You've got a hold of me don't even know your power. I stand a hundred feet but I fall when I'm around you. Show me an open door then you go and slam it on me. I can't take anymore. I'm saying baby

Tears fell in rivers down her porcelain cheeks, hands shaking and mouth trembling as she reached for the breach. Zoom's clawed hand reaching through, grasping you and dragging you to who knows where all she could remember though you had been giving her a dazzling smile moments before.

"Cait." Barry tried, grabbing her as she tipped back and fell unconscious to the sound of your scream ringing in her ears.

She could remember the moments that you both turned away from each other and it all seemed so silly, ridiculously and horrifyingly understandable but silly. She had lost so many lovers and you had closed yourself off to the idea of love so long ago that it seemed like a mute point to try but there she was, there you were, and you both tried so hard not to fall for each other. But how dumb had you both been to think you had a choice in the matter.

You were her weakness, she yours, and though you had both slammed the door in each others faces, you both knew it was ludicrous. But you were both too hurt, too fragile for anything more. Then that one night in Star Labs, both of you wearing your hearts on your sleeve with another meta locked in the pipeline and Zoom closed off for the time being and she pulled you to her by the collar of your shirt and that was that. You were both too in love to pretend otherwise.

Blinking her eyes at the ceiling of Star Labs as she regained consciousness in the med bay, she wondered if it was her. If she was the darkness that kept getting her lovers killed. She didn't know but she vowed to get you back, if only to let you go.

Please have mercy on me. Take it easy on my heart; even though you don't mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart. Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart. Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart.

It was like a breath of fresh air when Zoom flitted into the room, you - bruised and beat up but alive, so beautifully, wonderfully alive - in his grasp. Caitlin took an involuntary step but Barry was in front of her in a blink, protecting her from Zoom- she knew that- but keeping her away from you.

"Flash." The voice was little more than a growl in the labs, echoing through their very cores.

"Let her go." That was the wrong thing to say. Zoom smirked, if that was possible. And they couldn't peel their eyes from where his hand shot through your chest, tearing into you and the horrified scream that fell from yours and Cait's lips as you dropped to the ground in a heap, silent and still.

"Monster!" Caitlin screamed, though the word fell limp in the air when she realized Zoom had already sped away with Barry on his heels. Dropping to your side, she couldn't even cry. This was her fault, all her fault. Gathering you into her arms, she didn't know what shocked her more. The little groan you let out or the feeling of your heart beating against her palms.

Please have mercy on me. Take it easy on my heart. Even though you don't mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart.

Cait's eyes were bloodshot when you opened your own bleary ones, one of her hands encasing yours and the other pressed to her forehead as she cried, eyes on her lap.

"Have you slept?" Not exactly what she expected you to say but when she hadn't expected you to ever speak to her again, she would listen to you read her the dictionary if it meant you were alright. Eyes snapping to yours, brilliant and dazzling under the fluorescents, she lunged for you and held you so tightly to her you stopped breathing for a moment.

"How am I-" You didn't wanna ask, but you had to. You had felt Zoom's hand go through you. You shouldn't have survived. Caitlin didn't answer, simply held you for a long moment then pulled away to kiss you.

"You're a metahuman." She breathed when she pulled away, distracting you long enough that the words didn't feel as important, life-changing.

"Wait, what?"

Apparently, you had the ability to heal people - Caitlin had to wonder if that is why someone as broken as her was drawn to someone like you - and the moment you got hurt, your body had already started to heal.

But you couldn't concentrate here, not with memories of being killed there and stolen here and bleeding out there. You were restless, nightmares at every corner and you couldn't tell anyone what Zoom did to you, how he played his twisted little games with you. They had to stop him, stop his plans and you couldn't get in the way of that with something like this. So you buried yourself in your work - creating a serum from your blood mixed with Barry's to reverse what you could do and destroy Zoom - and she could feel you pulling away.

"Talk to me." She begged, cornering you in the lab but you refused to meet her eyes.

"You don't want me to."

"What? Of course I do. Why would you think I-"

"Not like that Caitlin. You don't want to know." You left it at that, sliding into your office and shutting the door. You could barely hear her whisper through the door.

"Please baby. Talk to me, you're tearing me apart because I know you're not okay, that you were torn apart. Please, let me in." You locked the door.

I'm a puppet on your strings and even though you got good intentions, I need you to set me free. Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart? Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart?

"I'm going to stay in Starling, or Star City whatever, for a while." You had defeated Zoom, having another Barry and the serum you created - plus psycho time wraiths - were apparently the solution to the speedster problem.

"Excuse me? You didn't talk to me about that." Caitlin argued, all of team Flash turning to look at you in the doorway with your bags.

"Yeah, I know. You would've tried to talk me out of it and I would've stayed because of you. But I need this. I have to be selfish for a while and do this for me."

"What about your abilities? You don't know how they work." She was looking for a reason for you to stay, you knew that but you couldn't give in. It wouldn't help either of you.

"Oli offered to help. He has some stuff from the island that could be useful for me to study, Malcolm even offered to give me some of the records he has." Malcolm had a soft spot for you, perhaps because you punched him in the face when you met but he respected you.

"But," She paused, not wanting to say it but it was Caitlin. You both knew she would. "What about you and me?"

"I'm sorry, I am. But I have to get out of Central, I don't expect you to wait for me as much as I would like to beg you to but I need you to let me do this, to let me go." You weren't sure what to expect when her long legs carried her quickly to you. A slap, a punch, a hit of some sort but this was Caitlin. You didn't expect her to kiss you like you were the center of her universe.

"I will wait for you, if you still want me. I will be here."

Consuming all the air inside my lungs. Ripping all the skin from off my bones.

Oliver was a huge help, anchoring you in a way others couldn't because he'd been there. Nightmares and fear, worry and doubts. He was there when you woke up screaming, there when your nails dug into your own skin to fight imaginary creatures in the dark. And he taught you how to heal people - mostly because he couldn't stop getting hurt and someone, you, had to keep someone, him, from dying- and how to heal yourself.

But you had cut everyone who was there in that moment, standing in the room when you were almost killed, out of your life. It wasn't intentional, Oliver said it was self-preservation, and you had no idea how they would react to you stepping through the archway and back into their lives but with a glowing smile, hugs to your new friends as you steadied yourself to go to Central City, you knew you had to do it.

Caitlin was a wreck without you, at least for a while. Oliver was keeping them updated, telling them you were okay but not you. You would never be the you they were used to. Oliver had been firm in that and he had died a few too many times for them to discount his opinion. You were traumatized, they had to give you space. She hadn't realized he meant not talking to you at all.

She had called you a few times, talked to you for a moment in the days after you went to Star City but then you stopped answering, or she stopped trying. She didn't know.

"Cisco, you have to stop changing the suit. I almost didn't recognize him in that darker red." They were in the middle of a meta hunt. Barry was in full Flash gear and they were talking animatedly but the moment your voice rang through the room, all of their eyes were on you.

"Wha-" Cisco almost dropped his slushie.

"Miss me?"

Oh, please have mercy on me, take it easy on my heart.

Was it awkward? Absolutely. Did you feel like you were out of sync, out of the loop? Yes. Did you feel bad about leaving to get the help you needed? No.

And you were just in time because this meta was your area of expertise.

"He is controlling the chemical make-up of people, sometimes their blood. If we can isolate the-"

"Can we talk?" You hadn't meant to cut her off but you'd been back for a few days and Caitlin would barely look at you, let alone be isolated with you. So when she entered your lab to tell you about how you could help get this meta, you had to act quick.

"We are talking." She was deflecting.

"Yeah but you know what I mean." It was silent and you thought that was her way of saying that she didn't wanna have this conversation but then her words were spilling out of her like an overfilled faucet.

"You left me. You were killed and I watched someone I love, you, die and then you walked out on me."

"Cait," It was like you had been punched in the gut. You hadn't thought about that. Sure, you knew it would hurt her to have seen you like that but you didn't think about the fact that the people she loved left her in one way or another and that was all that she knew. "I didn't-"

"No, let me finish." When her eyes met yours, it wasn't with the contempt you expected. They were soft, guilty. They were sorry. "I was angry with you and I shouldn't have been. You had to do what was right for you. I guess I- No, I know I wanted to be the one to help you and I couldn't. I felt useless, I felt like I was the one who hurt you as much as I was the one who couldn't help you."

When you reached for her, you were startled to find her hand already halfway to yours. Letting her pull you in, letting her kiss you, letting her tell you she loved you and repeating them to her was the easy part.

Forgiving yourself for leaving her, her forgiving herself for all the guilt she had within her, understanding that you both were different, was the hard part but with a little time, a little love, and a little help from your team, you knew you'd be okay.

You were both done avoiding the fear that falling in love brought you, instead you embraced it and let it hold you close in it's whirlwind. You let it guide you. You let it keep you safe. You were facing your fears head on, hands embraced, together.

Oh, please have mercy on me, take it easy on my heart. I'm begging you.