Liara was holed up behind the med bay, squinting at her computer screen and typing furiously. Shepard stood quietly, waiting for the staccato of her data input to slow down. She didn't want to interrupt the doctor's train of thought.
She didn't have to wait too long, Liara felt someone watching, and knew it was Shepard. No one else would disturb her in her work space. She finished up her observation and spun her chair around slowly.
"Good to see you, commander."
"Yes, you as well. How are you?" Shepard was always nervous around T'Soni, something she found mildly annoying. For her that meant saying stupid things as if she were a teenager again. Not a place she liked being in.
"Everyone seems to be walking on egg shells around me right now, I guess they assume that I am going to burst into tears at any moment over Benezia. I am not. But I guess it's their way of being respectful, and I can appreciate that."
"I think you're right about them just trying to be respectful. Losing a parent is something most consider a terrible event." Shepard leaned against the cabin wall and folded her arms. It was a defensive gesture, one meant to soothe her jittery nerves and it helped, a little.
Liara stared at the floor, thinking. Then she lifted her chin as if reaching some sort of decision about something. "Benezia and I hadn't spoken very much over the years. I love her and I'm sorry she's gone, but I think she was always disappointed that I didn't follow in her footsteps. Perhaps, in the beginning, I studied archeology to be rebellious, but I don't ever remember a time that I didn't love it."
"All children rebel against their parents, it's a normal part of growing up." Shepard bounced against the wall, fidgeting without even noticing she was doing it, she was as concerned as the others about saying the wrong thing to Liara.
"You are as wise as a matriarch, commander. That is exactly what my mother said about it." Liara smiled, funny that they would both tell her that.
"Well, I didn't mean to sound like your mother-" Kate scowled. This was going well, like an asteroid heading towards a mass relay.
"I didn't mean it in a bad way. Is everything alright? You seem a bit on edge." Liara smiled again, trying to put Shepard more at ease. It didn't work, Shepard's scowl deepened.
"I've just been worried about you. And worried that you might hold what happened on Noveria against me."
"No, commander, not at all. Benezia made her choice. I don't blame you for what happened. In fact, I appreciate that I got to see her one last time. If I weren't on this ship, I would have missed out on that opportunity. I thank you for trusting me."
"I do trust you, completely." Kate's voice sounded strangled and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. "I mean, you've been a beneficial addition to the crew, and your knowledge of the protheans has already been invaluable to me, to the mission."
"I'm glad you feel that way." Liara felt so awkward around he commander, she silently berated herself for not being more articulate. She was used to speaking with others above her station, why she had such a difficult time with even the most casual conversations with Shepard was an ongoing source of frustration for her. But then, she'd never felt attracted to any of those others.
"So I hope you'll be staying on." Kate blurted, feeling guilty that she had an agenda, and wondering if she should just share the conversation between her and Hackett. But she wasn't ready for that yet.
"I intend to. Like I told you before, commander, I am with you to the end." Liara stood up from her chair and folded her arms. She and Shepard looked like mirrors of each other.
"But you do realize that finding Saren isn't the end of the matter, the reapers are still coming, right?"
"I do. I fully understand the commitment I am making, Shepard."
"But won't you miss your work?" Kate continued to rhythmically bounce against the wall.
"If we don't stop the reapers, my work will have no point. Surely you can see that?"
"Yes, of course I can, I just -"
"There seems to be something else bothering you. You're bouncing against the wall, it's even making me feel jittery. What's going on?"
Liara leaned towards Shepard slightly, looking closely at her face, forcing her to make eye contact. Shepard suddenly felt a lump in her throat. How could Liara read her so easily? No one else could do that and she found it unsettling.
"I've just got alot on my mind, Liara. I need to go make some preparations. I'm glad to hear you plan on staying with us, however, thank you for that."
Kate walked out of the tiny cabin, suddenly feeling the pressure on her chest release its hold. How long could she keep this up? She didn't like lying to Liara and it made her feel like a jerk. She was near the med bay's exit when she turned back around and approached Liara's office, she had to end this. Not telling her was more of a distraction than telling her could possibly be, at least she hoped that would be the case. She heard a voice whispering through the closed door.
"Dammit, Liara, you have to tell her at some point."
Liara was scolding herself. There was no one else in the room with her. Kate shook her head and walked back into the small work space.
Liara's head shot up and her eyes were wide with panic.
"Shepard! Did you hear -"
"I did." Kate nodded, unable to speak. Why can't I say anything when I am looking at her?
"Goddess!" Liara took a step backwards, she was too close and it suddenly felt like the air in the cabin had been pulled out, there wasn't enough for her to breathe.
"Liara, it's alright." Kate took a step towards her. "I think we both feel the same way."
Shepard finally gave up on speaking. She reached out and took Liara's hands, gently. They stood like that, just holding hands.
"I didn't, I wasn't, I didn't mean to withhold anything from you." Liara stammered.
"I know, I didn't either. And you're right, the mission is important. But so are you. I can't keep pretending I don't care for you, Liara. I feel like I'm lying to you and I can't do it anymore."
"Alright, so now what do we do?" Liara studied Kate's face. She was close enough to see the deep scar on her cheek and the ring of brown around her pupils that made her eyes look like circular forests.
"I honestly don't know. I've never really felt this way about anyone. It's like we've known each other forever. I've had feelings for people before and I've been with others, but I've never experienced anything quite like this."
"No?"
"No."
Liara was quiet. Kate watched emotions play across her face and wondered what she was thinking. Then she finally spoke.
"It's strange isn't it? We're nothing alike and from two different species. How can we be so close?"
"Does it matter?" Kate shrugged. "The truth is that we are this close, close enough that pretending we aren't is far more awkward."
Liara laughed. Her voice was musical. Kate was grinning at that point, the humor of the situation suddenly apparent.
"We are a mess." Liara shook her head, staring at the floor. She was afraid to look at Shepard too much, which she told herself was foolish. What did she think would happen?
"That we are." Kate spoke softly.
They hadn't let go of each other's hands. The contact was more intimate than any Kate had ever experienced before. Just that small act was so comforting that neither of them wanted to break the spell.
She finally made herself look at the commander. "I still don't think we should act on our feelings. But that might be fear, I have never -"
Shock registered on Shepard's face. "Wait, you mean you haven't -"
"No, Shepard. I am only one hundred and six, barely an adult. I've never met anyone I wanted to be with. At least, not until I met you." Liara felt like her face was on fire, she was blushing so hard.
Kate squeezed Liara's hands and released them, taking a step back. "Then I think you're probably right, we shouldn't rush into anything."
"But you aren't, you aren't saying you don't ever want to, are you?" Liara looked crestfallen.
Kate frowned. Things were complicated enough between them, Liara's inexperience would make them even more so. No wonder the asari was having a hard time expressing herself.
"No, I'm not saying that at all. Don't take this as rejection, it isn't. Quite the contrary. We have so much to do and I don't want your first time to be entangled with the stresses of trying to find Saren. It should be special, Liara. When our mission is over, we can make time for each other, if you still want to. Until then, know that I want to, believe me, I do. And if you need me, you can come to me any time. I just don't want you to feel any pressure, we're going to have enough of that."
Liara reached out and laid her hand on Shepard's cheek. Her face was warm and she ran her finger gently across the scar, she'd wanted to touch it for the longest time. The skin was rough, with jagged bits of a different texture.
Kate's face reddened at the gesture. "I got that on Elysium." She spoke softly and looked down at the floor, memories of that day suddenly flooding her mind.
"You were very brave, I read about what happened there." Liara dropped her hand slowly.
Kate shook off the stream of thoughts. "No more so than you were, T'Soni. Going after your own mother, being willing to take on this mission, despite the fact you aren't a trained commando. But you certainly fight like one now."
The admiration in Shepard's voice surprised Liara. "I've worked very hard to fit in. I spend much of my time working with Garrus, Ashley, even Wrex. He taught me how to head butt people." She chuckled.
Kate laughed with her. "He did, did he? I would have paid anything to watch that lesson."
"It mostly ended with me having a krogan sized headache. But he said I did a good job, for a squishy asari."
Kate shook her head. She had no idea Liara had been putting in extra time training, although she should have known she would take it on like any of her studies.
"I guess I need to get out of my cabin more, I am missing so much. But if you need any help from me, please just ask. I would help you with your studies too, you know."
"I would never bother you with that. You have enough to do already."
"Liara, I like spending time with you. Any excuse to do so would be welcome."
"Oh. I hadn't thought of it that way before." Liara frowned, she really was clueless when it came to relationships. "I would like that. Maybe some time we could work on our biotics together."
"Well, I'm pretty sure on that front it would be you teaching me." Kate folded her arms again. Liara would kick her ass, she was sure of it. And not sure she should let that happen in front of the others.
"In my experience, it's always like that. Teaching involves learning as well. I think it would be mutually beneficial, either way." Liara shrugged.
Liara's background would have included instructing others, most likely. She could probably help Kate become a better teacher. Sometimes she wasn't as patient as she would like to be. And to hell with it, if Liara kicked her ass, it would help her gain even more respect among the crew. Let them see that they could learn from her, too.
"No argument here, T'Soni. Then it's agreed, as soon as we both have an open schedule we'll work on biotics together."
"Yes, agreed."
"And Liara?" Shepard leaned in to catch her eye.
"Yes?"
"Next time you want to know something about my past, or anything about me, please just ask me. You don't have to go behind my back. I will tell you anything you want to know."
"I will, I'm sorry. I just - I have a hard time talking to you, well, I did. And I wanted to know more about you, about what made you the woman you are. But from now on I will ask you, I promise. I don't think I will be as nervous anymore, I'm just not always very good at talking to people. It's why I prefer field work."
"Understood. And don't get me wrong, I'm flattered. But I like talking to you, very much. So if you have any more questions, come find me. And I will do the same. Now I really do have to go, I'm late for a meeting. I'll talk to you later."
"Goodbye, Shepard."
Shepard nodded, and left the office. Liara heaved a sigh of relief. She felt better already.
