"Hello? Earth to Jo? Come in Jo?" The normally bubbly brunette became dimly aware of someone calling her name. With a gargantuan effort, she returned her focus to the present; to the cramped car in which she and TDC Kezia Walker sat waiting for the latest village creep to show up at his dealer's house so they could nick him on theft charges. "You ok? You're awfully quiet today." Kezia was used to Jo being as large as life, always having a wisecrack ready seemingly for any situation. Being the cunning sleuth she prided herself on being, Kezia deduced that Jo was depressed over something. "What is it, man trouble?" Jo barely heard the young trainee's babble as she fought to remain alert and focused on the investigation, not willing to be caught navel-gazing again.
"It's nothing I can't handle," she muttered dismissively, her tone brooking no argument or further enquiry. Thankfully, Kezia took the hint, returning her attention to the roads and paths outside, keenly attempting to spy their fugitive before Jo, hoping to impress the older detective. Jo for her part was staring out of the window but seeing nothing of the world right outside. Her treacherous mind kept replaying the scene between herself and Lucy that morning, the stricken look on her lover's face as she walked out of the bedroom etched into Jo's psyche.
"That's him, Jo, that's him!!!" Kezia screeched with excitement, flinging her car door open and tearing off after the suspect. Jo was behind her in an instant, thankful to feel the blood pounding through her veins as her boots clipped along the footpath at a fair lick. Seeing the two women bearing down on him, the petty thief took off running himself. Jo turned all her inner turmoil inwards using it as fuel to pump her legs faster and stronger, gaining on her prey before he had chance to turn the corner. She flung herself at him, grappling with flailing arms and legs as she sought to control him.
"Stop struggling! Peter Edwards, I am arresting you on suspicion of theft. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention something when questioned that you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence." Jo completed her arrest of the suspect, practically sitting on him to prevent him from wriggling out from her grasp. As she moved to haul him to his feet with eventual help from Kezia, the determined criminal lashed out one last time with a booted foot, catching Jo squarely in the stomach and winding her in the process. 'Can today get any bloody better?' she thought to herself as she steadfastly refused to let her charge go, slowly feeling her lungs re-inflate. Between them, the two women managed to manoeuvre Edwards to the car, bundling him into the backseat.
"You ok Jo? Want me to drive?" Jo's only answer was to toss the keys to her colleague, still struggling to regain her breath after the fierce battle. "You'd better get checked out by the ME when we get back to the station. And we can add assaulting a police officer to his list of charges." Kezia blathered on heedless of Jo's silence.
"Jo, I just heard what happened. Have you been checked over by the ME?" Sam appeared at Jo's side as she made her way back into the squad room.
"I'm fine Sam, please don't make a fuss. It's not the first time I've been clobbered by an arrest and I'm damn sure it won't be the last." Jo knew that of all people in the station, Sam could and would be her undoing if she lingered around her too long. The brunette felt like Sam knew her too well and would spot the signs of distress which had nothing to do with the case, and knowing Sam as she did, nothing would stop her from getting to the bottom of the cause of that distress. She settled herself gingerly into her chair, bracing herself as a wave of pain and nausea washed over her from her bottom rib which had borne the brunt of Edwards powerful kick.
"Jo, go get yourself checked over by the ME and then go home, take the rest of the shift off." As she saw her friend about to voice her objections, Sam cut her off at the pass, "that's an order DC Masters." Jo's shoulder's slumped in defeat, an action she immediately regretted as it triggered another painful spasm. "Use the afternoon to get that x-rayed and to get some sleep, you look exhausted." Lowering her voice to a more intimate tone only designed for herself and Jo to hear, Sam winked and said, "you'll have to ask Lucy to go easy on you tonight!" Jo blushed and smiled but it failed to reach her eyes, a fact which did not go unnoticed by the eagle-eyed blonde. She considered asking if all was still well between herself and the gorgeous young woman she had met the previous night but thought better of it, sensing a reluctance in Jo to talk and knowing that she would approach her when she was ready to discuss what was on her mind. "You going to be ok getting home or do you want me to drop you off?" Jo shook her head, fearful of spending any longer around Sam than was necessary, it taking all her self-restraint not to break down and tell Sam what had transpired that morning. But she wasn't ready to share it, not yet, not with anyone, not even Sam. She wanted to know what she was dealing with, what she was up against, to have some answers before she talked about it. Silently and with head bowed, Jo made her way out of Sun Hill.
Jo eased herself into the shower cubicle, the hot water doing little to thaw the chill deep within her soul but serving to ease some of the aches and pains she was carrying from the morning's grapple with the notorious Mr Edwards. She had heeded Sam's advice and had an x-ray at the hospital. A brusque young doctor informed her that she had fractured two ribs and must rest as much as possible. With a prescription for pain relief in hand, Jo had made her way back home, knowing she ought to have mentioned the morning's discovery but not wanting to appear to be over-reacting by announcing it in an Accident and Emergency department. Besides which, the doctor looked harried enough as it was, Jo didn't feel right putting on him any more than she already had. Not to mention, not being comfortable with the idea of him examining her. She vowed that she would contact her own G.P.'s surgery and make an appointment to see a female doctor there. Who knew how long the lump had been forming for? Surely another day or two wouldn't make that much of a difference? Jo's mind wandered as she stood beneath the furious torrent of water pouring from the showerhead, thinking back to how long it had been since she felt comfortable enough with anyone to allow the kind of intimacy that she and Lucy had begun sharing. And despite her family history and the constant reminders about self-examination, she acknowledged that she had been lax about checking herself for lumps for many months. Rationally, she knew that it was this fear of discovering the lump had been present for months which was making her more reticent about getting it investigated but that didn't make it any easier to bite the bullet and make the phone call she knew she really ought to make. She dallied under the shower for another ten minutes, her silent tears mingling with the piping hot water as she allowed her emotions to release themselves however they saw fit.
When she finally emerged, the brunette discovered a message on her answering machine from Sam, checking to see how she was and asking if she had followed instruction and had an x-ray. A glance at the clock told Jo that if she rang now, she might just catch Sam on her lunch, possibly being able to leave a message for her rather than have to speak to her. Although the avoidance would only be temporary, Jo suspected her voice would give away the fact she had been crying – an admission she did not want to make to Sam, no matter how close a friendship they had struck. She headed to the kitchen, cordless phone in one hand as she poured herself a generous glass of orange juice and popped a couple of pain killers from their packet. She knocked back the tablets chasing them down with a swig of her drink before dialling the number for Sun Hill police station. As the line was connected, Jo asked for Sam, hoping that voicemail would pick up in Sam's office.
"DI Nixon speaking, can I help you?" Sam was annoyed that the call had been put through to her with no details having been taken of the caller. She would be having words with someone about that later.
There was a pause on the other end of the line as Jo swallowed another swig of her drink, trying to clear some of the croakiness from her voice. "Sam, hi it's Jo." The brunette paused again to take a shaky breath, desperately trying to reign in her emotions and get them in check before continuing the conversation.
"Jo! How are you? Did you go to the hospital? What's the verdict?" Sam pounced on the pause, filling it with some of the questions which had been buzzing around her head for the past few hours.
"I'm ok, a bit sore but I'll live." Jo laughed bitterly to herself at the irony of that statement since she didn't actually know if that were the truth per se but it wouldn't be as a result of the morning's altercation. "I've cracked two ribs, been told to take it easy and I have some pain killers to take the edge off it. I've just taken a couple now so hopefully they'll kick in soon." Jo paused again, waging a mental battle between her head and her heart, both of which wanted very different things from this conversation. "Listen Sam…" again she hesitated.
"Talk to me Jo, what's going on in that head of yours? You seemed distracted today." Sam's concern almost proved to the Jo's undoing, a lump forming in her throat even as her head won the battle.
"I was just going to ask if I could take a few days off? I think it would do me good to just stay at home, I know it'd drive me mad being stuck at my desk 'til I'm able to go back out on the streets." Sam realised that she would get no further by pushing her friend to open up and so backed off, storing her concerns away for another time when she felt Jo was more ready to talk.
"Of course, take the rest of the week and if there's anything you need or anything I can do for you, call me ok? Doesn't matter what time of the day or night, promise me you'll get in touch and not struggle along on your own just cos you're stubborn?" Sam's soft tone took the sting out of her admonishment and Jo felt a smile stretch her facial muscles for the first time that day since Lucy had found the lump. "Or will you have your very own nursemaid on hand to tend to your every need?" Sam teased, hoping to coax some humour out of the buxom brunette.
"And deny you the honour of listening to me whinge? I think not!" Jo declared, her heart constricting at the thought of how she had hurt Lucy that morning, of how she had no idea of a way to bridge the gulf she had created between them. Part of her wanted to phone the younger woman, beg her to come back so that she could cling to her but another, more resolute part wanted to push her away, to spare her from the pain and loss she suspected would be on the horizon. Jo felt that this was a journey she was better making alone, knowing how hard it had affected those closest to her family members who had succumbed to the big 'C'.
"OK, well you know where I am and I'll give you a call later in the week to see if you feel up to coming back next week. Take all the time you need though Jo, don't rush back too soon. You work too hard as it is." Sam wished she could reach down the phone and envelope her close friend in a hug, sensing from her tone and demeanour that there was more on her mind.
"Pot, kettle and black is all I'll say to that Ms Nixon! And on that note, I think these tablets they gave me have begun to take effect. While I can still see, I'm going to check the label and make sure they're not horse tranquilisers and then I'll probably pass out on the bed for a bit." Just before she rung off, Jo murmured, "thanks Sam," into the receiver leaving the blonde DI at a loss for what she was being thanked for.
The rest of that day and much of the night had passed by in a drug-induced blur as the brunette kept up her intake of painkillers. The following morning, with a groggy head from so much sleep, Jo picked up the receiver with shaking hands and dialled the number for her doctor's surgery. The phone was answered after just two rings, giving her no time to back out or get cold feet. She asked for an appointment with a female GP, as soon as possible preferably. She knew the longer she had to wait, the more likely she was to not show up.
"Any chance you can be here at 2.45pm today?" The snippy receptionist asked.
"That soon? Yeah, er yeah I can make that." Jo's stomach roiled, nerves working themselves into a frenzy. She only hoped that they wouldn't insist on taking her blood pressure or she'd be hospitalised immediately!
"We have a cancellation with Dr Salim, I'll book you in for that." Jo gave the woman her details, recognising the doctor as one she had seen on a few occasions before – the most memorable being after Tessa had been a little over-enthusiastic with her use of a sex toy during a particularly steamy session of love-making early on in their relationship leaving Jo needing ointment for some very intimate friction burns! Strangely, the fact that she had shared something so personal with the doctor already made the thought of seeing her regarding this latest problem a little easier.
Jo arrived at the surgery a little early, anxious to get her appointment over and done with. Her palms were sweating as she booked herself in, her heart pounding as the receptionist announced that there had had to be a change of plan and another doctor would be seeing Jo, that Dr Salim had been taken ill herself. Nodding numbly in agreement to the change, Jo took a seat and waited for her name to appear on the display screen in the waiting area. The time seemed to pass interminably slowly until finally it was her turn. She entered cautiously, quietly informing the impossibly young looking GP of her situation. The young woman instructed Jo to undress her top half so that she could examine her, the majority of the appointment taken up with being poked and prodded. Jo conceded that it was something she would likely have to get used to if things were as she suspected, that a lot more people would be manhandling her chest before the trauma was over. When the doctor was satisfied she had been thorough enough, she invited Jo to redress and take a seat.
"The first stage is to get a mammogram and a biopsy done so we can see exactly what we're dealing with." Jo sat mutely across from the young registrar, silently screaming that 'we' weren't dealing with anything, that this was Jo's battle, Jo's body, Jo's problem alone. "I think we do have to be prepared that there is a strong likelihood of malignancy though given the texture of the tumour and your family history. Best case scenario, we've caught it good and early and it's Stage I, which means it is limited just to this one site with no invasion into the surrounding tissue." She could have been reading a text book for all the compassion and empathy that she felt coming from the medic.
She heard herself ask, "and worst case scenario?" The brunette steeled herself for the answer, a growing sense of detachment from her body.
"Worst case would be a stage IV metastatic tumour, one which has spread to other organs." Jo nodded her understanding, her skin crawling as she wondered how much of this she had inside her. "It's good that you came straight in, as soon as you discovered the lump. We can start diagnosing and treating it straight away now. The prognosis really is a lot better than you might think, the majority of women diagnosed with breast cancer do survive." Jo knew the young woman was trying to be supportive and encouraging but simply found her words glib.
"When? When do I get the tests done?" Jo's voice was hoarse from the strain of trying to contain her tears. She refused to crumble in front of a stranger, needing to remain aloof and detached until she was safely back at home.
"I'll fax a referral across to the hospital today. Ordinarily an appointment comes through within two weeks." Jo balked at the thought of having to live with the uncertainty for a whole fortnight, her horror must have been evident on her face. "I suspect once they consider your circumstances though, you will hear from them within a couple of days. I'll include a contact telephone number if you'll allow me to and then in the event of a cancellation, you can be seen as soon as possible." Panic was beginning to set in as she thought about receiving the phone call whilst at work, knowing she would not be able to duck out without sufficient explanation and really not wanting to have that conversation. She knew she would have to do some serious thinking, maybe it was time to take some leave, give herself the time and space she asked Lucy for in which to come to terms with and investigate her affliction.
