Lisa: Hello lovely readers. Betcha didn't expect to see us again so soon, huh? *grins*
Penny: Nope, I bet you guys didn't! After receiving some reader feedback, we have decided to repost all the chapters over the next few days. We hope y'all don't mind, and will continue to follow our story. :D
Lisa: Apologies in advance for any inboxes which may explode during the repost. We'll be endeavoring to get all 46 chapters up as soon as we can. Chapter 47 (the first new one) will be up within the next few days on fan fic and TWCS - so be on the lookout for it! :)
Penny: As ever, thanks go to our pre-reader Kerrfrano, and our beta Harrytwifan. They do a fab job! Unfortunately, we still don't own Twilight.
CHAPTER 2
JPOV
Two weeks later...
"Shh, Matthew...it's okay..." I crooned to my nephew as I held him in my arms and paced around the living room of my apartment. What could possibly be making him fuss like this? I'd already changed him, fed him, burped him, and bathed him. What else was there left to do?
It was four in the morning, and I hadn't had a wink of sleep. For hours on end, Matthew's loud crying had been driving me to the brink of insanity, and as he buried his face in my neck and squirmed in my arms, I groaned in frustration. Stressed, exhausted and alone, I felt completely out of my depth, every muscle bunched with tension as I tried to recollect some of the advice my mom had given Rose when she found out she was pregnant. It was then it dawned on me. With the way he was drawing his little legs up into his body, I wondered if he had a bad stomach ache. I remembered my mom telling how first me, and then Rose when she was born would start screaming every night with colic. She told me she would sit and lay us belly down across her knees until we finally settled. That sounded like a good plan to me.
Sitting on the edge of the sofa, I did as my mother had said and laid little Matthew face down on my lap. Holding him firmly with one hand so he couldn't wriggle out of my grasp, I bounced him very gently and rubbed his back with the other, heaving a sigh of relief when his cries began to subside.
"Yes," I whispered, too afraid to stop what I was doing in case he started up again, as I took a moment to look back on the past few weeks. It had been a complete blur leading up to the day of my sister's funeral, every moment filled with making arrangements, receiving flower deliveries, having to console my devastated parents and greeting visitors to Rosalie's apartment. I'd been dividing my time between Rose's and Ma and Pa's whenever Matthew was reasonably settled, to perform the arduous task of going through her things...a task I dreaded but nonetheless had no choice but to complete since my parents were not only frail, but barely coping with their only daughter's death.
It was heartbreaking having to choose the final outfit Rosalie would ever wear. I didn't want to dress her in anything dreary, after all, but something bright and happy instead, just like she was. In the end it was an easy decision, the white and green floral, sleeveless dress that brought out her aqua eyes, coupled with a matching pair of white leather high-heeled shoes she bought just before she announced her pregnancy, the obvious choice for my sister.
As Matthew finally began to settle, I thought about the one person who threatened to take the only reason I was still sane away from me. In a way, I was glad Rose hadn't told me much about the father, citing she couldn't recall anything much about the night she'd gone out for drinks with a few of her friends and tied one on. That way, the guilt I felt about depriving a man of a child he knew nothing about was somewhat lessened. The fact that Rosalie had made no attempt to find the mystery man in question also made me feel confident that I was doing the right thing.
I was, wasn't I?
I mean, I had any idea where to start, anyway, and aside from the fact I knew nothing about the father, who knew what kind of man he was? What if he was a douche? A closet axe murderer? What if Rosalie knew him more than she'd actually let on, and was protecting herself from being rejected by an asshole who didn't want to have anything to do with her beyond one night? After all, he fucked her and left...so that told me whoever this guy was...he wasn't someone who stuck around for any length of time.
For now, though, I had all I could handle taking care of Matthew. Mom and Dad were right when they told me babies were hard work, but of course, I didn't mind. He was my nephew, the only part of my sister I had left. Being busy with him day and night helped keep not only my grief, but all the guilt and the plethora of unanswered questions at bay. I was just too tired to think anymore, and at this point was incapable of anything beyond putting one foot in front of the other.
Finally done with my musing, I was relieved to find that Matthew had fallen into a peaceful sleep. As I picked him up to hold him against my chest, the pungent smell hit me. He needed to be changed, and damnit, I knew he'd wake up the moment I took off his diaper.
Letting out an audible sigh, I stood and went into my room, laying the baby on the change table. He slept through me getting him out of his sleeper, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Step one, completed successfully...next it was time to change him.
After pulling out a few wipes from the box next to me and setting them nearby, I got a fresh diaper ready and carefully opened the soiled one.
Matthew shifted and whined, then stilled again. Thank god.
But, as soon as the cold, wet wipe made contact with the baby's warm skin, he jerked awake, and started to scream. Before I could even think about reacting, a fountain of piss had already sprayed all over the front of my shirt.
Shocked, I yelled, "Shit!" and then burst out in loud, uproarious laughter at the sheer craziness of the situation. After regaining control of myself, I cleaned Matthew thoroughly, rubbed on some rash cream, and changed him into a fresh diaper.
Unfortunately, his screaming didn't stop, but instead increased in volume, and I was getting panicky, gripping my hair in my hands and sighing in exasperation. Shedding my pee-soaked shirt and tossing it into the hamper, I cleaned myself off with a fresh wipe as best I could. Grabbing a blanket out of the crib, I then pulled Matthew close against my chest, covering us both in its warm softness.
I then went back into the living room and sat on the couch, rocking my nephew in my arms. He continued to cry and, completely at a loss, I decided to join him.
For several long moments I held my baby nephew, watching as the sky lightened outside, my heart breaking as I realized Rosalie had already missed so much, until Matthew finally began to calm down.
It just wasn't fair.
As Matthew's cries turned into whimpers and soft sobs, and his deep blue eyes grew heavy, I laid back against the arm of the couch and rested his little body against my chest. Yawning before allowing my eyes to close, the two of us finally drifted off to sleep.
~HDE~
"Jasper!"
"Jasper, are you in there?"
"What the fuck?" I grumbled as I heard a ringing in my ears, before I realized it was the sound of the doorbell, not a bad case of tinnitus.
"Open up, sleepyhead!" she shouted and then resorted to pounding heavily on the door.
Looking down, Matthew was still asleep and nestled against me, his face buried into my shoulder, the baby blanket with little blue ducks covering us both.
Groaning, I felt a crick in my neck as I tried to carefully maneuver my stiff and aching body off the couch without waking Matthew. He still needed more sleep. Although the sun had risen, I was hoping to get a little more shuteye myself and perhaps give Emmett a call later in the day to check up on the upcoming job we'd been negotiating a contract for.
"Jasper?"
"Coming!" I whisper-yelled. Somehow managing to get up without waking the baby, I quickly made my way down the narrow hallway.
Unlocking the door and flinging it open, while cradling Matthew against my chest, there stood my sister's best friend, Angela, dressed in her best gray power suit, black hair pulled into a tight bun, red rimmed glasses perched on the end of her nose.
"Jasper, are you okay? You look like you haven't slept a wink," she said as she clucked her tongue in disapproval. Without further invitation, she barged right by me, placing her black leather briefcase beside the hall stand before turning to face me, her deep brown eyes suddenly filled with concern.
"I'm hanging in there," I answered with a shrug, my voice still croaky with sleep.
Placing a hand on Matthew before patting his back gently, she squinted for a moment, her eyes fixing on my hair, before saying, "Uhm, Jasper...what the hell is that?"
"What the hell is what?" I asked, confused.
Reaching up, she tentatively touched the wisps of hair near my forehead before bringing her hand to her nose and sniffing, and said, "Oh thank God...it's just a bit of rash cream. I thought for a moment you'd had yourself a little 'Something About Mary' moment!"
I couldn't help but snort out a tired laugh in response.
Right on cue, Matthew stirred in my arms, and within moments, his little body stiffened. To my utter disbelief, he was crying again.
"Shit!" I groused in frustration.
"Right, that's it. Give him to me. I have an hour before I need to be at work. Go take a shower and clean yourself up before I leave, for Christ sake!" she instructed firmly
Too tired to argue, I quickly handed Matthew to her before giving Angela some instructions of my own. "He's due to be fed, so there's a bottle already made up in the refrigerator. Oh, and he'll need to be changed. Actually, he could do with a bath first. Why don't I just go get the bottle and heat it, and then take him into the shower with me...and then..."
"Will you just do as you're told?" she scolded, fire in her eyes. "You're acting like a crazy person, Jasper, and frankly I can see why Emmett's been really worried about you." Matthew continued to fuss, nuzzling into her ample breast as she rocked him in her arms soothingly.
As much as she was a top executive at the advertising firm she worked at, she was still a softie at heart.
And a little scary when she was like this.
Sighing as I stared at the sight of Angela holding him, I wondered what it would be like to have a special someone in my life to share the burden I carried now more than ever. Nodding, I headed toward my room.
Once I felt the warm, soothing water run over my shoulders and flow down my body, it felt so good to wash the grime away that for the briefest of moments, I forgot my troubles. My moment of joy, however, was to be short-lived. As I placed my palms against the tile and thoughts returned to my situation, the dam burst yet again. Soon enough, I was heaving huge, loud sobs that shook my whole body. Unable to stop myself from letting go, I sank to the bottom of the tub, pulled my knees to my chest, and buried my face between them. Was this what I'd have to be faced with every day for the rest of my life...my heart destined to be forever broken?
A light knock on the bathroom door startled me out of my misery, and I raised my head, trying to calm myself the hell down. "Yeah?"
"Are you alright in there?" came Angela's worried voice.
"It's all good, Ang."
"Don't lie to me, Jasper. I heard you from the living room."
"Well, I'm okay now," I assured her, sniffling and clearing my throat. "Just give me a minute, and I'll be right out."
Quickly, I stood and finished washing my body, then dried myself and dressed in a pair of old jeans and a tee. After running a brush through my overgrown, soaking wet dark blond hair, I headed for the living room to find Angela sitting on the couch, cradling a sleeping Matthew.
"Jasper," she said kindly and softly, "talk to me."
Glancing at the clock, I said, "We'll talk later. It's almost nine, and you're gonna be late for work."
"Fuck work. You were crying your heart out in there, and I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on with you," she pressed.
Rubbing my gritty eyes, I sighed in defeat. "I never thought it would be this hard, Angela."
"I know, but give yourself some credit, Jasper. You've not only just lost your sister, but you've taken on a huge burden with Matthew. Of course you're going to feel a little out of your depth."
"I knew it was a lot to take on, Ang, and I don't regret it for a minute, but I'm no father. Just when I think I've got a handle on things, Matthew either throws me for a loop, or I lose it. Add to that the fact that I'm not sleeping, barely eating, and I can't get the tears to stop no matter how hard I try, and you have yourself one crazy, fuck-up," I confessed, laying all my fears and frustrations on the table.
"Oh, Jasper," Angela said, looking miserable, her face filled with sympathy. "Come sit down."
Nodding, I settled myself next to her on the sofa, then fondly ran my fingers over my sleeping baby's head, his hair and skin velvet soft, his cupid's bow lips pink and perfect.
"I'm so sorry. I guess I've been so caught up in my own grief, I failed to see what you've been going through," she continued. "You...well you've been so sure, such a pillar of strength through all this, that I figured you were handling it. If I had any idea you'd been struggling this much..."
"Well, I am," I admitted, hating the fact I was showing how weak I actually was.
"I wish I could take some time off work to be here and help, but I - "
"No," I cut her off. "You can't do that. I'll manage somehow." As much as I needed help, Angela had her own life to live, and putting hers on hold to help me out wasn't the answer.
"Alright, then," Angela said with a nod. "What you are going to do now is take the baby and put him to bed. Then, I'm going to call in to work and tell them I'm sick. I'll watch Matthew for the day, and we'll worry about what happens next after you've had some rest. I'll even cook. How does that sound?"
"Ang, I can't let you - "
"Shut up, Jasper, and let me do this. Now, take the baby. I have a call to make."
Deciding it was a waste of breath arguing with my fiercely stubborn friend, I let out a defeated sigh and took Matthew in my arms before leaving Angela to call work. Placing him in his crib, I kissed the tips of my fingers before gently pressing them against his forehead, eyes fluttering and rolling under closed lids as he drifted into dreamland.
"Sweet dreams, little man," I whispered, once again blinking back tears as I headed for my room.
Watching as the morning sun streamed through the window, I stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed.
Rolling onto my side, I stared longingly at the empty space beside me, wishing with everything I had that there was someone to share my life with. My hand sweeping across the coolness of the plump, perfectly shaped pillow, a single tear fell from the corner of my eye and dripped down my cheek.
And as I closed my eyes and fell into a fitful sleep, I just hoped that my waking dream would, someday soon, become a reality.
Hope y'all liked it. Till next time,
Penny and Lisa
