Gorilla Meets World

AN – What happens when Emmett decides to go to the mall dressed as a gorilla? Havoc of course! The first in a new series of small mall stories! This story is in Emmett's POV obviously. Enjoy! Oh and this is before Twilight and they aren't in Forks yet.

I was raiding the house, looking for something to do – eternity could be so boring! – and I ended up looking in the back cupboard. There was lots of junk in the back cupboard, not even Alice dared to look in there, but I found myself rummaging in there, looking for something to entertain me. Then I came across something worthy of a chortling, echoing laugh. My old Halloween costume! I once convinced Alice we should have a Halloween party, and stupidly she let me choose the costume. I can remember finding it, just hanging there in the store window, just waiting for me to come along and wear it. Apart from the party didn't go so well. I hid in the forest and as people were coming up to the drive I jumped out and scared them. What no one decided to tell me however was that the oldest man in town was coming by, and I jumped out and gave him a heart attack. Carlisle literally had to call the ambulance and resuscitate him himself. But in the end he was still on life support, and everyone just happened to decide it was my fault (it was their fault for not telling me! That's why we have someone who can see the future in this family, to make sure this doesn't happen!) and we had to move. Rosa wasn't happy about it, she broke my Xbox and all my games! Then I told her that what she had just done was unnecessarily harsh – mistake! – and she destroyed all my other games. Then Jasper and Edward weren't happy with me either because we used to play those games all day. So guess who had to buy them all? Me. Life isn't fair. That's what I announced in a family meeting just after we had finished packing. I could've taken a picture of their reactions then. Carlisle held his head in his hands, Rosalie, Esme and Alice glared at me for several hours (I forgot about their pasts, human's can make mistakes but apparently vampires can't – how humanist) then Edward and Jasper shoved me out the door and beat me up. Well they tried. No one can defeat the mighty Emmett! Because I'm the best. But I'm getting off subject. Basically, I found the gorilla costume and grabbed it, putting it on immediately in mine and Rose's room. Luckily the girls were out at the mall and Carlisle, Edward and Jasper had gone hunting. It was just me in the house. Suddenly, thinking about the girls, I had a stroke of genius. Why didn't I go to the mall as a gorilla. It was brilliant! Humans love a good joke! And their faces... That solves it, I was going to the mall. I jumped out the door (literally, I will have to fix it later, and face the wrath of Esme) and got in my Jeep. At least it is quite big, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to fit in it. I would have had no chance in Alice's Porsche or Rosalie's M3. I was just about to set off, when I had another stroke of genius (I was on a roll today!). I ran out of the Jeep and went to Edward's room, rushing around and chucking everything in the wardrobe to the floor – another thing I need to do later, pick everything up, or face the wrath of Edward! – until I found his video camera. I took it out of the protective casing and read a sticker inside:

PROPERTY OF EDWARD. NO ONE IS TO USE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION (THAT MEANS YOU EMMETT!)

But that wouldn't do. So what I read was this:

PROPERTY OF EDWARD. ANYONE CAN USE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION (THAT MEANS YOU EMMETT, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!)

Edward was such a softie, I was pretty sure he was gay. Declaring his love to me on stickers? He has issues. Even though I knew this wasn't actually the case I decided to play along. Hell, maybe he was even listening. I love you too Edward! Let's hope he doesn't tell Rosalie about that, she would kill me... or worse, break my games again. I've still not fully forgiven her for that but, Rose has a way of being persuasive... By now I was at the Jeep again, and grabbing my new camera in my gorilla suit clad hands, I managed to hide it in a huge jacket I was always kept in the back, it would make the gorilla thing much more funny if I was wearing a jacket too. Plus I wanted to watch people's reactions later. And with that, I was off to the mall!

I had already gotten a few funny looks driving up here. While I was waiting at the traffic lights with the windows down, the person next to me also put his windows down and asked me where I was coming from. I told him the zoo and he laughed. I threw a banana I had found in the back seat (I have no idea where that came from) and it dented his Porsche. Then he cried. But no sooner had he started sobbing and saying something about how his wife was going to kill him, I had sped off, excited to spread more pandemonium (reading Edward's dictionaries is always fun) in the human world. Getting out of my vehicle, I started walking casually towards the mall. I was getting people staring after me, oh yes! When I finally entered the mall, it felt like the whole mall stopped and stared. It was quiet, so quiet, as if everyone just stopped talking to look. Damn, I wish I had a trilby! That would have been so cool, I could have tipped my hat to them! Oh, remembering one of my better ideas – the camera – I clicked record and hid it in my pocket, but where it would still be able to see everyone's reactions. This was priceless. Now, to make it even better. For everyone who stared, I would say morning to them. They would look bewildered and then quickly move on, looking behind them at me constantly. I would meet there stares sometimes, then they would practically run to the nearest elevator. I was half way through my 'tour' of the mall (I hadn't gone into any stores yet, I would save that for my way back) when I said morning to this guy. Unexpectedly, he walked straight up to me, and corrected me, saying it was actually morning. I could guess this guy was quite arrogant, he was wearing what I figured to be an Armani suit (too many years being dragged shopping with Alice), was wearing posh glasses and a smug mood radiating off him, and you didn't need to be Jasper to know it. I decided to give this guy a fright, so I walked straight up to him, closing the cautious gap between us, and said:

"Is it, really?" Heavy on the sarcasm. I assumed he would run off after this, but he stayed exactly where he was. A crowd was gathering around us, just waiting for an argument, I could see it in my peripheries. I locked eyes with the guy and he looked back, steely eyed, confident. He wasn't going anywhere. Perfect!

"Yes. If you look at a clock it is 1:20PM, so obviously afternoon" he smiled, even more smug now, and he looked down at his shiny quartz watch.

"I never said I was saying morning for this region did I? I could have been talking about China for all you know" he looked momentarily confused, then got over it, choosing the 'logical' route. I hate the logical route, it's boring. Exactly what I was trying to avoid.

"Yes, but if you haven't noticed, we are in America. People tend to use the right greeting for whatever country they are situated in" his jaw rose stubbornly, and the crowd was growing, getting pumped for a fight. Emmett was surprised security hadn't shown up yet. They will get here, eventually. They might even be watching!

"How unoriginal is that though? Why don't you try being unique for once, and not just act like everyone else" I could be stubborn too.

"What should we all dress up like apes and make a fool of ourselves in public?" He asked indignantly.

"Well obviously not, that would defeat the point of being original if we all did it. And I'm a gorilla actually, not an ape, read a book for once" I couldn't remember the last time I read a book, I preferred magazines, and even then I just flick through, but correcting a smart ass like him made me feel proud. A few people in the back cheered for me. That made me smile more.

"It's the same thing!" he cried disgustedly, a few other people cheering him on. It was a war now! A war for popularity!

"No, it's not. Haven't you ever seen the Discovery Channel. Maybe you should read a book, then get cable. Or if your too poor to do that, just go back to school" this guy obviously wasn't poor, his suit showed that, but I could tell he liked flashing his money. And calling him poor had got him angry. Brilliant!

"That's rich, coming from the 'person' who has practically stepped out of Tarzan" he snorted, and a few more people than before laughed too.

"Who the hell is Tarzan?" Emmett's hands rose and his palms turned up, completely confused as to who he was talking about.

"The ape man who wears a loin cloth" he snorted again, as if he was stupid for not knowing this. No one implied Emmett is stupid!

"You hang out with ape men who wear loin cloths? Dude, you need to get out" nearly everyone in the crowd was laughing now, while the man tried to stutter that he didn't hang around with ape men. It didn't matter, the damage was done.

"I bet this is the best thing that has happened to your social life in a while, so rather than being an excited rant in your diary back at home, I'm going to go. An ape's got better things to do!" I waved back to his astonished face and the crowd parted easily for me, cheering, and soon I had an entourage of people following me around the mall. I doubled back, collecting more people along the way – it was like a parade now! – and went to some shops. I didn't even have to pay, other people did for me! Humans were so generous. I got a trilby, a tie and a flag, which I waved up and down as leader of the line, and it really was a parade now! Leading everyone out into the street, we marched all the way down Main Street and people were practically begging for photos with me. I even got in the local news! I was so watching that later! But it was getting dark, and my family were probably pretty pissed with me back home, so after running away (at a little faster than human speed) from the mob I quickly ditched the ape costume in favour of what little clothing I had underneath, and darted all the way back home. I only slowed down when I got back to the house, where everyone was waiting for me. They looked angry.

"Hey guys!" I was still upbeat about everything that had happened today, it had been amazing!

"Emmett, what did you do?" Was Edward's snappy reply. My eyebrows creased in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Act innocent, they'll never suspect it was you...

"You insulted the mayor!" Rosalie shouted, throwing a pillow at him, hard. Though it didn't hurt, it was just a pillow, but Jasper looked pretty tense, and that was never good for 'emotional climate' as Edward always said.

"No I didn't!" I had insulted someone, but it wasn't the mayor!

"It was on the news!" Alice flicked on the TV and sure enough, there was the guy Emmett had argued with, giving an interview with a label under it that read : Mayor. Of course what Emmett read was: Asshole.

"Well they don't know it was me!" I need to defend myself. I'm not having Rose mad at me again.

"But they will. The only chance we have of espacing the embarrassment and possible consequences is if we move before this gets out" Carlisle said. The rest of them sighed unhappily. But wait! What about my fans! My parade! I couldn't leave them!

"No, there must be some other way-" Carlisle cut me off, which would have seemed rude if it wasn't Carlisle speaking. He was never rude.

"No. Pack your stuff up and we will leave in the morning" they all started dispersing, throwing glares at Emmett. He moved back into the questioning position he was in earlier today, when he was trying to figure out who the hell Tarzan was. Maybe he should Google him...Maybe he had a Facebook! I can feel a friend request coming...From upstairs Edward snorted, but it wasn't a happy sound.

"Tarzan is a fictional character Emmett" he sighed. Life just wasn't fair. Suddenly a book ploughed into him from the stairs. He heard Edward's retreating voice.

"I heard that" he said before going back to his room. Where should they go then? Emmett, having nothing to do, and being bored again, looked over the map that Carlisle was scanning. He got a fork out the drawer in the kitchen which they never used and closed his eyes. He circled the fork around the map of America before stabbing somewhere. He opened his eyes, and he and Carlisle looked at the location.

"Forks?" Carlisle quickly leaped onto the computer and searched Forks into Google.

"Wettest place on the continental US..." Carlisle mumbled. I shoved my head up in the air. Yeah! Emmett rules!

"No, he doesn't" Edward answered drearily from upstairs.

"Shut up, Edward. Hey, everyone!" He looked to Carlisle for confirmation and he nodded. "The Cullen's are moving to Forks!"

AN – So, that's the real reason the Cullen's came to Forks. So Edward owes Emmett. Majorly. The next one will be up soon! Oh and also sorry if the brackets and dashes were annoying sometimes, I just imagine that Emmett is the type of person who gets distracted – very easily. Review please, it would brighten my day!