Shinobi's Guide 2: Bored Teenagers
Part Two: Incendiary
By Kaori
You know how, in the movies, when a character is faced with a question of morality he is presented with two anthropomorphic personifications of good and evil to help him make a decision? Yeah, well Kiba didn't get those today; he got Shino and Naruto instead.
"Come on Kiba! You don't want to spend the day doing the same thing you did last week do you?" wheedled the blonde. "You're only young once, you know!"
The two had been arguing back and forth over whether or not Kiba should accompany Naruto on his quest to annoy and humiliate the village population for shits and giggles.
"This sort of activity is not conducive to becoming a productive member of the shinobi community." Shino said. "Your time would be best spent making yourself a better ninja."
"How can you say that when most of our jobs involves sneaking around in places we're not supposed to be, doing stuff that we're not supposed to do?" countered Naruto. "This is the most conductive thing you could be doing!"
"What you're proposing is delinquency."
"What I'm proposing is fun! If you don't want to help that's your business but Kiba can make up his own mind."
Kiba was markedly impressed that Naruto had been able to out-logic Shino. And of course, being a normal teenage boy (ninja training aside) he made the only logical choice…
"Let's go Naruto."
Once they were both outside and a considerable distance away, Kiba asked the inevitable question "Where are we going?"
"We're going to get some sake." Naruto replied as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.
"We're not old enough to drink."
"I never said we were going to drink it."
"Then just what are we going to do with it?"
As an answer, Kiba was treated to one of Naruto's infamous fox grins.
(The authoress would like to kindly ask *again* that none of you try any of what you are about to read at home. The authoress claims no responsibility for anyone foolhardy enough to ignore the aforementioned warning. Once again, DO NOT try this at home…or anywhere else for that matter! I know how some of you think.)
Acquiring said alcoholic beverage had not been easy. Naruto used his Oiroke no Jutsu to distract the shopkeeper while Kiba ran inside and "borrowed" a barrel of sake.
"Okay, we've got the booze now what are going to do with it?" Kiba asked.
"Later, next we need a big bag of flour."
"Flour?"
A quick raid on the Inuzuka pantry later and the two boys were in possession of a hundred pound bag of flour. Once again Kiba asked what they were going to do with it and once more Naruto didn't answer, instead telling him that they needed to stop by the blonde's apartment to pick up some rope.
After that detour, Kiba followed Naruto (now more out of pure curiosity) to a small shed near one of the training grounds.
"Now will you tell me what all of this stuff is for?" Kiba was starting to get annoyed. Naruto opened the barrel of sake and stuffed the rope inside before turning to his companion.
"Not exactly. What I need you to do is…"
Hatake Kakashi was enjoying himself immensely. It seemed like he would have a whole week of doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and reading Icha Icha Paradise cover to cover without interruptions. Well two out of three isn't so bad…
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
The battle cry was the only warning he got before a blur of orange snatched his precious reading material from his hands.
"SCORE!" cheered Naruto, running away like the devil himself was coming after him. Perfectly justifiable behavior; Kakashi may not be The Devil but to some people he was the next best thing.
"NAAAARUUUUTOOOOO!" roared the jounin, immediately giving chase.
"You shouldn't read this stuff too much sensei you'll go blind!" Naruto taunted, waving the book he was clutching above his head. "Maybe I'll just destroy it! Can't have you losing sight in the only eye you can use normally can we?"
"Don't you dare!"
Now it's true that Naruto is a genin and Kakashi is a jounin, and that there's no way he should be able to outrun the older man but let's not forget that this is a boy that made it a habit of vandalizing the Hokage monument and antagonizing the Godaime. Running away from people out to beat the hell out of him is something he excels at. It also helped that today's pursuer was mad enough to spit fire. All he had to do was keep antagonizing him until he got to his destination and revenge would be his. He opened the book and started ripping out the pages.
Kakashi saw red.
Several miles up the road, Kiba was sitting in the bushes about twenty feet from the shed with a cigarette lighter waiting for Naruto to come back. The blonde's instructions had been rather vague, basically wait until he came back and have the lighter ready. He didn't have to wait long.
Naruto, looking absolutely terrified came barreling down the road with his jounin sensei hot on his heels. Kakashi was doing a very good impression of an angry god and Kiba was debating whether or not he should stick around.
Quick as a lightning strike, Naruto threw a book into the shed. Kakashi, ignored the blonde and dove in after it a cloud of white smoke suddenly erupting from the shed. The jinchuriki didn't waste a second and slammed the shed door shut.
"LIGHT THE ROPE KIBA!" he screamed, diving into the bushes next to the Inuzuka. The other boy, too shocked to even think, did as he was told. "THIS IS REVENGE FOR MY ASS SENSEI (1)!"
TSSSSSSS…..KABOOOM! The shed went up in flames and smoke.
"Tell me we didn't just blow up your sensei." Muttered Kiba.
"If it makes you feel better, sure. We didn't just blow up my sensei." Naruto deadpanned. Of course this is an outright lie proven when the smoke cleared to reveal a singed Kakashi in the middle of the rubble.
"WHAT THE HELL, NARUTO?" Kiba grabbed the other boy and put him into a headlock and proceeded to strangle him.
"Erk…it was revenge…revenge!" croaked out Naruto.
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"Grargh…let me go you idiot!" POOF. The Naruto Kiba was holding dissipated into smoke.
"Kage bunshins. Such useful things…."
Kiba whirled around to spot Naruto sitting under a nearby tree flipping through Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise. The dog-user blinked.
"Didn't you blow that up with Kakashi-sensei?"
"And have him really want to kill me?" snorted Naruto. "No, I just threw one of my old textbooks in there." He closed the book and stood up.
"And you weren't worried that the explosion would kill your sensei?"
"Nah, it'll take more than that to kill Kakashi-sensei. Come on, let's get some ramen all that running around made me hungry."
As the teenagers left they didn't even give a thought to the older man sitting in the middle of a smoking pile of rubble staring at a burned copy of Beginner's Chakra Control.
Things bored teenagers do #1: set things on fire and / or blow things up. A rope soaked in alcohol acts as a fuse. Slamming into the flour bag releases the contents into the air. Fire + flour = explosive burnination!
1) I feel Naruto never really got even with Kakashi for the uber-kancho that is Sennen Goroshi. Blowing him up may or may not have been overkill...
