Chapter 2
Louisa remained on the spot, thunderstruck. Slowly she composed herself enough to go into her room. She picked up her son and cradled him in her arms.
"Your poor Daddy. And Joan had been so happy when you were born. She would have been a tremendous help." She cried, still cradling her baby. She thought back to Martin's behaviour. It had been so unlike him, he really must be deeply troubled. But why couldn't he have told her? Didn't she deserve to know?
Time went by without a sign of Martin. Louisa started to eat alone. It was strange, as she hadn't had a meal all by herself for weeks. She realised now what a difference it made to have Martin as company. Poor Martin.
Several hours went by before Martin stormed in again and headed right for the stairs.
"Don't you want anything to eat?"
"NO!" and he was upstairs already. Again, she could hear the door slam.
Later, Louisa prepared her baby for the night, then went over to Martin's room. She knocked gently. No reply. She knocked harder. Again silence. She softly called Martin's name through the closed door. No sign that he had heard anything. She went in and noticed that Martin immediately turned to his side, facing the wall.
"Go away!"
"Martin, don't you want to talk?"
"No."
"I'm so sorry about Joan."
"Great."
"Do you want to come over, to my bed, so that you aren't alone?"
"I've been perfectly able to sleep on my own since I was one year old, thank you just the same."
'I just thought you might need someone. Especially tonight."
"Just go, please."
She stroked the back of his head. "If you're sure, but remember, I'm just next door and you can come to me whenever you like."
He sniffed, then turned around.
"By the way, Louisa, tomorrow I'll be off."
"You're…WHAT?"
"You have enough on your plate, you don't need me to make it more difficult."
"You've been a tremendous help the last weeks! I certainly wouldn't know what to do without you!"
"I won't be any good now."
"If you're worried because you'll need some comfort, then I understand completely. Especially then you should stay so that I can take care of you a bit."
"No, you shouldn't. I messed my whole life up completely now. It's not fair to drag you down with me."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh Louisa, let's face it. I have no job and no place to live. I have lived upon your generosity for long enough. What's more, I won't be of any use in the next weeks. First I have to organise this blasted funeral. I'm also useless at that. I have no clue whom to invite. Then I have to sort out Aunty Joan's things and try to solve all the legal matters. I would be just a burden for you. You have enough to do with Peter."
"Martin, you don't honestly believe that I'd let you go now. Now that you need me more than ever before?"
"Please, Louisa. Don't make me feel bad. It is not your business. You wouldn't have been involved if I had taken the job in London, so you're not involved now."
"But that's just the point, Martin. You said you made a mess of your life, but if that's true, then you did it because of me. Five weeks ago, you were designated head of vascular surgery at Imperial in London, with a flat to live in and not a care in the world. If it hadn't been for me, you'd still have it. But you chose me and the baby instead. Sorry if you think that means messing your life up."
"Since then, I'm a mere appendix to you. You are not responsible for the choices I've made and you should not pay for it. Sorry, I can't accept this."
"Maybe I can help you with all that's coming up? Besides, you have already contacted Chris, and he will find a job for you soon. And Martin," she placed her hand on his, which was lying on the sheet "I really don't know what I would have done without you. You really saved me."
Martin was not convinced. "We can talk about it in the morning. I'm tired." Saying that, he rolled back to the side, facing the wall. He was sure he couldn't hold back his tears for much longer, but Louisa shouldn't see him like this.
Louisa sighed heavily. She stood up, indecisively she stood in front of the bed, finally she bent down and ran her hands over his short-cropped hair. She placed a light kiss on his neck. "I hope you'll sleep well, and in any case – remember I'm just next door. You can come whenever you like."
She went over to her room. Peter was sleeping peacefully. How she envied him right now. Not a care in the world. His only needs were being fed, a fresh nappy and a good sleep. Most of all he was not afraid to cry if he felt something and let others know he was in need of some help. Why did people have to change in that respect?
She was sure that Martin had been crying, and supposed he would do so now. Why couldn't he accept her comfort? She would love to hold him right now, trying to comfort him, showing she was taking care of him. She also knew if she hadn't left his room, there would have been no chance that he would have let himself go and would have just clammed up, no matter how many superhuman powers he had to apply.
She thought back to the last months. She should understand him, really. How much had she longed for a hug, some support, and some love from Martin. But what did she do? She had rejected him not to force him into a relationship. She didn't want to be a nuisance to him, so she only cried when he couldn't see it. Well, except for once when she couldn't help but burst into tears in front of him. He hadn't known why she was crying. Well, maybe she wasn't so different either.
Only the life-changing experience of their son's birth had led to an outburst of emotions from both of them. For the first – and only – time ever they both let the raw emotions show they felt for each other. This outburst had brought them together.
Now he was confronted with the other big driving force of life. Obviously, he stubbornly insisted on going through it alone.
To be continued…
