Ed sighed as he stormed out of the stairwell.
"What's wrong Brother?" Al said, following him in a clatter of metal.
"That old bastard tried to enslave me! He went into my head and poked at the Gate. It told me what he tried to do and gave me a copy of everything he knew and was up to until he poked my Gate. I should've done worse that stick him to the wall and break his nose."
"He tried to enslave you? You stuck him to the wall? How did he try– The Gate?! The Gate told you what he did? You went to it?! Brother!"
"No I didn't go to it! I'm not crazy Al. I just have a bit of it. You do too for that matter, and so does Teacher. We all went to it and came out sane so we got to take a bit of it back with us. You didn't know?" He felt it shift in the back of his mind, still angry with the trespasser, and proud of him, pleased he was talking about it. Sometimes his bit of the Gate reminded him of one of Al's cats, but Al's cats didn't grin. They didn't have the proper facial structure to grin. Fetch the boy, the one the trespasser wanted to use, The Gate reminded him. "C'mon Al. We have somewhere to be."
"Where Brother? What do you mean?"
"The old bastard stuck a kid with abusive relatives so he could swoop in and rescue him, and the kid would be so grateful he'd do whatever the old guy wanted. We're going to fix that."
Man this street was dull. Every house the same. Oh wait, they had different flowerbeds. The one with the four on it was the one they wanted. And that was the kid they wanted too, watering the flowers under the fishy glare of a woman who looked enough like a horse that he half wondered if she was a chimera.
"Hey, lady, we're here for the kid. Give him over and we won't call the authorities on you for abuse. " He could feel Al's exasperation radiating at him, but pretended not to notice it.
"Take the little brat!" she hissed. "We never wanted him anyway. Promise he'll never darken my door again and he's all yours."
"Fine, he'll be taken very good care of, far away from you. Harry, come here."
"Go with them, Boy."
The kid slowly shuffled over to them. Ed made an effort to look unintimidating, and reminded himself that the kid was used to being mistreated, so he had to be careful.
Ed stalked though the hall, dripping wet. He liked the kid, and was glad they'd rescued him, but it was hard enough to make Al put the cats back before. Contrary to what Al thought, he did care about the cats, but it really wasn't practical to keep them. Why, oh why did Harry have to like cats too? Suits of armor shouldn't be able to give puppy dog eyes, but Al managed it anyway, and now he had to deal with emerald green puppy dog eyes as well, and take the guilt of not giving the kid who'd never had anything something he wanted, and leaving that cat stuck out in the rain.
It was Al's turn to carry the kid, Ed would be dammed if he let Mustang see him with a small child who wasn't Elysia, he'd never live it down. He noticed Falman and Furey get out of his way, and then stare at Al carrying the kid, but his attention was focused on the door ahead. He could almost feel the Bastard sitting at his desk behind it, readying that smug little smirk of his, thinking up insults, or getting threatened by Hawkeye. He liked that image, Colonel Bastard sitting there, scribbling furiously at his paperwork, Hawkeye's gun pointed at his head.
He kicked the door open. "Hey! Bastard Colonel! Al and I just rescued a kid. You're helping us find a place to stay. And that lead was a total dead end. I am never going Outside again, everyone there is too stupid to live! And they've all bought into this cult thing where they do alchemy through twigs and call it magic!"
Surprisingly the Bastard looked relieved to see him. Then Ed's tunnel vison widened and he noticed Major Hughes, and the pictures he had. That explained it.
"Well that's why we've left the Xerxesian barrier up; even Xing agrees that the Outsiders are stupid, and they have one of the anchoring arrays just offshore."
"Well, that and the fact that no one can figure out how to remove it without setting the energy loose and causing a huge explosion." Ed muttered.
The Bastard pretended he hadn't heard that, of course the Bastard pretended he hadn't heard that. Instead the Bastard started to say something, looking smug. Ed really wanted to land a steel fist in his smug smirk.
"What was that about a kid?" Hughes interrupted. Al and Hawkeye came in at that moment, Al radiating; I'm-sorry-Brother, she-cornered-me, please-don't-kill-me-or-make-me-spend-time –with-Armstrong.
"I believe he was referring to the child Alphonse is carrying. Sir." Hawkeye gave the Bastard a suspicious, I know you hid the paperwork, your desk is too clean and I didn't see anyone carrying it out, look. Ed found it amazing what she managed to cram into the word Sir. Maybe it was a scary woman thing, Teacher and Granny had done that too. Fortunately Winry hadn't mastered that yet.
"This is Harry. We rescued him." Edward said, deliberately uncooperative. Colonel Bastard looked like he was getting a headache, and Ed had barely gotten started. The day was looking up. He cheered mentally; he had an ally in the Give-the-Bastard-Colonel-a-headache game. Al might disapprove, but it looked like Hughes was on his side.
"You rescued a kid? I want details. Fullmetal, give me a short summary of your report."
"WHO'SO TINY HE COULD BUILD A HOUSE IN THE NUCLEUS OF AN ATOM? WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA CALL ME, SO TINY I COULD RIDE AN AMOEBA LIKE A HORSE, OR SO SMALL THAT BACTERI WOULDN'T EVEN TRY TO EAT ME, BECAUSE I'M SO SMALL I ESCAPE THEIR NOTICE! I'M STILL GROWING YOU BASTARD!"
The Bastard looked like his headache had grown exponentially. At least he'd lost that smug little smirk. Then Ed heard the warning rustle of doom and froze. "Ed calm down. Here! Look at my pictures of Elysia, she's almost a year old and already learning to walk! She's so precocious, and the determination on her little face, isn't she the cutest little thing you've ever seen?!"
In annoyance, Ed said the first thing that came to mind. "No, she isn't." Oh crap he's going to blow up at me or meltdown what can I do to fix this? Ahah! "Al was cuter." He added hastily.
Everyone stared at him. Then they all turned around to stare at Al, probably trying to reconcile cute with the intimidating, seven foot tall suit of armor his little brother was inhabiting.
He didn't see why they were having trouble. Even as a suit of armor, Al was still cute. Sure he could be scary when he wanted to be, but this was his little brother, the one who'd cried all over him when he finally figured out their Rotten Bastard Dad wasn't coming home, who was scared of thunder, and had always crawled into Ed's bed when it was stormy, who'd loved reading about alchemy with him in The Bastard's books, but always stayed away from the corner with the armor collection, saying he wasn't scared. The little brother he had to get back to normal again.
Harry, who must've been really tired to sleep through the short rant, stirred. Hughes immediately pulled out his camera and began snapping pictures. Then he said "This kid looks like he's starving, Al, you take him down to get some food now, and bring him by later so Gracia can feed him properly."
Al nodded and left. The minute Al was out of the room Hughes and the Bastard demanded an explanation. Hawkeye just Looked at him. Ed explained. "The people Outside are divided, alchemists hide from non-alchemists, they do alchemy through sticks and call it magic, and there was some terrorist who didn't like people who weren't born to alchemy learning it. The kid's credited with stopping the terrorist when he was one, even though his parents probably did it, and the old bastard everyone looks up to so much that he might as well be officially in charge, decided the kid was an important weapon and dropped him with abusive relatives, planning to swoop in and rescue him in about six years. The old guy was the only one who might know where the stone was so I went to ask him politely," Mustang stirred at this. Ed silently dared him to say anything. "But he decided he wanted a pet alchemist and tried to make me a slave so I stuck him to the wall, took the kid, and came back." He paused, remembering, then added, "I wonder how long it'll take them to get him out of the wall…"
"Someone actually thought they could keep you by force? You'd better not have given me more paperwork, Fullmetal."
"Edward, what are you going to do with a small child?" Hawkeye cut in. He switched tracks from 'annoy Colonel Bastard' to 'be nice to Hawkeye and hope she doesn't shoot me.'
"We're gonna take care of him." Wasn't it obvious? Oh look, Mustang was wincing, ten points! Special bonus points for getting an expression out of Hawkeye and silencing Hughes, proceed to next level!
After a long silence Hughes, ever irrepressible, broke the silence with, "Well, you're staying with me and Gracia while you work things out. I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking care of him long term if you need somewhere for him to stay while you travel."
Ed tactfully didn't object to plans being made for him. See Al, he did know the meaning of the word tact.
"Thank you Hughes," said the Bastard.
"Oh it's no problem, besides, it'll be good practice for when Elysia grows up!" Ed made his escape, but heard behind him the cheerful words that were dreaded throughout Central among everybody who knew Hughes "and I need to show you the rest of the pictures!" Hawkeye sighed in relief next to him as they ran for it.
Five minutes later, after the last picture had been shoved in his face, Elysia wearing her mother's hat, isn't she adorable, and he had successfully refrained from snapping, he looked at his friend. "Ed… looking after a kid." He shook his head. "I don't know what part of that explanation was more disturbing, the fact that he's planning on taking care of a five year old, the fact that someone wanted to put up with him, or the fact that someone was dumb enough to try to enslave him. I wonder how much of the building he left standing…"
"Well, he said he stuck the idiot to a wall, so there's at least a wall left." Maes pointed out.
"True," Roy agreed. "Maybe I should wonder how many holes he left."
"How long are you going to let him stay in Central this time?"
"As long as I can get away with it, considering…"
"Maybe we can find someone who wants to adopt a five year old."
"You wish. Someone Ed would be willing to trust? Hawkeye and the rest are out, I don't have a clue as to taking care of a child, even if he does look like we might be related. That would make it worse. And I doubt the lovely Gracia would be very happy with you if you just decide to take him in."
"Gracia is an angel! —But you're right Roy, on the other hand, if I tell her Elysia will need a role model closer to her age who isn't Ed she might agree. Besides, they're coming home tonight. Once she's gotten to know him she might agree."
Three days after the Elric boy had stormed out of the office, the staff finally succeeded in removing Dumbledore from the wall. It hadn't been easy. A simple finite incantaem had done nothing, and neither had more complex reversal enchantments. It had been impossible to vanish the stone coils either, and eventually Minerva had had to transfigure that conglomeration of stone, metal, and wood that was fused into the wall, bit by bit, back into tiles and a desk. The first thing Dumbledore did upon being freed was to pay a visit to the hospital wing for the severe malnutrition and dehydration. Poppy refused to let him have any lemon drops, and to add insult to injury, Fawkes had vanished, and would not cure the aches with his song. The phoenix had been missing for three days now, having sung a little trill and vanished, just after the Elric boy had left the room.
