A/N So here is the next chapter. Again the name of the song will be revealed at the end. Also I think it is pretty obvious that I don't own Ghost Hunt or the song.


What I Couldn't Say

Mai's POV:

I can't believe Naru's gone. Could he really believe I love Gene? For the majority of the time I've known Naru I didn't even know Gene existed.

Naru's rejection felt like he ripped out my heart, stomped on it then proceeded to kick it across the room. He didn't even have the guts to tell me he didn't feel the same and he walked away before I had processed what he had said and could deny it.

I didn't just lose my love I lost my job as well. How am I supposed to live? I'm a self-sustaining 16-year-old. The job Naru gave me helped me live on my own.

When I got home I put on one of my mixed CD's hoping it would help me forget. However, the first song reminded me more than ever of what happened between Naru and me. I broke down crying as the first words played and I recognized the song.

In a book- in a box- in the closet.

Well I don't think there is a book with my ending (A/N Heehee. Irony, I love it. Don't you?). If there was and I owned it, it probably would be in a box in the back of my closet because when I read a book I want it to lift me up. Naru always read books to learn.

In a moment on a front porch late one June.

I remember a case we once had in June. Naru and I sat talking on a client's front porch. We seemed to bond. I thought Naru was opening up to me. Now I know I hadn't scratched the surface of who Naru was.

In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon.

That line might have hurt the most so far. The first time I ever said I loved Naru aloud was in the moonlight, under my breath as Naru was walking back to base on one of our cases.

There it was at the tips of my fingers.

That line reminds me of when I use to give Naru his tea and our fingers would brush together and send a shock up my body. I always wondered if he had the same feeling but his face was so stoic that I couldn't tell.

There it was on the tip of my tongue.

I told Naru from the bottom of my heart that I loved him and he told me I loved his twin. I was about to tell him it wasn't true when he walked away. It was right at the tip of my tongue.

There you were and I had never been that far.

Naru was here or at least at SPR, always. I had never loved anyone like I loved Naru and I doubt I ever will again. He was always there when I needed him and now he's gone.

There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms.

Naru made my world feel complete. Not just because I loved him but because he gave me a family. Without Naru I wouldn't have met Monk, John, Ayako, Yasu, or any of the members of SPR. All those people made me feel safe, Naru especially because he was the one always rescuing me from angry ghost.

And I let it all slip away.

I did let Naru and everything we had or might have had slip away. I didn't deny being in love with Gene (even though I'm not) and I didn't go after Naru when he started to walk away. I just stood there like a dumb statue. (A/N when I say dumb here I mean it like mute not like stupid)

What do I do now that you're gone

Naru and my work at SPR was such a part of my life that now that it's gone I don't know what to do. My job at SPR was what paid for my dayly living expenses and seeing Naru was one of the few things I looked forward to even if he was a tea-addicted, narcissistic, slave-driving ass. Now my small world is crumbling.

No back up plan, no second chance

I didn't have a back up plan with Naru because, no matter how much he might think differently, I have never loved anyone like I love Naru, not even Gene. Gene was more like a brother I never had.

There would diffently be no second chances with Naru taking that he was probably already on a plane to England and never in a million years could I afford a ticket to there even if it was coach.

And no on else to blame

Well I suppose I could try to blame Naru but really I'm to blame. I didn't deny Naru's accusation and if I just had things might have been different.

All I can hear in the silence that remains

Ironic (A/N see there the irony is again. I told you I loved it.) that Naru always hated noise, but I was always loud till he left and my heart seemed to die. Now I don't seem to have it in me to be loud, or see anyone, or do anything really.

Are the words I couldn't say

Well I told Naru that I loved him. I couldn't keep telling him though. I couldn't tell him I didn't love his stupid twin (not that I really think Gene is stupid. Just when Naru is telling me I love him, meaning Gene of course). Yes, I was in shock but why couldn't I tell him what I knew so deeply in my heart?

There's a rain that will never stop falling.

Rain, sadness, depression. Yeah this lost love is a depression that will never end therefore a rain that will never stop falling.

There's a wall I tried to take down.

That wall was the wall Naru built around himself and his emotions. I tried to take down the wall, to get him to show his emotions. On ocassion I could weaken the wall but Naru always built it right back up again. Now he'll never show true emotion to me.

What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips.

Telling Naru I didn't love Gene wasn't the only thing I should have done. I should have told Naru my feelings a long time ago. He probably would have had a better chance of believing me.

So I held back and now we've come to this.

I never told Naru how I felt because I was scared. I told him when I did because I couldn't bare the idea of never seeing him again. Now not only will I never see him again but also I've had my heart destroyed.

And it's too late now.

Well taking that he lives in a country almost halfway around the world and has no plans to come back to Japan, I think it is safe to say (as much as I hate to) that it is too late for Naru and me.

What do I do now that you're gone

No backup plan, no second chance

And no one else to blame

All I can hear in the silence that remains

Are the words I couldn't say

Why is it that the part of the song they decide to repeat is one of the most depressing parts. Seriously if I wasn't crying before I would be now.

What do I do now that you're gone

No backup plan, no second chance

And no one else to blame

All I can hear in the silence that remains

Are the words I couldn't say

Okay! I get it. Naru's gone and it's my fault because I couldn't confirm my feelings to him.

Yes, I love Naru. No, I do not love Gene. Yes, I'm hurt; no, I don't want to cry.

But that's exactly what I was doing, crying.

When I was almost at my lowest point where I'd be crying as hard as I could I heard a knock on my door.

I gathered myself best I could and answered it.

When I saw who was standing at my door I swore I was hallucinating. It wasn't possible for him to be here.


Song: Words I Couldn't Say- style of Rascal Flatts

A/N: Sorry I haven't loaded this story till now. I've had it written but it wasn't typed. However the chapter that comes after this where Naru actually tells Mai how he feels is written so as soon as it is typed I'll upload it. Reviews are nice but they aren't everything.