Severus lay curled up on his side in his bed in the isolation ward. He was trying desperately to sleep, to return to the oblivion from which he had been cast forth. He longed to escape from the memory of a life that had served him up little but cruelty- cruelty that he had returned in kind, and tenfold, and all too often unleashed upon those who deserved it least. There was little to distract him from the echoes of a thousand torments he had inflicted on his students or anyone else who happened to incur his displeasure, over the years. Then, he had felt justified. Now, it all seemed senseless. When he was awake, the memories haunted him. Sleep was his only refuge.
He turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling, allowing his eyes to wander along the cracks between the stones. The room looked like it should be cold, but was actually quite cozy. Several colorful tapestries broke up the grey stone of the walls, and there was a painting of a horse contentedly munching apples in an orchard. Poppy Pomfrey had been in and out of the room all the previous day. Severus still found it disconcerting to see how much she and Minerva McGonagall had aged. He had barely managed to comprehend that he had been dead for twenty years.
The news that Harry Potter had survived the war had lifted his spirits enough that he had at last allowed Poppy to feed him the bitter strengthening potion. He had eaten little, in spite of Poppy's coaxing. He didn't have much of an appetite.
Minerva had visited him twice each day since he had washed up on the beach of the cosmic ocean. The encounters had been a bit awkward. The first morning she had come to ask him what he was doing here- thankfully she had not pressed the matter when he was unable to provide an answer. She had looked in on him each morning, and again before retiring, but had not attempted to engage him in conversation. She would ask him if he had slept well, or managed to eat, and he would tell her he had, and that would be the end of it. She probably didn't know what to say. The last time he had seen Minerva before his death, she, Pomona Sprout and Filius Flitwick had driven him from the castle. She had called him a coward as he fled. He was surprised how willing she now seemed simply to accept the fact of his return. Had he been in her position, he would not have been so trusting.
A knock came at the door, which then opened. Minerva entered, followed by a rather pretty but severely windblown young woman in a pink cutoff t-shirt and a colorful patchwork wrap skirt. Were it not for the broomstick she was carrying, he would not have figured her for a witch. He wondered where she was concealing her wand.
Minerva introduced the young woman. "Severus, this is Professor Carlin. Serene Carlin, Severus Snape."
Professor Carlin moved closer. "It's an honor to meet you," she said, in a Colonial accent. He wondered if she was American or Canadian. As she stepped into the sunlight that was streaming through the window, he saw that there was sand stuck to her lower legs and sandaled feet. Her skin and curly brown hair were encrusted in a whitish substance he realized was salt. Apparently, she had been enjoying a day at the seaside when she had received Minerva's owl, and returned to Hogwarts in such haste that she had not bothered to shower. He wondered briefly what she would taste like. "Pleasure's all mine," he managed to say.
"Well, I'll leave the two of you to it," said Minerva. She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.
"So, you've come to interrogate me, have you?" he asked coolly.
"Oh, yes. I intend to grill you thoroughly," she said, smiling. Her right front tooth was chipped.
He found himself smiling back. "Will you be eating me afterward?" He couldn't believe he had just asked her that.
"Nah. Not enough meat on you. I might use you for a toothpick, though." She leaned her broomstick against the wall, pulled up a chair and sat down. So far, this was going well. He turned to study her face. It was heart shaped, with wide-set grey eyes, a slightly upturned nose, and lips that were just a bit too thin to make for a rosebud mouth. "So, Professor McGonagall tells me you have no idea what you're doing being alive," she said.
"None whatsoever," he affirmed.
"And you turned up on top of the Astronomy tower."
He nodded.
"The place where you killed Albus Dumbledore." She said it matter-of-factly, with no judgment upon him. Still, he felt a stab of pain.
"Yes."
"Did you see anyone else on the roof when you came back?"
"No. No one at all, until Argus Filch found me."
"Didn't figure. I can't imagine anyone would bri… find you and leave you out in a rain storm."
Did she just almost say "bring you back?" "You don't know me very well," he told her. "Believe me, Professor, there is no shortage of people who would quite happily leave me out in the rain. I honestly can't say I would blame them."
"Call me Serene. Was there anything else on the roof? Any artifacts?"
"Not that I noticed." He looked directly into her eyes. "You think perhaps someone used some dark ritual to call me back into existence." It was not a question.
"I'm not ready to rule out the possibility," she admitted. "There are still a lot of people around who aren't quite convinced that you were on the side of sweetness and light during the war, and some of those people were Voldemort supporters- Death Eaters without a leader, looking for someone to rally around."
"I thought they would have been rounded up and sent to Azkaban," he said dryly.
"Most of them were," Serene allowed. "But some of them went underground. A few of them ended up on my side of the pond and started making a heap of trouble, promoting pureblood supremacy. Fortunately, the U.S. Department of Magic takes a dim view of that sort of ideology."
Severus absorbed this a moment, then asked, "If someone wanted to bring me back, why wait twenty years? One would think that in that time, someone would have emerged as the strongest, someone who could dominate the rest, be accepted as their leader."
Serene shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe it took them that long to figure out how to do it. Anyway, it's pure speculation on my part."
"You have other ideas?"
Suddenly, she turned her eyes away. It occurred to him that she would be aware of his skills as a legilimens. "I have one, but I'm not ready to go there yet. Not until I have more information."
He considered pressing the question, but decided to let the matter drop. "Carry on, then," he said.
She hesitated a moment, bit her lip, and finally said, "Alright. Just one more thing." She took a deep breath, turned to face him again, and said, "Tell me what was going through your mind when you killed Dumbledore."
Pain shot through Severus. Tears stung at his eyes and he blinked them back. "You know that the Dark Lord originally assigned the task to Draco Malfoy."
Serene nodded. "It's part of the official history."
"And that I'd made the Unbreakable Vow to his mother to finish the task if he couldn't."
Her eyes widened. "No, that, I didn't know."
Severus drew a deep breath and continued. "The whole of that year, I had been hoping to find a way out of it, hoping that perhaps Dumbledore would die peacefully in his sleep and I could claim to the Dark Lord that I had poisoned him. I even discussed the possibility with him. He laughed and said he would see if he could manage it."
"But he didn't manage," Serene's tone was sympathetic.
"No, he didn't." Severus stared hard at the wall. It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to maintain his composure. "Standing there on that roof, looking at him, sick and weak as he was, I thought, 'I could just not do it. I could escape into death and be out of it.' Then I realized Dumbledore knew what I was thinking. He begged, pleaded with me to kill him. He was the only person in my whole adult life who had shown me kindness, and he knew that his death would leave me utterly alone, with everyone I cared about thinking me his murderer. In that moment, I hated him more than I had ever hated anyone in my life. I raised my wand and pronounced the curse, and then it was over. After that, I grabbed Draco and dragged him out of there. I just wanted to be the hell away from that place." He ended there. He did not feel it was necessary to describe his encounter with Harry Potter outside Hagrid's hut, and he thought Serene would agree it was not relevant if she learned of it later.
A heavy silence filled the room. In spite of Severus' best efforts to contain his emotions, a single tear escaped from his right eye. Serene reached over and brushed it away.
"You okay?" she asked gently.
Severus swallowed hard. "I've been trying to avoid thinking about that night."
"I wouldn't have asked about it if I didn't think it was necessary," she said softly.
"I know." He turned away. "Would you please go now?" He wasn't angry with her; he just wanted to be alone.
"You're sure you're okay?" Her face was worried.
"I'm sure. Please…"
"Alright. I'll go." She stood and crossed the room. As she reached the door, she turned and asked, "Can I come back and look in on you later?"
Severus nodded and Serene picked up her broomstick, turned and disappeared through the door, closing it quietly. As soon he was sure she had gone, he turned onto his side, buried his face in his pillow and began to sob convulsively.
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Minerva was just finishing up her paperwork, and deciding which teachers to send where in the matter of delivering the letters inviting Muggle-born children to attend Hogwarts when Serene Carlin entered her office. "Well, did he tell you anything you would find helpful?" she queried.
"Plenty," replied Serene. She sat down without waiting for an invitation.
"And have you reached any conclusions?"
Serene shook her head. "Not yet. I still want to check out the Astronomy tower, see if I can find anything up there. And I really don't want to start formulating any theories until I've had a shower and some sleep. I've been up for thirty hours, and I'm knackered."
"Of course, dear," said Minerva. She knew Serene had been on a beach in Spain when she had gotten the owl. The distance was too great to apparate, and she had a long night's hard flying back to the castle. "Shall I have the house elves bring you something to eat in your room?"
"That would be wonderful. Now if you don't mind, I'm off to bed." She rose and left the office.
"She suspects more than she's letting on," commented Severus's portrait.
"I suppose she doesn't want to give out anything that she's not reasonably certain of herself," Minerva replied.
"That would," added Dumbledore, "seem the wisest course of action."
