The loud electronic scream of something digital was going off.

Again.

Dean groaned in his bed and reached out to fumbled around for the stupid thing. Bleary eyed he flipped the phone opened and pressed down on the power button until the phone turned off. Dropping it to the floor he twisted and buried his face back in the pillow to sleep for a few more hours.

He should have expected his brother to show up, in fact he did, hence why he made a point to keep the deadbolt on the apartment door locked since Sam had a spare. Despite what he thought was an excellent method of precaution, here he was trying to pretend his brother was not seated at the end of his bed, talking on the phone like he was sitting in his kitchen or something.

"Yeah mom, we'll be there. I'll drag his ass all the way if I have too. Bye."

Lying there Dean tried to fall back asleep and ignore his brother as the kid kicked over empty bottles that littered the floor. He kept meaning to clean those up but they just kept piling.

"This is fucking sad you know that?"

"Go away Sam, not in the mood for your shit," if his brother caught the absence of his childhood nickname he didn't voice it but something told Dean he had.

"It's been like three weeks man, this has got to stop."

"Later, give me a week."

"You already used that. Man, life sucks, whatever happened, happened. Getting drunk won't change that. And there's no reason to blow off dinner with mom and dad."

"Go away," rolling onto his stomach Dean just wanted his little brother to leave, his head was pounding like hell and he still had work today.

"Dean seriously. This is-"

"Fuck off Sam! There's a check on the damn fridge for the church like I promised mom and I'll be at dinner next week so just get the fuck out," the silence fell again, more strained as Dean could feel his brother trying to keep his calm. Probably counting down from ten in his head or something stupid.

"I just want-" Sam began again and Dean finally rolled on his back to glare over at the youngest Winchester.

"And I really don't fucking care alright? I'll be there next week, happy and put back together or whatever the fuck you want but right now I just want you to get out," snarling at his brother wasn't going to help the situation but Dean didn't want Sam there, he was wallowing in his guilt and facing the fact he was going to hell, Sam wasn't needed for either of those things.

"What the fuck man?" Sam finally snapped back, jumping from the bed and standing over Dean with a furious expression.

"You've been moping like a little girl forever, you won't say a word about what happened to anyone, mom's freaking out, dad's worried and they keep looking to me to figure this out!" He glared down at his bother, pointing an accusing finger at the hung-over man trying to sit up in the messy bed.

"This isn't just about you, you bloody jerk!" The silence fell again and Dean gave his brother a dirty look but sat up finally, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed and wincing as his head pounded painfully.

"What the hell man," Sam asked again with exasperation as he collapsed onto the bed beside Dean, watching his older brother rub his face.

"It complicated Sammy, I fucked up alright and I can't undo it."

"Just tell me, whatever it is I'll keep it to myself, you know I will," Dean did know that and if it was just about him he would have spilt long ago, but it wasn't.

"I can't…I don't want to hurt anyone alright, just drop it."

"Fine whatever but at least tell me why it's bothering you so much?"

Fuck, Sammy would sit and prod with his sharing caring crap for hours if Dean didn't give him something.

"I dunno, it's just messed up and now he hates me, like really honestly hates me," he finally admitted as he stood, Dean ignored the nausea in his stomach and locked his focus on the bathroom door, he had a mission and getting there was it.

"He? This is about some guy? Jeeze Dean, you took Cassie leaving better then this," of course the giant idiot would follow him, of course.

"Obviously I cared more then," he snapped and face his burn with the slipped admittance. Thankfully Sam swallowed the urge to mock him and just hung around the bathroom door, looking five seconds from pulling Dean into a hug. Fuck him, if he dared to try Dean would puke on him.

"Sam my head is fucking throbbing, my mouth taste like I've been licking an ashtray and I gotta piss like its no ones business. Please just let me suffer in peace and slink outta here however you got in."

"Fire escape," Sam finally replied, voice smug even as he backed out of the tiny room, let Dean have his peace.

"…figures." Dean grumbled after him before turning to deal with his pathetic reflection, because honestly he looked like leftover shit right then.

"Don't forget the stupid check!" He yelled out suddenly, remembering it and hearing his brothers answering 'yeah, yeah'.

When the doorbell rang Dean yanked the door open quickly, expecting his brother come to drag him out for dinner as he had threatened.

So when Castiel stood there instead Dean was completely caught off guard.

"Uh…Hey," he managed lamely, eyes wide as he clutched the doorknob painfully tight.

"Hello Dean," the smaller man looked good, he always did, but something about him was distinctly different. It was about then that Dean realized he was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans, not a priest uniform.

Blinking as he reeled with the knowledge, he barely managed to step back and motion with his hand for Castiel to come in.

Thankfully Dean had put an end his pity party and his apartment was clean, well as clean as he kept it, but a hell of a lot better than last week.

"How have you been?" The question was stupid and lame but fuck he couldn't think of anything else to say as he closed his apartment door and turned to face Castiel, avoiding meeting the man's blue eyes.

"Terrible honestly, but getting better," was the calm reply, the smooth low tone sounding just like Dean recalled and fuck he was stupid and way too nostalgic for his own good.

"Ah," the silence that hung was bursting with unsaid words on both sides and Castiel shifted nervously as the tension kept building up.

"I wanted to speak with you Dean, about…about the last time I saw you."

Dean closed his eyes then and felt the shame course through him all over again.

"I'm sorry Cas…Castiel, I never….I'm sorry. What happened was my fault and I regret putting you through it, man," it was a practiced speech, though Dean had intended to write it rather than face Castiel again.

"I think you misunderstood then, I never have, nor will ever, hate you,"

Unable to stop himself, Dean's gaze jumped to the other man's face and those blue eyes were watching him, a soft sad smile aimed at him and breaking his heart all over.

Fuck, he was so girly right then.

He was also going to fucking kill Sammy, somehow. someway he was going to do it because this had little brother meddling written all over it.

"Cas-" he tried to struggle though the right words but the priest raised a hand and Dean paused, frowning as they watched one another.

"Just let me say my piece Dean, please," Castiel requested, tried to keep his calm close to him as he face Dean, faced the man who had made him break his oaths. Had both shamed and freed Castiel in a way he was still trying to fully grasp.

"I…I was confused about who I was and what I wanted. I tried to pretend everything was fine when it wasn't," he had gone through this speech a hundred times, tried desperately to steady his nerves. Come the following Sunday he had felt a painful mix of relief and disappointment when Dean had not been present. But by the second absence the relief gave way into something else. When Mary Winchester had explained with a forlorn expression that her eldest son had decided to stop coming to church Castiel hadn't known how to react. He should have been happy he imagined, should have taken it as God trying to help him overcome the filthy sin that Dean had born in him.

"What happened between us, under the circumstances, was very wrong," Castiel admitted, looked to Dean to see a frown start on his face. When he tried to step away, put more room between them Castiel reacted without a thought, reaching to grab his wrist before he was out of reach. "Please don't misunderstand, it was never you, you didn't do anything I didn't want," with wide eyes he searched Dean's face, looked for something so desperately that the other man turned his hand in Castiel's hold, fingers gripping the cuff of Castiel's shirt. The tiny gesture seemed like so much more and the panic in him abated.

"But I felt guilt, I was failing to uphold the vow I took, what more I was…well we where..." he trailed off as he felt his face burn. "...in a church." Castiel finally managed out and Dean's own face flared up because they had done that. Sinned with one another on the floor of a church, on a desk, against a wall.

"I'm trying to do what I think is right now." Castiel hurried on, fingers still wrapped around Dean's wrist snuggly, squeezing as he tried to silently convey what he meant. Castiel had already begun the process of leaving the church when Samuel Winchester sought him out. Under the guise of seeking someone to talk with the cleaver man had explained he was worried about his older brother. That Dean was wracked with guilt and convinced that he had done something so horrible that his lover hated him. While Samuel spoke, he watched Castiel closely, his eyes reading every reaction from him and looking for some kind of confirmation. Dean's younger brother seemed to have found what he was looking for because after he had left Castiel found a piece of paper with Dean's number and address scribbled down.

Everything was still new for him, Castiel already knew his family, strictly religious would not welcome a homosexual and he would have to face that. Would have to struggle to find a new place where as before the robes of the priest where as much a shield as a duty.

But before all the hardships he hoped to make peace with Dean, the make him understand what happened between them was a sin because he was a priest, not because he was a man.

And now, that was all Castiel was, just a man without a single oath to restrain him.

"I've left the church, I realized that I don't belong there, not truly."

Honestly, before Dean thought to protest he realized what Castiel was trying to tell him and had to fight a grin.

"Are you sure…I don't want you to leave if you shouldn't," Dean managed, keeping the burst of joy out of his tone or so he thought until Castiel looked at him, eyes glinting with a soft smile.

"Yes, I'm sure of this," he replied with a calm honesty and a soft nod as he watched Dean, his fingers still on his wrist firmly.

"I know I have no right to ask…" it was Dean's turn to squeeze the other man's wrist, shifting their hands until their fingers entwined apprehensively.

"Just say you wanna be here, with me, and I'll make it happen so damn fast," he finally said, voice rushed as he felt so stupid but couldn't not take a chance, had to make the offer.

The negative emotions died away when Castiel smiled anxiously at him, simple but real in a way that made Dean grin like a idiot and step in close to slide his arms around Castiel's waist. Those blue eyes shone as he nodded emphatically, looking nervous but ecstatic as Dean himself was feeling. Reaching out, he hooked his fingers in the belt loop of the other man's jeans and tugged him so the last bit of space between them closed. Following the pull Castiel stepped in closer, head ducked but eyes warm

"It'll be different you know," mused Dean as he dropped his head to rest his brow against Castiel's, blue eyes flicking up to his own.

"To touch you and not have to trade the pleasure for the guilt."

Castiel smiled widely then, his real smile, not something plastered on. The small pull at the corner of his mouth with the dance of his eyes that Dean loved to see. Smirking still, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on the other man's mouth. For once there was no resistance from Castiel, he melted into the touch at once, answering the kiss eagerly.

Unable to keep from smiling Dean broke the kiss and wrapped both arms around Castiel's waist pulling him in closer before he fell back on to the couch with a laugh. The ex-priest started in surprised as they fell but didn't fight it, falling with Dean and taking comfort in the grunt he pulled from the man when he landed on him. But the silly smirk remained firm on Dean's face as he tilted his head to claim the man's mouth again.

Easily his fingers found their way under Castiel's shirt so his fingers could trace the dip of his spine lazily. They were not hidden in some lost room, there was no chance of discovery, no rules were being broken now so Dean took his time, in no rush.

An hour later when Sam stumbled from his apartment like his ass was on fire Dean felt he got his just revenge.

"God damn it Dean! You knew I was coming over!" Sam shouted, slamming the apartment door behind him while Castiel was red faced and hurriedly pulling on his jeans.

"Anyone ever tell you meddle too much?" Dean shot back, watching Castiel as the man bit his lip, embarrassed but his eyes still shining, hair still tousled, and love bites still visible on his neck and shoulder.

"With a priest Dean?" Now Sam was going for shock value, no doubt someone was in the hallway. Reaching out Dean took hold of Castiel wrist and tugged him back down to the couch, unashamed of his own nudity as he grinned wolfishly.

"Ex-priest Sammy! I've converted him," while he shouted he watched Castiel as he tried to give Dean a sharp look but ruined it with his laughing gaze.