Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, this is definitely not the character of Sasuke actually writing this, and this doesn't represent the views of whoever owns Naruto.
Sasuke's Ode to Fan Girls
Summary: Tired of being incessantly stalked, Sasuke kindly takes time out of his busy schedule to explain why he's nice and asexual now.
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They sneak into your room at night
And haunt your every step.
They creep behind the bushes,
And filmed you while you slept.
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They crouch within the garbage bins
And behind street signs they lay.
They lurk inside the bathrooms,
Just waiting for their prey.
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They try to steal your socks and shoes
And auction off your pants.
They hold weird, secret rituals
Where 'round your underwear they dance.
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When they hear you like tomatoes,
They'll send you an endless supply.
(Being crushed 'neath a red avalanche
Will haunt me till I die.)
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Training is a danger,
(For them though, not I)
Cause when they stalk me to the training grounds
I'd like to let some "misplaced" kunai fly.
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The power of their drool combined
Is enough to flood a town,
And I think I lost my hearing
In the squealing when they're around.
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Beware of those who seem to hold
Adoring hearts within their eyes—
It surely means a ferocious fate
For the one who is their prize.
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Creatures more fearful than demons,
And far more annoying than dogs,
They clutch and scream and faint and flirt
'Till you wish they'd croak like frogs.
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They're watching me—I know they are—
For how else could it be,
For someone as outrageously handsome
As I am, obviously.
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Alas, it's a curse of every bishie,
This fangirl-ism disease,
And I'm actually jealous of the dobe
Who lives quite fan girl free.
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That's why, ladies and gents,
Girls are simply too much strife.
I'll resolve all my problems now
With two words: single life.
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There won't be any pink-haired babes
With Sakura, you see,
Because she's so horribly obsessed
That she'd drive me up a tree.
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Hinata's smitten with Naruto,
And although she holds some class,
I found she's not so innocent
When I saw her eye my a**.
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At night I cannot sleep a wink
When Karin's up and about,
As I fear that if I go to sleep
She'll pounce and knock me out.
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Ino scared me years ago
As once within her room,
I found a glowing, flowery shrine
Dedicated to "Sasu-kun".
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I met Temari a single time,
And while she's not a fan,
Her psycho brothers would drive away
Any prospective and sane man.
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You can keep the super OC girls,
With their locks of gold and blue,
Cause I'm never gonna fall in love,
Despite the awesome things they do.
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To any fan girls reading this,
I hope you understand
The horrors that you put me through
With your fanatic schemes and plans.
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But despite my pain there is one thing
That has the power to make me grin:
The only way in which I win
Is that while I do suffer from a fangirling spree…
…Itachi has to suffer from more fangirls than me.
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This just popped into my head…don't ask where it came from. Instead of making it a one-shot on its own, I just decided to add it to "Sakura's Ode to Fanfiction"…maybe I'll make it a series?
Anyways, please don't get angry or offended, this is all purely meant in the spirit of good fun and humor :D. Poor Sasuke-kun, all the love he gets frightened him off. Let's hope Itachi doesn't feel the same way… *Huggles Sasuke and Itachi plushies*
Leave a review to show support for our poor Sasuke! XD
