Chapter 2 – I still love him
Don't do this Bella. This is stupid.
I pull out the credit card Alice gave me to use for shopping. She gave it to me before, the incident happened. Charlie was right. It will do me no good if I just sit here and wallow in the misery he left behind. I will always love him, but, I need to go on with my life.
And, as Alice says, when you feel down….. Shop. It is such a stupid and trivial way to relive sadness and start new, but I find myself enjoying the idea of a new wardrobe. A new me. Me, loving Edward, but going on with my life.
I walk up to Jessica slowly; this will not turn out well.
"Jessica"
She yes me suspiciously, she knows something is out of place.
"Do you want to go shopping with me tomorrow?"
He mouth drops open, and I don't blame her. I have isolated myself for the past couple of months. I made fantastic grades and my room is as clean as it has ever been, but I found a way of living without actually living. I can't recall what I did or said, I just see the evidence. It is as if waking up from bad dream, just figure out that it was real.
"Yes!"
What? Wow! She said yes.
"Thanks, I'll meet you at the mall in Seattle then"
"Cool"
I turn and walk away as a blush creeps on my face. This is terrifying. I am breaking out of the cocoon I wove, I am finally getting back to a somewhat reality. I walk outside to the biology class. I wish Edward was still there. I want to feel the electric current one more time between us. I want to feel his cold, hard lips crashing down on mine in a completely romantic and passion filled kiss. I want to smell him and to hear is velvety seductive voice. And, I want to see his eyes.
I walk into Biology in a daze and sit down at my lone table. The teacher drones on and all I have is one thought.
Edward.
His name sings in my head like the sweet lullaby he would sing to me as I drifted off into pleasant dreams. But, I still wonder. Did he ever really love me?
"I took your Advice, Dad"
He looks at me with questioning eyes. I hand him his food and turn away as the blush creeps up my face.
"I invited Jessica to go to the mall with me"
"That's great, Bells"
"Thanks"
I smile and sit down to my meatloaf. I eat it happily knowing that I pleased Charlie and would have pleased Edward, well mainly Alice. She probably foresaw this all happening. Does she still look into my future? Will they ever come back? Why wasn't I good enough for Edward?
These questions haunt my mind. Every night I ask myself, why wasn't I good enough? Was there someone else? Did he just not want me because I am a human? Or, was it because I was not beautiful,
smart, unique, or anything special? I am just a simple, boring, plain, average girl that no one cares that deeply about.
I still love you Edward …….
I will always love you……
Even though you broke my heart, I will love you forever. Even if all my memories of you were wrong; or your love for me was a lie, I will love you.
I finish my meatloaf, and clean the dishes. I walk upstairs, lay my head on the pillow and wait.
I wait for sleep to come. And, tomorrow to start. And for a dream of Edward to began.
And in the night I came to a conclusion. I will love Edward forever. Despite everything he did. And, the living hell he made my life.
I don't give a damn what people think, because I love him and that is all that counts.
