John's No Good, Very Bad Day
A Stargate: Atlantis snippet by Deana Lisi
Disclaimer: I don't own any SGA characters (bummer!) or the original 'No Good, Very Bad Day' book, lol.
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"Oh no…not them again…!"
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard was having a bad day. A very bad day. An extremely rotten day…and it had just gotten much worse.
"Stupid bugs! Rodney! Teyla! Ronon! Carson!"
No familiar voice answered him; instead, he had to listen to a chattering sound that chilled every drop of blood in his body.
Iratus bugs; a lot of them…and he'd nearly dropped in for dinner. Literally.
With a growl, John tried to pull himself up the ravine, slowly. It was too steep though, and he had to stop to avoid losing his grip. "HELP!" he shouted, wondering how on earth everyone had gotten separated.
Thinking back to this latest mission, John found himself wishing that they'd never stepped foot on this planet; everything had gone wrong, and he was going to give Rodney an earful, if—when—he got out of this.
Sighing, John was just about to try pulling himself up again when a sudden voice startled him so much that he almost lost his grip.
"Colonel Sheppard!"
"Carson!" John exclaimed. "Stop right there! Do you hear me? DON'T MOVE!"
The sound of walking through brush suddenly stopped. "Where are ya?" Carson asked, nervously.
"Where are you," John shot back. "Don't come any closer! Just move the bushes, or something."
Suddenly, Carson's head appeared peeking through the middle of an evergreen. "Lad!" Carson exclaimed. "What're ya doin' down there?"
"Oh, just hanging around," John said, sarcastically.
Carson let go of the bush and started to come around it.
"NO!" John yelled. "STOP!"
Carson obeyed, with a little startled sound that sounded something like, "Erk!"
"There's something on the ground," John explained, his arms straining to continue their hold. "Something trip-worthy. How do you think I got down here?"
"I was afraid ta ask," said Carson. He dropped down to one knee, searching for the offensive object. "Oh," he said, softly.
"Oh?" John echoed. "What, 'oh'?"
"The thing that tripped ya…well…it's a body."
"A body?! A native to this planet?"
"I suppose…been dead a long time, lad. Jus' bones left."
"Any idea what killed him?"
Carson stood up and stepped over the body, walking closer to John. He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly his gaze shifted and his eyes widened.
John knew what the doctor was looking at.
Carson was stunned, forgetting for a second that John's arms had to be practically falling out of their sockets. "I think I know what killed 'em."
"Well, that's great, doc, can you get me outta here before I become dinner just like him?!"
"Aye, sorry…" Carson crouched down in front of the Colonel, peering over the side. John was desperately clinging to brush, rocks, whatever he could get his hands on. The ravine was steep, and Carson wasn't sure if he would be able to do this by himself.
"Do you have any rope?" John asked, his voice sounding strained.
Carson dropped the pack off his back, and quickly looked through it. With a smile, he held up what he found. "Ya want me ta tie it around a tree and give ya the end ta climb up?"
John shook his head. "No. My arms feel like lead, I won't be able to pull myself up it. You're gonna have to tie it around a tree, and tie it around yourself, then reach down here and pull me up."
Carson blinked, his face paling. "Oh."
"Hurry up!"
Carson jumped to his feet and ran to the tree, quickly wrapping the rope around it a few times and tying a knot that he hoped was correct from his boy scout days. Yanking on the rope a couple times, he saw that the knot held, and he tied the rope around himself and went back to the edge.
John was sweating with the effort required to continue hanging on. He was never so glad to see another person's hands as he was when Carson suddenly grabbed his arms.
"Come on!" said the doctor, reaching down as far as he could.
John tried to lift himself up as Carson pulled, and it seemed to be working…until Carson slipped.
With a cry of fear that the civilian doctor couldn't hold back, he fell down the ravine…and John lost his grip.
Carson's exclamation was abruptly cut off when the breath was knocked out of him…but not from any impact; the rope that he'd tied around himself abruptly stopped his fall, and as he scrambled to grab John again, he found that he didn't have to; the Colonel had somehow managed to grab the rope around Carson's middle, and deliberately trapped his hand in between the rope and the doctor's jacket. But now, they were both dangling, with no obvious way of getting back up.
"I don't believe this!" John exclaimed. "Why did you leave the rope so long?"
"Huh?" Carson asked, staring frightfully at the Iratus bugs, who had finally noticed the commotion.
"After you tied it to the tree, you should've walked back to the edge before tying it around yourself…that way, you could've made it short enough to reach me without being able to fall!"
"I'm no professional at this survival stuff like you are!" said Carson. "Yer lucky I found ya before he did!"
"He?" Turning his head, John saw an Iratus bug climbing up the ravine. Trying to grab his gun with his left hand—since his right one was trapped—he found that he could barely lift it from the pain in his arm caused by holding on for so long. Wincing, he aimed it at the creature and fired.
"I thought shooting 'em can't kill 'em!" Carson said, even as the bug rolled back to the bottom.
"It doesn't," said John. "But it'll knock them down!"
Carson sighed, unable to comprehend that they were dangling over a ravine full of blood-sucking monsters. "What d'we do now?"
Looking at each other for a second, they both yelled at the same time, "Help!"
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Nearly fifteen minutes later, after shooting at three more bugs and kicking a fourth, they heard a familiar sound that usually annoyed them…every other time except right then.
"Well, that's something you don't see every day. Wish I had a camera with me!"
"RODNEY! Why you—"
"Get us outta here, Rodney!"
The scientist stepped back, surprised at the vehemence and desperation in their voices.
Ronon chuckled. "Funny mess you two got yourselves into."
"You won't think it's funny when you see what's beneath us," John told him.
Ronon and Telya quickly stepped forward.
"Wait!" Carson exclaimed. "Don't trip over the body!"
"Body?!" Rodney exclaimed, stepping back even further.
Ronon shook his head and stepped over the pile of bones, walking to the edge. When he saw what inhabited the ravine, his smile disappeared. "Whoa."
Teyla walked forward, her eyes showing surprise. "Iratus bugs."
Rodney, having avoided the body and followed them, gasped and backed up again, pulling up his jacket collar.
Ronon suddenly pulled out his gun and fired it, knocking a bug off the side of the cliff, before reaching down and wisely grabbing Sheppard first.
John winced when his fingers were pulled free from between the confines of the rope and Carson. A few seconds later, he was sitting on land, and he closed his eyes, plopping down to lie on his back.
"Are you all right?" Teyla asked.
Sheppard smiled lopsidedly. "I am now."
Carson, still dangling by the rope painfully tied around his stomach, watched as three Iratus bugs started up the ravine. "Er…" he said, trying to get Ronon's attention.
The huge man grabbed Carson by the back of his jacket and hauled him back above ground, sitting him on the grass.
Carson fought with the rope, eager to get it off himself. It suddenly fell slack, and he realized that Ronon had cut it with his knife. "Thank ya, lad," he said, gratefully.
Ronon smiled.
"Incoming!" Rodney suddenly exclaimed, pointing down the cliff.
Ronon shot at the bugs, and reached down to haul Sheppard to his feet. "I think we should be leaving."
John nodded. "Let's get outta here."
The trip back to the Stargate was quick, and all five of them sighed with relief when they finally stepped through.
Dr. Weir stood waiting, as always, and her smile turned to a frown at the expression on their faces. "No good?"
"You could say that," said John.
"Elizabeth!" said Rodney, excitedly. "You should've seen them both hanging like slabs of beef—mfph?!"
Whatever else the scientist was about to say was cut off when John slapped his hand across Rodney's mouth, while Carson assisted in dragging him out of the room.
Dr. Weir watched as they left in a hurry. "What was that all about?"
"Bugs," was all Ronon said, as he left.
Now even more confused, Elizabeth could do nothing but look up at the ceiling, and plead for mercy.
THE END
;)
