K.U.B.O. (the madness continues...)

"Make us undetectable, immune to all spiritual powers, and take us back to the Winter War," Urahara directed K.U.B.O. "Fake Karakura Town… after Stark and Barrigan were defeated, right before Aizen got serious."

KUBO complied.

This is going to be so much fun. Urahara chortled, as the four pillars of Fake Karakura Town and the ghost armies clashing over them came into view. There was Wonderweiss. Down went Ukitake. Away went the Old Man's flame barrier….annnndddd…out came Kyoga Sugietsu. Right on schedule. Aizen would be feeling pretty cocky right about now. Absolutely certain that he would win the day.

Lol No. Urahara decided. Reishi is now Skittles…

The Fake Karakura Town combatants immediately noticed two very peculiar things. None of their spiritual powers were working. And the entire battlefield was suddenly buried in rainbow colored candies.

And Godzilla is attacking…

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"

And Aizen is 300 feet tall and reeks of lizard feremones…

"No! NOO!"

let's get that on camera…side-view, high def, full lighting on Aizen's face…

"OH GOD, NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Hysterical Sobbing) W-w-w-why is this happening (Hysterical Sobbing).

theres the money shot…

"ARRGGGGG, ITS EVERYWHERE! ITS IN MY BURN WOUNDS!"

"Yep…We're done here," Urahara surveyed his handiwork. "Take us to Hueco Mundo. Los Nachos…the meeting chambers of Aizen and the Espada, the beginning of their first full assembly."

The dull white of the Arrancar's stronghold replaced the four pillars of Fake Karakura Town, and the smug cadence of an Aizen speech replaced the panicked cacophony of a Godzilla rampage. Aizen was bringing his A-Game in the art of bullshit; going on-and-on about the merits of his proposed alliance and how he would reward the loyal and the strong. It was his first chance to show strong and convincing leadership in front of his Arrancar Army.

"Playback video," Urahara directed.

The would-be Espada ceased taking anything Aizen said seriously and laughed their way out of Hueco Mundo, as Aizen's attempt to establish serious leadership was preempted by video of him getting butt-devastated by a 300 foot tall radioactive murder machine and crying like a bitch.

"Now back to Soul Society; Sokyoku Hill, the day Aizen confessed his treachery and fled Soul Society."

What a sight! Every senior officer in Soul Society from the Head Captain down had Aizen surrounded. Yoruichi and Soi Fon had blades to his throat. Cornered like a rat, it would seem. And yet there he stood with that cocky smirk and can't-touch-this attitude. Then the light of negacion dropped, and the captain's saw the reason why…

"There is no negacion," Uraha decided. "This technique does not exist."

Aizen fell out of the sky in a most undignified drop. Yama-Ji's cane was upside his head before he could compose himself.

"What was all that talk about ascending to God's Throne?" the Old Man glowered.

"I assure you, this is all just a big misunderstanding…"

THWACK!

"Seal his powers, and find him an empty cell in the Maggot's Nest," the Head Captain commanded as he kido-bound an unconscious Aizen. "For what he has done, it is most fitting that he should rot in Kisuke's prison."

Urahara giggled like a school girl.

"One more stop. That night 100 years ago when I confronted Aizen over his hollowfication research; the field where I confronted him." He was looking forward to this one most of all…

The night was exactly as he remembered it. There was Aizen…smug as ever...calmly explaining that he had showed up to help. And there was his past self, saying that he knew Aizen was lying. Oh what a fool he had been! Aizen had predicted his every move and played him like a fiddle. If only he had known then what he knew now; Aizen's secret agenda and the true ability of his zanpakto.

"Make me visible to them. I want to be seen."

Aizen's usual unflappable mannerisms broke into a WTF!? Face, as for the second time that night Urahara appeared to meddle in his plans.

…looking 100 years older…

…5 meters away, with no prior detection…

…hooked up to a device of such unfathomable complexity and power, Aizen's Hogyoku seemed like a child's toy in comparison…

...In the presence of another Urahara...

"Finally got that hunk of junk working?" Past Kisuke inquired knowingly. He at least understood what was going on. "How'd you fix the overheating?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out," Future Kisuke quipped.

"How's Yoruichi?"

"Still gorgeous."

"…And Soifon?"

"Still a bitch."

"…And Aizen."

"He gets beaten by a human."

"Brilliant."

"What is the meaning of this, Kisuke?" Aizen had observed long enough. Urahara was trying to psych him out; that much was plain to him. But how? Had the inventor learned of his abilities and built an illusion generator to match even?

"Sosuke Aizen," Future Kisuke tipped his hat and pointed with his pimp cane. "I've come to troll you."

"Troll me?" Aizen laughed and activated his shikai. "You think YOU can troll ME? Why don't you look at my sword…"

"I might not be able to troll you," Future Kisuke mused. "But KUBO can..."

"KUBO?"

"Kyoga Sugetsu is a Big Black Dildo…" Future Kisuke declared and KUBO made it so.

Aizen noticed 3 things at that moment. His hypnosis technique wasn't working. His zanpakto was gone. And he was now holding a large rubber stunt-cock.

Well that was unexpected…

"Gin! Tosen! Kill him!"

"Gin and Tosen don't take orders from you," Future Kisuke declared.

"Your mind games cannot shake their loyalty," poor Aizen still had no idea what he was up against. "Gin! Impale him!"

"…No, I don't think that I will…"

"WHAT!?"

"…Eat a dick, Aizen-sama…"

"U mad?" Future Kisuke taunted.

"Grrrr…" Aizen, tossed his sword-turned-dildo aside and channeled kido to his palms. He was getting frustrated now. "Hado 90: KUROHITSUGI!"

"I'm a Super Saiyan," was Future Kisuke's response.

Aizen's Black Coffin was negated in an overwhelming surge of power, as Future Kisuke's reitsu (which he now had an inexplicable urge to call 'ki') suddenly became 50 times stronger and spiked his hair upwards with a golden glow.

…and then Future Kisuke very casually back-handed Aizen through a mountain.


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