Chapter 2 | I was thinking what I'm thinking this girl got me feeling some kinda way
"Holy shit." I gasped.
I felt like my feet were permanently glued to the floor. I couldn't walk around or even avert my eyes from Cody. I didn't know what to call this moment. A dream or a nightmare.
I never thought this could be what it's become
We're the young and that it's turned into love
And I can't go on without you
By the end of his second song, he took a quick swig of water before picking up an acoustic guitar and taking his spot right back up on center stage.
"How is everyone doing today?" he said into the microphone.
That simple question caused the whole crowd to erupt, once again, in high pitched screams. I didn't understand it really. All he asked was how everyone was...and they were cheering over it. I studied Cody's face as he smiled out into the crowd. Their cheers seemed to have made him joyous in a way. As his eyes scanned across the huddled group of people, both, upstairs watching from the balcony and downstairs looking up at him, it took me a while to realize his eyes suddenly met mine and his smile slowly started to fade. I couldn't tell if he was shocked or bitter to see me. I quickly looked away and forced my way out of sight with Blake still grabbing on to my hand.
"S-So this next song is about a girl who is with someone who doesn't deserve her." Cody explained, enunciating every single word.
I tried to block his voice out of my mind as I kept shoving my way out of the crowd.
"How she deserves to be with someone who will always love her," he continued, "and take care of her no matter how long it's been or how much the relationship has been through."
I'm back to put the sunshine back in your mind
'Cause I don't like the way hes got you raining all the time.
Put away your troubles by leaving him behind.
So every time you look up clear blue sky
By the time the song had already started , Blake and I were already out of the crowd. I scrambled to get far away from the crowd. It seemed like no matter how far I got, I could still hear his voice echo down the long halls. I couldn't run away from him.
"Nollie," Blake panted, "can you slow down? We're far from the stage already."
I shook my head vigorously, "No, no, no we're not. Let's go outside. C'mon."
"It's raining outside. We'll get sick."
"I don't care! I just don't need to be here right now."
"Look let's just go back to the car and we'll go somewhere else. We can wait until the music stops, then he'll be well off stage by then."
I sighed and nodded. We settled down on a bench in front of a sporting good store and waited until the echoed music stopped. My mind and my thoughts were all over the place. I couldn't think straight. One minute I was reminiscing in all the good times I've had with Cody, the next I'm feeling the same way I had felt when I came to the realization he and I will never be the same again.
"I think he's done performing." Blake grumbled.
I hadn't even noticed the music stopped. I was too enveloped with my acidic thoughts to recognize the change in sounds. We stood up from the bench, but this time Blake didn't hold my hand. He simply strode a few inches in front of me as we made our way back to where we came in. As we got closer towards the crowd of Cody's fans, I noticed they were all standing in a line that seemed like it went on forever. I sighed and continued to follow close behind Blake, staring down at my feet as I kept my pace in unison with his.
"Nollie!" I heard a feminine voice call from behind.
I turned around only to be greeted by Cody's younger sister, Ally. She looked so different now and so much more grown up. She defiantly wasn't the little kid who always used to tag along with Cody and I whenever we went outside to play. I smiled as she abruptly enveloped me in a hug. As she pulled away, I started to notice people's eyes staring at me as they were waiting in line. They weren't exactly glaring, but it seemed as though they were watching curiously.
"It's so good to see you! How have you been?" Ally asked in her usual happy voice.
"Uh I've been alright. I'd love to stay and chat but I have to-"
I started to walk away until I felt Ally's hand grab my arm to stop me.
"No please don't go. Stay. We can catch up on each other's lives plus I bet Cody would love to catch up as well."
I tried to refrain from cringing when she said his name. Catching up? It seemed too soon. It's only been a year. Plus, what if he doesn't even want to talk to me? I don't think I could handle that kind of rejection from him so soon. I turned around to see if Blake would be able to get me out of this predicament, but he wasn't there anymore.
I turned my attention back to Ally and shook my head, "No, no, no he's probably busy-"
"Oh not really. He just needs to finish this meet and greet and he'll be free. C'mon! It'll be like old times! We're only going to be here for 3 days. We might as well make the most of it."
At that moment, I wish I could've just told Ally the truth and leave. Oh no I can't stay because things are just too awkward between your brother and I. I still care about him, but clearly he doesn't care about me. So much so he didn't even bother saying 'goodbye' before you guys left.
Before I could even answer, Ally pulled me by the arm and dragged me backstage with her. I didn't know what to do at that point. I wanted to run out when Ally wasn't looking, but I felt that would be too mean to do to her. As we waited backstage, I quickly checked my phone to see if Blake had left a message. Nothing. Not even a 'where are you?' or 'are you okay?'. At that moment, I should've felt hurt, betrayed, angry; but the truth is: I wasn't. I honestly never expected him to worry about where I was at all times because that's what happens when you've reach the stage of comfortability in a relationship. As half an hour went by, Cody was still out signing autographs and taking pictures. I didn't know if it was my impatience or anxiety kicking in, but something was telling me to go home.
"Ally," I started, "I need to go home."
"No please stay. Cody is almost done-"
"I can't face your brother."
The words shot out of my mouth so quickly it took me a while to realize what I had just said.
Ally sighed, "I had a feeling. Look I'm sorry I just...I thought we could all just move on and leave the past in the past but I guess it's just not that easy."
"I'm sorry, Ally. I just...I can't."
Ally gave me a half smile. I sighed and gave her a quick hug before walking towards the door. I glanced back at the stage where Cody was signing autographs and saw his eyes meet mine. I turned my attention back towards the door and walked out as confidently as I could, yet inside I was deteriorating from that last look back. The rain had lightened up, but it was still sprinkling and I could feel the tiny rain drops kiss my skin. I walked the rest of the way back home and let my thoughts follow me. Will things ever truly be the same?
