Being in this apartment again sitting on Eli's couch seems surreal it feels as though we've been staring at each other for hours trying to take in the fact that we're actually sitting here together we have yet to take our eyes off each other it's as if he thinks I'm going to vanish into thin air perhaps a sick trick of his mind. I feel like I'm going to wake up and he'll be gone i'll be back in my house with my husband living a lie of a life. Looking at Eli he really hasn't changed all that much he's matured quite well he's still just as good looking and his messy bed head is as attractive as it ever was. I never realized how much I missed the little things about him until now but with him sitting in front of me I can't help but feel like I never want to go without those things again. I know I shouldn't go down this road we can't be together but he's like my drug no matter how long I stay away one look into his emerald eyes and I fall right back into them.

"So what do i owe the pleasure of you showing up at my doorstep considering you were crying I'm gonna assume it isn't a pleasant visit?" Eli asks breaking the silence looking at me with awaiting eyes.

Am i really about to tell him about what brought me here?

"my husband" I whisper quietly after thinking for a moment testing is reaction of the topic before going into detail.

"I see what happened?" His words came across sincere however I could see what looked like hurt in his eyes.

"He, he wants a divorce" I tell him letting The the words fall from my lips for the first time to the last person I thought I would ever tell.

"do you wanna talk about it?" he asks cautiously

"He was cheating on me with his ex girlfriend I'm not sure for how long but she's pregnant. I shouldn't be hurt we weren't really happy anyway but still I can't help but think I failed as a wife and pushed him to her"

"It's not your fault Clare, you can't make someone cheat on you. He's just an idiot and didn't realize what he had" He spoke calmly but his voice was stern making his point clear.

"you don't know that Eli. We tried to have a baby; he really wanted to be a father but after a year it never happened nothing worked. Who wants a wife that can't give them something that should be so simple" I try to hold my tears back but to no avail they come and before I know it I'm sobbing. I've never told anyone about this and saying it outloud is overwhelming. Within a moment I felt familiar strong arms holding me tightly for the second time tonight.

"I promise everything will be okay don't cry he's not worth it, what he did is not your fault there are other ways to have a baby don't make excuses for him being a Jackass"

I can't help but laugh I'm not sure if what Eli said was even remotely funny or if I'm just going insane from everything that's happened tonight by the bewildered look he was giving me when I looked up from his chest I'm assuming it's the latter. Wait; he's still holding me, smiling to myself I breath in his scent and feelings and memories flood back he smells exactly the same as he did in high school; a mixture of warm vanilla his cologne and, a smell that can only be described as his it's one of the most intoxicating smells I've ever encountered I could never get tired of it in moments like these it's pure comfort.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry it wasn't funny I don't know what's wrong with me" I apologize sincerely after my laughing fit stops.

"As hurt as I am that you think my kindness is hysterical, I'd rather you laugh at my attempts to console you than cry so go ahead and laugh all you want" he said donning his signature smirk that never fails to make my heart race even now when it shouldn't.

"Eli, do you ever think about our son?" I ask quietly playing with my hands to avoid eye contact with him. Suddenly I feel his warm hands lift my chin up so that I'm looking at him.

"all the time" the tone of his voice causes me to get goose bumps while our eyes are locked I can't help the urge to kiss him but I fight that urge.

Before i can reply I'm cut off by the sound of heavy rain pouring outside followed by roaring thunder. Perfect just what I need tonight a thunderstorm to drive home in; I'm terrible at driving in heavy rain and I've always had a fear of bad storms.

"great" I whisper to myself sounding defeated.

"you can stay here" Eli says eagerly before realizing he may have crossed a line "You know if that's not weird for you no pressure" he adds causally.

I could tell how nervous he was waiting for what my reaction to his offer would be, over the years I've learned to read his body language and facial expressions without any effort as I'm sure he can read mine it becomes second nature. My head is telling me to kindly turn down the offer to stay forget about the rain get in my car and drive home; Home… where is home? I'm certainly not going back to the house where all my stuff remains after tonight's revelations. That place is not home all it ever was; was a lie. why can't old friends who happened to have a serious long term relationship have a sleep over Right? Okay so I know better than that but ignorance is bliss.

"sure, thanks." I accept with a smile I can't help but blush at the shy smirk that appears on his lips in return.

After a bit of expected awkwardness we decide to watch t.v. for a while before going to bed. Once we got comfortable all awkwardness melted away and somehow even after everything that happened tonight we were joking and laughing like we were back in high school. It feels amazing like I'm finally free and don't have to try I i can just be me, I never had that with kaleb it was always as if something was expected of me.

After some persuading Eli convinced me into playing twenty one questions I lost count at four and that was at least an hour ago. We started out with fairly simple questions but the game has slowly been intensifying but I'm blindsided with the boldness of Eli's current question.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if certain things hadn't happened, you if we would have been stayed together or maybe even married right now?" His question was vary to the point no joking or sarcasm.

Five minutes later I'm still sitting here uncertain of how to respond, the way he's looking at me directly in my eyes so intently isn't helping it's like he's trying to read my thoughts before i can put them together to form a sentence the intensity is enough to cause my breathing pick up. Sure the answer is actually simple; of course I wonder I've thought about it a million times but I just can't get over what happened. I never wanted to have to miss Eli i wanted to be with him forever I don't think I could ever be that in love again but being with Eli wasn't an option after that. Love can be cruel sometimes.

"Yes" I finally answer simply not wanting to drag it out.

"okay" I could see his facial features shift as he thought finally reaching acceptance after taking in my answer. It was silent for another moment before he spoke again. "so your turn. Make it good." he said with sarcasm and raising an eyebrow taking some of the tension out of the air.

"did you have a serious relationship after me?" it was word vomit I don't even know how I let that come out of my mouth sure I'm curious but do I really want to know? Even after all this time and a marriage the thought of Eli loving someone else being with someone else intimately I can't even fathom that.

"yes" He responded the same simple way I had when I answered his question but that one word caused a pang in my heart that I wasn't expecting.