Leah's POV
I left because I had to.
It was all too much for me and hadn't I gone though enough? You can expect to lose parents, but so soon? You can expect to be heartbroken, but so cruelly? Still, I'd handled these things. Back then, I had support, I had my Seth, my Jacob and my pack.
But even those were eventually taken from me.
It started when Jacob left – for good. He ordered us to watch our territory and help Sam's pack protect La Push. He claimed that he'd be back someday, so we did as he asked. We had no choice really.
We ran the woods and I found happiness. I found a friendship in Quil and in Embry and the growing Claire who, as she aged, became a sister and best friend. My love for Seth grew as he did, along with my pride. When he imprinted, the overwhelming amounts of jealousy and sense of loss I felt were only overpowered by the joy I felt for his happiness. Maybe I wasn't destined for it, but if anyone deserved it, it was Seth.
I attended many weddings and births...and then funerals which became more numerous as the years marched on at unholy speeds. Emily died in her sleep, wrapped in the arms of a dead but slightly warmer Sam. Community members speculated that he found her in the middle of the night and died immediately of a broken heart. They weren't too far off. I was the guardian of their now adult children and I was three persons to them: Leah, mom's dead cousin in their youth; Sarah, Leah's daughter and finally Leah – the granddaughter and 3rd cousin to their children. I floated in and out of their lives, a visiting relative who was eerily similar to the lady in the picture found in Sam's wallet. When the time came, I attended their funerals too.
I saw Claire's beauty fade and be replaced by the mask of aged wisdom and finally by a mask of death. Quil joined her after making final arrangements. I stood in the back during their double funeral, my left hand held in the aging hands of my younger brother and my right hand, clutched in Embry's hands that were just as youthful as my own.
Embry was the pack's Gamma. He was my confident and playmate for many decades. When times got too sad, we'd run like children, laughing in the forest, laughing in our shared mind, running like a couple of fools. We jumped off cliffs when our hearts were bleeding. We lept over gorges when the pain threatened to rip us in two. He walked naked though the forest after a 3 day constant run, simply holding hands, when Seth was taken away.
Oh Seth...
My soul was ripped from my chest when I found him in the floor – his cane still clasped in his hand. My shrieks scared the neighbors. I'd been hidden from them for decades in case anyone remembered, but in that moment, I knew nothing about keeping secrets. I only knew that the most pure thing in my life was gone. I knew that I would never be loved by anyone else so powerfully. To have that taken away, to have joy leave your life in an instant was too much.
Strong arms came and took me away. I fought the entire time.
"They can't see you here Leah."
Seth's funeral was massive – the biggest anyone had seen since the deaths of Sam and Emily seventy years earlier. In the back, unnoticed, stood an unmoving beautiful woman, held up by an equally beautiful man.
Embry didn't leave my side after that. It took years, but he made me laugh every so often. He indulged me when I played the visiting rich relative to the grandchildren and great grandchildren of the pack.
He'd sit with me for hours, just holding my hand on the sofa or letting my head rest against his chest. There were some days, weeks really, when we didn't speak at all. A smile, a touch, a nod of understanding was all the communication we needed.
But one day it hit me.
This was not just my life. This was my eternity – an eternity locked under the command of an Alpha whose full sum total of duty was telling US to "protect La Push."
And so I begin to practice, every day. Night and day. I tried to break the Command and release myself from him. I did it in secret, I knew that Embry would stop me by Alpha force or will of his own. Withdrawing deeper and deeper in to myself, I hurt La Push.
I started small, breaking windows, just to see if it could be done. It caused me physical pain to do it, but each time it hurt less and less. I burned large expanses of forests – killing flora and fauna and it hurt. But again, each time, less and less.
Some years later I was walking town when I heard the screams of a panicked woman. I followed the sounds and when I saw what was happening, I turned around and walked away.
The last chains of the Command broke.
I went home that night and smiled at Embry across the table. I held his hand with one of my own while eating with the other. I would miss him so much. I knew that. I tried to push the thought aside while tears collected in my eyes and lumps of hurt gathered in my throat.
"Shh, I'm here"
He took our plates to the living room and pulled me with him. There we sat on the sofa, my head on his shoulder and ate silently. I needed to go to my room and pack, but I couldn't...
...I hated eating alone.
When I finally went to bed, I screamed into my sheets. Shaking, I pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote five words: I'm sorry, but I can't.
A/N: I tried to convey a sense of complete loss in this chapter and I hope that came across. Let me know your thoughts.
