A/N: Hello Minna!
I can't believe that it took me as long as three-and-a-half months to update this story...I sincerely apologize to all of you who have been waiting for the continuation of this fanfic. *bows low*
But work kept me busy, I was also working on some other stories, mainly "Remember Me" and there have been some other issues I had to take care of.
So, I hope you can forgive me for having you kept waiting...
However, here it finally is, the second chapter of "The Red Strings of Destiny", that will deal with Takumi's thoughts and feelings about the things that happen to him during his second year at Shidou Gakuin.
I hope you'll enjoy the read and I'd be very grateful if you'd leave me a little comment with your thoughts once you have finished reading.
Disclaimer: I don't own Takumi-kun Series...sad but true...
The Red Strings of Destiny – Chapter 2
It's the first day of the new school year, your second year at Shidou Gakuin and after four seemingly endless weeks, which you had to spend at home and which have you left raw and hurting, you are insanely happy to be back at school. Except for Toshihisa you don't have any friends here, but strangely enough it doesn't prey too much on your mind. The cheerful brown-haired boy has not only become your friend but your loyal companion as well and even though the other students either avoid you like the plague or bully and insult you, you can grin and bear it because of Toshihisa, who is always there, being the source of your strength and encouragement.
And then there is Gii who is giving you just as much strength and courage as Toshihisa is. Despite the fact that that you hardly ever talk to him or he to you, the star of the school who is loved and admired by everyone, students and teachers alike and who is worlds apart from you, an existence above the clouds as you like to say, is always there to step in to defend you or to help you out whenever the bullying takes overhand or the students deliberately try to put you down, not because you have done anything to them but simply because they enjoy picking on you.
The thought of seeing the handsome upper-class man again soon brings a smile to your face as you are making your way to the entrance of the main building where you are supposed to meet Toshihisa, a circumstance that is making you just as happy. You can't wait to see the boy again, to hear stories about his spring vacation, stories that are surely going to make you smile and will allow you to forget about your troubles at home. When you arrive at the school building your friend is already waiting for you and begins to wave at you with a big grin on his face as soon as he has spied you in the crowd of students.
"Ohayo Takumi, longtime no see," he exclaims cheerfully and smiling mildly you return the greeting, adding a friendly "how are you doing?" Once you are done with the small talk the two of you decide to go for a leisurely walk since there aren't any classes the first day of school in order to give the students all the time they need to move into the dorms, especially the freshmen and soon Toshihisa is rambling about spring and musing about what is going to await you during your second year at Shidou and you can't help but smile at your friend's exuberance, his energetic nature. As you listen to his words you finally begin to ease up and to relax and soon you feel as if you had never been apart from him.
"Well Takumi, this year is definitely going to be a spectacular one for you, quite an experience I daresay," he states casually and that comment makes you immediately stop dead in your tracks, hundreds of alarm bells going off in your head at the same time. "W-What do you mean," you ask in a slightly shaky voice and your heartbeat speeds up a pace as you stare expectantly at the other boy, your eyes wide with anxiety and curiosity. "Have you not heard? Your roommate for this year isn't going to be me but none other than Saki Giichi," Toshihisa explains, excitement evident on his face and in his voice. "It has already become the talk of the campus and it isn't even midday yet. God, you are so lucky and I have to admit that I'm a little envious."
"S-Saki Giichi," you hear yourself stammer in disbelief after a moment of silence, unable to wrap your mind around the news your friend has just broken to you. "A-Are you sure?" "Yes, I am, but if you don't believe me, why don't you come and see for yourself," Toshihisa replies still grinning from ear to ear and ushers you over to the announcement board near the main entrance. You hesitantly go through the list with the room arrangements of the dormitories, your heart beating like a drum and then you see it in cold print: room 305 – Hayama Takumi, Saki Giichi. As you continue to stare at the list a sudden wave of heat rushes over you, for a moment your world is spinning and you have to take several deep breaths in order to calm yourself and to regain your composure.
"You are going to be roommates with the most popular student of this school for a whole year and have the chance to become better acquainted, maybe even friends with him. That's amazing Takumi," Toshihisa's excited voice rings in your ears ripping you out of your stupor. "I bet every other student at this school is wishing to be in your shoes right now." "Yeah, I'm really lucky," you mutter softly, not quite sure whether you should be elated or cast down because of this development and you swear to yourself to keep the dark secrets of your past hidden no matter what the cost because you are certain that, for some reason you can't really explain, you couldn't bear to be scorned and despised, let alone hated, by the handsome upper-class man.
But there is one thing you are glad about, even though you despise yourself for thinking in such a selfish, egocentric way; you are certain beyond doubt that, with Saki Giichi being your room- and classmate this year, the other students will at least stop bullying you. Their respect and admiration for the amber-haired boy will surely prevent them from treating you badly because they will be afraid that any vicious behavior towards you could ruin their chances of getting closer to him.
"Takumi, are you alright? You look a little pale," Toshihisa inquires cautiously and the genuine concern ringing in his voice finally brings you back from your thoughts and you immediately start feeling bad for worrying him. "I'm okay," you reply softly, a blunt lie since you are anything but alright, but you simply don't want your friend to worry more than he already does. "Shall we head for the dorm grounds and unpack," you suggest forcing a smile and trying to sound casual. "The sooner we are done with it, the sooner we can enjoy the rest of the day."
oOo
Room 305 is still empty by the time of your arrival and just like the previous year you breathe a sigh of relief, questions beginning to fill your head at the same time. What kind of person is Saki Giichi? Is he the gentle kind-hearted guy you imagine him to be or will he turn out to be totally different from the Gii in your imagination? How will be to share a room with him? Will the two of you become closer, maybe even friends or will things between you stay the way they are at the moment?
"Konnichiwa," the voice of your new roommate suddenly rings in your ear and you turn to face the boy, but instead of returning the greeting as you should you can only stare at the handsome upper-class man, your thoughts and emotions being in hopeless turmoil. Smiling mildly the amber-haired student strolls over to his side of the room and leans casually against the edge of his desk, keeping his beautiful hazel-colored eyes riveted upon you as you wordlessly continue to unpack and arrange your belongings.
"You aren't very good when it comes to socializing with people, are you Hayama," you hear Gii say and his words cause you to halt your actions. "It seems that you have some sort of 'Human Contact Phobia'." "EHH," you exclaim in shock and immediately grow tense. "Human Contact Phobia?" "It's a name I just came up with," the handsome upper-class man says chuckling lightly. "It sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?" "A-Ano, excuse me…I…I have forgotten something," you stutter clumsily and leave the room or rather you flee from it in haste, shocked that the other boy had been able to see right through you when nobody else, except for Toshihisa, had and they all simply believed you to be some kind of crazy weirdo who harbors a passionate dislike for people.
For a long while you walk the dorm grounds trying to calm yourself, your raw, frayed nerves, but your thoughts keep circling around the handsome upper-class man no matter how hard you try to divert them and one single question is occupying your thoughts. If the amber-haired student had been able to see through you that easily, how are you supposed to keep your darkest secret from him, the one thing you don't want him to know out of fear that he will turn his back on you in disgust if he were to find it out and for the second time that day you confirm on oath that you will be even more careful from now on, especially around Gii and you are determined more than ever to keep everything that is related to your past hidden from him.
Thus you start your second year at Shidou Gakuin with a mix of fear and anxiety in your heart, but to your surprise your worries and concerns begin to fade more quickly than you would have thought for sharing a room with the most popular student of the school is unexpectedly easy and comfortable. He never tries to invade your privacy and he never tries to pry or to force you into talking about something you don't want to speak about. He turns out to be just the kind of person you had imagined him to be and he has good-naturedly offered you to call him by his nickname 'Gii', but somehow you feel that you are not yet well enough acquainted with the handsome upper-class man and that the two of you are still too far apart in too many ways, so you continue to address him politely as 'Saki-kun' and only refer to him as 'Gii' in your thoughts, just like you have always done since the day of your enrolment at this school.
Thus the first few days with your new roommate pass smoothly without any unforeseen occurrences and by the end of the week you begin to think that you are indeed lucky to be sharing a room with Gii and you are feeling happy. However, many of the other students are feeling quite different about that matter and despite their respect and their almost reverential admiration for the amber-haired student they are not afraid of showing it. Despite your hopes the bullying hasn't stopped, it has merely become more subtle.
The majority of the boys scorn you more than ever and they let you feel it by the use of their words as well as through the way they are treating you. Especially a guy who goes by the name of 'Takabayashi Izumi' and who is always surrounded by his personal fan club doesn't make a secret out of the fact that he is head over heels for Gii or the fact that he hates you for being so close to the object of his affection and that he is clearly regarding you as an enemy. That guy and his fans in particular love to pick on you, but since you don't want to get involved in their stupid game you choose to ignore the group as best as you can which proves to be quite difficult at most times.
And as if that wasn't bad enough there is another problem apart from the school's beauty and his loyal admirers you have to deal with, a problem named 'Nozaki Daisuke'. Recently the captain of Shidou Gakuin's basketball team has obviously taken a liking to you and even though you show him the cold shoulder and try your best to avoid the guy he keeps approaching you, trying constantly and tirelessly to engage you in meaningless conversations that only serve the purpose of giving him the opportunity to flirt with you.
It's needless to say that you don't have any interest whatsoever in the guy and you clearly show him so, but he seemingly doesn't get the hint or in case that he has, he as obviously chosen to ignore it and only two weeks after the beginning of the new school year decides to take his actions one step further.
It is lunch break and you have just sat down at a small table in the farthest corner of the cafeteria when Nozaki steps up to you, carrying his lunch tray. "Hey Hayama," he greets you cheerfully, flashing you a seductive, flirty smile that makes you cringe inside. "You like classic music, don't you? I have two tickets for a violin recital and I want you to accompany me to that event." "Are you trying to ask me out on a date," you ask in surprise after a moment a moment of silence, a feeling that immediately changes into one of discomfort when the other boy nods eagerly. "Do you have a problem with that," his voice rings in your ears and the sultry undertone in it is beginning to cause you nausea. "Well, to begin with we are both guys," you reply indifferently and focus your attention on the curry in front of you. "Thanks for the invitation, but I'm not interested in going to that performance with you."
Without looking up from your choice of lunch you wait for a couple of seconds for the other boy to say something and then to hopefully take his leave, but when he doesn't show any intention of doing either you take the initiative, grab your lunch tray and rise to your feet, muttering a quiet "you can have this seat." "No, it's alright. I'll take my leave," Nozaki speaks up just as you are about to step away from the table. "But I won't give up. I'm serious about you and I will ask you out again." With that the guy finally walks away and you sit back down, breathing a sigh of relief.
However, the moment you have picked up the spoon to finally enjoy your curry, that has already begun to grow cold, Takabayashi and his fans who are occupying the neighboring table and have therefore witnessed your encounter with Nozaki approach you. "Hey, what kind of attitude is that? How can you treat a senpai in such a rude, disrespectful manner," the school's beauty huffs with an expression of annoyance on his face and almost every single one of his words is accompanied by an affirmative nod from his fans. "I really hate it when people like you act haughty and stuck up."
"That's what you think, but it has nothing to do with me," you reply in a monotone voice and shift your body, facing away from the boy. "Oh, now you're giving me the same attitude," Takabayashi snickers and bends over the table, slamming his hands on its surface which causes you to jump and finally face the boy again. "Listen, you little…," he begins, but before he has the chance to finish whatever he was going to say one of his minions grabs a plate of steaming curry and hurls it towards you yelling an insult.
The only thing you can to prepare yourself for what is going to happen is to close your eyes and shift your body so that the plate won't hit you directly in the face. Ducking your head you crouch down on your chair and await the impact, but to your surprise it never comes. The moment you open your eyes they immediately widen in shock and disbelief for hovering over you, shielding you with his body is none other than Gii, curry dripping from his right shoulder.
"Are you alright," he asks in the gentlest voice and places his hand onto your shoulder, merely giving you a mild smile accompanied by a sincere apology when you brush it off instantaneously, although you know that Gii's touch was only meant to comfort and reassure you. "I'm sorry," he breathes softly before he turns to face Takabayashi who immediately starts apologizing to the boy he idolizes and within the blink of an eye the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin changes his attitude. "Save your breath! I don't want to hear your poor apologies," you hear him growl and even though you can't see his face properly from your position you can imagine the way Gii has to be glaring at the others for they are almost cowering under his gaze. "I'd rather hear what you are going to do about my uniform."
"Gii…I'm so sorry…Gii," Takabayashi exclaims frantically and you could swear that he is on the verge of tears as he begins to wipe the curry off Gii's shoulder using his handkerchief and you feel almost sorry for the boy when his desperate endeavors to contain the damage are halted only a few seconds later by your roommate. "Don't bother, it's useless. The jacket is ruined," he hisses and shoves Takabayashi aside in a rather rough manner before turning to the boy's minions. "You are in my way," you hear him growl and the words have barely left his mouth before he pushes through them, without so much as bothering to give Takabayashi, who has sunk on his knees and is desperately calling "Gii…Gii", another glance.
By now there is a commotion in the cafeteria and many curious onlookers have gathered. You don't pay any attention to them however, or to Toshihisa who has rushed to your side and has genuine concern written all over his face. Instead you keep your eyes riveted on the retreating figure of Saki Giichi and questions begin to fill your mind. Why has he done something so reckless? Why had he risked getting hurt just in order to protect you? What is the meaning of all that? And as you contemplate these questions a spark of hope begins to flicker in your heart. Could there really be a chance for you to become friends or at least loosely acquainted with the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin?
All of these questions remain stuck in your head for the rest of the school day and keep your thoughts occupied, which makes it almost impossible for you to focus during any of the afternoon classes.
Once the final bell has rung, you decide to take a solitary walk on the campus in order to clear your head, knowing that otherwise you would neither be able to concentrate on your homework nor get any studying done. The rather wooded surroundings of the main building and the dormitories have always had a soothing effect on you and you like the peaceful serenity, the quiescence that allows you to listen to the beautiful sounds of nature and as you are walking the sandy paths you slowly lose yourself in the melody of the wind, rustling in the leafs and the sounds of the birds. Then all of a sudden a strange noise reaches your ears, a noise that causes you to stop dead in your tracks, but before you have the chance to turn around in order to check where it has come from you feel something hit you hard on the back of your head. A numb pain follows instantaneously, stars explode in front of your eyes and then everything turns black.
oOo
It is quiet and when you have finally managed to force your eyes open a sharp pain kicks in immediately. Groaning you fight the urge of squeezing them shut again in spite of the pangs and as you sit up, rubbing your neck, a familiar voice reaches your ear. "I'm glad you are finally awake. You were out for such a long time that I was getting seriously worried about you," Gii says softly while gently placing his hand on your shoulder, clearly in order to express his genuine concern, but however that may be, you just can't help yourself and push the amber-haired student away as soon as you feel the touch, using so much strength that you cause the boy to tumble to the ground.
"I…I'm sorry…I…," you begin to stammer helplessly once you realize what you have done and you immediately begin to feel incredibly guilty since you know that the other had only meant well. "I didn't mean it…I…I really…" "If you mean to apologize, then you shouldn't push me in the first place," the handsome upper-class man murmurs and you are just about to apologize once more when he offers you a mild, sympathetic smile. "Forget about it," he states nonchalantly and the understanding, compassionate undertone in his voice causes you to relax a little, "after all it's my fault that I was careless and touched you, knowing that you have human contact phobia."
"Gii, where are we," you manage to choke out and let your gaze wander slowly about the dark room. "We are in the concert hall and it seems that we are locked in," the handsome upper-class man explains calmly. "Without a doubt we have to thank Takabayashi's brainless fan club for this." "There must be another way out of here," you exclaim and hastily scramble to your feet, panic beginning to rise in your throat as a million thoughts are running through your head…the curfew you are surely going to miss, the punishment you and Gii would receive in consequence, the wrath of the amber-haired student's fans you would have to deal with since all these boys would surely blame everything on you and accuse you of having dragged the handsome upper-class man down and tainted his good reputation.
And then there is the fact that you are alone with the star of Shidou Gakuin, which usually wouldn't be a such big issue anymore, but knowing that, unlike all the other times until now, there isn't any way of avoiding the student or a conversation with him by leaving the room with some kind of excuse makes you feel extremely uncomfortable, especially since Gii can obviously see easily through your defenses and uncover the 'real you', that vulnerable, hurt and scared 'you' you have tried to hide so desperately and with all the strength you could muster.
It seems that, for some reason, the handsome upper-class man can see right through you, right into the very depths of your soul and that he has the power pry the blackest secrets from it. The mere thought of Gii discovering your secret drives you wild with fear because you couldn't bear it if the tender looks of affection he is giving you would turn into looks of disdain and disgust, if the boy would openly show his contempt for you, whose body is dirty and whose soul is polluted by sin, even though you weren't the one at fault or the one responsible for what had happened in the past.
And even if you could explain yourself to the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin, why should he believe you and see as the victim that you were when everybody else had labeled you so readily as being the culprit, especially the people closest to you, the ones you loved and trusted most? You definitely can't allow such a thing to happen under any circumstances and the only way you can see to protect yourself, your dark secret, is to keep away from the amber-haired boy, to keep as much distance between him and yourself as possible, regardless of the fact that you are roommates.
With your mind reeling you try to get away from Gii, who has been remaining far too close to you for your liking ever since you regained consciousness, but the handsome upper-class man is obviously most unwilling to let you have your way for he traps you against one of the massive wooden pillars on the stage by slamming his flat hand, right next to your face, hard and resolutely against the wood to make his point and fear begins to curdle your stomach as you slowly raise your eyes to meet the boy 's intense, almost penetrating gaze. "Don't run," he says with soft determination in his warm, baritone voice and his being so close that you can actually feel the warmth emanating from his body causes you to shift with more than just a little discomfort. "That you got harassed by Takabayashi and his followers today is my fault because Takabayashi knows that I like you."
For several long seconds you can't do anything but stare at your amber-haired roommate as his words keep ringing in your ears. "What," you finally croak unable to wrap your mind around what Gii has just said and you are certain that you have either misheard or that you must be dreaming, that the hit you had gotten on your head earlier must have caused you to imagine things. "Takabayashi is jealous because I like you and not him," the other repeats with a somewhat desperate undertone in his voice and your eyes grow wide when you finally realize that what you have heard hasn't been your imagination after all, that the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin is actually being dead serious and as he tries to lean in a little further your defense mechanisms kick in almost instantaneously.
You try to escape Gii, the boy's closeness that is overwhelming and, as far as you are concerned, quite threatening by diving away to the side, but the handsome upper-class man had obviously expected an act of that sort and reacts instantaneously. Before you are given the chance to get away he slams his other hand against the pillar as well thus effectively blocking your way by trapping you between his arms upon which you quickly avert your gaze and keep it lowered. At that very moment you are not only feeling very vulnerable, but strangely enough you are also torn inside, you heart prompting you to let Gii in, since you have already started to harbor tender feelings for him as well, while your mind keeps telling you to stay away from the amber-haired student in order to protect yourself, your heart and your secrets, but in the end you decide to listen to the voice of your heart rather than your voice of reason and trembling slightly you finally look up to meet Gii's eyes again, eyes that are shining with nothing but sincerity and serious affection.
"I want you Takumi, you and no one else. I don't want to regret this," you hear the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin say and before you are able to say anything in return you feel a pair of soft, warm lips pressing gently against your own. Upon the unexpected touch your eyes grow wide in astonishment, your body freezes up and all you can do is to blink rapidly as you wait for Gii to pull away, surprised and confused about the fact that his kiss doesn't cause you to feel the way you usually do whenever you are touched. The soft touch of Gii's mouth pressing against your own isn't painful or burns, instead it merely causes your lips to tingle and it isn't an unpleasant feeling, quite the opposite actually, which astonishes you even more.
At last you can feel the pressure against your mouth ease up, a part of you almost regretting the breaking of that intimate connection and unable to utter a syllable you just stand there unmoving as if you were frozen to your spot, your gaze slowly meeting Gii's hazel-colored orbs once more. "You don't dislike me, do you," the amber-haired student whispers softly, his handsome features portraying a mix of worry and hope, an expression that makes your heart melt. "You don't hate me, do you?"
You still don't have the strength or the confidence to answer the other clearly, but when you notice that he is leaning in again you let your eyes drift shut, hoping that the handsome upper-class man will understand the meaning of this gesture which is supposed to show him that you are not only ready and willing to accept another kiss from him, but that you are equally ready and willing to accept the boy himself. Only an instant later you feel Gii's lips gingerly brushing against your own once more and your heart begins to beat noticeably faster. Waves of heat rush over you as you are sharing another moment of intimacy with the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin and you know beyond any doubt that your fear of human contact is not the reason for that reaction.
oOo
'Where do I stand with Gii'…that question keeps occupying your mind ever since the amber-haired student's confession that fateful evening at the concert hall. Something has changed between the handsome upper-class man and you, there's no doubt about that, but what exactly are the two of you now? You have become closer, you spend more time together and you even allow Gii to touch you occasionally – only two days ago he used your lap as a pillow when he felt like taking a cat nap during lunch time – but until now you still have not yet replied clearly to his confession. At present your relationship with the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin is of a strange, platonic sort for you aren't just friends with the boy anymore, but you aren't real lovers either and you know that, after Gii has made the first step by confessing his love, it is you who has to decide in which direction this relationship is going to go in the future.
In your heart you know that the handsome upper-class man's feelings and wishes are sincere and profound, you feel that he is the one person in this world you could open up to, even willing to do so and yet you are reluctant to become truly involved with him for various reasons, your past being only one of them. What makes you truly hesitant, what keeps you from going forward and taking the final step that would make you Gii's boyfriend is the fear of being abandoned and again left to fend for yourself the very day your past comes to light, of ending up hurt and broken-hearted.
In addition there is the gossip you are deeply worried about, the reactions of Gii's fans and admirers if they were to find out about their idol's confession to you, a mere commoner. You have already heard certain rumors about other students contemplating the nature of your relationship with the amber-haired student, wondering where exactly you are standing with him, especially since, for everybody at Shidou to see, the two you have gotten much closer compared to a couple of weeks ago and it is the day when Toshihisa tells you that you should take care of not acting 'too cozy' with Gii because it would certainly cause the majority of the other students to think that you are having "that" kind of relationship with him, meaning a sexual one, that you finally make a decision, a momentous one that could determine, perhaps for good, the nature of your relationship the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin.
"Gii, I think we should keep a little more distance when we are at school," you tell the handsome upper-class man in the evening, only a few hours after your conversation with Toshihisa, not daring to look him straight in the face. "People might start thinking that we are a real couple." "And what's wrong with that," the amber-haired student bellows, slamming his fist hard onto the desk you are sitting at and to say that you are taken aback by the boy's reaction would be an understatement. You had braced yourself for words of disappointment, words of anger even, but you never had expected that Gii, who rarely raised his voice, would explode like that. "What's wrong with wanting to be close to the one I love," he exclaims. "I tried to be patient, not too pushy and to give you all the time you would need in hopes that you would slowly but surely open your heart to me, but you continue to push me away. It has been almost a month since my confession at the concert hall…have you, during all this time, ever considered my feelings?"
"I'm sorry Gii," you whisper meekly, your voice barely more than a whisper and finally you lift your gaze once more to face the other, immediately wishing that you hadn't when you perceive the hurt and the sadness reflecting in their depths. "I didn't say those things in order to get an apology," the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin replies dejectedly, a deep sigh tearing from him before he forces a mild smile onto his face. "Forget about it Takumi," he continues on a somewhat lighter note. "I shouldn't have yelled at you for what you said and made such a big deal of it. I just have a lot of things going on at the moment...I'll take a little walk to clear my head, so see you later okay?" With that the handsome upper-class man exits the room, leaving you staring at the door for several long moments and feeling puzzled and bewildered, not to mention guilty you allow the incident to replay in your head in order to fully understand what had just happened.
However, it is only thanks to Akaike who tells you one or two days later about a certain incident that you finally comprehend why Gii had been so upset by your words. To your utter shock and surprise you learn that the amber-haired student had obviously agreed to enter into a competition, a long-distance race, with Nozaki, the captain of Shidou's basketball team, in order to protect you from that guy's advances, in spite of knowing only all too well that the other boy's endurance and stamina was much better than his own and that he would therefore clearly be at a disadvantage in such a competition.
Ever since the day of the 'curry incident' at the cafeteria the captain of the basketball team has approached you many a time and invited you out, has even gone as far as forcing himself onto you only a few days before at the concert hall, where you had gone to practice the violin Gii had given to you as a gift, and it had been only thanks to the handsome upper-class man who had arrived just in time that nothing serious had happened. You hear from Akaike that the two boys had obviously agreed on the competition right after the incident, the price for the winner of the race being the sole right of wooing you since both Gii and Nozaki are having a romantic interest in you and while you are still trying to process what you have just learned the president of the disciplinary committee entreats you to finally tell Gii frankly and openly where the two of you are standing.
You know that Akaike is right, that what you are doing, keeping the handsome upper-class man in the dark regarding your feelings for him, is more than unfair, not to mention selfish and you begin to realize that you should have faced your sentiments openly a long time ago instead of trying to run away from them. So, with your heart beating hard against your ribs you inquire about Gii's whereabouts and only a short while later you find yourself on the roof terrace of the school where the amber-haired student is preparing himself for a training run. "Hey Takumi, care to join me for a little practice session," he asks you cheerfully as soon as you have made your presence known. "I need to get into shape if I want to stand a chance in the race against Nozaki." "I heard about the competition," you reply somewhat hesitantly. "But it's not necessary to do such a thing, especially for someone like me."
"Takumi, do you care about the outcome of the race? Do you mind whether I win or lose," the handsome upper-class man asks you cautiously upon hearing your words and gives you an expectant look, while you are contemplating his question. "Do you care about what happens to me?" "To be honest, I don't really care about what happens, if you win or lose or if you get punched," you hear yourself say after another moment of tense silence has passed, even though your heart is telling you something completely different and it almost breaks when you witness how Gii's face falls, how the hope that his handsome face was portraying is replaced by an expression of sadness and disappointment. "I got it, there is no need to say anything else," the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin replies collectedly before turning away from you and even though his voice in which he had spoken has been the same as usual you can tell that your roommate is genuinely hurting. "Please don't discourage me any further."
And with that Gii gets ready for his run, but has merely taken a few steps forward when you, following a sudden impulse, hug him tightly from behind, fear that the amber-haired student might disappear forever from your sight should you let go curdling your stomach and at last you say straight-forwardly what you are truly feeling inside your heart. "You are too reckless Gii," you whisper softly and as you feel tears trickle down your cheeks you bury your face in the folds of the other's shirt, right between the boy's shoulder blades, holding on to the handsome upper-class man for dear life as if he were the only thing in the world that can keep you steadily on your feet and you finally begin to understand that the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin might indeed be the one person who could offer you shelter from the storm and eventually bring you happiness.
"You don't have to do this for me," you sob quietly and tighten your embrace. "I'm not worthy to be cared for to such an extent and I don't deserve so much attention." For a moment silence settles between the amber-haired boy and yourself and you are terribly scared that any second now he will pry himself from your hold and simply walk away, unable to forgive you for the words you have uttered earlier, but he never does. Instead Gii places his hands gently over your own and a question that is barely more than a breathy sigh reaches your ear. "Takumi, what happened to your phobia?"
"Just forget about that stupid phobia for now," you state simply, hoping that you would be spared a detailed answer because the truth is that you have no idea why your fear of human contact seems to have disappeared from one moment to another. It is a phenomenon you simply can't explain, the same phenomenon you have already experienced that evening at the concert hall when Gii had kissed you as well as on several other occasions. While the touches of people make you generally feel uncomfortable because you think of them of being painful, as something that burns, which usually causes you to flinch or to lash out as a result, things are different when you are touched by the handsome upper-class man.
Instead of making you feel uncomfortable Gii's gentle touches, the warmth that emanates from his body and penetrates your skin and the boy's scent, that beguiling mix of coffee and chocolate make you feel calm, serene, safe and somehow at home. Could the tender feelings you are harboring for amber-haired student be the reason for the, at least from your point of view, unusual reaction to the boy's touch? You have pondered that question several times already, but have so far been unable to find the answer. Can the tender feelings you have for someone and the affection that person shows you in return really cause you to change in such a short time to such an extent?
"Takumi, would you mind changing from the back to the front," Gii's husky voice rips you out of your thoughts and it takes you a minute to understand the meaning of his words, but once you have you murmur a meek "yes" and only an instant later you are finding yourself face to face with the handsome upper-class man and you can feel his arms tightening gingerly around your waist as if the boy were afraid of hurting you. "It's because you usually never hug me like that," he whispers velvet-like cautiously pulling you closer and to your surprise you allow it to happen without feeling the urge of having to get away from the touch. "That's also why I won't hold back this time…I simply can't," he adds gazing lovingly at you as he inches closer, ever so slowly, until his mouth brushes finally against your own.
It is a feathery touch, a touch that makes your lips tingle pleasantly and with a faint sigh escaping them you close your eyes, ready and willing to accept whatever the other boy is about to give you. The feeling of Gii's mouth pressing and moving gently against your own starts to make you feel fuzzy inside and you hesitantly return the kiss, marveling at how much you are enjoying this moment of intimacy.
Another sigh tears from you when the amber-haired student starts nibbling your bottom lip then traces it with the tip of his tongue, demanding entrance and without a second thought you willingly part your lips to grant it. The kiss gradually deepens as Gii explores the cavern of your mouth and at last his tongue brushes sensually against your own. The feeling of it sends languorous shivers down your spine and whilst you are letting your tongue swirl around the handsome upper-class man's with growing passion the questions you have asked yourself only a few minutes before are answered not leaving any doubts. Love can indeed change many things.
From the competition between Gii and Nozaki which takes place only a few days later the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin comes off as a winner and you are relieved as well as incandescently happy about the outcome, not to mention that you are feeling extremely flattered since you never had imagined that anyone in this world would be willing to do such a bold and daring thing for you. Once the race is over you congratulate the amber-haired boy and thank him before you finally utter the very words you had been unable to say until now for your heart and mind had been in too great a turmoil to put your feelings into words. "Thank you Gii for loving me. I love you too," you whisper softly and only a moment later your lips are sealed with a long, romantic kiss.
oOo
The following couple of weeks pass rather uneventfully and thus June arrives, bringing with it the rainy season. Since the day of the competition you have been enjoying the feeling of new found love and Gii is the most loving, caring and considerate boyfriend you could wish for, but even though you have acknowledged and admitted your feelings for the handsome upper-class man and accepted him willingly you are still keeping the physical contact between the two of you at a minimum, allowing nothing more than a loving hug, a subtle touch or an innocent kiss every now and then. You know only all too well what is keeping you from going any further than that, from taking the final step of consummating your relationship with the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin, but even though you are painfully aware of the fact that you won't be able to avoid the subject forever, you just can't bring yourself to explain things to him out of fear to lose what you have only just found.
That fear is always there, haunting you and it is growing stronger with every passing day, especially during this time of the year, the rainy season, a time that has become for several reasons a very gloomy one for you. Just as well as you know what it is that is holding you back from being intimate with Gii you know that the amber-haired student on the other hand is more than ready to go all the way with you and that he is holding back for your sake, to give all the time you would need, but you are also conscious that one day occasional hugs and kisses wouldn't be enough anymore in order to satisfy him and his desire for you. You are dreading that day more than anything or rather you are dreading the decision you would have to make once that day has come…and come it does and much sooner than you had expected.
"'I love you', do you understand the meaning of these words," Gii asks you one rainy night in early June out of the blue, just after the two of you have gone to bed. "Do you know what 'I love you' means?" "Of course I do, I…" you answer somewhat hesitantly, surprised at being asked such a strange question basically out of nowhere, but you are interrupted almost instantaneously by the student who has become your boyfriend. "No Takumi, you obviously don't understand," he exclaims and abruptly sits up in his bed. "You don't understand at all!"
"You are mistaken Gii, I know what 'I love you means'," you reply hastily, getting defensive and sit up as well ready to explain, but once more you are prevented from continuing what you had been about to say. "If you understand, then why hasn't anything changed between us? Why haven't you changed at all," he asks and you can clearly perceive the unusual undertone in his baritone voice, a mix of desperation and displeasure. "That's not true Gii. Since I met you I have changed a lot," you defend yourself raising your voice with almost desperate conviction. "I really have."
"Then why won't you let me hold, touch and caress you," he bursts out. "To be allowed only to look at you, but not to do anything else, even though you are my boyfriend…do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" You remain silent for a moment, your mind is reeling since this would be the perfect opportunity for you to explain everything the other boy should know and the very moment you are finally about to say something Gii speaks up again. "This is stupid," he mutters dejectedly. "There is no point whatsoever in having a fight in the middle of the night….Good night." And with that the handsome upper-class man turns in his bed, now facing the wall instead of you and all you can do is to stare at his back, desperately trying to fight back the tears that are burning in your eyes.
Unable to tear your gaze away from the boy you have given your heart to you lie quietly, Gii's breath which soon becomes flat and even, thus telling you that the amber-haired student has fallen asleep, being the only sound. You on the other hand can't find any sleep for the accusing words the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin had spoken keep ringing in your ears and occupy your thoughts for the remainder of the night. You know that intimacy is part of any romantic relationship and you can perfectly understand Gii's longing because you are feeling the same longing in your own heart. You want to feel the handsome upper-class man's touch, his caresses, but the question that is lying heavily on your heart is whether you, after what has happened in the past, will be able to overcome your fear of being touched and more importantly, how you can achieve to overcome this obstacle that has, up to now, prevented you from becoming more intimate with the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin.
"Gii…," your boyfriend's name escapes your lips, a breathy sigh that is barely audible and following the promptings of your heart you get out of your bed and quietly make your way over to the amber-haired boy's. For a long moment you keep standing at its edge unmoving and look at the sleeping form of the one you have given your heart to, the thought that you have hurt his feelings making your heart ache. "I'm so sorry Gii, if you only knew why I'm acting the way I do," you whisper softly and reach out to let your fingers ghost over the handsome upper-class man's cheek in a tender caress. "I'm sure that if you knew, you would understand, but how am I supposed to tell you about my past when I'm so afraid of losing you because of the things that happened to me?" And with that you bent down to place a feathery kiss onto the other's lips whispering a loving "please accept this kiss from me" just before your mouth brushes against his.
oOo
The following days pass uneventfully and at a tediously slow pace, not to mention the nights which have begun to feel endless to you. The rain that keeps falling, the sound of raindrops hitting the window of your room as well as thoughts about a certain upcoming event keep depriving you of the much needed, regenerating sleep and you begin to feel the effect the lack of sleep is having on you. With every passing day you find it harder to get up in the morning since your body begins to feel heavier and heavier and you therefore don't have much energy, but there is nothing you can do except for hoping that your insomnia is going to pass soon.
Then around June 10th you receive a letter from your mother, just as you had expected and even without opening the envelope you know that it contains a train ticket along with a short message, asking you to go to the burial grounds of "Tachikawa Mental Hospital" to perform your duty. You have dreaded the arrival of this letter and now that you are holding it in your hands you can't help but begin to tremble. As you continue to stare at the address of your parents that is neatly written on the back of the envelope voices of the past begin to echo in your head. "…someone like you isn't my child…love you…you are such an insignificant and humble being Takumi, could ever love someone like you…"
In a desperate attempt to block out these menacing voices you press your hands against your ears, but to no avail. As they keep ringing in your head you begin to tremble harder, your breath quickens and at the same time you can feel a lump forming in your throat. With almost every passing second it becomes harder for you to breathe and at last, shaking like a leaf, you sink onto the tiny bench near the post boxes. How long you have been sitting there you can't say, but somewhere from afar you can faintly perceive your name being called with something that resembles urgency. It takes you some time, but then you finally recognize that the voice calling your name belongs to none other than Akaike Shouzo, Gii's best friend. You slowly raise your head and for several long moments you stare wordlessly at the president of Shidou's disciplinary committee, trying desperately to calm yourself, to regain your countenance.
"Hayama, are you alright," the boy whose voice is laced with genuine concern addresses you urgently. "What's wrong?" "Have you ever fallen in love with someone," you manage to gasp out in spite of the fear and despair that are literally choking you, completely ignoring the other's questions regarding your wellbeing. "So much that you don't want to lose this person no matter what?" "What a strange topic for a conversation," he replies in confusion and falls silent for a moment which makes you grow even more desperate. "But if this is about Gii, you don't have to worry," he finally continues. "He cherishes you more than you can imagine." "I don't understand what you are saying," you choke out, desperately gasping for air at the same time. "If you were to lose Gii as a friend, would you be alright with it?"
"Hayama, are you okay," the president of the disciplinary committee asks instead of answering your question which has quite the opposite effect on you than the one the other boy had most likely intended. "A-Answer me," you hear yourself half-scream in a state of panic, completely ignoring Akaike's question once more. "C-could you live on without Gii…tell me…could you bear to lose him forever?" Trembling violently from head to toe you keep desperately gasping for air as you wait for an answer, but when it finally comes, after what you think must have been an eternity, you barely take notice of it for your world had begun to spin as a result of your lungs refusing to fill themselves with the much needed oxygen. Akaike's slurred voice soon seems to come from the furthest distance and suddenly your world disappears into darkness.
oOo
"This is really bad. Hayama seems to be really troubled by something," you can perceive a muffled voice in the distance that sounds somehow familiar and yet you can't say to whom it belongs. After a moment of silence another voice reaches your ear, one that you would recognize anywhere. "Takumi isn't as weak as you think," you hear your roommate and boyfriend say velvet-like. "I know the real Hayama Takumi, from way back when he was still his true self." Unable to believe what you just heard you try several times to open your eyes, but when you continue to fail in your endeavors you come to the conclusion that you must be caught in the middle of a dream. After all, how could Gii, in the real world, ever say something so beautiful about you?
Eventually, having absolutely no idea how long it has taken, you manage to pry your eyes open at last and to your surprise you find yourself in your bed. The dim light of your bedside lamp is the only thing illuminating the room, you have no idea how much time has passed and as you are trying to recall your memories in order to figure out what had happened you suddenly hear a sound coming from the door which causes you to quickly close your eyes once more.
Only a moment later the smell of food begins to tickle your nose and you immediately understand that the person who has just entered is Gii and that he has obviously gotten dinner for you. And with that realization the words you have heard the handsome upper-class man say in your dream come back to you as well and ashamed of your own self-importance you keep your eyes shut, knowing that you would be unable to face the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin properly at the moment. So, instead of making known that you have woken up, you keep lying still, pretending to be asleep and anticipate Gii's next move with a racing heart.
After a minute of silence you finally perceive footsteps approaching, a few seconds later your mattress sags as Gii sits down on its edge and then you feel the back of his hand running over your cheek in such a tender caress that it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside instead of causing you to flinch or jump, even though the touch had come unexpectedly. "Takumi, please don't wake up yet," you hear your boyfriend say, his voice being barely more than a whisper and the very next moment you feel the boys lips brushing gingerly against your own. You are surprised and yet you are enjoying the touch at the same time and before you become aware of it, you have begun to respond to the kiss, but the very moment Gii tries to deepen it, his hands having started to wander over the upper part of your body, your defense mechanisms kick in and you push him away with all the strength you can muster.
"Gii what do you think you are doing," you gasp in bewilderment, but instead of apologizing or at least explaining himself the handsome upper-class man pushes you back down into the pillows and you begin to struggle vehemently, your bewilderment having, from one instant to another, turned into fear. "Stop it," you plead, but your words are falling on deaf ears. "No Takumi, I understand now," the amber-haired student pants, using all his weight to keep you pinned down underneath him and begins to trail kisses over your neck and collar bones. "This is what should be done. You should understand as well that this is the best way!"
But you don't understand anything at all, except for the fact that the person touching you against your will isn't the kind, gentle Gii you know, the loving and caring upper-class man you have given your heart to and for the second time within one day panic begins to choke you. "Can't it be me," he says softly, yet with a despearte undertone in his voice as he begins to strip you as well as himself. "Do you really hate to be touched by me this much?" For a second you gaze intently at the other boy, but then instead of answering his question, you start struggling again, trying to break free as you continue to plead your boyfriend to stop and the very moment he longingly whispers your name into your ear the memories of a similar event in the past, memories you have desperately tried to block out as best as you could, return all at once.
As a flood of images begins to enter your head your breath quickens, your whole body stiffens, you have clenched your fists so hard that the knuckles have turned white and wide-eyed with fear you can only stare at the person hovering above you, a predator who has no longer Gii's features but the ones of someone you used to be close with a long time ago. Knowing that there is no chance to escape you try to brace yourself for what is surely going to happen next, but to your surprise and confusion it never does. Instead of doing what you had expected he would the other has halted his actions and you merely feel his warm breath tickling your face as well as his hands wrapping themselves ever so gently around your clenched fists.
"Why are you making such a face Takumi," Gii's familiar, soothing baritone seemingly coming from the farthest distance begins to ring in your ears, echoing somewhere in your foggy mind and gradually brings you out of your stupor, back to reality. You blink your eyes rapidly a few times in order regain your senses, your composure and what you see, once your vision has cleared, makes you calm down almost instantaneously for there, looking at you with nothing but love and affection while a warm, tender smile is playing about his mouth is none other than Gii…your Gii, the gentle, warm-hearted student you have hopelessly fallen in love with and as you return the boy's gaze you feel your lips curling up into a shy smile.
You hesitantly reach out for the handsome upper-class man and ever so slowly you pull him closer until his lips are almost brushing against your own. He offers you a tender smile and begins to sensually nuzzle your neck upon which your hands disappear into his soft, silky hair and as you breathe in his scent your fears gradually vanish since you know deep inside that this young man, the star of Shidou Gakuin cherishes you more than anything, that he would never hurt you deliberately and with that thought in mind you relax. You can finally let yourself go and everything that follows happens naturally. For a long moment you just remain in Gii's embrace before the boy's subtle touches and caresses as well as his tender kisses slowly turn into more and as you are making love Gii treats with a tenderness you have never experienced before in your life. You quickly lose yourself in the delicious pleasure your boyfriend's gentle touches and sensual, yet arousing caresses are bringing you until you at last go over the edge, taking the handsome upper-class man with you.
Once you have come down from your high you snuggle up to your beloved's warm body and close your eyes with a contented sigh, basking in the moment of intimacy you have just shared with the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin. "Takumi, are you alright," he asks softly, his voice being barely more than a whisper and wraps his arms carefully around your middle. "Have I been too rough?" "I'm fine," you whisper truthfully in response as you rest your head comfortably against your boyfriend's shoulder and for a moment a comfortable silence settles between the two of you, a moment you take to contemplate something.
"You can ask me you know," you speak up after some time. "You can ask me about the letter and the reason why it affected me so much." And with that you finally tell your story to Gii. You tell him about your parents who have never really cared much about you since they were too occupied with giving all their attention to your sickly, older brother whom you loved dearly for he was the only one who took notice of you and treated you with affection, the beloved brother by whom you got later violated and abused over and over again for many months which resulted eventually in the development your phobia, your fear of being touched. You also tell the handsome upper-class man about the fateful, not to mention dreadful, day when your mother finally found out what was going on and you ended up being labeled as the culprit when in truth you had been the victim and you are surprised at how easy you are finding it to confide in Gii.
But what astonishes you the most is the amber-haired boy's reaction. Throughout the whole time you were talking the most popular student of Shidou Gakuin has remained quiet, except for a short question here and there, has listened attentively to your words and gradually tightened his embrace, every now and then nuzzling your neck in the most loving manner thus providing you not only silent comfort but the strength and courage to continue your account. "Gii, do you hate me now," you ask hesitantly once you have told the boy everything there is to tell and dejectedly lower your head, riveting your eyes on your fingers that are slightly shaking.
"Baka," you hear the boy you have given your heart to breathe endearingly. "Haven't I told you that I love you?" And with that he pulls you close and as he begins to lovingly nuzzle and caress your neck you breathe a deep sigh of relief for an enormous weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Your relationship with the handsome upper-class man has grown deeper and the two of you have, in several respects, become closer. Later that evening you happily fall asleep beside Gii who keeps holding you in his strong arms all through the night until the sound of his alarm clock begins to echo through the room, announcing the beginning of another day.
June 15th is now only a couple of days away and thanks to Gii's encouragement you will go to visit your brother's grave for the first time ever since the day he passed away.
A/N: That chapter was tough to write, especially the second half of it. I hope everybody enjoyed the read.
The next and final chapter will deal with Takumi's final year at Shidou Gakuin and I promise faithfully that I will update more quickly this time.
As usual, your comments and reviews are greatly appreciated.
Also there are some other stories to come soon!
1. I've planned a new multi-chaptered Takumi-kun fanfic.
2. I'm also working on the story board for a DaiMao vampire fic which I was inspired to write after I had seen Dai-chan's performance in Dracula
3. There'll be a Dai-chan birthday fanfic here soon which will be the first one of a series of short stories which I will call "The DaiMao Romance Collection"
So, please look forward to these projects and check back for updates and new releases regularly.
