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Dear Alec,

I miss you. I watch out my window to see if you ever walk past. I see you around town but you don't see me. I see the pain in your face even as you laugh. The tears in your eyes as you pass our places. I see the tension in your jaw when you hear our song. I feel it too. I do. I see you at night, staring up at my window. I can't let you know I'm here. I want to let you know I'm here. I still love you.
I want you to know that no matter what happens I was always there. I've always been here. And here I shall stay. I want to let you know that I'm still in love with you. I feel your pain. My heart hurts too. I suppose I'm just too used to it. Too used to feeling pain. I've had my heart broken for so long and I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could mend it. I thought I had started to mend. I can feel it coming back. The draw to the dark magics. The darkness seeps in at night. That's why I stay up. I've gone back to my old vices. They keep away the pain. I drink to erase the pain. I smoke to erase the memories. They keep away the darkness. I can feel it coming. I can feel it taking up your empty space. The darkness. I me. I've never been this afraid before. You were my armour and now you're gone. And it's my fault. It's my fault you're gone. I can't help it though. I can't bring you back. I can't expose you to the darkness that rages inside of me. I need it gone. I need you back. I need your love. But I can't have it. I know that. I don't deserve your love and you don't deserve mine. It can't be controlled though. Love is as strong as fear. And I feel both. They are at war inside me. I can feel it. Both the good and the bad survive in my soul. The love and the hate. The dark and the light. I'm tearing myself apart trying to stay good for you. I don't know how much longer I'll last.
I need you.
I need you so much more than you will ever know.

Eternal love,
Magnus