Chapter 2
"So, anything interesting going on at school right now?" my dad asked me. We were going for a short drive around town. Ever since he moved out, we did this about three times a week. To be completely honest, I hated it. All he did was ask me about my day, ask about my grades, and then we'd talk about how I need to do more work around the house.
It took me a few seconds to reply. I had to be careful about what I said to anybody but myself. "Not really. Dance tryouts are on Monday. But I can't do the splits, and it's one of the requirements." My mind flashed me to a mental image of the requirements list. You didn't actually have to do all of these things. It was just their way of getting fewer girls to try out so the better girls who are actually committed can be taken into consideration.
My dad took in a deep breath and replied. "Now Lily, why would you try out if you know you aren't going to make the team?" Of course, he wasn't about to show any support in my decision to do something I wouldn't normally do. He could have asked me about anything else, but no.
I sighed and looked out the window, rubbing my sleeved wrist against the seat's edge. "It's not actually something I have to do. Girls who couldn't do the splits have made the team before."
"See, you have to watch the way you word things. You were making it sound as if you had to be able to do the splits to make the team, but it's just one of those things they really want you to be able to do. If it wasn't me you were saying this to, they would have probably taken you as a person who didn't know what they were talking about. In society today, you have to watch what you say, or it may come back at you. I can recall a time when I was interviewing for…" and on he went.
I wondered what my mom was doing right now. She could be watching television, chatting with a nurse, sleeping, getting some tests run, or anything else for that matter. What I hated the most about this whole thing was not knowing what was happening, or even what was going to happen for that matter. Not being in control sucked.
My dad was looking at me, almost like he was trying to will words out of my mouth. He had apparently been talking to me, maybe even asked me a question. I just nodded. We were driving past the nice part of town, where people like Amber and Ashley lived. People like me lived elsewhere, down by the fast-food restaurants and outlet malls. Hopefully we were on our way back home. That would be nice. "You know dad, everything isn't always about your performance. Sometimes, you have to pay attention to the person behind the dance pants and shiny shirts who know how to do the splits."
"Well you're probably one of the few people in the world who believe that, so I wouldn't go around with that in mind. You probably won't get very far." I guess I wasn't ever going to get through to him.
We were getting closer to my part of the universe, and I wouldn't stand being in this car any more. "Oh, dad, can you let me out here? I need to pick up an assignment from my friend. She lived down the road from here." The best impersonation of a smile I could do slid across my face and I lightly batted my eyelashes.
He nodded and pulled to a stop beside the curb. The door's clicked and I reached for the handle. "Bye," my dad said. I kept going before turning around and smiling. Then I slammed the door shut. Without looking back I started walking toward a random house until my dad's car was out of sight. Then, I started jogging toward my sub-division. My jog turned into a run. Then my run transformed into a sprint, which actually felt nice. Pain scraped through my body, which was from stretching. Determination was key to making the team, especially when I wasn't exactly getting any outer support.
After a while, I was getting a rush. My mind escaped from the outside world and I felt as if I could run forever. This was good, considering it was at least another mile until I reached my front door. Maybe this little outing would get me in a little better shape. Miley hadn't really gotten any "womanly curves" or anything yet, so I felt like a total outcast. It was almost getting to the point where we couldn't wear each other's clothes.
Adrenaline was rushing through my body. I felt like I was going fifty miles an hour, because I wasn't even able to keep track of the creases in the sidewalk anymore. I considered slowing down, but that could result in getting tired, which wouldn't be too good. So I kept going, and thought about what I still had to do when I got home. My first exam, math, was tomorrow, so that was a study must. My English reading assignment wasn't going to do itself. Then I had to do laundry and clean up the living room. My body picked up pace.
Soon enough, I was jogging up my driveway. Once I reached the steps, I was walking, and out of breath. My legs were aching and a massive headache was taking over. My hands were shaking as I reached for the front door and turned the knob. Then I was standing in the living room, beside the kitchen. A note was sitting on the fridge, a recipe from my Aunt Libby. She lived down the road from us and was making sure I had everything I needed while my mom was gone.
My back was resting against the front door, and I laid my head back to join it. After taking a deep breath, I took a step forward. Then I took another. Once I reached the bottom of the staircase, my feet stopped, and one lifted up onto the first step, then the other. My feet carried me all of the way to the top. Then I was in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. I scuffed at my reflection before looking around, as if looking to see if the coast was clear. And it was. Nobody was home, remember? I didn't even bother closing the door. Once again I moved, this time over to the tub. My hand reached down and picked up the razor sitting beside my ocean breeze soap. Very carefully, I lifted the safety cap away from the blades. They shined.
I hate my life. A tingled arced through my body, especially my arm. The razor was now resting against my wrist. Nothing is right. Everything sucks. My eyes were shut as I pressed down and pulled to the right. My right eye opened just enough to see a line of blood follow the blades' trail across my skin. The red line spread across my hand, and a drop landed on the white tile below me. A tear ran out of my eye, and joined my blood on the floor. My hand trembled, and I lost grip on the razor. It landed on the floor with a quiet tap.
Confused, I ran toward the sink and turned the water on cold. My wrist was stinging, my heart was racing, and the blood was flowing. I had expected a since of relief, but all I got was a miserable pain all over my body. I slipped my arm under the faucet and attempter to rinse it off, but it took quite a while for the blood to stop, and even longer to cease the pain. As soon as my wound was simply a scar, I walked into the living room and sat down in front of my book. As I was adjusting my feet, I felt something cold. It was a battery. Beside it was the remote.
Concentrating on studying wasn't exactly easy at this point. I wondered exactly how long this torture was going to last. I flopped my head gently onto the back of the couch and let out a long, exasperating sigh. It was then I noticed my ceiling was white. Sadly, this had never hit me before. But then again, what other color would you paint a ceiling? Purple or blue would look awfully tacky compared to our bayou shade walls. Yet it's not like that was my decision. My grandma was the one who originally designed this house.
I let my eyes roll back down to my work as my head lifted up. But just as I was getting back into the swing of things, my pocket began to vibrate. This took my by surprise, and I jumped when Best of Both Worlds started blasting into the air. I pulled out my cell phone and flipped it open, not taking the time to see who it was.
"Hello?"
"Hey Lily, what's up?" It was Miley.
"Oh, not much is going on around here," I replied, fingering my wrist. "I've just been studying. How about you? I heard Jake was coming back into town this weekend."
Miley laughed. "You are studying? Wow, I never thought I'd hear that. And as for me, I'm just sitting here on the computer, looking through some fan mail. And yeah, Jake's coming back for a quick visit on Friday night. This movie is taking a little longer than he had expected, but he should be back full time within about two more weeks."
"That's good. Um, my mom's back in the hospital. But it's nothing serious."
"Oh my goodness, really?" I nodded, but then realized she couldn't see me. "Lily, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do, just let me know."
I sighed. Just because my mom was sick didn't mean I was a walking charity event. "Thanks Miley. So, how are you doing on studying? Are you ready for the first test tomorrow?"
"Not really, but oh well. I'm doing really well in math, so it shouldn't be too bad if I fail." I opened my mouth to debate, but then decided against it. For some reason, my mind wasn't in the mood to argue right now. Luckily, Miley continued without my help. "I'm trying not to worry about homework right now. My dance choreographer says I'm to tense, and I should try to relieve some of my stress so that I look a little more natural when I'm dancing."
I scratched my ear and exhaled. "Cool. Have you got any big plans with Jake this weekend?"
"He said we could grab a bite to eat or something. We're trying not to take it to fast, or whatever."
"I see." I could vaguely here Miley's dad calling her downstairs for dinner.
"Oh, I've got to go. See you tomorrow."
"Bye."
"Bye." Miley hung up before I did. I listened to the beep that followed for a few seconds before putting my phone on the coffee table. Then I directed my attention toward the pile of words beside me and fell back against the couch once again, picking at my scar.
I've got to make this life make sense…
Wow, I'm in the writing mood. In fact, I might just write the entire thing tonight… (Doubt it). But, uh, thanks for my two reviewers and I hope I get a few more this time. I really am putting a lot into this story. So please review!
