A/n: So I was going to leave this as a one shot and then I got all sorts of ideas on how I could continue on with it and show the coping and grieving process that happens after you lose someone you love so I decided to continue on with it. WARNING: At any point in this story it may be incredibly sad and you may cry. I'm putting that disclaimer right out there. I almost cried again writing this chapter so I know how you feel.

Clock still ticking, life goes on, radio still plays a song as I try to put my scattered thoughts in place. It takes all the strength I've got to stumble to the coffee pot, the first of many lonely mornings I'll have to face. You call to see if I'm okay, I look out the window and I just say. Last night I prayed the Lord my soul to keep, then I cried myself to sleep, so sure life wouldn't go on without you. But oh this sun is blinding me as it wakes me from the dark, I guess the world didn't stop for my broken heart.-Reba McEntire, For My Broken Heart


Steve wanted it all to just be a bad dream. He wanted to open his eyes and look over to see Danny lying peacefully in bed, looking happy and healthy. He wanted to pretend that he hadn't held his partner in his arms as he took his last breath watching the sun set slowly behind the mountains. He wanted to pretend that his entire life hadn't just been destroyed again by the death of someone he loved so dearly. But as Steve's eyes blinked open, the early morning sun poured in through the front windows and he realized that it had all been true. Danny was really gone.

Opening his blurry eyes further, Steve took a minute to survey his surroundings. He was on the couch in the living room. It was certainly not the most comfortable place for a man his size to spend the night but he glad that somehow he had enough sense last night to realize that he wasn't ready to face that big lonely bed upstairs. Finally awake enough to function, Steve rolled himself off the couch and stumbled his way into the guest bathroom down the hall which thankfully neutral. He didn't have to look down at the sink and see Danny's green toothbrush still in the holder next to his blue one. He didn't have to open the medicine cabinet and see far too many prescription bottles with Danny's name on them or see the big soft black towels that Danny had bought because it was "killing for sport" to even bother with white when it came to Steve. The SEAL held onto the sink for a few minutes, taking deep steadying breaths trying to work up the courage to go into the kitchen where he knew the memories would ambush him.

The automatic coffee pot (a gift to Danny from Kono one Christmas) already had a pot of dark rich liquid waiting for him. Steve's hand shook as he poured himself a mug and he cursed at himself.

"You're a SEAL damn it. Pull yourself together." He told himself as he took a few half hearted sips of coffee.

There was a lot that still had to be done. There where phone calls that had to be made (to Danny's parents which was a conversation Steve was NOT ready to handle yet), funeral arrangements to be dealt with as well as all of the legalities that came with dying. The only good thing-if it could even be considered such-was that Steve and Danny had known that this was coming so they were able to put all of Danny's affairs in order to make sure that everything was taken care of when he was gone.

Steve knew he should get started on it all but he just couldn't bring himself to move from his spot in the kitchen where he could look out the window and see the spot where they had last been together. Had it really only been just over twelve hours ago that he had held Danny? That he had spoken to him? Kissed him and told him that he loved him? That's what the clock was telling him but in his heart, it felt like a lifetime ago.

Maybe it was. Steve thought to himself because the life he was faced with now was never going to be the same as the life he had with Danny.


Steve had managed to make it out of the kitchen and all the way back to the living room couch which was where Chin and Kono had found him later that morning. He couldn't bring himself to go upstairs yet, so he had settled back on the couch where he was currently working on a list of all the things that needed to be done.

"Hey Steve, how are you holding up?" Chin asked, knowing it was kind of a stupid question but felt the need to ask anyways. Steve looked up at the two of them as if he was trying to figure out what they were doing there before he answered.

"I'm..." He didn't know what to say. He certainly wasn't fine or good or anything close to a positive adjective but he didn't know exactly how to describe how he was feeling because...he wasn't really feeling anything or maybe he was feeling everything. Whatever it was, it was too complex for word so he just shrugged.

"What's this?" Kono asked, gesturing to his notepad as she sat down next to him.

"It's a list of all the things I need to do." Steve answered with a heavy sigh. It was a long list and he had no motivation to do any of it.

"What can we do to help?" She offered.

"I don't know. There's so much to do. I have phone calls that need to be made, HPD needs to be notified, funeral arrangements have to be made. I have to contact the lawyer about Danny's estate..." He rambled. Kono set a hand on his leg.

"Let us help, Steve. You're not alone in dealing with this." She stated.

"Yeah but Danny was my partner-"

"And he was our friend. Please, let us do this for him and for you." Chin added. Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Let me deal with HPD." Chin offered. Steve gave his friend a look. "It's the least I can do for him."

"And I can help you make some of the arrangements." Kono said, wrapping her arms around Steve, who leaned into the embrace slightly.

"Thanks guys." Steve said, his voice slightly rough with emotion.

"It's what ohana is for." Kono replied.


Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he opened the closet door. He had finally forced himself up the stairs (with Kono's help. It was easier not being alone) and into the bedroom. They had made the call to the funeral home who had wanted to know what they wanted Danny to be buried in and other preferences if they had them. At the time, Steve had been reluctant to discuss the topic but now he was glad that Danny had all but forced him to talk about what he wanted after he was gone.

"I don't want to be buried in a tie." Danny stated randomly as he watched Steve get dressed for the day.

"What?" Steve said, his words muffled by the t-shirt he was pulling over his head.

"I don't want to be buried in a tie." Danny repeated. "Put me in my police uniform."

"Can we not talk about this?" Steve asked, rubbing a hand over his face roughly in a clear sign of discomfort.

"Why? Because you're uncomfortable? Steven, we have to deal with this." Danny said forcefully.

"Why? You planning on dying tomorrow?" Steve snapped.

"Hey," Danny said, the sharpness gone from his voice. "I know this is difficult and you don't want to face reality but I'm dying. Nothing is going to change that and I don't want you to be unprepared when it happens. We need to sit down and figure out all the details so you know when the time comes." He explained, ever the logical one. Steve sat back down on the bed roughly.

"This sucks." He stated with all the effect of a petulant child.

"Tell me about it, babe. I'm the one with the death sentence." Danny said, sitting down next to him.

"How can you be so...glib about all of this?" Steve exclaimed, hand flourish and all.

"How else am I supposed to be? Getting depressed about it isn't change anything. I came to terms with dying young a long time ago. You can't make it in our line of work if you don't. I just didn't expect to go out like this. I at least expected to give you the opportunity to avenge my death." Danny said, only slightly joking.

"I've avenged enough deaths in my life." Steve stated.

"That's what worries me." Danny replied, serious again. Steve just looked at him. "I'm worried about how you're going to cope. Every time you've lost someone, you've had a motivation to go on. I'm just afraid that this time you won't have one." He said honestly.

"I have a reason to go on. A really good one." Steve declared.

"And what would that be?" Danny asked curiously.

"To make sure that Gracie never forgets that her Danno loves her." Steve said, his voice clogging him emotion. Danny had to look away from him for a moment.

"That is a really good reason." Danny whispered when he finally had himself under control again.

"Steve?" Kono called out, breaking him out of the memory. "Everything alright?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Everything's fine." Steve replied automatically. "I found his uniform. It might be a little big, ya know with all the weight he's lost..." He added absently.

"I'm sure he'll still look real good in it." She assured.

Steve just nodded and clutched the clothing close to him. It smelled just the way Steve remembered him smelling-fresh, bright and bold-and he was afraid that was going to be the first memory of Danny to go.