Back to Me
Song lyrics by 3 Doors Down
Veronica Mars – pre Season 1 / Logan's POV of his relationship with a certain blonde
A/N: I don't know what it is about 3DD and their ability to tap into my psyche because I instantly heard Logan speaking when this song played for the first time. These are snippets of the relationship as it plays out.
I have poured out my heart,
And laid it right here for you,
And I've tried so hard,
That's the best I can do.
Please understand I am not who I was.
He gasped for breath as he finished, barely able to keep himself from crushing her smaller body beneath him, his eyes instinctively searching her beautiful face for clues. He knew she wasn't a virgin any more than he was, but he still ached to make this special because it was the first time for them. She smiled brightly up at him, her hands gently threading through his thick brown hair, urging him to lie down next to her. Logan complied, tugging her into the curl of his body, dropping drowsy kisses along her bare shoulder.
"I love you, Lilly" he whispered into her skin when he was positive she was asleep.
You used to be all that I had,
Now you're just not what I need,
I've got to get over you and I know,
Then I can get back to me.
Logan's eyes narrowed as he watched Lilly flirting with the lifeguard, her long blond hair carelessly flicked back over one shoulder, one hand on the guy's arm. It was torture seeing her be so free with her affection when he wanted her to himself exclusively. He knew they were young yet, and it was too soon for such commitment, but it didn't stop him from needing somethingto belong to him alone.
Tears forget, that's more than I can do,
'Casue they don't wash away,
All the things that we've been through,
I've put behind me my share of the shame,
We could call villains but it's all in vain.
Lilly's arms encircled his bowed shoulders as her hands gently smoothed the neosporin into the deepest cut, something his father normally didn't leave behind. She didn't ask where he got the wound and he didn't volunteer the information, but he felt the care and concern in her touch. Logan pressed tear-wet lips to her collarbone in reverent thanks.
You used to be all that I had,
Now you're just not what I need,
I've got to get over you and I know,
Then I can get back to me.
She replaced her signature scent: that's when he first knewshe was cheating on him. For the last two years she wore a light floral perfume reminiscent of her namesake, but suddenly she started wearing a deeper muskier vanilla, playing it off as a necessary change in the evolution of Lilly Kane. Logan was positive change was involved, but more to do with who slid across her bed sheets than any thing to do with her character.
All of my life I've waited hoping,
Wanting you to see me the way that I am,
But now I know, that I'm not alone
Someone understands.
Logan leaned over, his hand raising to gently cradle Yolanda's face. She was nothing like Lilly and he think that's why he kissed her. And, though he would deny it to his last breath, he was fully aware Ronnie had returned and was watching them; he always knew when she was around, an almost sixth sense he'd nicknamed his Marsdar. He'd spotted her tiny silver purse lying on the table and realized the sheriff's daughter would never leave without trying to find it first. Maybe that's why he did it - why he kissed another girl despite the very real risk of getting caught. If Ronnie knew, then Lilly did too.
You used to be all that I had,
Now you're just not what I need,
I've got to get over you and I now,
Then I can get back to me.
He watched her slip away through the shadows, heels abandoned so her feet were silent on the concrete as she rendezvoused with his replacement. Shards of glass sheered through his flesh as he crunched athe cup in his hand. He'd come to this party because he thought he could get Lilly alone and try to reconcile after this last viscous breakup. Who was he without Lilly Kane? But as usual, he was chasing after a woman hell-bent on running away.
You've got to know that...
You used to be all that I had,
Now you're just not what I need,
I've got to get over you and I know,
Then I can get back to me.
Then I can get back to me
(Then I can get back to me)
Then I can get back to me.
Logan parked across the street from where the pep squad were doing their annual car wash fundraiser, eyes on the two blondes with their heads bent close together. He'd started the insane trip back to Neptune from Mexico because he was sure he'd come up with a fool-proof plan to win Lilly, yet the closer he got, the more he realized how foolish he was for constantly chasing a girl who didn't, couldn't love him the way he deserved. She might take him back this time, smooth over the jagged cracks of their relationship with insincere apologies and false promises of fidelity, but how long would that last? How long was he willing to settle for second-best? Shaking his head at his own stupidity, he blew a soft kiss to the unaware blond, and sped off, resolving to not look in his rear-view mirror as he left her behind.
