A/N: I hope you like this chapter, please read and review. If you like it I will keep going, so feel free to comment and make suggestions. Thanks. Oh Before I forget I don't own anything, like I've said before.
The resignation.
Gil Grissom entered the lab and headed straight to his office. It was as he left it, except that the pile of paperwork he had left there before the conference was gone.
He smiled to himself when he remembered Catherine's phone call asking him if he had deliberately left it all for her and that he owed her big time when he got back.
He was early for shift, so after dropping his briefcase and files on his desk he headed for the break room. No-one else was there yet, but he hadn't really expected anyone except maybe Sara to be there yet. He made himself a cup of coffee and headed back to his office.
Settling behind his desk, he took note of the pile of mail and decided to start with that. He was about halfway through the pile when he happened upon two notes from the lab Director. Opening the first one, he scanned it quickly, not understanding what it meant. However once he had read the second note it became clearer.
Taking off his glasses he leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face. He felt physically sick all of a sudden. This was not happening. How could she do this? Why would she do this? Putting his glasses back on, he leant on the desk and re-read the note from Carvallo.
CSI Level 3 Sara Sidle has resigned from this lab to take up a position elsewhere. Her resignation is effective from June 6th.
Signed R. Carvallo
Director.
Grissom couldn't think straight, in fact he was having trouble even breathing. He just sat staring at the note.
That was how Catherine found him at the beginning of the shift. She had come looking for him because he was late handing out assignments.
"Welcome back Gil" she said as she entered his office.
When she got no response from him she became concerned and moved to stand by his desk.
"Gil!" Concern made her voice a bit louder. "Gil what's wrong?"
"Did you know about this Catherine?" he asked, his voice harsh as he waved the paper at her. "Did you think it would be funny to see my reaction?" He was angry now.
"Whoa buster, don't take your jet lag out on me" she raised her voice at him. "I don't know what you're talking about. Did I know about what? As far as I know nothing major has happened around here while you were gone."
He shoved the paper he was holding at her and let his head fall back into his hands.
Catherine read the note through twice, before sitting heavily in the chair opposite him.
"I did not know anything about this Gil" she told him, her voice full of surprise. "She has had two weeks off, vacation. I don't think she has told anyone. This says June 6, that's only today." She stopped speaking and looked at the slumped posture of the man opposite her. She knew he had feelings for Sara, but he looked as if he had lost his last friend on earth.
"Look Gil, why don't you give me the assignments and I'll get them started. Then I'll come back"
"Ah…. Yeah, here, there is only one" he grabbed the slip and handed it to her and she was shocked by the sadness in his eyes.
She turned to leave. "No problem Gil"
"Ahm Cath?"
She turned at his voice.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said" he said sadly.
"Hey Gil?" she gave him a small smile. "Why don't you try calling her?"
Please don't try and contact me. Not yet. Maybe someday we can get past this "Ah…. Yeah I….I think I will."
When she had left and closed the door behind her, he took out his cell phone and hit speed dial 2. All he got was a message.
The number you are calling is no longer in use.
As he placed the phone back on his desk he frowned. With sudden insight he grabbed the rest of his mail and thumbed through it.
"She wouldn't leave without telling me why, there has to be something here." He hoped he was right.
Finally he came to an envelope with his name on it, nothing else, in handwriting that was familiar. His hands shook as he opened it, and he was not really sure if he wanted to know what it had to say or not.
My dear Grissom,
I want you to know that my decision to leave was not a spur of the moment thing. It is something that I have been considering for a while now, but everything just fell into place at once.
I am so sorry that you had to find out from Director Carvallo, but please believe me when I say that it is better this way. I know that if I had talked to you face to face that I would waver and eventually be unable to leave, it wouldn't be the first time
.
(Grissom remembered when she had asked to leave once before and he had sent her a plant hoping to changer her mind.)
You see Grissom, I can't seem to break this hold that you have on my heart and I know that leaving is the only way I can move forward. I have loved you for a long time, but I think you already know that.
(Once again Grissom's thoughts drifted back to a conversation where Sara had told him that he had always been more than a boss to her.)
For a while I thought that maybe you felt the same way. But the fact that you don't feel that I'm worth the risk makes it so hard to stay in Vegas and work with you every day.
(Grissom's heart sank as he realised that she had heard his conversation with Dr. Lurie.)
I can't handle the push and pull game you play Grissom, not anymore. It's too hard. I don't want to feel this way anymore.
and be friends again. I think I would like that because you have always been an important part of my life.
But now it is time for both of us to move on with our lives.
Please tell everyone that I am so sorry for not saying goodbye, but I don't think I could have handled that.
All my love.
Sara.
Grissom put down the letter and took off his glasses. He could feel the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes.
"What have I done?" he thought.
He thought back to that moment in the interview room where he had told a suspect that he could not risk everything for love and he knew now that Sara had been there. How could he be so stupid? He was a coward that's why. Scared to take a chance at happiness, scared to admit to the one woman he cared about more than anything that he loved her.
As his eyes shone with unshed tears he remembered a conversation from the past.
"I wish I was like you Grissom, I wish I didn't feel anything."
But he did feel, and right now he felt like a drowning man. The one thing that kept him afloat in this sea of death and depravation was gone.
And it was all his fault.
TBC
