Okay, just know that I'm uploading the Prologue, Chapter One and Chapter Two in bulk, so I don't have much to say, other than please leave a review if you want more!
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Chapter One: Another Meeting
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My name is Kaito Shion. I'm 21 years old. I'm your typical shy nerdy guy, who dresses smart nearly all the time for no reason, wears glasses, and who dedicates most of his life to studying and doing well. I'm currently on a break from University, since I want to take some time to travel the world, meet more people and try to make my family proud of me. I settled down in a fairly big Japanese town, where there's a good mix of countryside and busy streets. I'm living by myself in a small house, paying for the rent with a job at one of the local libraries.
It has been about one month since my encounter with Gakupo. It was hard to forget about him for the first week or so. He gave me something that no one else has for years. And the fact that we went so far with each other... But I think it's for the best. I don't know. I haven't found anyone new. There's a lot of girls here, and I know quite a few, but it seems as though they're not interested in me. Once again, just like back in high school, I'm that 'nice guy' friend of theirs.
Currently, I'm working away in the local library. It's usually a quiet place - not many people come here. So I spend most of my working days stacking the shelves up with books upon books. While I'm sitting in the staff room, flipping through one of my favourite books, another employee approaches me.
"Hey, Kai-kun!" comes her bubbly greeting.
I glance up, recognising that voice straight away. I smile, lowering my glasses slightly. "Morning. I see you ended up surviving waking up early."
She giggles. "Yep, I somehow managed!" This member of staff - and one of my close friends - is Rin Kagamine. She's 20 years old. She plops down on a chair next to me. "I'm still exhausted, though." Rin and I became friends when we started work at the library around the same time. We made friends with a customer who came in regularly, and we formed our own little trio. Our other close friend is Miku, who works at a coffee shop part-time, that's just down the road. They're the only two who know about what I did with Gakupo. I've known them long enough, so I trust them.
I let out a sigh, rubbing my eyes. "Mmhh..."
Rin glances at me. "Tired? Come on, Kai-kun. I'm the one who should be tired," she says, giving me a lecture.
I shake my head. "Yeah, I know. I didn't get much sleep last night."
She frowns. "Did you... think about Gakupo-san...?" she hesitantly asks.
I look down, feeling my chest tighten at the mention of his name, along with the memories from last night. I had a dream about him during the night. "Well... Yeah," I admit. "I just- I feel so stupid about what happened."
Rin smiles softly, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, you don't have to feel bad about it. It was a mistake, and mistakes happen. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything, you know," she says.
I nod. "I know... Thank you, Rin-chan," I reply, giving her a weak smile. I pat Rin's hand and stand up. "Look, I better go stack up the high shelves. I've been meaning to do that, so Meiko-san can get off my back."
Rin pretends to shudder at the mention of Meiko's name. Meiko is our manager. "Ooohh, god... I can just hear her nagging voice now..."
Right on cue, Meiko's sharp, loud voice can be heard from the other end of the fairly big-sized library. "KAITOOOO! I NEED YOU OVER HERE NOOOWW!"
Rin covers her ears as Meiko shrieks my name. "Geez..."
I laugh. "Well, before she digs my grave, I better go over there. Seeya, Rin-chan."
"Mmhm. Peace!" she waves.
I walk out of the staff room and walk towards the other end of the library, knowing that Meiko is probably near the higher-up book shelves. As annoying as she is, she's my manager, so I have to act nice. I put on a smile, despite the fact that she's wearing an impatient grimace. "Good morning, Meiko-san."
"Mornin'. Took you long enough to get over here. Did you have fun lounging around in the staff room?" Meiko remarks. This woman is about six years older than me - she's taller and scarier, with a natural resting sharp glare.
"Sorry, I was getting a coffee," I apologetically bow. This is a lie, since I was just sitting around and reading a book, but Rin should be preparing a coffee and drinking it up to cover for me.
Meiko sighs. "Well, coffee break is over." That's when I notice a ladder leaning against the shelf, along with a load of books on a pushing trolley.
"Do I have to sort out the top shelf?" I ask.
"You do. Good deduction," Meiko grins. "Go on. I'll check back in half an hour. I have to go sort out that lazy Kagamine." With that, she walks away.
I laugh quietly to myself. Good luck, Rin. I let out a sigh, looking up to the top shelf. It's pretty high up. I hate heights and I hate climbing on this very unstable-feeling ladder. It's like I'm going to fall over at any moment on it. But money is money.
I take four books from the trolley, hoping to make this nice and quick if I take more than two at a time. Then, I slowly start to climb up the ladder, using one hand to support myself. As I get further up, I start to regret my decision. I picked some books that aren't particularly light to carry, and the ladder feels more unstable than usual. "Uughh... Just don't look down..." I mutter to myself, forcing myself to continue.
When I'm about half way up, I start to feel the ladder shake a little as I lift my leg up to take the next step. My eyes grow wide as I realise what's going to happen. I try to move lightly, so that it doesn't shake as much. I attempt to take a step down, but the ladder begins to wobble uncontrollably. I grip the books tightly, as they're about to slip out of my arm, all while trying to keep the ladder steady. "Ohhh, shiiit-!"
I grab hold of the step above me, expecting to fall at any second. Why delay the inevitable, right? However, I suddenly feel the shaking stop. Did someone save me? Meiko... or Rin...? I let out a sigh of relief. "Th-Thank you, you really-" I turn around as I talk, to thank whoever saved me from falling and probably breaking something. My speech trails off as I see who's on the bottom of the ladder, holding it tightly.
"Holy shit," comes their surprised response.
Gakupo?!
Fuck, fuck, fuck- Where did he come from? Am I dreaming? Is it just Rin? We stare at each other, both equally as shocked as each other. No... Those eyes... It's really him. In shock, his grip loosens on the ladder, causing it to wobble slightly again.
"Uwah!" I gasp, wrapping my free arm around the ladder to hold on.
"Ah, shit!" He quickly grabs the bottom of the ladder again. "Here, here. Let me help. You can finish whatever you're doing and I'll hold this for you."
I can't believe this. I turn my head back to its normal position, looking up to the top of the shelves. There's probably a really big noticeable blush on my face right now. All of those feelings I spent weeks concealing and working on getting over have come rushing back to me. Like a slap to the face. Ugh... My heart hurts so bad... It's beating really fast. I force myself up to the top of the ladder, finishing off my first bit of work. It takes me a good few minutes, but then I slowly make my way back down the ladder. I feel nervous all over again as I come to the bottom.
As I step off the ladder, Gakupo steps aside to let me onto the floor properly. I stare downward, wanting to say so many things to him, but I can't get any words out. Silence hangs between us for a good minute or so.
"Didn't expect to see you here," Gakupo eventually says, speaking up.
I weakly laugh. "Y-Yeah... Me neither. I mean... I... didn't expect you to... you know." God damn it. Why can't I talk properly?
"I know," he replies. In other words, 'shut up'.
Great. Now I can't stop getting memory flashes of what happened one month ago. There's no way he cares about me, though. Doesn't he have a girlfriend? I'm sure he does. Someone like him... I don't think a girl could resist. "So... Um... I've, uh, never seen you here before," I say, looking up and trying to make a conversation.
Gakupo shakes his head, seemingly snapping out of a trance. "Huh? Ah, yes. My Gumi wanted to move closer to her favourite library. So we... you know, just settled down around this area."
I can't help but feel jealous at the mention of her name. I remember her now. He left me on that night because he had to get back to Gumi. I'm surprised they worked it out between each other. It seems like they're closer than ever, as well, because he called her 'My' Gumi. Feeling bitter, I simply nod. "I see."
"I came in here today looking for her favourite books. She likes some manga but I'm not exactly an expert, so I'm not sure on where to look," Gakupo explains.
Tch. So? Does he want my help? Ugh, it's not like I can say no. I'm at work, after all. I let out a small sigh. I put on a smile, being the good customer service slave I am. "If you'd please follow me to the manga section, I'd be happy to help you out."
I can see a slight look of confusion on Gakupo's face. He probably didn't expect me to say that. "Yes, thank you."
I lead Gakupo towards the manga section, which is near the back of the library. As I approach, I can see an all too familiar head of short, neck-length blonde hair facing towards the manga section. Oh, hell no! Meiko must have made Rin sort out the manga today. I can feel my knees grow weak as I try to think of what to do. She'll probably faint when she sees him, or she might scream, or she might just do something bad that'll scare Gakupo off and make him think I'm a total freak!
Okay, calm down, Kaito. You really are being a freak. I take in a deep breath to steady myself and lead Gakupo to the manga section. "Here we are. Which manga would you like today?" As soon as I even breathe, I can feel Rin's stare digging into my back like tiny knives. Since I described almost every detail about Gakupo's appearance, she most definitely knows who I'm with now.
"Kai-kun?" comes her small squeak of shock.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is too much pressure. I can't deal with this! "One moment, Rin-chan. I'm helping a customer."
"Oh my GOD, is that who I think it is?!" She can't help herself, can she?
By now, I'm sweating profusely, trying to think of an excuse to make, while Gakupo looks at Rin and I with a bewildered expression. My heart is beating so fast.
"Uh... What am I missing here?" Gakupo reluctantly asks.
I suddenly feel myself grow light-headed. Yep, I can't take anymore. "I... I don't..."
"Ah-... Kai-kun?" Rin reaches her hand out.
"Kaito?"
I stumble backwards, trying to reach out to the bookshelf so I can steady myself. However, there's a sharp pain in my head as my vision starts to become blurred. I uncontrollably fall backwards, landing hard on my back, before hearing Rin and Gakupo shout my name in unison. And that's the last thing I hear before everything goes black.
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Where am I...? Everything is pitch black. I don't know what time it is. Or what day it even is. Wait, I can see someone up ahead. I start to make my way towards them in the darkness, reaching my hands out as I come closer. I rest my hands on their arms; I know who they are now. "Gakupo...? I thought you left me..."
Gakupo lifts his hand up and gently strokes my cheek. "I'd never leave you. I'm right here for you," he softly says. Our gazes connect; looking into each other's eyes lovingly.
I reach up on my tip-toes and connect my lips with Gakupo's, before closing my eyes. Before I know it, Gakupo and I are kissing deeply once more, just like we did a month ago. "Mmm... Gaku..."
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"Ga-Gakupo... Mmm...more..." I sleepily mumble, fading away from my dream world. I feel myself moving around, tilting my head back as I imagine Gakupo placing soft kisses all over my body. Suddenly, I jolt upwards, snapping out of my dream and waking up. Fuck.
Everyone is staring at me. Meiko, Rin and Gakupo. Meiko looks disgusted, Rin is trying to hold in her laughter... And Gakupo... He's leaning against one of the walls in the staff room, arms crossed, a leg propped up for support; his hair covering his face while he stares down at the floor.
"Glad to see you're finally awake!" Rin beams, still smirking.
"Ugh... My head..." I groan, rubbing the back of my head. "What happened?"
"Apparently you fell unconscious while showing this customer to the manga section," Meiko sighs, gesturing toward Gakupo.
I glance at him for a second. Why is he still here? I quickly look back at Meiko and Rin. "Oh... I remember now." Rin was embarrassing the hell out of me. Plus I don't do well under pressure.
"Will you be alright to continue work today?" Meiko asks.
"Umm, I... I don't..."
"I believe Kaito needs rest." Gakupo speaks up, interrupting me and Meiko. He looks toward us.
I blush slightly at him defending me. I see Rin and Meiko exchange glances.
Meiko shrugs. "Alright. Do you mind assisting Kaito-san on his way home, Rin-san?"
Before Rin can even answer, Gakupo interrupts again. "No, no. Allow me, ma'am," he says, taking a step forward. "Please. Your staff should continue their work. I believe I'm partly responsible for this, so it's the least I could do."
I look at Rin, who appears as though she's going to burst at any moment. Oh god, her shipping senses are going into overdrive right now, aren't they?
"Okay. Rin-san. Back to work!" Meiko orders.
Rin jumps slightly, then nods. "Yes, Meiko-san!" She quickly dashes out of the staff room. She's going to tease me so much later. Meiko follows her out, leaving Gakupo and I alone.
I sit up on the couch. They must have placed me here when I fell unconscious. Ugh. My head is still killing me. I swing my legs around and try to stand up. "Ah-!" With my knees apparently being weak, my legs give way and I almost drop down to my knees. Before I fall completely, Gakupo rushes to my side and lifts me up.
"Woah, woah- Careful there. You've been out for half an hour," he says.
I sigh. "Right. Thanks," I mumble. I don't know how to feel about having Gakupo walk me home. But I guess it's happening either way.
"Look. I have to tell you something, Kaito... About Gumi."
I clench my fists at the mention of her name. "I get it. You two are perfectly happy together and you can't get too close to me," I bitterly remark.
Gakupo laughs. "No, no. Gumi is my sister, Kaito."
I don't acknowledge this at first. "Yeah, yeah, I-" Wait, what? "Sister...?" I repeat.
He nods, trying to keep his laughter to himself. "I'll tell you more when we're back at your place, okay?"
I pout, wanting him to tell me now. "Hmph. Alright," I huff.
Gakupo cups my face with his hands, smiling sincerely. I look up at him, with a small blush. He leans down and places a soft kiss on my forehead. "I missed you, Kaito."
My eyes trail down as I scoff. I want to tell him I missed him too, but I still don't know how to feel around him. "Yeah, I'm sure you really did miss me."
Gakupo chuckles, letting go of my cheeks and stepping back. "Alright, lead the way."
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I showed Gakupo the way back to my home. When we finally got back, after a twenty minute walk, I expected him to leave me again. However, when he asked if he could come inside with me... I kind of panicked. I eventually decided it'd be okay if he stayed for a little bit. Besides, we had to talk.
So, now we're sitting in my living room. We've been sitting in awkward silence for at least five minutes now, making small talk every so often. I'm sitting on the main couch and Gakupo is too, except there's a seat between us. "Um... Want me to... get you a coffee or something?"
"Hmm...?" Gakupo looks up from his lap, turning his head to face me. "Oh. No thank you, Kaito. We should talk first, anyway."
"Alright," I sigh. I'm kind of nervous to have this talk.
"So... As you know, Gumi is my sister. My younger sister, actually. She's 12... my poor little Gumi..." Gakupo's voice grows quieter as he trails off, seemingly finding it hard to continue.
Starting to feel sympathy grow inside me, I shuffle along on the couch a little bit to get closer to Gakupo. I place my hand on top of his hands that are resting on his lap. I frown, giving him a look that says, 'take your time'.
Gakupo takes a breath, continuing to stare into his lap. "She's, uh... she's not doing too well. She's sick. Been in a wheelchair since she was 7. I don't know how the doctors managed to save her, but I'm so grateful. They're telling me she's getting worse, that she won't live past 13..." he explains, speaking slowly and reluctantly.
"Oh... Gakupo..." I'm not sure what to say. I'm an only child, so I don't know what it's like to have a sibling - a disabled one at that. "I-I'm so sorry."
He sniffles, becoming emotional. "My parents are... They're not here. They haven't been here for years. So I've had to become Gumi's caretaker. I... I've begrudged it for so long. Well, that was until last month. When I met you last month... That was my turning point. I was so sick of having to be with Gumi all day, every day, with my grandparents always nagging me and telling me a bunch of shit that I didn't want to hear." Gakupo clenches his hands into fists.
To calm him down, I gently stroke his arm with my hand. It's clear that he's angry, most likely at himself for seeing his sister as a burden.
Gakupo shakes his head, lifting his hand up to wipe his eyes. "So I snuck out. I haven't had a partner ever since I took on the care of my sister. I was just so overwhelmed and... and after we did what we did... I was hit with a powerful realisation. That I had left my sick, dying sister all by herself - without me, the one who she's known all her life as the best brother! It was so selfish of me. Which is why I had to go."
Damn it... Now I feel like crap for making a big deal out of it. "Gakupo, I..." I don't know what to say. Will he even forgive me?
"Please Kaito, you have to understand. I would have loved to spend the rest of the night with you, holding you tight... But I had to get back to my sister. The day after that, I decided I had to get my act together. That I couldn't hate my little sister anymore. Which is why I had to make sure we didn't see each other again," Gakupo says, his tone becoming more frantic and desperate. He looks up, making eye contact. There's a sincere, yet sad look in his eyes.
I look back with sympathy. "I understand. I absolutely understand, Gakupo," I reply, nodding.
Gakupo places his hand on my cheek, leaning closer to me and resting his forehead lightly against mine. "I'd love nothing more than to try again with you. But..." Oh. There's a 'but'. "Gumi needs almost every hour of every day with me."
I feel tears form in my eyes. Damn it... It can't end like this. "Wh-What if... what if you can make some time?" I ask, pulling away from his warm embrace.
Gakupo shakes his head, appearing to be hesitant. "I... I can't..."
"I know Gumi needs you, but you can make at least a little bit of time, right?" I continue to push the matter.
"Kaito, it's not about Gumi. It's... the thing I have in mind... I can't do that to you," Gakupo says, weakly laughing. "You're just too sweet and nice for it."
My expression tenses as I give him a determined look. I'll do anything to stay with him. That night, one month ago, it really changed me. Maybe this is all lust and it'll fade in a couple of months. It doesn't matter if it is. I still need him in my life right now. "Gakupo, please. I'm willing to do whatever it is," I beg.
Gakupo lets out a long, thoughtful sigh. "You'll have to come back to my house. It's separate from where Gumi and my grandparents are."
"N-Now?" I ask, feeling excited. He's not giving up on me?
He nods, standing up and taking hold of my hand. "Yes. Come, let's go. We can discuss it in more detail there."
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