This is my SECOND update today. I really loved this chapter for some reason, and I hope you all, too. :) Shout-outs:
xFaerieValkyriex: Yeah, poor Hiccup. And yeah, life's WAY too quick. :D
silverwolvesarecool: Thanks a bunch, Sil! :D
Edlover23: Me too. :)
AnimeAngel: Exactly, Anime. Could you imagine how hard it is for Hiccup? Not only is his father gone, but he lives with a small guilty place inside of him, telling him constantly that it was his fault. And Toothless...man. :(
FLASHBACK: FIVE YEARS AGO
"Yaknog!" Astrid called out. "Come on, get a frothy, delicious cup of cheer." She gasped in excitement when she saw Snotlout, Ruffnut and Tuffnut. "Hey, you guys!" she shouted to them, running forward. "Try this tasty new beverage I made for the holidays."
"Ah, what's that smell?" said Tuffnut. "Is that you?" he asked his sister.
"It's Yaknog!" said Astrid.
"Bleh!" said Tuffnut. "If I drink that, I'm gonna Yaknog all over the place."
"Maybe you'd rather taste a punch in the face?" said Astrid.
"It looks delicious, Astrid, I'd love a mug," said Snotlout. He took a sip, and then put the cup back. "Agh, oh yeah, you can definitely taste the yak."
"Oh, yum, what is that!" said Fishlegs, running up to her. Astrid spun around.
"Oh, you wanna try some?" she smiled. "It's my new traditional drink!"
Behind her, Snotlout looked at Fishlegs in warning, shaking his head back and forth.
"Um, I have actually, inexplicably, changed my mind!" said Fishlegs suddenly.
"Well, you don't know what you're missing," said Astrid. "I bet Hiccup will like it." She turned and walked away, leaving the others behind.
END OF FLASHBACK: PRESENT
"YAKNOG!" Astrid shouted to all the villagers in the Great Hall. "Come on, yaknog!"
"Uh-oh," said Snotlout. "Save yourself," he whispered to Fishlegs, and then ran off, followed closely by the others. Astrid glared at where they were standing, still wondering where Hiccup had gone off to. The Snoggletog party had already begun, yet there was no sign of Berk's newly appointed Chief.
"Hello, Astrid!" said Eret. Astrid turned and smiled at him. "What's this I hear about Yaknog?"
"Just a drink," said Astrid. "You wanna try some?" She held a cup out to him cheerily.
"Sure," said Eret, taking it from her. "Looks...interesting."
"YOU'LL BE SORRY!" Snotlout returned.
Eret ignored him and took a sip of the drink. Instantly, he swallowed hard and handed it back to her.
"Well?" said Astrid. "What do you think?"
"It's good," he lied. "Love it."
"Would you like some more?" said Astrid.
"No!" said Eret as if he had been slapped. "Well, I mean...I want to make sure everyone else gets a taste of it." He turned quickly and raced off. Astrid smiled and shook her head.
At that moment, Astrid felt someone touch her shoulder. Spinning around, she found herself face to face with Valka.
"Has Hiccup come back?" she asked.
Astrid shook her head. "No," she said. "Have you found him yet?"
"No," said Valka. "It's not like him to go running off like this. Was it something someone said? What's wrong? He worries me sometimes, Astrid. I don't know where he is, even, and he didn't tell anyone...he just up and left."
"I'm sorry," said Astrid. "I can help you look for him if you like."
"No thank you, Astrid," said Valka. "If he wants to be by himself, maybe just having one person on the job would be better. Besides, you should probably stay with the other villagers, make sure Ruffnut and Tuffnut don't do anything crazy."
"Well...okay, I guess," said Astrid. "But if you need help, I mean...I'm available. I'm not doing anything important. Besides, there are some people who came up to me and asked where Hiccup was. You should go on and look for him. He likes overhangs, if that helps at all."
"Thanks, Astrid," said Valka. She turned and exited the Great Hall, mounted her dragon, and headed off, searching for her son.
...
Hiccup sat on a ledge, his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. He had been sitting there for hours, avoiding people, trying to keep from breaking down in front of someone.
His father. Gone. Forever. Out of his life. Forever. First Snoggletog without him, and Hiccup couldn't stand it.
The ledge wasn't quite big enough for a dragon to stand on, and it was too high for Toothless to jump up without a rider. He sat at the bottom, cooing at his master.
"Not now, Toothless," said Hiccup. "I don't want to fly."
Toothless grunted sadly, pawing at the side of the ledge.
Hiccup sighed. "Not now, bud."
Toothless, defeated, giving up on any attempt to cheer Hiccup up, turned and slunk away sadly. Hiccup stared out into space, trying to think about something else, failing each time.
"Look at me," he said to himself. "First Snoggletog as Chief of Berk, and I desert the village. I don't know what I'm doing. Why do we need a holiday to emphasize it?" He looked at the Great Hall, hearing different shouts and cheers emanate from it. It was already dark, too, and cloudy, so the moon and stars weren't visible.
"What do I do, Dad?" Hiccup asked no one in particular, resting his head in his hands. "What do I do?"
Cloudjumper turned towards the voice and headed over, hovering over Hiccup. Hiccup lifted his head and looked at the dragon, frowning.
"Not now, Cloudjumper," he said. "I want to be alone."
"Why?" Valka asked. Hiccup jumped slightly as she jumped down onto the ledge and stood beside where Hiccup was sitting.
"Mom," said Hiccup. "I didn't know you were there."
Valka nodded. "What's wrong?" she said, sitting beside him. "Did something happen? Is something wrong? Are you sick, or...?"
"No," said Hiccup. "No, I'm fine...well, actually, no I'm not fine. I'm fine, but I'm not, and...agh, this is hard to explain."
"Take your time," said Valka.
"Yes, something happened," said Hiccup. "Just not what you would think."
"What was it?" said Valka. Hiccup sighed. "Hiccup, I want to help you," said Valka. "We all do, but we can't help you unless you let us."
"Dad," said Hiccup.
"What?" said Valka.
"Dad's gone," said Hiccup. "He's been gone for months, I shouldn't still feel like this, but I do. I see him in everything, Mom. I see him in the villagers, I see him in my friends, I see him in the only family I have..." He looked at her. "And I see it in myself. But he's not...here. He's not. He'll never be here again. He's gone. And...I don't know. I've never actually spent a Snoggletog without him, and...it's hard. Twenty years, twenty Snoggletogs, and then he's just gone. I'll never see him again." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Just forget it. I don't expect you to understand."
"I do, though," said Valka.
"No, you don't," said Hiccup. "Sorry, I just...how can you understand? You didn't have your father stolen from you. Cloudjumper abducted you, and yes, you lived through twenty Snoggletogs without us, but you could have come back. You could have. You had the choice. Me? I don't have that choice. I'm stuck here, chiefing a village..." He hesitated. "Well, trying to, at least." Hiccup sighed. "I just don't know what to do. You asked me if something was wrong? Well, yes, it is. Everything's wrong for me right now. I can't...I can't do it, Mom. I can't protect Berk against attackers. I can't lead them. I can't do what my Dad could do. I can't even talk about this without crying! I'm weak. I can't do anyth-"
"Crying doesn't make anyone think less of you, Hiccup," said Valka, cutting him off. "And it doesn't mean you're weak, either. It means you have a heart."
"I just don't know what to do anymore," said Hiccup. "I mean...I try. I really try. I try like you probably wouldn't believe. But I also fail. Miserably."
"You're not failing any of us, Hiccup," said Valka. "The only person you're truly failing is yourself."
"I don't even know what that means!" said Hiccup. "Why does it matter to you, though? It's not your problem."
"I'm your mother, Hiccup," said Valka. "I'm supposed to help you with your problems."
"I had problems growing up," said Hiccup. "I lost a leg when I was fifteen, for goodness sake! Before that, though, everyone hated me! I had literally no friends at all. It took me killing the Red Death to finally get noticed. It was hard, getting used to this." He gestured to his prosthetic. "You know how many times I slipped and fell while trying to get the hang of using this…thing? I can't even count it, it's so many. And what about the time I was struck by lightning? Where were you then?" There wasn't any anger in his voice; he asked it as if it were a legitimate question. "And then there were all the times I spent birthdays and Snoggletogs just wishing and hoping beyond all possibilities that you were alive somewhere. And…I'm glad you are, Mom, but…it was hard. I had a lot of problems growing up. Where were you? Why do you suddenly care so much about me?"
Valka didn't know how to answer the question, or if Hiccup was even expecting her to answer it. What could she say? He was right, in a way. He was exactly right.
"I spent most my life, wishing you were here," said Hiccup. He sighed. "I spent my entire life wishing you had spent it with me. I thought you had died. It was hard for me, Mom, losing a mother at a young age, never even remembering even a slight image to keep with you even mentally. It was hard for me, Mom. It was hard for me. I had problems growing up, I had problems making friends, I had problems killing dragons…I guess I get that from you."
He smiled ever so slightly, so tiny it could have been mistaken for a grimace. "But while I was growing up, you had to kill a dragon, or you were useless. That's actually what they used to call me, Mom. They called me Hiccup the Useless. And I spent most my life believing it was true, too. Where were you then?" There still wasn't any anger or hatred in his voice; he sounded as though he really, really, really wanted Valka to answer the question. Hiccup sighed and closed his eyes, thinking about what he would say next. "I really wish you would have been here," said Hiccup. "My life would have been different."
Valka felt guilt all over again. The same guilt she felt the first time she saw Hiccup after twenty years; seeing what he had become without knowing how he had got there. She was about to stand up to leave, when Hiccup spoke again.
"But, Mom...my life would have been different," he said. At first, Valka stared at him, waiting for him to explain. "I never would have met Toothless, more than likely," Hiccup explained, a small bit of hope in his voice. "We would probably still be at war with the dragons. We would probably...we wouldn't even be having this conversation right now. I know you stayed away for what it was worth, but you're here now, too. And I'm thankful for that. I'm glad you're here, Mom. Going through this without you...I just...I wouldn't be able to do it."
"And I'm glad I'm here, too," said Valka. "I want you to know you can always ask for help, even if it seems useless. It's not. Really, it's not. I'm your mother. I want to help you. And you know, your friends do, too. Especially Astrid."
"Astrid," Hiccup laughed. "She'll probably kill me when she finds out about all of this."
"Why would she do that?" said Valka. "She told me she was worried about you."
"Astrid? Worried?" Hiccup shook his head. "If she's worried, maybe we should go back." He stood, Valka moving to stand beside him.
"And Hiccup," said Valka, "you know I love you, right?"
"Yes, I do," said Hiccup. "I love you, too." He hesitated. "Hey," he said, "do you want to know what someone special told me one year, what we do when the ones we love can't be here for Snoggletog?"
"What did they tell you?" said Valka.
Hiccup smiled. "We celebrate them."
