Chapter 2: The Saga Continues

Scene: An old man and his student are organizing books. Major yawn. I won't even dignify this opening with one little crack about the scene.

Old man chanting

"Gandalf, Hobbit, Baggins!"

the magicks blow up in his face. He almost chokes (damn it!), but gets his act together.

"Have you ever seen a scroll so hard to decode? I mean really! In the real D&D I would just have to cast a Read Magic spell. And if it didn't work, I just had to level up some! Damn this unofficial 4th edition D&D!"

"But there is none teacher!"

"I know, the director wanted the movie to be 'special', instead of 'normal' "

"Makes sense."

"Yes, yes, of course."



The thieves enter the tower. They begin to search for goodies.

"Oooo! A Dragon skeleton! I saw this in Gary Larson cartoon! The guy touches the skeleton, and it crumbles, and the sign 'says do not touch', yuk yuk yuk."

"Man, you killed the joke!"

"Sorry."

"Hey, look at this!"

the thieves partner finds a little box.

"No, don't press that!!!"

(read last sentence. Now reverse the meaning.)

roll tape

"Hello, and welcome to a special presentation of Dungeons and Dragons, back to back to back!"

"Noooooooooooo! Why?"

the mage's assistant walks in.

"What are you doing?"

"Our savior!...We think."

"What commoner would be so stupid as to enter this tower?"

"Oh yeah, well what script writer would be so stupid as to put that kind of dialogue in this movie? Huh, huh? What do you have to say to that, eh?"

suddenly, noises come from the downstairs.

"C'mon!"

the mage lady summons some vines and drags the thieves with her. They find the blue-lipstick man, the old guy, and about six guards in a room

"Where's the scroll old man? If you don't tell me…"

"No, not my buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!"

"That was Shrek! Now where's the scroll?"

the mage lady lets out a pathetic, note, PATHETIC whine of vain. Before the old man can warn her, the blue-lipstick guy crushes the old man's throat. Yeah! One down, eight to go! Ahem, sorry! Not much happens, and then they wind up in an alley

"Uh-oh…"

"Sic em!"

A half-sober, normal height (human-wise), city-dwarf with a fake beard stumbles out

"Grunt."

"Grunt? That's our dwarf?"

"Yes well…."

"C'mon!"

"No wait!"

The dwarf drags the characters in the sewers. The flow of dirty water causes the characters to be knocked from wall to wall. All suffered massive head trauma, but are making a full recovery