Survival of the Stupidest

Disclaimer: I Do not own Pokémon.


EPISODE 2: The Viridian Forest


Let's get this show on the road!

. . . . . . . . d(^-^)b . . . . . . . .

"Ripley~…"

"Ripleeeeeeey~…"

"RIPLEEEEE-"

"SHUT UP!" The dark haired girl bashed the twins in the head, the Jigglypuff on her shoulder cheering at their loss. The other three Pokémon carried on like their owners hadn't just gotten pummeled.

Seth whined, rubbing his head, "Why are we going so slowly?"

"Yeah," Cole chimed in, "We could get to Pewter by tomorrow yet you're taking the long way around!"

"Because," She started in an obvious tone, "We'll get more opportunities to catch Pokémon when we try and face off the gym leader there."

"Hey, isn't that leader rock type?" Seth asked and Ripley nodded, both going pale. Cole laughed at their expense.

"Fire isn't good enough, huh?"

"Says the one who doesn't even know his owns weakness…" Ripley muttered. They continued on it silence, enjoying the scenery around them when Seth suddenly clapped. It scared the daylights out of those around him, who had been lost in thought.

"Geez, Seth, don't do that…" His brother muttered, clutching his chest. Ripley sighed in relief but he paid no mind.

"We have to name him!" he pointed triumphantly at the Jigglypuff who giggled. Ripley blinked down at the pink Pokémon in her arms.

"Name him? Well, it'll have to be something we all agree on."

"I vote we name him something awesome and cool that will make our opponents tremble!" Cole pointed at the tree tops as if he himself has already conquered the world.

"No way." Seth and Ripley deadpanned, making him face plant.

"Fine then," He stood, brushing his pants off, "What do you suppose we name him?"

"Puff!" The Pokémon chimed and Seth smacked his hands together.

"That's it!"

"What is?"

"We'll name him…" They leaned in. "…Hopper!"

Both Ripley and Cole sighed.

"I thought it was gonna be cool…"

"Can't say I didn't expect that…with Loady…"

"Jiggly! Puff! Puff!" the Pokémon laughed and Ripley grinned.

"He's already given himself a name!"

"Huh?"

She held him up, "We'll name him Puff!"

"Puff?!"

Cole huffed, "That's so lame."

"Really, Ripley?"

"He seems to like it." She pouted, hugging the Jigglypuff closer to her. The twins sighed before they continued through the woods, the sun slowly disappearing down into the trees. Ripley frowned at this.

"We should set up camp soon…"

"Nah, we're okay." Seth waved off.

"Besides, only weak Pokémon live here."

Still uncertain, she merely nodded, "I guess so…but when it gets dark, we should camp out. I don't feel like wasting sleep on blindly running around."

"Whatever you say."

. . . . . . . . \(^0^)/. . . . . . . .

Seth woke up the following morning with a headache, quickly noticing the triangle they had made with their sleeping bags around the downed campfire. Their Pokémon were sleeping snuggly next to their owners, Loady having planted himself directly next to the fire as their ultimate lighter.

The red head yawned, stretching, before crawling out of the bag, "Hey, everybody, wake up. It's morning."

Cole groaned, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "Why is the sun so bright?"

"Because it's hot."

"No shit Sherlock." He grumbled, standing up and stretching as his brother folded their sleeping bags, "Who's gonna wake up Ripley?"

"Char!" Loady cheered, wasting no time in dog piling the dark haired girl. She squeaked, rolling out of the bag and scowling. The twins were laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up wise guys." She growled, standing up and gazing around their temporary campsite, "we should get moving. Who knows what trouble we'll attract?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"We're on it."

"Why is the sun…" Ripley muttered, turning towards it and narrowing her eyes. Then they widened, "AW, CRAP!"

"What?" Seth jolted.

Cole tensed as well, holding out his rolled up bag as a shield, "Something wrong?!"

"It's not morning!" Ripley pointed at the sun, already high in the sky, "its noon!"

"WHAT?!"

She roughly threw her bag together, shoving everything that was out of place into the back packs, "Hurry up! We have to get moving now!"

The twins were already sprinting away, Pokémon following.

"WAIT FOR ME, YOU TWITS!" She hollered, grabbing Puff and running after them with Sliver hot on her heels. She eventually caught up to them as they slowed to a jog. They were all panting.

"Whose bright idea was it to stay up all night?" Seth grumbled.

Cole snorted, "Maybe the moon?"

"It was you and your stupid ideas." Ripley pointed accusingly at the twins who sulked. They continued through the forest, keeping an eye out for any Pokémon, but had no such luck in seeing one.

"We have to at least get one before we get to Pewter." Cole complained and Seth muttered something foul. Ripley dug into her pant pocket.

"Hold on, lemme look at the map real qu- Uh oh."

"What?" They turned to her. Her face was pale.

"I forgot the map."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Sorry! You guys woke me up so early I didn't remember!"

"How is that our fault?"

"You could have ignored us!"

"Shut up!" She smacked their shoulders, "Because of you guy's we're completely lost!"

"What do you mean we're lost?!" Seth yelped.

"I blame Milo!"

"Yeah, me too!"

"Let's go beat him up!" They yelled and Ripley grabbed the back of their hoodie's to stop them.

"Idiots! The only place we could be right now is the Viridian Forest."

They stopped resisting the give her blank stares, "And that means?"

"And that means there's a whole new range of Pokémon to capture around here. Pidgey, Weedil, Spearow, Caterpie (MINE!), JigglyPuff, Pikachu, and-"

"Ripley."

"Huh?"

"I still want my Caterpie!"

She smacked her forehead at Cole's pouty look, "Fine! We'll get your damn worm!"

He fist pumped, his brother rolling his eyes at his antics. Gaia did the deed of smacking his owner with a vine, everyone laughing when the boy tumbled face first into the ground.

"Geez," Seth snorted as Cole picked himself off the ground, "How low can you get?"

"What was that, wise guy?"

"Exactly as I said it, Squirtle smurf!

"Bring it, Rhyhorn fart!"

"You're on, Snorlax drool!"

"Sliver, Ember." Ripley commanded calmly as her Pokémon lit her traveling partners on fire. They squawked and started rolling around on the ground, yelling insults at each other for not 'taking it like a man' whatever that means. She rolled her eyes.

"Are you two gonna keep throttling each other or are we gonna move on?"

Groggily, they stood from their fire onslaught.

"That was mean, Ripley."

"We'd never light you on fire."

"Bullshit." She grumbled, "You wouldn't think twice when you saw that lighter."

They pouted, "It was only-"

"Moving on!"

Loady cheered and Gaia grumpily followed with Sliver at his side. Puff continued to jump up and down in Ripley's arms, exclaiming its happiness to the world. Cole gave it an irritated look.

"Will you tell him to pipe down? It's starting to get annoying."

"He's just happy is all. Besides, he's supposed to sing."

"Yeah, but that almost sounds like he's tone-"

"WAH! Loady! Don't eat that! It's poisonous!"

The two jolted, staring wide eyed where a certain Charmander had tackled a berry bush, looking guilty as he wiped his blue covered mouth. You could practically see Seth's soul leave his body, "Just perfect…"

Cole cackled, "Oh boy, now we've got a poisoned Pokémon."

He was roughly punched in the shoulder by the girl next to him, "Jerk. Look what you did."

They stared blankly as both Seth and Loady wailed, hugging each other like they were going to die any minute. Cole was having a hard time suppressing his snickers. Ripley rolled her eyes and opened her backpack.

"Seth, I have some antidote here. Stop bawling and give it to him."

The trainer lit up like Christmas, beaming and taking the small potion extended to him like it was the Holy Grail, "Thanks so much!"

Then he proceeded to lift Loady off the ground into a hug, "You're gonna live!"

"Char!"

"Stop swinging him around or else you'll spread the poison!" Ripley snapped. After the antidote was chugged and Gaia quit hitting Cole and of course Seth got a tissue, they moved on. Unfortunately, they didn't get far.

"Hey, does anyone get the feeling we're being followed?" Cole murmured, glancing anxiously behind them. The other two looked behind and shrugged.

"Now that you mention it, it does feel rather strange…" Ripley whispered.

Seth tensed, "You don't think we're about to be ambushed by ninja's do you?"

"Oh crap. I forgot to pack my anti-ninja underwear."

"I'm serious, Cole!"

"I 'am too!

"Shush!" Ripley shoved their faces away, "Look at Sliver!"

The Growlithe was frozen, staring directly off into the underbrush, ears perked and eyes narrowed. The other Pokémon were tense, gazing around intently for what couldn't be seen. The three trainers gulped.

"Back to back!" Cole hissed and they nodded, standing with their backs to each other in a triangle formation, their Pokémon in front of them.

"Call out any sightings." Seth whispered.

Tense silence followed. It lasted for ten long minutes before something sprang out of the bushes. Seth was the first to take action since it was in front of him.

"Loady! Ember!"

"Char!" Fire shot out of the Charmander's mouth, missing the assailant as it suddenly appeared in front of Cole too. The boy paled, quickly backing up, only to stumble into Ripley.

"Hey, watch it!"

"It's right-"

They were both thrown aside, landing roughly on the ground a few feet from where they previously stood. Seth glanced around frantically for their attacker before Loady was roughly kicked away, "Loady! Shit!"

And then the attacker stood before him.

. . .

. . .

. . .

"Cole…Ripley…"

They groaned, looking up to where Seth stood rigid. Ripley was the first to respond, "What is- Oh…Crap."

In front of them, stood a monkey.

A Mankey.

"Oh wow."

"A monkey ninja."

"Bet you're really wishing for that underwear right about now."

"SHUT UP AND TAKE IT OUT!" Ripley snapped, Sliver going into action by tackling the furry creature to the ground. Cole stood beside Gaia.

"Vine Whip!"

"Saur!"

The green tentacles lashed out, aiming for the monkey Pokémon. The Growlithe retreated, giving room for the attack, only to be assaulted by a barrage of punches. He growled, backing away as the Mankey took on a defensive stance.

The three trainers stared in awe as it leaped at Sliver, both collided into fang and fist. Ripley tensed, "Sliver! Bite its fist and use Ember!"

The Growlithe obeyed, letting itself get hit a few times before latching onto the Mankeys hand. Sliver's mouth ignited, the entirety of the Pokémon's arm going up in flames. It squealed, shaking the fire dog frantically in hopes of getting it off. It stubbornly stayed.

Eventually, the monkey collapsed into a steaming mess similar to the Spearow before. Sliver sat triumphantly next to it, looking like its bruises didn't affect him at all as he barked. The group cheered.

"Woohoo! That was awesome. Like, Kung-Fu awesome!" Cole did his own air punch, grinning down at Gaia. Seth had scrambled over to his Pokémon, helping Loady up onto wobbly feet.

"That sure was something." He agreed quietly, his Charmander cheering even with its injuries.

"Sliver!" Ripley was gushing with Puff in her arms," Best. Pokémon. EVER! He beat that fighting type right like WHAM! And BOOM! And-"

"You're starting to sound like Cole." Seth pointed out, said boy was gawking. Ripley choked, turning pale.

"No way! I'm just proud of him is all!"

Her Growlithe barked and they all turned their attention to the Mankey. Seth frowned, "I don't feel right leaving him here all banged up like that. Especially with his arm burnt to a crisp."

Ripley flushed under the accusing gazes, "O-Okay, I guess we did go a bit overboard."

Sliver snorted. The Mankey twitched.

"Well then, who's gonna take him?" Cole put his hands on his hips. Seth tapped his chin in thought while Ripley pet Sliver, also in thought. There was a pregnant silence before a metaphorical light bulb seemed to go over Seth's head.

"I got it! We should do it based off the next gym leader!"

"Huh?"

"Think about it," He raised a finger, "If we only have weak Pokémon against rock, there's no way we'll get the badge! So, I think we should consider trading."

"Between us?" Ripley blinked, glanced at Cole, then back at Seth, "But how would that work? Wouldn't that be cheating?"

"Not really. The leader could be a bit suspicious but they probably get like, what, twenty visitors a day. Something about a battle every hour. But it's not like they'd notice the same Pokémon again and again."

"Okay then. Who's trading?" Cole asked.

"Well, Ripley and I have Sliver and Loady- they don't do well against rock types so their out of the question. Flying doesn't do that well either, so we can forget about your baby bird you have. Bugs don't have much of anything on rock but I guess if we evolve my Weedil and your future Caterpie we might have a chance."

"Wow."

"He's smart."

"Shut it! I'm not finished!" Seth huffed, "Puff can't do anything against rock anyway while Gaia is super powerful against it."

"Wait," Ripley stood, "Doesn't Charmander learn some metal claw ability? Doesn't that work against rock?"

"We'll see." Seth nodded.

Cole grumbled, "I have to share Gaia with you dorks? So lame…"

"Not really. If we give the Mankey to Ripley-"

"Hold it right there!" She seethed, "Why do I have to take it?"

"You're weak." They deadpanned. She deflated instantly.

"Stupid twins…"

"Hehehe!"

Reluctantly, the dark haired girl captured the Mankey. Sliver didn't look too enthused about the talk they just had, but Puff just kept doing his little dance, now having migrated to Ripley's shoulder.

"Alright," Seth grinned and Loady cheered, "Let's move out!"

. . . . . . . . \(^-=)/ . . . . . . . .

They didn't get far when Cole's dreams were crushed. At first, they were wary.

"There's something over there." Seth whispered, gesturing to a cluster of rocks. The other two nodded, their Pokémon watching intently. Seth made a hand sign to Cole whole rolled his eyes and crawled over to the rocks.

Seth and Ripley followed shortly when he froze. "Crap, is it more Mankey's?"

"Well, good or bad? It's more fighting types."

"Sliver can't take too many out."

Said Pokémon growled in disagreement. They ignored, peeking over the rocks. Seth furrowed his eyebrows at a figure perked up under a tree, "What's that shadow over there..?"

Ripley's eyes widened, "Is that a…?"

"CAPTERPIE!?" Cole grabbed Gaia, launching away from the rocks and settling in front of the tree. The Bulbasaur growled at him but was ignored as he pointed enthusiastically at the hiding Pokémon, "Gaia! Vine whip!"

He obeyed and both Ripley and Seth gaped as it dragged the Pokémon out…only…

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Cole screeched, staring wide eyed at the half asleep Pidgey. It was pretty bulky for a Pokémon it's size, yawning as it groggily tried to go back to sleep, completely ignoring the vines wrapped around its body. Even Gaia looked stunned.

Seth face palmed and Ripley smacked her head on a rock.

"That idiot…"

"Of all things to do…"

"Stupid bird!" He picked up a rock, glaring at the now fully asleep Pidgey. Seth rocketed out of their hiding place while Ripley almost had a heart attack.

"IDIOT! Don't hurt the poor guy because of your stupidity!"

"Cole!" Seth tackled his brother the ground, startling Gaia into letting the bird go, who only dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Ripley watched blankly as the twins started to beat each other up.

"Rhyhorn fart!"

"Snorlax drool!"

"ABRA EYES!"

"SHUT UP!" Ripley smashed their heads together, effectively breaking up the scuffle. They groaned, standing up on shaky legs.

"You didn't have to do that, Ripley."

"That hurt."

"And they wonder why stupidity hasn't been cured." She muttered under her breath before pointing at the Pidgey, "Well?"

Cole scowled, "What?"

"You got him, aren't you gonna capture him?"

"Hell no! It's the devil!"

"I will!" Seth chirped, pulling out a Pokéball. Cole sulked as he captured it, trudging away with Gaia following.

"One day we'll get that Caterpie…one day…"

Ripley snorted and followed with Seth, their Pokémon behind them. Puff was doing some vocals on her shoulder, much to the twin's aggravation of how tone deaf the thing was. Ripley merely grinned.

Then Cole collapsed.

"What the heck?" Seth blinked, staring at his twitching brother. Gaia poked him and he weakly pointed ahead. Ripley followed where he was pointing and grinned, shoving away some foliage.

"Guys, look!"

They did, one despairing and the other grinning.

A city lay before them.

"It's Pewter! We made it through!"

"Woohoo!" Seth cheered, high fiving Ripley. Their Pokémon gave their own signature woops of joy while Cole remained in the fetal position.

"My Butterfree…"

"C'mon wierdo," Seth grabbed his brother by the hoodie and started dragging him off with the others, "Time to meet Pewter."

"When I'm dead!"

"That could be arranged."

"Asshole!"

"HEEEY! Guys!" Ripley waved from down the hill, "Hurry up or you'll be eating ramen later!"

"Oh hell no!"

"WAIT UP!"

And they sprinted all the way there.

. . . . . . . . (o^-')b . . . . . . .

Next Episode…

"He finally got his worm."

"That white light…is it…?"

"An evolution!"

"A Metapod versus a Kakuna?! How thick can you get!?"

"The first gym leader is some guy named Brock."

"Guy's! Look what I found!"

"Yes! The Boulder Badge!"

"IT'S FAKE!?"

Next time, on SoS!