Disclaimer: The characters belong to Stephanie Meyers and Summit Entertainment. I own nothing. I am just toying with them for a bit. The chapter titles come from the song Everything Changes, by Staind.
A/N: I actually started this story a couple years ago. Real life got a bit crazy and I lost my notes and I kind of forgot about it. Fast forward a couple years to a new home. I found my notes and remembered how much I loved my ideas for the story. As I am currently unemployed with the move, I find I have a lot more time. I am hoping to update weekly or even more often if the muses are kind. I am so sorry for the long break. I promise to be better and am actually really excited to have found my notes to get back to this. Funny tidbit, back when I first wrote this I mentioned Ichiro as a Mariner. Any baseball fans out there may know that Ichiro is a Yankee now, so I had to fix that. You also may be able to guess where my allegiances lay by my name. ;)
I could learn how to feel…
Things could have been worse, although it was difficult to see how. Bella watched Charlie warily as he held his gun on her. He pulled it the second she started telling him she was Bella. He had never been one to run for his gun without provocation. Somehow he had gotten the idea that she hurt his daughter, which was ridiculous, because she was standing right there. Still, he hadn't actually pulled the trigger yet, so she had that going for her. There was that bright side again. Maybe she should have knocked instead of just showing up in the living room and announcing herself. Obviously, she was not the only one that found herself unrecognizable. It hurt a little bit to think that her own father had no idea who she was. The whole tinkly voice was not helping plead her case either. She tried to tone it down, but it was proving to be a very difficult task. It sounded like she was singing to him and it was driving her absolutely mad. What she wouldn't give for her ordinary old voice…
"Get out of my house. I don't know who you think you are, but you're not my daughter."
"Yes, I am. I'm Bella." she repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.
"You're breaking and entering. I don't know what you did to my daughter, but I'm a cop and I do have the authority to use this."
"No you don't. I'm not armed, Dad." She put her arms out, trying to show him how harmless she was. "I just wanted to talk to you. I know I look different…"
"Different!?" He trained his gun on her again. Bella was starting to get nervous even if bullets couldn't technically kill her. She still felt pain and she was pretty sure that getting shot was bound to hurt like hell. She moved without thinking, disarming him quickly and taking the gun apart. When his eyes widened and he moved away she realized that was probably not her best choice of action. Bella was coming up with new ways to screw up any given situation now that she was no longer a tripping over her own feet. It was a talent. On top of scaring the crap out of Charlie, she was going to have to buy him a new gun for work. She rolled her eyes at herself and crossed her arms, trying to look unthreatening again. It was too bad she had pretty much blown that.
"Yes, different. Now, if you would just sit down and talk to me I could explain." It was Charlie's turn to eye her warily. His eyes moved from the gun she had just dismantled to her face, searching.
"Please Dad…" The plea was thick with emotion, rendering it hoarser, closer to her old voice. Recognition dawned as he searched her face. She looked back at him steadily, willing him to see her behind the unfamiliar vampire face.
"Bells? What? How?" Charlie looked dazed as he dropped on the couch.
"Hey Dad!" She gave a little wave and a sheepish grin. "I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said it was a ton of plastic surgery and contacts?"
"Your voice…"
"Yeah, ummm…so I didn't really think through a whole explanation for this. Voice lessons maybe? A voice transplant…" She shrugged nervously and that finally broke him out of his daze.
"I'm not an idiot, Bella. You're going to have to do better than that. Where's Edward?" He spat his name out as he always had and she sighed. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she hadn't really had a chance to think about the whole thing or the right thing to say.
Bella resigned herself to never seeing her father even before she became a vampire. She couldn't really say it had been easy, but it had been different at the time. Edward had consumed her every waking thought and most of her dreams. There had been no room to worry about what she was giving up. All she cared about, all she saw was Edward. The rest of the world may not have existed, including her dad. She had been so dependent on Edward that nothing seemed more painful than being away from him. It was scary how much she had given up for him. By the time she came to her senses, she thought it was too late. It had been instinct that had led her back here. She hadn't given herself a chance to plan, because that would have given her the chance to wimp out.
"Edward and I broke up a few months back. I didn't like who I became with him." It was the simple and utter truth and she knew Charlie could read it in her eyes. She looked away. "I screwed up, Dad, big time. I just…I just wanted to come home."
"Your room is always open. You know that, Bella. You must be tired…" His voice trailed off at the shake of her head. She wasn't exactly sure the protocols for telling your dad you were a vampire without actually telling him, all she needed was for the Volturi to pay an unexpected visit. Everything was always so complicated. Why wasn't there a damn handbook for this?
"I'm good. I don't really get tired any more, Dad." She said with a wry grin. She could see his confusion at her words as he was suddenly lost in thought. She waited, knowing that the new Bella was not entirely easy to swallow. He finally spoke after what seemed like an eternity.
"Does this have to do with all the weird things happening out in La Push?" Bella's gaze sharpened with appreciation as she regarded her father. Charlie had never been stupid, so she had no idea why she would be surprised he knew something was going on. There was a reason Forks made him Sheriff. He always looked so damn unassuming that even she underestimated his intelligence at times.
"Like what stuff?" she asked cautiously.
"Like the way a bunch of giant dogs have been spotted in the woods and the boys of the tribe are hitting rapid growth spurts, Jacob in particular."
"I thought you said those were bears." Bella said faintly.
"You and I both know there are no bears this close to town. Besides, the descriptions fit wolves much better." She contemplated how much she could say and how much he would accept. Werewolves and vampires were so far outside of the realm of his reality, or so she thought. Bella looked at him speculatively.
"It may be kind of like that," she spoke carefully, "only a little more complicated. I'm not quite like them. You'd really need to talk to Billy and Jake about that. All I can say on that is that it might be best if you didn't let them know I was here. They might not approve."
Charlie's face hadn't lost the look of speculation. It was a lot to take in all at once and she could practically see the wheels turning as he processed what she was saying. She felt about two feet tall for asking him to hide her from everyone, including his best friend. Surprisingly it was not his best friend that he thought of first. It was hers.
"You can't see Jacob?" Her chest hurt, but she answered her father truthfully.
"We're too different now. He…we…I was never supposed to come back. There was an agreement and I am breaking it by coming back here. I'm not really sure how they'll take it."
"You really planned on never coming back?" He winced as if Bella had hit him.
"I was stupid and I screwed everything up soooo much. I don't even know how to fix it, but I knew I had to come back. I missed you." Charlie's eyes turned sad and she could see he was realizing the enormity of what she had done. He really was trying to accept her. He was probably doing better than she would have in his position. When it came down to it Bella would always be his daughter. She had never really given him enough credit. Her dad was awesome. Sure, they never really had a touchy feely relationship, but when he tentatively opened his arms she all but threw herself at him. Bella almost knocked him off his feet in her relief. She could feel the chuckle rumble in his chest. She didn't want to let go. He rubbed her back absently.
"You're cold, Bell."
"Yeah, um, that's kind of part of it too. It's complicated…" she repeated faintly. Charlie squeezed his daughter briefly before letting her go.
"It'll be an adjustment."
"That's not an understatement or anything." Despite her sarcasm, she couldn't help but smile. She wasn't likely to take Charlie for granted again.
"We can work this." She heard the determination in his voice and felt a rush of love for this man. It probably wasn't the kind of situation that he envisioned when she first came to Forks. She couldn't believe that he was willing to try after everything she had put him through. Had she said he was awesome? Awesome was too weak of a word. Bella had the best dad ever.
"Sure we can. I'm going to go take a shower and clean up."
"The Mariners are playing in a little while. I was going to watch the game. I know baseball isn't exactly your thing…" His voice trailed off and to her surprise she felt a huge grin split her face. Charlie and his sports…some things never changed, but maybe she could.
"I'd love to, Dad." Watching a game with her father sounded like such a normal father-daughter activity. In the past she would have used any excuse she could find to get out of it, but Bella was surprised to realize that it was true. Of course, at this point she would have said the same thing to taking a stroll through fire with him if he asked. She was that glad to be back.
That was how Bella's life, or unlife as the case may be, began again. She managed to keep herself busy while he was at work. Every night they sat down to eat dinner together and then they headed to the couch to watch the game. Baseball had never done much for her in the past and she never really understood his fascination with the game. Sitting beside him on the couch, she thought she finally got it. Once upon a time, he sat beside his own father watching or listening to the game the same way she now sat beside him. If she were able to have children, then they would have sat beside them one day. Sometimes she could almost see the ghosts of her dark-haired children bouncing on the end of the couch, asking an endless stream of questions as their grandfather ruffled their hair affectionately. He would have made such an amazing grandfather. Then they would disappear and she would remember that children would never be a part of her future.
Bella and Charlie often talked during the game. Sometimes he talked about his father. Sometimes they just talked about the game. It was probably the most they ever talked. He explained the game and eventually she was able to comment on the games herself. During that time she was finally able to see him as a real father and not just someone that happened to share her living space. It was funny, but she stopped thinking of him as Charlie and started seeing him as Dad.
Also, it was amazing how much Sports Center you can watch when you don't sleep. It wasn't long before she began to love the game almost as much as he did. Watching the game beside him soon became the highlight of her days. As Bella got more into the game, she was able to forget for a while….forget that he was a human, forget that she was a vampire, forget what she lost. She didn't even argue when he started bringing home Mariners tees and ballcaps. She even had her own King Felix jersey. She'd definitely take being the sporty vamp over the geeky one. Sporty was way cooler.
In the almost 2 months since Bella came back to Forks she started feeling more normal than she ever had. She started teaching her dad to cook after seeing the mess he made of a piece of chicken. The poor bird had been unrecognizable when he was done with it. He was making some real progress and he almost never started fires anymore. They were still at the instant mac and cheese phase, but it was progress. She wasn't quite ready to get rid of the fire extinguisher quite yet. She still remembered the time he tried to microwave a whole jar of spaghetti sauce with the lid on. Bella shuddered at the memory. How had the man survived before she showed up?
She brought Jacob up only once right after she first got home and learned that he had been gone for months after getting a wedding invite from Edward. Bella wanted so badly to go rip Edward's throat out when she heard what he had done. He must have known what that would do to Jacob. Still, the worst part of the whole thing was that Jacob hadn't gone alone. He had taken Leah with him. It felt like a knife going through her. If only she could cry, but she remained dry-eyed as her dad told her how good Leah was for Jacob and how she helped him…helped him get over Bella.
She left for a couple days after that, half wild, tearing into deer, bears anything to get rid of the violence inside her. She didn't want him to see the pain and anger his news brought with it. It wasn't really surprising that he refused to mention Jacob again after she got back. She hadn't hidden her reaction as well as she should have. Jacob had always had ability to get to her. It didn't matter whether he was there or not.
She tried not to think too much about the world outside of their house and who her dad may have seen during the day. Occasionally, she picked up different scents on him and she knew he had to have seen Jacob and the rest of the pack. Still, they carefully avoided the topic. Their father-daughter relationship was still too new to face that kind of conflict. Baseball, cooking, and family were much safer topics. She knew there would come a time when they couldn't hide from it any more, but right now she was enjoying their closeness.
Despite her dad's reluctance to discuss her best friend, Bella thought of him constantly, wondering what he was doing…if he was happy. It bothered her that he was with Leah. She knew it shouldn't, but that didn't change the facts. She came to her senses and came back to Forks and he wasn't there waiting in the wings like he said he would be. She felt ashamed of her selfishness, but she wished he had waited for her to come to her senses.
Sometimes Bella thought about sneaking out to La Push to see him. She actually went as far as the boundaries once, but then she remembered the treaty and quickly backtracked. She came back to move on with her life, not to end it. She didn't know what they would do if they saw her. She didn't think they would hurt her, but she wasn't ready to chance it. Wolves and vampires didn't mix. They only worked together sometimes when trying to save her ass. Unfortunately, her ass was a bit past saving now.
Bella tried to put it all out of her mind as she got ready to watch her nightly game with her dad. She looked at her reflection as she arranged her ponytail through the back of her new Mariner's cap. Thank God the whole no reflection thing was a myth. It would be pretty difficult to do her hair with no reflection. She straightened her Hernandez jersey and she realized that for once she was not repulsed by the face she saw. She could almost pretend that she was just a normal 18 year old girl getting ready to watch a game with her father. It brought her back to the last time she had been dressed like this.
Edward…
She cursed herself for thinking about him again. He was like a bad addiction. Like an ex-addict she finally saw how unhealthy he was for her. Like heroin, he sapped the life from her. The whole point of going home had been to move on and learn to live without him. Still, the last time she had been in a baseball hat she had been playing baseball with the Cullens in a thunderstorm. She tweaked her hat humorlessly. It was too bad that she didn't have the appreciation for the game then that she had now. She could have schooled them in the fine art of baseball, but she hadn't had much of an appreciation for anything then. That was why she had to leave.
The phone rang somewhere in the house and Bella's ears perked up as she was dragged from her reminiscences. She listened as her father picked it up. Technically, it was probably eavesdropping, but she really couldn't help it if she had super-vampire hearing. It was one of the few perks that came with becoming a vampire that she appreciated. The voice on the other end made her pause. It was Jake. This was interesting. In all the time she had been back he had never called. Billy called on occasion, but never Jacob. She slipped silently into the room behind her dad and listened to the deep voice coming from the phone, grateful for even this slight connection to Jake. Her breath caught as she realized that he was coming over with Billy to watch the game. It took everything she had not to start panicking.
This was bound to happen. Bella couldn't exactly expect her dad to never watch a game with his best friend again. That was their thing before she came back, fishing and watching games. She knew this, but she had gotten so comfortable with their sheltered existence. She should have been more prepared. She didn't move as they spoke. She didn't know if she could have if she tried.
Jake was coming over. In her trips out to La Push, she hadn't caught even a glimpse of him. Part of her wanted to shout with joy, while the smarter part of her realized just how much of a disaster this could be. Her father nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned around and saw Bella standing behind him, lost in thought.
"Jesus, Bell, You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days!"
"Sorry, Dad."
"I guess you heard that then?" She nodded numbly. Jacob was coming to her house…Jacob, her best friend that hated vampires…Jacob, with his super wolf sense of smell was going to be in her living room in less than an hour. Her dad could not even begin to understand how bad that was.
"I'm sorry. Billy was starting to think something was wrong and Jacob just about invited himself over tonight. I didn't want to risk him coming over unannounced." At least he was apologetic. "I meant to mention it earlier."
"He may as well be coming over unannounced, Dad! We have like no time to prepare."
"What's to prepare? Can't you just hide for a while? You just scared the hell out of me because you were so quiet a minute ago."
"It's not that simple, Dad! It doesn't matter how quiet I am. Jake's going to know I'm here!"
"How is that even possible? I wouldn't even know you were here half the time if I didn't see you." He wasn't one to back down. She had obviously gotten her streak of stubbornness from him.
"Do you really want the answer to that?" Bella asked in exasperation. She could see that he wanted to argue, but he reluctantly let it go.
"Not really. One of these days we'll have to talk about it, but we probably need a lot more time. Could you at least disappear into the woods for a while? I can't cancel at this point or he'll know that something's up for sure."
"Yeah, I know. I'll just go grab a bite. Could you at least tape the game for me?" Bella smiled weakly as she processed the fact that Jake was really going to be there and she couldn't see him or even give a hint that she had ever been there. Her dad smiled at her request and to her surprise tugged her ponytail.
"Of course, Bell. I've got a good feeling. They're going to get the Yankees this time." She bumped his fist quicklY as the fist bump seemed to be important where sports were concerneD, then she brought them back around to the disaster at hand.
"I hope so, but you might want to burn some of those candles I bought and maybe use a little bleach in the kitchen before you watch it." His face screwed up in confusion before clearing. He still wasn't thrilled with her bringing up her less than human qualities, despite his claim that they had to discuss it. Bella never said the actual words, even if she tried not to hide things from him. She didn't want to go out of her way to talk about it. She remembered how the Volturi felt about people knowing about vampires. If she needed to go hunting she told him she was going, but she usually said she was going "out for a bite." It was a bad joke, but technically the truth. The first time he got the pun he hadn't been amused. Now he mostly rolled his eyes when she said it. He was adjusting pretty well to the completely screwed up situation she had thrust him in and holding up pretty well under her newest and strangest request to hide her scent too.
"OK, well…I'll do that. You have fun with whatever and be safe."
"Always Dad." With that Bella slipped out of the house and into the woods. She watched as flickering lights began appearing in all the windows. Was he lighting all the candles in the house? She winced as she realized just how fragrant the house was going to be. Poor Jacob. He wasn't going to know what hit him. On the plus side, if the overly bright flickering lights were any indication, he wasn't likely to be able to pick her scent from the overpowering variety of other scents. Who knew what her dad was doing with the bleach too. Maybe she should have warned her father that bleach was flammable. It might not be a bad idea for her to hang around just to make sure he didn't burn the house down.
Sure, that was why she was skulking in the woods outside of her house. It had nothing to do with tall, dark and furry coming over. Bella knew she should get out of there, but she couldn't help but linger. As much as she tried to convince herself it was to check on the house, she knew the truth. She wanted to see him, even if just for a moment. Truth be told, she missed him. Anyway, Jake wasn't likely to go into the woods with Billy. Maybe she could sneak just a tiny peek.
It was a little over an hour before Jacob and Billy pulled up in her old truck. Bella felt a little tug at the sight of it. She loved that old thing. It was so comfortable and it just fit her. She noticed it missing when she got back, but she hadn't really thought too much of it. She figured her dad had sold it for her, since Edward had made it clear that she would never drive it again.
Billy opened his own door and Jacob came around with his chair. Bella drew back into the shadows as he looked out into the woods. She went utterly still and her eyes burned as she drank him in. He had grown since the last time she'd seen him, which was amazing because she really didn't think he could possibly grow any more. He looked older, more adult. This was no boy standing before her.
He ran his hand through his shaggy, dark hair as he scanned the forest. He was letting his hair grow longer again, the way she liked it. She didn't want to leave, but if she stayed much longer he was bound to catch her.
Bella took one last look over her shoulder as she raced into the woods. She decided to put him out of her mind and get lost in the hunt. She caught a deer's scent on the wind and altered her course to follow it. She jumped into a tree and watched silently, waiting to attack.
That was when she remembered her new jersey and groaned. There was no way she would have worn it hunting if her dad hadn't sprung the Blacks' surprise visit on her a little sooner. He had gotten it for her and it was pretty expensive, like around $200 expensive. Bella wasn't a klutz anymore, but sometimes she still managed to cover herself in blood when she wasn't careful. Blood spray could be pretty unpredictable. She'd be pissed if she ruined it. Bella couldn't help but laugh at herself. She had to be the worst vampire ever.
So much for hunting…she sat back in the tree and tried to make herself comfortable. It was going to be a long night with nothing to do but think about the boy, scratch that, the man currently taking up residence on her couch. She took her hat off and laid it on the branch, running her hand through her hair. She could almost pretend that she was a normal young woman looking to commune with nature, if it weren't for the fact that she had jumped up there with every intention of bringing down a deer with her bare hands. OK, her idea of normal was starting to get seriously skewered.
Still, coming back to Forks was exactly what she needed, as hard as it was to remain hidden. Bella felt more alive than she had in a long time. Maybe it was finally connecting with her father, maybe it was the brief glimpse of her best friend, either way forever didn't seem quite so interminable. Her life was a mess, but at least she had one now.
Bella looked up at the moon and marveled at craggy, uneven surface as it shined down on her and heard the words she had spoken to Jacob in their last conversation.
"I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."
She smiled. Was she imagining it or did the moon shine a little bit brighter tonight?
