A/N: Alright, this was an incredibly quick update, if I do say so myself. But don't expect
these quick responses. I just happen to have a decent portion of this story mapped out and
written on paper, but after that, I'm going to be working in the dark. Also, school is crazy,
though college apps are done and everything, but sports are starting up for spring and that's
pretty demanding.
Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing but the storyline.
Chapter 2: Angelus Non Est
Raven entered the kitchen to the usual breakfast routine.
Cyborg had donned an immaculate chef's hat-his pride and joy, and he was frying something on a pan. He'd stopped wearing his "apron of manliness" after Beast Boy had sent a few blackmail pictures to the Titans East.
"Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, bacon and sausage! It doesn't get much better than this! Want some, Raven?"
That was his common courtesy. The day she said yes was the day the world ended.
Well, no, actually, that was the day she made breakfast.
"Just tea," she replied. She set the water to boil and placed a teabag in her favorite mug. Then she leaned against the counter and opened the book under her arm to where she had marked it, doing her best to ignore the proceedings. She knew what was coming next, it always happened the same way...and the cheeriness in Cyborg's voice was giving her headache.
She snorted. That wasn't fair. It was aggravating her headache, not causing it, mainly because she really wasn't a morning person. At all.
Something sped by her in a blur of black, purple, and green, the wind from its pass tugging at her cloak and hair. And cue Beast Boy, she thought. She could hear the cupboard doors rattling around her in his frantic search. She looked up briefly to see a dejected Beast Boy open the fridge three times in a row as if expecting something to magically appear. She pressed her fingers to her brow as if she could contain the pounding on her skull. She couldn't handle this right now.
"Duuuuuude," Beast Boy whined after opening the fridge for the fourth time (Raven's eye twitched). "Where's the tofu?"
The pan seemed to sizzle excessively. Raven lifted her gaze to Cyborg's broad back; she couldn't see it, but she could imagine the crazy grin on his face.
"I threw it out, man," came the reply. "It was stinking up my fridge."
"Your fridge?" Beast Boy demanded, wheeling around to face the chef. "I have rights to this fridge. It's the Titan's fri-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Cyborg cut him off. " 'Cause that explains why you take up half of it-"
"Oh yeah?" The changeling's voice was rising frantically in pitch as he fumbled for a comeback. "Well, next time I'll just throw out your meat. So there!" He folded his arms triumphantly and Raven resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
Well, maybe she didn't resist.
"Good luck with that, grass stain. You won't find any of my meat just sitting there. Do you know why?" He turned and leaned towards the shapeshifter with a manic grin. "Because everybody else eats it. Even Raven eats it."
"Leave me out of this," she said automatically, returning her gaze to her book.
"That's because she's never tried the tofu goodness," Beast Boy cried, vaulting over to her. "C'mon, Rae-"
"Rae-ven," she muttered, but he ignored her.
"-once you try it you'll never want to taste meat again! You know you wanna!"
"Beast Boy," she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "haven't we broken enough windows this week?"
Her threat didn't seem to faze him. His shining eyes were full of a vitality and energy that she could never match, even on the best of days. Imploring. Begging. He always seemed to be begging.
"See," Cyborg called over, scraping the bacon and sausage onto a plate. "Nobody eats tofu."
Beast Boy abandoned his entreaty, puffing up his chest and pointing to himself with his thumb. "I eat tofu!"
"I know, that's what I said-nobody." The changeling instantly deflated.
"Dude, what if that was me?" he tried for a different approach.
"I'd say, mmmmmm, green steak, a little chewy, needs some sauce," Cyborg replied.
"That's gross!"
"I'm kidding, man."
And cue the face...she thought absentmindedly.
Sure enough, she looked up and glimpsed him, pulling the skin down from his eyes, and hanging his tongue out in a grotesque manner. Cyborg began to happily wolf down all the sausage and bacon while Beast Boy ran around him yelling, "Cannibalism!" at the top of his lungs.
"Mmmmm, that was good!" Cyborg said when he had finished, ignoring the changeling's glare. "I'll whip up another batch!"
"Oh no, you won't!" Beast Boy cried, grabbing the pan.
"Do you see this?" Cyborg asked, that dangerous glint returning to his eye, as he pointed to the chef's hat. "It means I'm the chef. I'm the cook. And nobody wants your nasty soybean products anyway." She heard grunting and the sound of struggling. Cyborg was laughing and holding the changeling's forehead in a massive palm, while Beast Boy's arms windmilled around his head in a wild attempt to grab the hat.
"Green bean!"
"Tin can!"
"Grass stain!"
"Soda machine!"
"ELF!"
"CANNIBAL!"
Every sound seemed magnified, too loud. She realized that she had read the same line six times over and was getting nowhere. She snapped the book shut angrily and Beast Boy and Cyborg froze, looking at her with wide eyes. But they were both off balance and they fell over with a loud oof!, the chef's hat rolling off Cyborg's head towards Starfire's feet.
The alien girl looked at the sight of Beast Boy and Cyborg rolling on the floor wrestling as if it was heartbreaking. Which it wasn't. It happened practically every day, and didn't seem to damage their relationship at all. But Starfire feared the drifting of friends, and apparently there was some special Tamaranian word for it (which Raven couldn't pronounce).
"Please friends, do not fight."
"We're-oof-not fighting Star," came Cyborg's reply as he attempted to pin Beast Boy.
"No, we're-we're-hey, that's cheating! No wedgies allowed!"
Starfire, satisfied, noticed the hat at her feet and picked it up, looking in it curiously. "Please, friends, what is this strange object? Is it a bag of the barf?"
Cyborg and Beast Boy both stopped their struggling to look at Starfire with disgusted faces. Even Raven turned around from her position at the couch.
"Star, that's gross," Beast Boy whined from his headlock.
"Yeah," Cyborg agreed. "And I would never use my toque for that."
"Toque?" Beast Boy asked. "You're such a woman."
"And you're a-"
But exactly what Beast Boy was, they never heard as Raven spoke coldly from the sofa.
"Keep. It. Down."
"Then, friends, if you could please convey the meaning of this…object?" Starfire asked sweetly.
"Sure, Star," Cyborg said. "Whoever wears it…is…the…cook." The full realization of what he'd just said dawned on him and his mouth dropped open in horror.
After all, this was Starfire, the girl who had to have a crate of mustard in the pantry for "emergency" purposes, and who made things come to life with her culinary skills.
The only thing to do would be to let Starfire cook and, you just couldn't say no to Starfire. Just considering a no while looking into those heartbroken eyes…it was a bad idea to hurt her feelings. Your conscience would eat you alive. Raven sighed and let her head drop into one hand. She couldn't even focus today. She didn't bother to open her book again. Instead she listened to her friends bickering. If only she had slept a little better….
"Star!" Cyborg made a wild grab for the hat but fell over as the alien proudly fit it onto her head. Beast Boy rolled on the ground, holding his midsection, laughing wildly.
"I shall do the cooking deeds today!" Starfire announced with her typical jubilance. "And do not worry, friend Beast Boy. I shall make the vegetarian meal just for you." The laughter stopped.
"Star, you don't have to do that," Beast Boy said frantically. "I'm…full!" He patted his stomach.
"You have broken the fast?"
"What?" Beast Boy said with usual tact. "You mean breakfast? Oh-um, no, but-"
"Then fear not! Food is on the way, friends!"
The only good thing about this scenario was that she wouldn't be obliged to eat any of Starfire's food. The alien knew by now that Raven didn't eat breakfast, so she could just watch her friends suffer through the meal.
She sensed Robin approaching, calm and unruffled. He reached over and snatched the hat off Starfire's head.
"Don't think so…looks like I'm cooking today." Beast Boy and Cyborg wept tears of relief. Starfire was wearing her pouting expression, her equivalent of Beast Boy's kitten face, which was twice as effective on boys-make that just Robin. Said boy whistled and the pan sizzled again.
"Perhaps next time?" Starfire asked in a quiet voice.
"Of course, Star," Robin said after a moment of hesitation. She heard Beast Boy snicker and saw the Boy Wonder's face turn crimson.
She turned away from the kitchen and looked out the window across the water. The sea sparkled brilliantly, and there wasn't a wisp of a cloud in sight. These were the days which Raven secretly loved, but she couldn't help but feel something hanging over her, and preventing her from properly enjoying it. Something like that dream…
"Hey, Rae, are you okay?" a voice asked, from right near her ear. She jumped, and somewhere in the kitchen, something cracked.
"I'm fine," she replied in her usual monotone but her heart was going madly.
"Are you sure?" Beast Boy asked, flopping his head over the couch so that he was looking at her upside down. "You haven't called me stupid yet, and you only told Cy and I to shut up once!"
"Cy and me," she corrected him automatically.
"You and Cy?" he asked, clearly perplexed, his brow wrinkled. "You and Cy did what?"
She almost facepalmed. Why was he so stupid sometimes?
"Nevermind," she huffed, refusing to look at him.
Maybe that dream was a warning. As far as she knew predicting and prophesying were not in her line of talent but then again she had never known that she could stop time. And her powers were always developing. Maybe it was some warning of the future…Maybe something bad was about to happen…
"Hellooooo-ooooo," came Beast Boy's voice. She blinked and realized he'd been waving his hand in front of her face for the past minute. Somehow he had twisted his body over the couch so that he was sitting next to her. "Earth to Raven, come in, Raven."
Focus! she reprimanded herself. Just because you've barely meditated and barely slept, that's no excuse...
"I heard you," she snapped, pushing his hand away from her. "And I threatened to throw you out the window, didn't I?"
"Yeah, but usually you don't warn me, you just do it," he said.
The playful spark left his eyes and he considered her more seriously. "Does it have to do with-last night?" he asked, keeping his voice low for her benefit. She looked at him wonderingly. Her rarely looked so…grave, so mature. "Do…you want to talk about it?" Even with the new maturity, she couldn't miss the hope in his voice.
Raven normally didn't let her emotions show on her face but she could feel a flicker of surprise cross her face and she knew Beast Boy would notice. He always noticed little things like that, and she could never figure out why.
"No." A flat out refusal so he wouldn't argue.
But he did anyways.
"Are you sure?" he asked again, his eyes sparking with concern.
"Why else would I have said it the first time, Beast Boy?" she asked. "Do you want me to repeat it multiple times so it'll get into that thick skull of yours?"
The pounding on her head intensified with an overload of information as she felt an emotion overcome him. She couldn't quite identify it, but it was incredibly powerful. Anger, maybe. Or sadness.
She waited for him to slink away like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. He would have that crushed look for a while until he forgot about it. And she would have another guilty mark on her conscience.
"Raven," he said gently, and his voice was strange. It didn't sound like Beast Boy's. It was so...
"Raven, you know that we care for you right?"
She gave him a curt nod.
"That we'd never hurt you?"
Again the nod. It was all she felt capable of.
...it was almost like the feeling from...
"That you can talk to us, that you can talk to me about anything?"
"Yes," she said, quickly, seeing where he was going. "But you're blowing it all out of proportion. I had a bad night, I had nightmares. It isn't the first time, and it won't be the last."
"But something was different." He was frowning now, his eyebrows scrunched together.
"Yes, but-"
"And you lost control like you never have before?"
She didn't like where this conversation was going, it was reeling out of her control. Just like my powers. "I've lost control many times."
"But never like this."
"How do you even know what you're talk-"
Why couldn't she place that feeling...? She was an empath for Azar's sake, who had seen much of the world and read the emotions of thousands of people. Anger, hatred, grief, jealousy. Why couldn't she read this one?
"It isn't healthy, Raven, for people to bottle things up, even you. I know that that's what you work so hard at-keeping your emotions hidden, but it isn't good for you."
"How do you know?" she snapped. He tells the world how he feels everyday from how lousy and tired he is to how happy he's feeling. What does he know about keeping things hidden? "You're the one who's excessive in your display of emotion. That may be you, but it isn't me."
Calm down, Raven, she told herself as the couch beneath them rattled a little. If Beast Boy noticed, he didn't say anything.
He looked out the windows, out at the ocean and the clear day, but his eyes were distant and pained. Very suddenly his face had morphed from that of a child's to an adult's.
"Beast Boy?" she asked worriedly, her anger temporarily forgotten. His eyes focused on some distant point and then returned to her. Something fluttered in her stomach at the intensity of his gaze.
The eyes are the windows to the soul, and she was seeing in Beast Boy's something which she had never seen before, something which she didn't think the team had ever seen before.
"I know," he said softly, and a touch bitterly. "I know what it's like, Rae, and it isn't good."
She was frozen for an instance, looking at him. The way he was clenching the muscles of his jaw line. The piercing quality of his gaze, which he had always had, but now seemed a thousand times magnified. And she still couldn't quite identify that feeling...
She closed her eyes to regain her calm and quiet her nerves. When she opened them, she spoke the words as coldly and without feeling as she could.
"You assume that the dream was something serious, that it had a deeper meaning." Isn't that what you've been seeking all night? whispered a sly voice in her head. She ignored it. "It just startled me, and that triggered an emotional response which in turned triggered my powers. That's it. There's nothing else."
"That's what you told Robin, too," he said.
"Because I was-you were eavesdropping?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing. He is so dead.
Now she recognized this-shame. He rubbed the back of his neck, and she heard more of the tone of the Beast Boy she knew, when he was caught pranking somebody.
"It was unintentional," he argued. "I-I can't help it. I know you're angry, but I-I tried not to, but it just..." He trailed off lamely.
Angry. She considered this briefly. She wasn't angry.
She was furious.
"I just-I feel like you need to open up to someone," he said. She rose up from the couch stiffly, moving away from him as quickly as possible. He grabbed her wrist delicately, holding her in place.
"You've never lost control of your powers when you're sleeping and I'm pretty sure you've had plenty of nightmares," he said quickly without taking a breath, still keeping his voice down as not to attract the attention of the other Titans.
She jerked her hand from his grasp.
Anger.
"And then you won't even talk about!" he called after her. She stopped and turned her head.
"Once again you show the IQ of a worm," she said coldly, fuming internally. "I've told you three or four times that there's nothing wrong and you're not listening. So let me tell you again. It. Was. Nothing."
She could feel the ground shaking in minute amounts, from her trembling.
Get away, now, she warned herself. She lengthened her stride. Red colored her vision briefly, and she realized in horror that she was not shaking, the floor was, and it was her own doing.
"Raven, wait!" She heard him leap from the couch, and felt his hand, warm and comforting, on her shoulder.
She could hear the pulse of her blood thudding in her ears like a war drum as fire coursed through her veins.
Before he could speak, she felt the other Titans' gazes on them. She had forgotten that they were in the room. Her embarrassment only added to her anger.
"So..." Cyborg said. The boys were grinning with that knowing look in their eyes. Starfire looked amused, her eyes moving between Raven's and Beast Boy's faces. She felt Beast Boy squeeze her shoulder but his attempt to comfort her only made her hate him more-
No, no, I don't hate him, she told herself. Then: I haven't meditated. I need to leave now.
"Are you guys done with your little lovefest?" Cyborg asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
Beast Boy's hand dropped abruptly from her shoulder.
"It's not a lovefest!" they both cried in unison. She hated that look like they saw something she didn't, she hated that stupid smirk on Robin's face-
They know nothing. I'll teach them. It was her own voice, but it was the voice of that one part of her which she struggled to contain. The toque which had been returned to Cyborg's head incinerated into a pile of ash.
All she could see was red.
"Just tell me what's going on," Beast Boy begged quietly, so only she could hear. "Before it gets worse-"
The rage that jolted through her was uncontainable.
She snapped.
"NO!" she roared, wheeling around. And she was gone, replaced by the other. The other that wanted nothing but destruction and murder. Her mouth twisted into a feral grin at the thought of the tortures she would inflict on him. How dare he anger her, how dare he waste her time on foolishness. He would pay-
Her grin turned into a snarl. Why wasn't he cowering? She was towering over him, pure darkness, pure evil, but he was standing his ground, his fists clenched at his sides.
Out of all the yelling in the room, she could only hear him.
His voice was gentle but strong. "Raven, stop this."
It struck a chord deep within her, and she regained control, shrinking back to normal size. She shied from her powers, which were like lightning dancing through her mind. To reach for them would be risky-
So she ran.
She heard Cyborg asking Beast Boy, "What did you do?" and Robin saying sternly, "You should have laid off her today of all days. You knew she was having it rough."
"I didn't mean to..." came Beast Boy's reply.
She locked the door to her room and then the answer came to her so plainly, so clearly, so obvious.
Sympathy.
He had felt bad for her.
It wasn't that the other Titans hadn't felt bad for her, but this seemed so deep, so personal, as if he had experiences of his own which could relate to hers.
She knew that that wasn't true. He would never understand her. How could he? She was the dark, creepy telepathic half-demon, whose only outlet was reading and who never ever showed feeling. She couldn't afford to. There was the fact that her powers would go haywire and also that it was so deeply ingrained, that she couldn't see herself acting any other way. It wasn't as if she was caging herself; this was who she was now, and nothing about her would change.
So why was he always pushing her buttons? When she said no, he kept saying yes until she pushed him away physically. He always begged her to do things she didn't like, which he knew that she didn't like, and he never stopped with the jokes. Incessantly chattering away in her ear. Trying to make her tea, or bringing her food (though said food was almost always tofu).
There was no knocking on the door. She didn't sense anyone else's mind nearby, although Beast Boy's mind had a slippery quality to it due to its animalistic nature and often escaped her notice. Good. She was glad that he hadn't come. That would have just made everything worse…
Then why am I so disappointed? she frowned, ignoring that thought and took up her usual meditation position. Thankfully, Cyborg had already managed to replace the window in her room (they had a lot of spare windows) and she had swept up the glass on the floor, but there were still shelves to right and books scattered on the floor. Her room was a mess and she hated messy, but she didn't trust her powers yet.
So she meditated.
Deep, sweet breaths…
In…
…and out…
No thoughts….
No emotions…
Her mantra rolling off her tongue without thought…
Azarath…
Metrion…
Zinthos...
Blankness expanding, filling her mind, erasing everything, like a fresh sheet of paper, white, blindingly white. Untouched. Pure.
And the blankness was spreading to her vision, consuming it piece by piece until the white had swallowed the black.
Raven took another deep breath, timing it with her pulse, then drew up short, letting out the rest of her air with a low huff. Something didn't feel quite right. Something felt off. In fact, she couldn't sense any of the others at all, nor could she feel that turmoil which she had been restraining from her powers before she wrecked everything…
Her eyes shot open and she scrambled to her feet, heart thudding just at the sight of what was around her.
White everywhere, with no escape.
She was surrounded by whiteness, a whiteness that hurt her eyes.
She was asleep, and back in the dream.
She calmed herself, and, driving a wedge against it mentally, pushed the barrier of sleep to force herself into the waking world. What if she saw everything as it had happened before-no, don't think that! Wake up!
She gritted her teeth, but the bubble around her just stretched and then snapped back towards her like a rubber band when she rested. Normally it was as thin and delicate as glass and she could just shatter it but not today. Nor yesterday.
A low cough reached her ears, far too close, and she wheeled around, raising her hands to defend herself.
And there he stood, right there, not five feet from her, smiling in greeting. As ordinary as usual. He was pushing that dust off his shoulders again and had extended his hand for her to shake-
She took an involuntary step backwards before she steeled herself.
I will not fear this. He's not real.
She checked again mentally, just to be sure. No mind. He still wasn't real. It was all in her head.
But when he took a few steps towards her, she was only able to stand there for a moment before instinct took over and she stepped in time with him, but backwards. Let him keep his distance.
"Raven, Raven," he tsked softly. "Not too trusting, I see." He looked at his hand as if it might have something strange on it, or as if it might be dirty, and then held it out towards her again. "It's just a handshake."
She gave him a steely look.
"Alright then," he said a little sadly as he dropped his hand. Then he approached her quickly, his face twisted mischievously as he held out his arms. "How about a hug?"
He was too close, before she danced away from him and then he was gone in the blink of an eye. His chuckles reverberated in the mindspace around them.
She whipped around and there he was, much further back, laughing heartily. "I know, I know," he admitted, holding up a hand before she could speak. "You have a large personal bubble and you're not touchy-feely. But it was worth a shot, right?"
Raven felt a stirring within her, an unconscious fear growing in her breast. She closed her eyes for a moment. Why was she afraid? What had triggered this…?
A strange smell had wafted over her when he had been closer, not of cologne, or sprayed starch, or even of sweat. No, it had been a strange, but familiar smell…the smell of ashes and fire. The smell of brimstone.
She knew then what she was dealing with.
A demon.
A/N: Ha, ha! How many of you saw that coming? Anyways, thanks to the only person
who reviewed so far (you know who you are). If I don't feel that people like this story I may
stop writing it…so please review! :) And if you have any questions about it so far, critiques,
comments, etc. well, you know what to do!
