A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read the first chapter of "Is This Really It?" It's my very first fan fic, and I am still nervous about posting. Partly because I'm new at this, and partly because this is the story of MY life. (Yes- the Spiderman part is REAL!)
A big thanks to my girlies on twitter for helping me get this out there follow them and read their shit too: MyDaughterBella and PixieBella88 I wouldn't have had the guts to do this without you two!
A special thanks to SexyLexiCullen for writing Quiet Storm (you should really check it out!) It was the first totally non cannon Fan fic I ever read. It got me hooked. She made me the Aro addict I am today. ;-) Thank Lex!
And remember- the beautiful SM owns all things Twilight. I am just a slave to her characters and my own plot. ;-)
Quick review: Bella's just woken up on her wedding day and realized she doesn't want to marry Jacob.
Chapter 2:
At breakfast that morning I confided in my BFF Alice about my thoughts. She's been there through the whole Jacob and Bella love story. She knew all about my past, though I didn't know her back then, she loves me despite that. She told me I was just scared, and that she would be worried if I wasn't nervous. She poured me a glass of champagne, and called the hotel's spa and arranged for me to have a massage after breakfast. She said I needed to relax. Maybe she was right.
I felt a little better after the massage. Nervous is good right? I mean, I'm getting married for fuck's sake. That's HUGE. Of course I should be nervous. I laughed it off for the time being and drank some more champagne. It's MY day today, and I'll do what I want. My bridesmaids showed up soon, along with my hairstylist and makeup artist. We all got to work.
In no time, I looked like I was the princess I've always longed to be. I was beautiful, and I knew it. I gave myself a once over in the mirror. That's when the nerves started again. As much as I loved being the pretty princess, and as much as I loved all the attention, I couldn't shake the thought that this was all one huge mistake.
This time I voiced my concerned thoughts to a roomful of my bridesmaids. Once again, I was met with the same response that Alice had given me. It's normal, you're nervous blah blah blah. That's when the bottle came out and the shots started. We still have a few hours until the ceremony. I can afford to do a few.
The shots didn't stop.
When the time came, my father Charlie was there to walk me down the aisle. I slurred my concerns to him as well. Traitor that he is (he really does love Jacob) handed me another drink and told me it would be OK.
Thanks for the words of wisdom dad.
It was time to go now. He practically had to carry me down the aisle. I wasn't fully able to walk on my own. I'm still not sure how I made it all the way down. My drunken walking skills must still be in tact from my college days.
He passed my hand to Jacob. We stood there as the minister talked. Jacob started crying like a baby. I was drunk, and I knew in the back of my head that his sobbing should be sweet, but I was just fucking annoyed.
What the fuck is this? Kindergarten? We're getting married for Christ's sake. Man up already. Shit, he's a pussy. Hold up, why did I just think that? I love this guy. Don't I? Suddenly I'm not even sure about that anymore. Maybe I should excuse myself and walk away. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do.
It's too late now though. While I was having my internal war, the rest of me had gone into auto-pilot. My mouth said what was supposed to said, my hands had exchanged rings. Next thing I know, Jacob is kissing me and everyone is cheering. I was married. Nothing I can do about it right now. I decided to enjoy the rest of the night.
I really did enjoy myself that evening. I love being the center of attention. I danced, I drank, and people took tons of pictures of me. We took the reception back to the hotel for an after party. We drank some more, and before I knew it- it was time to go to the bridal suite.
Yeah. Some suite, it was kind of crappy. It had an ugly bed, generic hotel decorations and it smelled of stale cigarettes. But who cares. Jacob barely made it into the room before he passed out drunk. I hadn't really been looking forward to consummating this marriage, so I fed him shot after shot, drink after drink during the after party. I knew he was a light weight.
We flew to Vegas for our honeymoon the next day. Hey guess what? We only had sex once that whole week. I won't bore you with the details. I swear it was high school all over. We kissed a little, took our clothes off, he stuck it in and…. It was over. Yup. That fast.
By the way, I hated Vegas. The only good time I had was when we went to see the Blue Man Group. Alice bought us tickets as a happy honeymoon gift! She knows what I like!
Life went back to "normal" when we got home. The only thing that had really changed after all was that we are now legally married. We still had the same apartment, same jobs, same everything. Our day to day lives haven't changed. I quickly found myself falling back into our old routine. It was easy to forget we were married. I didn't even change my name. I had no plans to so either. I didn't want his name. Bella Black? It just doesn't sound right to me.
Later in the year, our lease was up. Jacob wanted a house. We went house hunting with a real estate agent friend of Jacob's named Seth. I really didn't care about having a house. I just figured it was the next step. It was another step that I wasn't ready to take. Jacob picked the house. I painted and decorated during the evenings before we moved in. I didn't ask for his opinions. I decorated how I wanted. I really didn't give a shit if he liked it or not. He's a pussy, and he would do whatever I wanted.
As much as I dreaded taking that next big step, I was kind of excited to move into the new house. I had enjoyed being able to decorate and style everything the way I wanted it. It had been so long since I had been able to do that. Our move in day was to be on Halloween.
It was also at this point in time Alice happened to need a place to live. She had just broken up with her long time beau and needed a new place to stay, but couldn't afford one on her own. We agreed that she could live in one of our spare rooms, we had plenty. Besides, I really wanted my bestie to be around more. Suddenly I was looking forward to moving day.
Moving day has come. All of our friends were there to help us out. Our apartment was pretty small, so we had everything packed and loaded into the UHaul quickly. It was just a short ride to the new place. Maybe this will be a good thing.
Alice helped me unpack boxes, while Jacob and his best friend Embry and another work friend of mine Jared, moved in furniture. A few others were around helping with other odds and ends. The sun was setting as the last of the boxes got brought in. Jacob, Embry and Jared decided to take the UHaul truck back. I told them not to take long, as Jacob and I had planned to take everyone who helped out to a fancy dinner that night. I told them what restaurant, and that reservations were for 8pm. The guys left, while the rest of us went about to get ready for our night out.
Alice and I were sitting in the living room with our friends. We were all dolled up for our night out. It's 7 o'clock and we're still waiting for Jacob, Embry and Jared to come back. They had left around five and the UHaul place was just around the corner. It shouldn't have taken this long. I tried calling their cells, no one answered. I was getting pissed off. Finally at 7:30 I said fuck it. We all went to the restaurant without them. We ate and drank and had a good time. The guys never showed.
It was after midnight when Alice and I got back to the house. There was still no sign of the three amigos. Now I was getting worried. Alice and I started calling all of our mutual friends, but no one had seen the trio. Shit. Now what? I didn't know what to do. I was worried they had been in an accident, but at the same time told myself that they were grown-ups. They can take care of themselves.
Worry won out in the end, I got in my car and drove up to the UHaul store. I know, it was stupid. I didn't know what I'd expect to find. Maybe there was some sort of accident that had yet to be cleared up. I don't know. I just went. Of course the shop had been closed for hours by then. I turned around and went home.
Alice and I continued to unpack and put things away into the wee hours of the morning. We had just finished getting my bedroom put together when we heard the door open. I looked at the clock; it was three in the morning.
I went into the kitchen, and sure enough, there's Jacob. Embry and Jared were at his flanks. They were drunk and holding yellow bags from Wendy's. I completely lost it.
"Where the FUCK have you been?" I screamed at Jacob. "Don't you have any respect for me whatsoever? WHAT THE FUCK!" I can't ever remember a time I had been so angry. I was practically shaking.
Alice came up behind me and put and hand on my shoulder, urging me to calm down.
Jacob just stood there. He didn't say a word. Shit, I could swear it looked like he didn't even understand what I was saying.
"WHERE. THE. FUCK. HAVE. YOU. BEEN?" I yelled out each separate word, mere inches from Jacob's face now.
He wasn't the one who answered. It was Embry who got back in my face.
"Shit bitch! We just went to the titty club" he yelled at me. "Get the fuck over yourself"
Uh- no he did NOT just call me a bitch in my own fucking house.
"Who the hell are you to speak to me like that in MY FUCKING HOUSE? You guys were supposed to come STRAIGHT THE FUCK BACK! We had plans for fuck sake!" I was up in his face now.
I honestly can't remember all the words that were exchanged then. All I saw was red. I wanted to fucking kill Embry. The only snippets of his raving I heard included words like "cunt, whore, bitch, slut, fuck you" you get the picture.
While those words were tumbling from Embry's mouth, I glanced at Jacob. He was still standing there, looking dumb, holding those Wendy's bags.
WHY are you just standing there? Fucking man up and DO SOMETHING! I'm your fucking WIFE.
All he said "I brought you a chili"
I lost it again. "I don't want any fucking CHILI! I want this mother fucker OUT of MY house. NOW!"
Neither Jacob nor Embry made any move to leave. Jared however, looked remorseful. He mumbled a quick "I'm sorry Bella, I'm so sorry" and walked out the door. I thought I saw tears in his eyes. I didn't care at that point.
I kept looking back and forth between Jake and Embry. Jake never moved. Embry kept calling me a cunt, a slut and a whore. I couldn't help but wonder why Jacob STILL didn't do anything. Isn't a husband supposed to defend his fucking wife? What the hell?
It was Alice that came to the rescue. She threw her tiny body at Embry, making him back up. She pushed his ass out the door and told him to leave. She may have threatened to cut his dick off. I may have offered to put in the garbage disposal for her. Either way, Embry got in his car and finally took off.
She turned her wrath on Jacob next. I was too pissed to watch so I went outside to try and chill out. The cool air helped some. I found that Jared was still waiting. He told me he was sorry again, and explained everything. Apparently he didn't want to go to the titty club, but Jacob and Embry talked him into it. And then he couldn't talk them out of leaving, but felt bad just leaving them there. He continued to apologize. I accepted his apology. He was the only one of the group to even bother with one. I respected him more as a friend for owning up to his mistake.
I went back in after a while. Alice was waiting for me with Jacob. Neither were speaking. He tried to mumble an "I'm sorry" but I didn't want to hear it. I grabbed Alice, and we went into my room. I locked the door. Jacob spent his first night in our new house on the sofa. I slept in my bed wrapped in Alice's arms crying.
Jacob and I spoke the next morning. He apologized over and over. I still didn't want to hear it. I was still pissed about the night before. He thought I was mad that he went to the titty club. I really couldn't care less about that. Even I enjoy a good night at the strip club.
He came home from work with roses and champagne. He bought me diamond earrings. At least he was trying to make up for it. Of course, I didn't want any of it. I wanted a husband who would defend me no matter what. He just didn't seem to get it.
Things went on after that. Day by day. Step by step. I went through the motions. The months went by. I was unhappy. Jacob and I rarely, if ever, had sex. Not that we had much of a bedroom life before. When I had free time, I went out to the club or bar with Alice. Jacob didn't mind. He's a bartender now, he worked nights.
Alice and I started frequenting a bar close to home where a friend of a friend bartended. His name is Aro. It's not his real name, but trust me, it's better than the one his parents gave him! He was gorgeous. He stood around six feet tall with dark hair and a beautifully sculpted chest. He wore tight jeans when he was behind the bar, and even tighter t-shirts.
I may have drooled a little bit when I first met him. Ok. It was more than a little bit.
He makes Alice and I strong drinks. He turns on the charm of his every time we come near too. When we're at his bar I feel like I am special. He pays attention, he asks questions and even listens to the answers. He asks me how my day has been when we come in. He's always got a smile just for me. We like to flirt with each other. He knows I'm married, and I know he has a serious girlfriend. We both know it's all in good fun, but I couldn't help myself from crushing on him.
Aro's bar became my escape from married life. I found myself actually happy when I was there. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was just Aro's body or the attention he always showed me. Even was all just part of his bartending act, I didn't care. He would let me forget my problems. If I had asked he would have let me run my fingers through his hair, and down his chest. I just know it's got to be rock solid.
As the weeks go by, I find myself crushing harder and harder on Aro. He starred in my dreams at night. It was always the same dream too.
I would walk up to his bar, as normal. He poured me my drink, we talked. Just like always. Except this time it was just us. I "accidentally" spill my drink down the front of my low cut shirt. (My boobs look great by the way) Aro gently begins to wipe the alcohol away with a towel. He stops and looks me dead in the eye. "Now, that's just alcohol abuse" He leans across the bar and licks the remnants from my breasts. I'm instantly wet down below. I'm breathing heavy, eyes closed as I moan his name. He stands back up he chuckles at me. "Wow, if you liked that then you'll love what's next"
Next thing I know- we're miraculously in his bed (hey- it's a dream remember) He starts licking the tops of my breasts again, slowly tugging down my shirt and bra to expose more. His hands explore my legs, my hips, my hair. Anywhere they can reach. His mouth is all over my boobs. Licking, nipping, swirling that tongue of his. I can't take it. I push him off me and practically tear my clothes off. He doesn't stop at all. His hands continue their journey. His touch is so gentle, so pure, yet it lights a fire deep inside. I need more. I ripped his shirt off. Somehow his pants are on the floor. I need this man like a vampire needs blood. I need him, and I need him NOW. I look into his eyes- "Please? Aro please?" he smiles, and takes off his boxers. He's perfect. He doesn't say another word, doesn't even kiss my lips, he just hovers over my naked body and joins us in the most beautiful of ways.
Slowly, oh so slowly, he pushes his manhood into me. It's like nothing I've ever felt. It's just so right and so beautiful. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to sing his praises in church on Sunday. He goes faster, harder, deeper. My body thrusts up to meet his. It's hot and passionate and I simply can't seem to get enough of him. He's kissing my neck, biting on my shoulder, tonguing my nipples. He still never kisses my lips. Our rhythm increases, and I know I'm close. I'm so fucking close. "God DAMN ARO! Fuck me, fuck me harder" I scream. He complies and my release is imminent.
And then. Then…
I wake up. I always wake up. Damn.
The first time I had that dream I felt guilty. I'm a married woman. I may not be happily married, but married is married right? Of course, I also thought- it's just a dream. Dreaming is OK right? I would never actually DO it. Would I?
No, of course I wouldn't. I may be unhappy, but I still don't want to be disrespectful. Jacob is my husband. And I'm not really that much of a bitch. I might not be totally right in the head, but I do know my moral compass points mostly north these days.
My guilt doesn't keep me from wanting to go to the bar though. But now that I have this dream in my head, I can't help but dress sexier. I'm pretty sure subconsciously I hoped to make that dream into reality. But I was never fully aware of it.
Sad to say though, it wasn't much longer when Aro left his job at the bar. He moved in with his girlfriend and went and got himself a "real job" as he called it at some investment firm or something. I was crushed, and I had no right to be.
Once again, I took the time to step back and evaluate my life. I was unhappy. I was married. Could I leave Jacob? Where would I go? How would I do it? I can't afford a place on my own anymore. No, I can't do that. I've gotten used to our comfortable lifestyle. It took both of us working full time to keep that up. I had a house, a cute husband, my car was paid off, and I had no debt. I was in better financial shape than most 24 year olds. I decided I'd just stick it out. My life as a whole was good. Yes, I was unhappy, but I also knew not to rock the boat so to speak. That would be stupid. Besides, happiness isn't everything is it?
Life went on. It always goes on. Alice and I continued to go out, but now we always change up our watering holes. We also spent more and more time drinking at home. My boat was floating along. I was along for the ride. It wasn't all bad.
A/N Soooo…. A nice little lemon shoutout to one of my favorite Quiet Storm (a story by the great SexyLexiCullen) characters Aro the Cleaner. I heart him. It's a little unhealthy, but I'm not complaining! Leave me some review love, and I'll see about adding more. Cause there's got to be more right? Bella can't just be around for the ride? And where the hell is Edward? Hehehe. Love you all! And again- thanks to ALL of my twitter ladies for your encouragement to get this out there! You're all inspirations to me!
Don't forget to leave me some review love! Follow me to twitter if you want too: RobinB78 I like to talk dirty! LOL
