CHAPTER TWO

It had been over a month since Cas had inadvertently slipped into Dean's thoughts. He'd been helping Ben with his homework and something; he didn't know what exactly, had brought the angel to mind.

Now it seemed that he was never out of it. He was almost as constant a companion as his grief over Sam, who he didn't even seem to think of as much and was wracked with guilt over it. The truth was he missed the nerdy little angel, more than he'd care to admit.

He threw back the last of his Jack Daniels. He'd been drinking more and more of late; partly to take away the pain of losing Sam, but no matter how much he drank it was still there. He'd felt like this once before. When his returned from Hell had been haunted by the memories of what he'd done there.

Sam had tried everything to help him through it, even after he'd confessed his sins, but it didn't help all that much, Sam hadn't understood what he'd went through, what he'd done, and no matter what he said to the contrary, Dean knew Sam never looked at him the same way. There was always a shadow behind his eyes when they looked at him.

But then there was Cas. It seemed he was the only one in the whole world who knew what he'd done and didn't judge him for it, didn't blame him in any way. Didn't expect anything from him but that he did his best and followed his heart.

They had grown close over that first year and even close over the second. Dean found himself telling Cas things he couldn't even tell Sam or Bobby because he knew without a single doubt that Castiel: Angel of the Lord, as he had introduced himself that first night, would always listen, understand and not judge.

He even resorted to having those click-flick moments he hated so much on occasion. But it was alright for some reason. In fact Dean could probably say at least to himself, that his friendship with Cas was the only truly solid, stable thing in his life. It was as if he instinctively knew that when the shit really hit the fan, Cas above anyone, maybe even Sam, would never let him down.

There was a noise outside the window and Dean stood to look through the closed grey curtains. His hunters' instincts still on full alert even though he'd pack all that in to fulfill Sam last wish; that he have a normal life with Lisa and Ben. So he'd done just that.

He hadn't spoken to Bobby in months. The Impala, his baby, was wrapped up nice and warm in Lisa's garage, her boot cleared of all weapon. Except for the shot gun and holy water he still kept under Lisa's bed. He wasn't a complete fool.

Pulling back the curtain Dean saw nothing, only the dark and the few lights coming from the neighbors houses. But something in his gut told him there was something out there, watching from the shadows. Every muscle screamed for him to go out there and find the thing, but he'd made a promise to Sammy and he wasn't going to break it.

He turned back to the desk and took a seat once more. His thoughts going back to what he'd given up to keep his promise and once again a short blue eyes angel rushed to the front of his mind.

It was crazy how much Dean thought about Cas, especially when he'd gained so much. He had Lisa and Ben. A normal job. A normal house. A normal life…. But as much as he loved Lisa and Ben, he was finding it hard to live that normal life. To be without the family he'd built around him.

He couldn't do anything about Sam, short of making another deal and something told him; one Sam wouldn't be at all happy with him if he did that and two that not even Crowley had what it would take to spring Sammy from the cage.

Of course this train of through inevitable led back to Cas. The only creature in existence that could retrieve a soul from hell was an angel and Dean still had the mark to prove it.

But that simply brought up another problem; Dean hadn't seen or spoken to Cas in months. Dean was almost tempted to open his mouth and call for the angel then and there. Ask him if there was anything he could do to get Sam out of the cage, but he already knew what the answer would be. He'd look at him with those Bambi blue eyes and tell him there is nothing he could do. That saving someone from the pit is not as hard as pulling someone from the cage and that he didn't have the power to do that.

It seemed Dean knew Cas, almost as well as the angel knew him, and that was both terrifying and calming in the same instant.

Dean put down his empty glass and got slowly up from the desk chair with a sigh before heading up to bed. Popping his head around Ben's bedroom door just to check everything was okay, as he always did, before strolled into the bathroom. He needed a shower before getting into bed next to Lisa as he hadn't taken one when he had gotten in from working at the construction site.

So turning on the water Dean began to strip, pulling his gray t-shirt over his head he stood in front of the mirror for a second and looked at his left shoulder. The mark had faded with time, but the impression of a hand was still visible.

Cas his mind said, almost sounding like a sigh to Dean's ears and he absently placed his hand over the mark. Not knowing what possessed him to do so, but he felt a kind of comfort from it. A comfort he hadn't felt since the day he'd lost everyone and everything he loved.

Castiel stood in the darkness with his arms hanging limply at his side, watching the house. He shouldn't have come, he knew that now. Seeing Dean and not talking to him just felt wrong, down in his gut. It was a discomfort that was almost painful. But over the past weeks Dean's voice had been haunting him, always there and always distant like it had that first day. He'd told himself it was better to stay away. That Dean needed to get settled into his new life without the reminder of what he lost and what he was giving up.

Besides he was having his own problems at the moment. Raphael was trying to take over heaven. Now that Michael was trapped in Hell with Lucifer and Sam, Raphael saw an opportunity to rise in the ranks and he was taking it. And of course Castiel was on the top of his list of angel that needed to be…. Returned to bible camp, as Dean would say.

But he'd found himself needing to see Dean, if only to make sure he was well, though he knew from the tone of his thoughts that he wasn't. He needed comfort and Cas hoped that his mere presence, even if Dean couldn't see him, would give him that comfort.

He watched Dean as he searched the dark. He knew someone was watching him and Castiel hoped he knew it was him. Dean closed the curtains leaving Castiel suddenly feeling berthed. Yet another emotion he couldn't understand.

They had been becoming more confusing over the last few months. Grinding at him because he had no understanding of what they meant and no one to turn to, to find out. All he knew was that he missed Dean more and more each moment. That he wanted to hear Dean cuss and tease and berate. Even wanted to hear the human cultural reference he never understood. He missed the freedom of being able to just drop in on him and sometimes catch him sleeping only for Dean to wake up and moan at him for watching.

Castiel noticed the light go off and knew he'd gone to bed and something tightened in his stomach. His hands involuntarily clenching closed. He remained at his post for another few minutes and was about to return home when he heard his name again as it always was part way between a sigh and a whisper. His gut tightened further and his heart jumped and then he was gone.