasn't ten yet but due to the 'sense chains' as Kyuubi had dubbed them, continually channeled information on the small energy flow he had running through it, had sharped his senses to where it was impossible to sneak up on him. Not that, that was really the case, the kid was unaware. The demon inside him wasn't.
A while back the Kyuubi had figured something out. The stupid seal imposed restrictions on him as soon as he thought about it. Hence why his 'desprete' gamble, or if he was feeling particularly truthful, his whim, for having access to his senses worked while the entire 'force-grow the kid and kick some ass' plan didn't. In fact the seal, as he'd come to know was partially sentient. It also had access to his thoughts. SO any plans he came up would be null and void. Spur of the moment things he could do. Like the 'sense chains.' The damn seal actually slowed the kid's growth rate down. Using HIS CHAKRA!
The 'Big Blondie on Giant Frog' who did this to him, if he wasn't already in Shinigami-sama's belly for all eternity, would have to deal with a very pissed fox demon, who grudgingly respected him. The guy had to be genius. Or crazy. It seemed the same thing to him. Wasn't there a phrase about it only being measured by success or something like that?
The Kyuubi bored with deep thinking went and closed his eyes. Now he could see out the kid's eyes. The kid had a really stupid name. Oh, what was it? Naruto? He really didn't care. He went to go and relieve some boredom. The place was so boring and one can only sleep and stare at his surroundings for so long.
In the Hokage's Office.
"So why are you here?" The old Hokage asked from behind his desk, contently smoking on his pipe.
"Well," The lady ANBU said, clearly a little embarrassed. "Sir, You recall that you asked that ANBU with the ability to see chakra, or detect minute changes in it, to watch over the boy?"
The old Hokage nodded sagely. What she was saying was that it was mostly Uchiha and Hyuuga doing the guarding, mostly Hyuuga though because for some reason the female Hyuuga loved him. Her, he could understand, but the rest? It defied most logic and natural laws of the universe.
She went on. "Recently while I was watching him, I noticed that at times his chakra would flare slightly."
"That's perfectly normal for growing kids. It is always flaring like that in one way or another as they grow, so does their chakra. Its why a gennin's chakra control is typically so bad." He didn't have to tack on the rest of the explanation since she already knew.
"Its not his chakra that flares, sir."
The Hokage's pipe fell out of his mouth and it clattered on the floor. Bloody Hell, that pipe was a gift. He hoped it hadn't cracked or spilled tobacco everywhere.
"Explain." He said tersely while his 'God of Shinobi' persona came in force over his 'Grandfather/Professor' persona.
"It doesn't come at regular intervals, or anything, but, when it does, it's not all that noticeable. It's sort of- it blends into the boy's regular chakra. Sort of like it's hard to see stains on clothes that are close to the same color. It just blends in really well. Like finding the brown dust on brown pants. There are slight variances in the chakra shading, making it a bit darker than normal.
"When this does happen his senses tend to become more acute than they already are."
"How do you know this?" The old man asked readjusting his pipe which had been collected from the floor, which had miraculously kept all tobacco in it after the rough landing.
"I swear that he knows we're there."
The Hokage lifted an eyebrow.
"He gives this strange look, at or near where we are. You know where you think you see something strange but it really is normal."
"You sure you're not a bit paranoid."
"Not when he goes and talks."
"Talks?"
"You know how I reported to you a while back that while not anti-social, he does have a tendency to avoid loud noises, and some other distracting things? He gets along better with his caretakers. The kid's got a nice vocabulary for his age."
Knowing ANBU like the Hokage did, that meant several things. Each of them with their own set of problems. Double Hell. Just imaging the amount of paperwork the kid could cause was staggering.
"I also reported a while back, that the kid is a genius with art."
Sarutobi nodded. He remembered the picture the kid had drawn on an entire wall. In very good detail. Until you noticed two things. Two very disturbing things. One, the point of view. It was if you were coming in over the wall in the south-west. Two, the picture the kid drew was of Konoha, exactly as it was, -minus people, because he quote, "Can't ever get peoples right."- the day of the Kyuubi attack. About four and a half years ago.
He felt guiltily about not honoring a dead man's wishes but seeing some of the looks the clan head's and some prominent and 'Honored and Praise-Worthy' upstanding citizens gave the boy, he didn't. It did keep a lot of potential problems from coming to surface. Like treason and assassins and riots and mobs. That would have been Hell on the kid to know that he caused all of this trouble.
Hiding the boy from the citizens of Konoha was easy. From ninjas, while not as easy, many had never seen the kid, thus allowing some amity. Hiding the boy from Danzo, was a whole different ball game. Danzo continued to press that he was a threat. Stirring people up. He was pretty sure that if he gather up all the inflamed 'citizen's' letters he would have enough to recycle enough paper, as toilet paper, to last the offices in the Hokage tower for a year or three.
"Point." Sarutobi said, wanting to relax for a bit.
"At one time the kid went and asked, "What do ya think?" He had just done another of his wall drawings, that he was planning on painting. There was an ANBU in the room at the time."
"Are you sure he doesn't have an imaginary friend? Since all the other toddlers are loud and he likes the quiet as you said, he could just make a friend up. He doesn't lack the talent for it."
"Thanks Hokage-sama. I hadn't thought of that, maybe I was just antsy. Seeing that wall everyday is sort of disturbing. You see something new every time you look at it."
"What's new?"
"Some interesting graffiti. A water tower or two, a few new trees."
That was the end of that discussion. Still left him feeling like he' been put in a Lukewarm Hell though and then wrung out through one of those old fashion warsh-tubs..
With Naruto
He was frustrated. It just wouldn't work. It didn't look right. With a sigh he mumbled, "Hell, this one is even worse than my earlier one."
He compared the piece of paper to another one, and a third and fourth one. They all got the same critic. They quite frankly sucked in his opinion. To anyone else seeing a kid younger than five who drew better than stick figures of the typical seven year old. Hell, he drew better than most adults.
People were to him, unattainable. He just couldn't get it right. People were complicated, often unnecessarily so. They liked making everything difficult it seemed like.
Then he felt what he called the 'twitch' come over him. He felt a twitch in his side on his lower back. Then everything became clearer. Like he was looking underwater before, and now everything was clearer, and sharper.
Everything was also louder and more pungent now. If he wasn't careful he'd wind up with a monster migraine of mammoth proportions. However it had its advantages. He could now see his friend. The 'Summer Shinigami' as he had called himself. He had to feel pain to see the guy, but pain was pretty temporary for him so they didn't get to spend as much time as they'd like together.
"Yo." Said the 'Summer Shinigami.' He as per usual had his death mask, a rather frightening creation, with an anguished, tortured and bleeding face and horns, pushed up and to the side. His dark teal hair with the odd strands of algea green and purple was in a controlled messy flop around his face. His huge, glowing aquamarine eyes blinked. Just not in the normal way. He had said it was a benefit of being part kappa. A thin membrane, -the third eyelid-, slid back up. He was dressed in a fashion many would call sloppy, but in the slightly controlled sloppiness. Under the typical garb of his job. If Naruto had ever met and remember the toad sennin he would say their outfits looked remarkably similar. His reaping weapon was one typical among kappas as his friend had explained. He also had the ceremonial scythe too.
Naruto glared at him. The kappa sighed. "Well now you finally notice that I'm here." The sloppy dude said sounding all angsty. He got up to his feet. "You the only being, in this miserable wretched excuse of a 'village' are the only one who can see me. Much less hear me." He threw his hands in the air, for dramatics and effect, before an overly exaggerated suffering sigh. "And then you ignore me." He whined. He got all teary-eyed, and then got in Naruto's face. "You ignore me!" He turned around, so his back was facing the kid. "IGNORE ME!" He yelled dramatically. He then went moped dramatically in the corner.
Naruto's 'friend' had a flair for the dramatics. He said that he got that from his Mom. He didn't press further. The guy was strange enough. Friendly though. Said he had the most boring job in the world. Naruto didn't see how. You got to take people's souls, for Kami's sake. Hell, that even beat being a shinobi.
What Naruto didn't know was that Danzo had finally found him. He would make Naruto's life for the next few years a living Hell.
(A/N; I so need to update more often. And its not like I don't have this planned out. I do. It's just the fact that I hate typing. I do not peck at the keys. In fact I can write about forty-five words a minute. I just don't like typing.
Back to the planning thing. I've got this wrote out to chapter seven. Planned all the way through. Somewhat. Leaving some room for changes. Typed? Since Thanksgiving is here and I'm going to be pressed into slave labor in the kitchen I'll update. I will likely not in the next couple of weeks since I will inevitably burn my hand. -Look at the author's note above-
As for my Shika story, since he showed up in my pre-calculus notebook (doodle form. My notebook is lousy with them. It's a wonder I pass. Much less have a 95 in there. There are only two pages of notes not covered Totally in doodles. ^;^) I got over my writer's block. I will update on that as soon as I have it typed out. Which might take a while. I have to kick me little brother off the computer. Then I have to motivate myself to type. I loathe typing.
There's also my reading fix which depending on what I'm reading, can last as much as nine hours. It really sucks when its on the computer. I forget to blink. I tweak without my reading fix. Ask my brothers. I get -violent, doesn't describe it.
Still, offer still stands. Guess the jutsu(s) my older brother and I were discussing and you'll get an advanced edition of the story.
Also, see how many times the word hell was used in this story. I wonder how many people caught my references to different games? Tell me which ones. If you can.
