Fandom: The New Avengers
Timeline: some time during the series
Rated: T
Type: Humour with some action
Cast: Purdey, Gambit, Victor
Summary: Victor wants to marry Purdey. But Purdey doesn't want to marry Victor. So what does Victor do?
Disclaimer: The only thing here that's mine is the story idea - well, and Victor, maybe. Everything else belongs to those wonderful chaps who came up with the Avengers and the New Avengers, Sydney Newman and Brian Clemens.

"I told you she wouldn't play along." Gambit looked up at Victor who only glared back at him. "How often did her phone ring already? Ten times? Fifteen?"
Victor hit him again, with his free hand. In the other one, he was still holding the receiver.
Gambit's head flew back. The metallic taste of blood flooded his mouth. "You know Purdey won't like this if she finds out. She hates her friends to get hurt."
Victor hung up.
"You'll not only get hurt if I don't reach her", he said, "I'll send you back to her in bits and pieces."
Gambit raised his eyebrows. "Oh, will you?"
Not that he didn't think this nutcase before him would not be capable of doing it. But the longer he kept him talking, the more time Purdey had to find him. That was what she was doing right now - if he wasn't completely mistaken. It irked him to admit it but unfortunately, waiting for Purdey to come to the rescue was all he could do. Oh well, and why not? He had come to her rescue often enough, after all. About time she repaid the favour...
Victor picked up the phone again. "Yes, I will. And I'll start right now if she doesn't answer the phone."
The look in his eyes as he said it made Gambit start to feel just a little anxious.

***
Purdey was staring at the phone. She had just come running in when it had rung and decided not to answer. She didn't want Victor to know that she had been in a hurry just because of him. If she wanted to keep the upper hand he mustn't know she was starting to worry just a bit. She waited for the phone to ring again. When it did, she waited some more - one, two, three, four rings - and then answered.
"Yes?"
"Where were you?" It was Victor.
"Out. Shopping."
"You were shopping?" He voiced in disbelief.
"Yes", Purdey said.
"Aren't you worried about what I might do to your friend Mike Gambit?"
"No."
"No?"
"No. You don't have him." Purdey tried to sound as calm as possible. Her mind was racing, though. She had to play for time, keep him from doing anything nasty to Gambit before Geoff got back at her about the house.
"I assure you that I do have Mike Gambit here", Victor said. He sounded a little impatient now.
"Then let me talk to him", she demanded, "how do I know he's still alive?"
There were muffled sounds, then, "Purdey?" Gambit's voice. "You better do what he says, Purdey. He's as mad as a hatter."
Purdey gave a small sigh of relief. Gambit's voice sounded quite normal. If he could talk like that, he was alright.
"You know, Gambit, I've always wondered what's so particularly mad about a hatter …"
More muffled sounds. Then Gambit again. "He says that if you don't cooperate, he'll send me back to you in bits and pieces."
"A Mike Gambit assembly kit. How neat."
"I knew you would -"
Gambit was cut off. Victor spoke again. "You've heard enough. For the time being, he's fine and still in one piece, but if you don't do as I tell you -"
"Yes, I got that part. I'm not stupid."
"Very well. I want you to -"
"Hey! Don't I get time to think about it?" Purdey protested.
"Think about it?" Once more Victor sounded like he didn't trust his ears. "What's there to think about?"
"Well, whether I like Gambit enough to marry you and thus save his life, of course."
"You've had several hours to think since you got my letter!" Victor was almost shouting.
"Now, Victor, be fair. I only found out just now that you really have Gambit. Give me some time to make up my mind."
"One hour. You have one hour."
"I guess you'll call me again," Purdey said. But Victor had already hung up.

***
"Things not going as planned, huh?" Gambit asked.
Victor spun round at him. "You - just shut up! It's all your fault!"
Gambit raised his eyebrows. "No, it isn't. That's Purdey, you know? One day, you're best friends and the next, she doesn't know you anymore."
"I said shut up!"
Another hit. Gambit blinked and shook his head. "Anyone ever told you you've got a punch like a mule?"
"I wonder whether you'll still sound so brave when I start cutting you to pieces, Mr. Gambit. Yes, I really do." Victor circled him, looking down on him. "I think I'll start with your fingers."
Gambit looked up at him. "It would be nice if you could start with the left hand. I'm right-handed, you see, and Purdey might change her mind after the second or third finger she receives."
His level of anxiety was going up a notch. This guy really meant it. He knew Purdey would find him - he just wasn't so sure anymore if she would find him in time.

***
Purdey paced before the phone. One hour. If Geoff didn't call her within that hour, she would have to think of something else. She would have preferred to take Victor by surprise, just pop up at his house. But maybe, it was time to come up with plan B - just in case. She glanced at her watch. Ten minutes since Victor had called. Time seemed to crawl. She sat down on the sofa but almost immediately got up again and resumed her pacing.
Plan B. Play along. Do everything Victor told her to do until she finally was face to face with him. And then, act quickly and according to the situation she found. Maybe she should try to reach Steed after all? It would be easier with another person sneaking in from behind, while Victor's attention was fixed on her. No. She could handle this alone. Couldn't she? Mad as a hatter, Gambit had said. Capable of anything, that meant, and unpredictable, at least to a certain degree.
Purdey glanced at the watch again. Fifteen minutes.
"Come on, Geoff, what's taking you so long?" she murmured.
Two more precious minutes ticked by, then the phone rang. Purdey jumped and grabbed the receiver, and in her nervousness she almost dropped it.
"Yes?"
"Purdey?" It was Geoff. "I have your cottage."
He gave her an address.
Purdey frowned. "Where's that?"
"Roughly an hour out of London, to the west."
"An hour." Purdey looked at the watch again. She had forty minutes till Victor would call again.
"Thanks, Geoff. I really appreciate your help. But I have to go - sorry, I'm in a bit of a hurry."
"Dinner on Saturday - don't forget about that!"
"Of course not."
Purdey hung up and hurried to her car, parked across the street. She didn't bother to lock up her flat. Let them break in if they wanted to and take everything - it didn't matter now. All that mattered was getting to that cottage as fast as she could.

Ignoring all the red traffic-lights, and pushing her car right to the limit, it took Purdey exactly forty-nine minutes to reach the house. She parked the car just out of sight and proceeded on foot. It wouldn't be easy to avoid being seen, even though there were some things she could use for cover - the lilac and the tree. And Victor's car. She prayed that she would arrive before Victor decided to keep his word and started taking Gambit apart, bit by bit.

***
"I told you she wouldn't play along," Gambit said when Victor had tried in vain to reach Purdey on the phone for the third time.
"But she must," Victor insisted, "She likes you - I saw how much she likes you when you left the party. She has to try to save you."
Silently, Gambit agreed. Purdey was definitely trying to save him - only in another way than Victor thought. Most likely, she had managed to find out where he was being kept and was already on her way here. At least, he hoped so. Victor, who had looked a little lost just a moment ago, suddenly straightened.
"Let's see if she doesn't change her mind when I send her one of your fingers," he said.
There was something distinctly crazed in his eyes now. Gambit watched him leave for the kitchen. He couldn't see him anymore but he could hear him throwing open drawers. A sound from the window caught his attention and he turned his head in its direction. It was Purdey, knocking at the glass and waving at him. Gambit gestured at the kitchen with his chin.
"Victor?" Purdey mouthed.
He nodded. She gave him the OK-sign and ducked out of sight. Gambit gave a small sigh of relief. Purdey was here. Now he only had to keep Victor from starting to work on his fingers till she was in the house. That shouldn't be all that difficult, he thought to himself.

***
Purdey slowly moved along the wall to the back of the house. If at all possible, she wanted to avoid shooting the mad man. Of course, in an emergency, she would do so without hesitation. Gambit's life was at stake. But if it didn't come to that, all the better. A dead Victor would only raise questions she didn't feel like answering. She had to find a way into the house. She had already checked the front door. Massive oak. The backdoor might not be as sturdy, maybe she could kick it open.
When she reached the back of the house, however, there wasn't any back door. Through the window, she watched Victor fussing about in the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers. Suddenly, he stopped and lifted a large knife. One for cutting meat, the kind that would cut through bone. His eyes were gleaming as he looked at it, turning it this way and that. Then, he spun on his heel and left.
Purdey shuddered. She had to stop him. But how could she get in? She started to move again, to complete her circle around the house. When she had reached the front again, she stopped and looked at the tree. One of the branches almost reached one of the first-floor windows. It was closed - but that shouldn't be any problem. She stuffed the hem of her skirt up under her belt so that it wouldn't get in the way and started to climb.

***
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Gambit kept his gaze fixed on the large knife in Victor's hand.
Victor smiled. "Is your bravery leaving you, Mr. Gambit?"
"Oh no, not at all. I was just thinking about you. Your welfare. Purdey will be upset."
"I thought you said she didn't like you."
"No, what I said is that with her, you never know." Gambit tried to back away from the knife Victor was now pointing at him.
"I think that finger with the ring would do just fine", Victor said, "I'm sure Purdey will recognise both."
He slowly circled his prisoner. Gambit unconsciously balled his hands into tight fists. What on earth was Purdey doing? Why wasn't she bursting in to stop that maniac?
Suddenly, above their heads, he heard the sound of breaking glass. They both looked up. Victor grabbed Gambit from behind and put the knife against his throat.
"Who's there?" he called.

***
Purdey got up from the floor, brushing broken glass from her skirt and shaking it out of her hair.
"Who's there?" she heard someone call downstairs. Victor's voice.
Purdey took a moment to take a look at the room she had landed in. The walls, every last inch, were plastered with pictures. Pictures of her. Also, pictures of Judy and Bob from "Pleasantville" - only that someone had cut out her and Victor's face and glued them over Judy's and Bob's. There was also a wedding dress on a dress form that looked exactly like the one Judy had worn in the series. Purdey raised her eyebrows. "Looks like someone's got a little obsession here," she murmured.
"Come down at once!" Victor called.
"Very well."
Purdey once more straightened her skirt, left the room and made her way down to the ground floor.
"Purdey!" Gambit beamed at her when he saw her coming down the stairs.
Victor pressed the knife tighter against his throat.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"You wanted me to come. Here I am." Purdey slowly took the last few steps. "Move away from Gambit."
There was a steely edge to her voice. Gambit knew that tone. It told him that Purdey meant business. It obviously also told Victor something. Gambit could feel him flinch when Purdey spoke.
"Not - not like that. I wanted you to -"
"Put that knife down and let him go." Purdey stepped forward, one, two, three steps. "I'm not going to say it again, Victor."
"Stay away." Victor pressed the knife against Gambit's throat even tighter and this time, he drew a bead of blood. "Stay where you are or he's dead."
Purdey put her hands to her hips and took another step towards them. "I don't think so", she said.
Suddenly, she kicked out at Victor, a high kick that struck him square on the chin. He staggered back. Gambit winced and sucked in some air when the knife was sliced along his throat. It wasn't too deep a cut but it did draw more blood.
Purdey went after Victor and kicked him again a second and a third time, until he crumpled to the floor and wasn't moving anymore. Then, she turned towards Gambit, hands still on her hips.
She shook her head. "You look so silly."
Gambit grimaced up at her. "Nice to see you, too, Purdey. Now, could you please untie me?"
Purdey smiled. "But of course."
She tried to untie the knots and shook her head.
"No use - too tight. I'm afraid you will have to stay in that chair for the rest of your life."
"Purdey …"
She bent down to pick up the knife Victor had dropped when she had knocked him out. It lay on the floor, next to his hand. When she reached for it, he suddenly grabbed her wrist and half sat up.
"Purdey," he groaned.
She punched him in the face with the palm of her free hand and he went down again. "Naughty boy."
Finally picking up the knife, she cut the ropes, freeing Gambit from the chair. He got up and grabbed his bed sheets, clutching them to his chest. "Thank you so much."
Purdey just grinned at him, knife still in hand. "Mike Gambit you really do look exceptionally silly, you know?"
"I don't only LOOK silly." He kicked Victor's leg with his bare foot. "Kidnapped by a bloody amateur."
"How did he do it, anyway?" Purdey put the knife aside and picked up the cut rope, examining the pieces. Long enough for her purpose. She knelt down beside Victor and started to tie him up. "I do have a theory but I don't know if I'm right."
"Well, he woke me up in the middle of the night. Alright, not in the MIDDLE of the night but I couldn't have been sleeping for more than an hour. I let him in and when I turned my back on him to make some coffee, he -" Gambit broke up and frowned. "I don't know what it was but it didn't knock me out, so he used that bottle of Scotch on me."
Purdey nodded. "Thought so." She looked up at Gambit. "They're right, you know? Those who say that alcohol is bad for your health."
Finished with tying up Victor, she got up again and took a critical look at her handiwork. "Should hold for a while." She turned at Gambit. "Ready to go?"
Gambit took a likewise critical look at himself. "What, with blood all over me and my trousers smeared with - looks like grease. Whatever does that guy keep in his trunk?"
"A spare tyre, I'd say, judging from the pattern", Purdey said, "Just drape your sheets over it all and no one will notice." She stepped forward and started to arrange the sheets in a pseudo-Roman fashion. "Like this. Just pretend you're on your way to a costume party, dressed up as Mark Anthony."
"Mark Anthony?"
"Well, you don't really look like Julius Cesar. I could take some of the ivy outside and make you a substitute laurel wreath ..."
Gambit just gave her a look.
"No?"
"No, Purdey. Definitely no."
"Oh well. Try upstairs. I think I passed a bedroom on the way down. If you're lucky, there may be some clothes there. And a bathroom."
Gambit cast a doubting look at Victor. Then he shrugged. Anything was better than wearing bed sheets. "I'll be right back."

Purdey stayed with Victor. She looked down at him. He looked quite harmless, tied up and unconscious as he was. But she had seen that gleam in his eyes when he had threatened to kill Gambit. He had meant it. Mad as a hatter, Gambit quite rightly had pointed out. And with all those photos upstairs, she knew Victor would be after her again, unless she could get him locked up somehow.
She went over to the phone. Police? No. Better not get them involved. They would ask questions. And that would also get the Department involved. Gambit would never forgive her if word got out at the Department about him having been kidnapped by this village idiot. He, Mike Gambit, who prided himself that he wasn't taken by surprise easily.
"Phone book," Purdey murmured.
She opened it, leafed briskly through the pages and when she had found what she was looking for, dialled the number.
"Happyvale Sanatorium? This is -" She gave the cottage's address. "Could you please send someone over to pick up Mr. Victor Henderson? He seems to have some - err - severe emotional problems."
She listened for a while. "Well, just come by and take a look at the room upstairs - the one with the broken window. If you still have any doubts, then -"
She listened again. "No, there's no need to hurry." She turned to look at Victor. "I don't think he'll be going anywhere anytime soon."
Again, Purdey listened, then nodded and smiled. "Thank you very much."
She hung up before the man at the other end could ask her for her name. He probably thought it was she who was mad - but she didn't mind. As long as they came …

"What do you think?" Gambit came down the stairs, stuffing a chequered shirt into a pair of brown corduroys. He also had found an adhesive bandage to put on the cut on his throat.
"Honest answer?" Purdey took a step back and gave him a thorough look. "You should have stuck with the sheets. Didn't look half as daft."
"Ha, ha, very funny."
Both, shirt and trousers were at least one size too small for Gambit - and 50s-style.
Purdey chuckled. "You look like the Incredible Hulk, ready to burst his clothes."
"Go on like this and I might just turn into him," Gambit said.
"Promises, promises." Purdey turned at the door. "Are you ready to go now? I didn't lock my door."
Gambit pointed his chin at Victor. "What about him?"
"Oh, those nice people from the Happyvale Sanatorium will drop by later to pick him up."
"You think they'll keep him there?"
"They will when they see those photos." Purdey opened the door and was about to step out when Gambit stopped her by putting his hand on her arm.
"What photos?"
"He's got a room up there full of photos he took of me. Must have been watching me for years - there even was one with me and Larry and THAT was seven years ago." Purdey shook her head. "I'm still trying to make up my mind whether I'm angry, flattered or frightened."
"Watching you for years, you say?" Gambit looked horrified. "And Steed and I never noticed!"
"Of course not." Purdey looked back at Victor. "Look at him. Who would ever notice someone like Victor? Come on, Gambit, let's go home. As I said, I didn't lock my door …"

***
Steed knocked at Purdey's door.
"It's open!" she called.
Steed entered. He was greeted by the sight of Gambit sitting on the sofa and Purdey just finishing to put an adhesive bandage on his forehead.
Steed frowned. "What happened to you?"
Gambit opened his mouth to answer - and didn't say anything. He looked at Purdey. So did Steed.
"Close encounter with a bottle of Scotch," Purdey said, "Too close an encounter."
"I see." The look on Steed's face said that, in fact, he didn't.
Purdey turned to him. "I called Gambit. He didn't answer, so I went over to his place to see whether everything was alright. The door was open and the flat looked like a battlefield."
She put away the pair of scissors she had used to trim the bandage. "Someone crept up on me from behind, I grabbed the bottle of Scotch Gambit keeps by the door and - well, used it." She shrugged. "Turned out it was Gambit."
Steed looked at Gambit, still frowning.
Gambit, too, shrugged. "I should have known better," he said.
"Oh yes, definitely, Mike Gambit." Purdey put her hands to her hips. "I could really have hurt you."
"What do you mean, really? This really DOES hurt, you know?" Gambit rubbed his forehead.
"I know just the right thing to make you forget about it", Purdey said.
Gambit grinned up at her. "A nice big kiss?"
"A nice big mug of hot chocolate." She turned and went to the niche that held the kitchen.
Steed looked after her, then back at Gambit. Something was not being said here. His frown deepened. "What happened to your clothes?" he asked, pointing his brolly at Gambit.
"Oh, that." Gambit looked at his shirt. "Well-"
"The silly man did his own washing," Purdey said, "shrunk his clothes. I told him it would happen but he wouldn't listen."
Gambit shrugged.
"What about your throat?" Steed asked.
"Cut myself when I was shaving this morning."
Steed nodded. "I see."
Actually, he still didn't. But he had got the point. Whatever had really happened, these two didn't want to tell him. Well, it couldn't be important, really, or else they would have said something.
Purdey returned from the kitchen with a large steaming mug. She gave it to Gambit. "Careful, it's hot."
Gambit blew on the steaming liquid and took a sip. He coughed. "Purdey! What the hell did you put in this stuff?"
"Chocolate, of course."
"No, I mean - what else?" Gambit sniffed at the cup. "You could have warned me."
"Oh, that - not much. Just some vodka."
"SOME vodka? Smells like a whole bottle to me. There, taste it." Gambit held the mug out at Purdey.
She took a sip. "Just about right. That's how a Russian Chocolate is supposed to taste."
"Russian Chocolate?"
"Yes. That's what you call it. Now, drink it or leave it."
Gambit took another sip and then, decided to leave it.
Purdey turned her attention at Steed. "What can I do for you, Steed? Some chocolate, maybe?"
Steed shook his head. "No, thank you, I think I'd better skip the chocolate."
"Wise choice," Gambit said, "There's enough alcohol in this stuff to make you forget about everything, including your name and where you live. Just drink a mug and wait what happens."
Purdey glared at him.
Steed cleared his throat and they both looked at him. "I came to ask whether you two might like to join me for dinner? I still have another appointment, but I could pick you up at seven."
Purdey smiled at him. "Sounds fantastic. Count me in."
"Me, too," Gambit said, "could do with a nice dinner."
"Excellent." Steed smiled. "At seven, then."
"I'll be at my flat." Gambit gestured at his clothes. "I'll try to find a suit I haven't shrunk."
"Why didn't you call?" Purdey asked. "You needn't have come by personally to ask."
"Oh, I was in the area, so I thought I could just drop by." What Steed didn't say was that within the last two hours, he had called them both, several times, but that no one had answered. "Excuse me, please. I have to go."

Purdey and Gambit looked after him.
"You think he bought it?" Gambit asked when Steed was gone.
Purdey shook her head. "Of course not. He's Steed. He saw right through it."
"But he won't ask."
"He won't. He IS Steed." Purdey picked up the mug. "Go home, Gambit. It's half past four. If you hurry with dressing for dinner, you've got two hours you can sleep."
"Sleep?" Gambit frowned. "I'm not tired."
"You will be by the time you get home."
"Purdey - did you put anything in that chocolate?"
"Mike Gambit." Purdey gave him another glare. "What do you think I am? Of course, I didn't. But you can't have had much sleep last night." She smirked. "I saw the glasses. Another of those two-person-party, I'd say, so I bet it got really late. Or rather early. And then, Victor kidnapped you and you didn't get much sleep after that happened, either." She raised her eyebrows. "It just won't do for you to fall asleep during dinner."
Gambit got up. "You're right - I really didn't get all that much sleep. Not before five in the morning, that is." He was tired but he never would have admitted it. "See you at seven."
"See you, Gambit." Purdey took the mug to the kitchen.
"Purdey?" Gambit called after her.
She turned back to him. "Yes?"
He smiled. "Thanks. I owe you one."
She smiled back at him. "No problem. I'll give you a call next time I get kidnapped."
The door slid shut behind Gambit. Purdey turned at it and waited, silently counting the seconds - nine, ten, eleven, twelve ... Someone knocked at the door. With a grin, Purdey picked up Gambit's keys from the table where she had dropped them when she had returned from his flat, opened the door and dangled them in front of Gambit's nose.
"Thanks." Gambit jangled the keys at her with a slightly sheepish grin. "See you at seven." He turned and walked up the stairs again.
Purdey watched him leave, then closed the door again. She never would have admitted it but she was more than just glad that Gambit had got out of this so relatively undamaged. When Victor had threatened him with that knife - but no, better not think about what might have happened. Everything had gone well, Gambit was safe and Victor, hopefully, under lock and key at Happyvale Sanatorium. She grinned. And she now had something new to tease Gambit about.

-- End --