Clare's pov:

Friday at school

I don't know how I managed to force myself out of bed this morning, how I've willed myself to be standing at my locker right now is beyond me. How am i going to look at K.C problems or not I cheated on him and not just a kiss I couldn't have stopped there I knew it was wrong and that would have been bad enough but forgivable, I had to go all the way to the point of have sex with Eli last night I can still feel his hands all over me his body on mine in ways I know I should have allowed but went against my better judgement I don't have an excuse I was sober and completely competent of making a decision I just got caught up in Eli that's not a viable excuse. I never understood what people meant when they said something completely wrong can feel so right until last night with Eli, I regret it but only because I have a boyfriend I have no plan on breaking up with I made a commitment to being with him and I can't break that because of lust. He can never find out about last night. I need to get myself together so I can face him without confessing out of guilt.

Telling him would just hurt him. It would be selfish of me to confess just to clear my conscious I'll endure the guilt and spare him the unnecessary heartbreak that makes perfect sense. I notice K.C walking towards me and get the thoughts out of my head I'm a terrible liar so I have to try and forget it happened for right now. Okay Clare get yourself together

"Hey babe sorry about yesterday and how distant I've been lately I've just had a lot on my mind with the big game coming up" K.C says calmly giving me a quick kiss I can't help but remember the last lips that touched mine had been Eli's last night so much for forgetting it happened

"it's okay I know you've been stressed I wish I could help" I say sincerely keeping my nerves at bay

"I'll be fine after the game in two weeks is over maybe we can have some alone time and try again if you're ready" he said suggestively and I know very well what he means

"of course" I force a smile hoping it's believable

"great well I gotta go I'll see you later" K.C says before strutting away towards his friends and of course Jenna

I can't shake the feeling I'm getting over agreeing to have sex with K.C again, he's my boyfriend I love him I should be more than willing to make love to him again what is wrong with me I need to get myself together. I had sex with Eli last night he's not my boyfriend I have strictly platonic feelings for him nothing romantic whatsoever, sex with him was good, amazing even I gotta hand it to him he's a great lover I'm not sure how experienced he is but he seemed to know his stuff on how to make a girl feel good he's an attractive guy and really intriguing I'm sure he's been with a lot of girls, wait that's beside the point i shouldn't be thinking about how Eli is in bed or how many girls have been in Eli's bed. I'm obviously ready for that kind of intimacy so the first time I had sex was a fluke, nothing to do with K.C just first time jitters letting the nerves ruin it and now I'm letting the bad experience put doubt on my and K.C's physical connection causing me not want to be intimate with him again. I'm attributing the feelings to him and not the nerves. How could I let myself doubt our love I'm sure the next time we do it will be even more amazing then last night with Eli. Happy to have finally calmed myself and figured everything out I head to my first class when I feel a presence behind me

"Well hello Clare I missed you this morning I was really hoping to wake up to those beautiful blue eyes, but it seems you escaped on me and how did you enjoy your walk at such a late hour" I heard Eli's voice behind me coated in his usual sarcasm

"shut up Eli" I said my voice tight turning to face him for the first time since last night

"woah calm down I'm joking but seriously you shouldn't have left like that you could have gotten hurt or worse at that time of night or well morning" I'm taken aback a bit by the concern in his voice I can tell he was serious I suppose he does care as much as he claims

"don't worry it won't happen again" I said harsher than I meant to before turning to leave but he grabbed my arm and stopped me

"did I do something wrong? I thought Last night was incredible until you made your unannounced exit in the middle of the night?" he asked raising his eyebrow questionably, time to clear things up I suppose

"Eli look it's not you last night was wrong I have a boyfriend we shouldn't have had sex it was a mistake so just add my name to your conquests but please keep it to yourself I don't want anyone finding out especially not my boyfriend" I said seriously staring straight in his eyes

"is that really what you think last night was? Clare just sex? I didn't just have have sex with you I made love to you there's a difference I wouldn't treat a conquest that way" he used air quotes when saying conquest "not that I have any, I'm not like that I've only been with one other girl and I loved her I don't have casual sex" his voice was mixed with hurt and anger I wasn't sure how to respond he just said he loved me and I had basically assumed him to be a player he just stared into my eyes never breaking the intense contact waiting for a response

"Eli I have a boyfriend" I said softly looking down

"Clare he doesn't love you like I do I promise you that and you don't love him I can see it I'll give you everything I have to give, does he do that or does he just make time when he's not with his friends or oesn't have Jenna trailing him like a lovesick puppy" it was a statement not a question

I really didn't know how to respond, K.C certainly hasn't been the best boyfriend recently we only see each other when it's convenient for him and he hasn't been doing anything to make me feel special like he used to am I being blind is Eli right? It can't be all couples go through hard times I love him and he loves me not Jenna, but still Eli's words are enough to put doubt back in my mind. I just continue standing silently with my head down looking at the tile floor like it was an amazing thing, I feel Eli lift my head gently and meet his gaze and suddenly realize I feel something when I look into his eyes as much as I want to deny it I can't at least not to myself anymore

"look Clare I want you, it's like a burning inside of me I'm broken from my past, I'm only half of who I used to be and because of that I've always run away but you give me a reason not to you make me want to stay You can have what's left of me I'll give you all of it I mean that, when you realize I love you more than he I'll be here but until then I'm backing off balls in your court" his tone was gentle and sincere he had such a loving look in his eyes

I didn't respond just watched him begin to walk away and I couldn't help but feel something strange I wanted him to come back and I did something that I never would have expected. I chased after him pulling him into a empty classroom attacking his lips passionately with mine, after a few minutes he broke the kiss immediately placing heated kisses all over my neck

"what does this mean" he asked between kisses lifting me onto a desk wrapping my legs around his waist

"I don't know but this has to stay between us I'm not breaking up with K.C you have to understand that. No one can find out about whatever this is" I say breathlessly before moaning at the feeling of his lips getting as close to my breast as my shirt would allow gently sucking the skin

He kisses his way up to my earlobe nipping it gently "anything" he whispers seductively

"mmm Eli as much as I'm enjoying this we need to stop class is going to start soon and someone could walk in" I pant wishing we didn't have to stop I hear him growl but he stops like I asked

"later? My house?" he questions

"I can't wait" I say as seductively as I can he smirks in response helping me off the desk before we walk out careful not to be noticed

After we go our separate ways I can't help but think about the last 24 hours not only did I cheat on my boyfriend last night I just agreed to have a full blown affair but why? Why did I chase after Eli and make this suggestion why was it so hard to watch him walk away confused doesn't even begin to describe my feelings I'm walking a dangerous line and I can't help but think I'll eventually lose my balance.