Dear Diary
Chapter two: He took my breath away
XXX
A/N: I apologize if Gai seems too out of character. He is so hard for me to put into words.
But seriously, Kakashi was calmly murdering a plant and no-one even noticed? Aww…. Poor plantie….
Also, and this is enormously embarrassing: I forgot to thank my Beta-Awesomeness in the A/N of the first chapter! Shame on me! So I will take that time now:
Mswan0117, thank you so, so much for your thorough Beta. For your advice and your humor. For the time you spent making my acceptable story a good read. For being available to me for stupid, silly questions and for answering them without ridiculing me – which, honestly, I wouldn't be able to blame you for. Thank you for offering your unbelievably awesome services, because it really means the world to me. Honestly. I could go on here, but I won't. I'll just say this one thing one more time: Thank you.
I do not own Naruto. I only own my own creativity (Though my mother would have you believe that is actually hers… Don't believe everything you hear, folks)
XXX
Dear Diary,
I am feeling youthful today, even more so than usual. I am unsure why, but I have the feeling that something important is going to happen today. Of course I will train, which is always important. And we have the Team Progression Meeting at ten. Also important.
Still, I feel like something else might happen also. I do not know what, and I do not dare hold out hope that it might be what I have been waiting for all these years. I am certain by now that it will never happen, and I should stop thinking about it. That is too hard, though. Still, I've bared my soul on these pages, and I will not repeat myself today. In fact, I will not write any more today. I am late for my early morning run.
Sincerely, Gai M.
XXX
I leave my apartment in a jog. Today I feel a little strange, and it caused me to search for and write in my diary. It must be months ago since I last felt that particular urge. Something is about to happen today though, I know it. I just wish I knew what that something was…
My pace quickens as I leave the village, running five laps around it has been part of my training regime since long ago. Every day I try to beat my previous record time. I usually succeed. I know today I will not. Still, I try.
Alas, I almost doubled the time I had yesterday. Resigning myself to the repercussions of that fact, I drop down for a round of ten-thousand push-ups. Izumo and Kotetsu laugh, but I ignore them. I always do. They do not understand the importance of training your body the way I do. They have been born with the talent. No matter. I've surpassed them years ago. If I were the kind of person who'd care about such things, I would take pride in that. But I'm not, so I just continue my push-ups.
For some reason, I find my mind wandering to my eternal rival. Kakashi Hatake. The personification of talent over training. I feel blessed that I have the honor to know the man. To call this man my friend. And my rival, of course, even though Kakashi does not seem so inclined to use the title to refer back to me. But I know I have earned his respect. The only one who's respect I ever truly sought. I wonder how he is doing today. Ever since his team fell apart, my rival has been down. Walking around like a sad little kicked puppy, especially since Sakura began her training with Lady Hokage. I understand that it is a bitter pill to swallow, though I cannot grasp why Kakashi seems to insist on not speaking to the girl. I know she has tried. Maybe he is trying to convince himself he is glad to be rid of them. It would sound like a Kakashi thing to do.
I've lost count, but I do not want the two chuunin at the guard booth to catch on to that fact. So I keep doing my push-ups. Restarting my count at one-thousand. I'm sure I was somewhere past that point.
"Hey, Gai? You've done about twelve-thousand of them now… I thought it was only supposed to be ten-thousand?" Kotetsu's voice is hesitant as he calls out to me. I wonder if he is right.
"Actually, he's at eleven-thousand nine-hundred and eighty-four now," Izumo corrects his best friend, "I think he might be going for twelve-thousand after all…"
I nod, "The power of youth will give me all I need to complete my training!" I try not to let on to the fact that I hardly know what I am saying, counting out loud along with Izumo, "Eleven-thousand nine-hundred and ninety-six… Eleven-thousand nine-hundred and ninety-seven… Eleven-thousand nine-hundred and ninety-eight… Eleven-thousand nine-hundred and ninety-nine… Twelve-thousand!" I jump up, sprinting away to relieve myself of the presence of these guys. Today they annoy me a little.
XXX
I interrupt my taijustsu training to check the time. It is almost half past nine. If I hurry I can put in another set of push-ups before the meeting at the Hokage's office. So I drop down, deciding that just three-thousand will have to do – there is not more time.
After, I find myself jogging – no, actually running – over to the Hokage's office. Somehow my push-ups took too much time, and it is nearing ten o'clock. I round the corner into the office at a high speed, inadvertently bumping into Asuma as I do so. He falls to the floor, with me landing on top of him.
"Shit Gai, watch where you're going, will you?" He pushes me off of him rather roughly before scrambling to get up. I chuckle.
"The springtime of youth does not allow me such liberties! We can only attempt to keep up with our youth before it fades away!" Standing, I give the man an excited thumbs-up. Even though my heart is not truly in it. Something is off today.
I am ignored once again. I am used to it. Standing silently as my eternal rival's tardiness is discussed once more. It is always the source of many complaints. But even though it does annoy me too occasionally, I never stoop to these types of conversations. If you have a problem with someone, is not telling them about this upfront the right thing to do? Still, I find myself present during these conversations too often. While we all wait for Kakashi Hatake to show up, time goes on, and all of us start glancing up at the clock more frequently. It is nearing noon and there is still no sign of my rival. I am worried about him. I have already suggested that I go and look for him several times, but I have been denied. Lady Tsunade does not want anyone else to leave the office at this point. I just shake my head. Kakashi is most likely finding it difficult to leave his apartment. He has clearly not been feeling well lately. But he refuses to talk about it, with me at least. I have tried to challenge him seven times over the last two weeks, but he always tells me he is either busy, or not in the mood. I worry for him. He is my best friend, my eternal rival, my –
"Yo!" I look up as my rival enters. Raising his hand to make pretend that he is fine. He is not. I can tell.
Lady Hokage's words are clearly lost on him. And his responses seem slower than usual. I can feel a frown settle on my brow. I really do worry for him. I worry too much, most likely. But I seem to be the only one that cares. Asuma's words make that clear for me. So I try to turn my focus on my duties, on the meeting. My rival's soft sigh doesn't escape me and my brow furrows in concern for him. Evidently, Lady Hokage does not share my concern. And as my friend replies, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, my throat slowly closing in sympathy.
"Yes, actually it is. I don't even have a team anymore, you sannin stole each and every one of its members. There is no reason for me to be here, and quite frankly, I never cared for these briefings anyway. Every single one of these kids is an individual, and here we are measuring their progress by how far the others have come. It's a complete waste of time!"
I realize I am most likely the only one who hears the sheer amount of pain in Kakashi's voice, but as he storms out of the office, I find myself proven wrong.
"What the hell…?" Lady Hokage's voice is soft. Taken aback, she slouches in her chair.
"That's… Kakashi is…" I can see tears well up in Kurenai's eyes.
Asuma only swallows hard, he is trying not to show his own uneasiness. But Jiraiya seems to have no issues with doing just that, "Does he really think we stole them? I thought he was excited for both Naruto and Sakura to have the chance to study under you and me," He turns to his fellow sannin, a thoughtful look on his face.
I am trembling. My anger is almost impossible to suppress and my voice sounds like a snake's hiss as I speak up, "Are you happy now? My rival has had more than enough hardships already and you two take away his students and honestly expect him to be happy about that?! That is just too low for me," Turning, I follow my rival out. But as I reach the door, I am stopped by Lady Hokage's demanding voice.
"You will stay here and finish the meeting, Gai. Kakashi will just have to take care of himself. That's what he always does, anyway."
I am furious, but I recognize the truth in her words. Even if I were to follow him now, Kakashi would send me away. I know that much. This meeting is important too. And Jiraiya did not come all this way to have it cut short by the copy nin's short fuse. I know. Still… I will find him after this is done. And I will make him talk to me. I have had enough.
XXX
"I knew we'd find you here, Kakashi," I frown lightly, we all did, didn't we? Asuma is just the first to open his mouth when we arrive at the monument. But I remain quiet, watching as my rival side-steps Kurenai's well-intended gesture.
As he turns around and tries to make light of the situation, he states that he is bored. I do not believe him, however, this could be my chance. So I spring into action, giving him a thumbs-up together with a wide smile, "Then I propose a challenge! Show me your youthful determination to win and I might accept your obviously made-up excuse, my friend!"
He declines, of course. And I have to admit to myself that it hurts. It always hurts, but this time around… Was that thing that was supposed to happen today a bad thing after all? I can only hope that my feeling was correct and that this is not it. Kakashi's excuse about wanting a marathon viewing of his favorite book's movie is completely see-through, but I let him go. Sighing silently.
"Shouldn't we go after him?"
Asuma shakes his head, "Kurenai, the guy obviously doesn't want our help. Lady Tsunade was right, he prefers to deal with his problems himself."
I clench my fists, "Is this how you treat your friend?! Where is your love, your youth?!" I want to say more but I am cut off by Asuma's weary voice.
"We're not youthful anymore, Gai. We're grown men," Kurenai frowns, "And one beautiful grown woman," The bearded man adds.
"Besides, Gai… If he's going to the theatre…"
"He isn't. I know my rival. He is going to sulk at home. He has surely closed the curtains before he came here, and he's planning to spend the rest of the day indoors. He will not eat, he will not take a single sip of water. And tomorrow, he will be feeling no better. I am going after him," I push off, leaping into the trees. I quickly find I am followed by my colleagues.
"What do you propose we do, Gai?" Kurenai seems genuinely interested in what I am planning. But I do not have a plan. Not yet. So we formulate one together on the way over. I am certain that Kakashi has not made it to his apartment yet, and they agree with me. However, they seem to believe that the copy nin actually uses his front door. The thought almost makes me chuckle.
"My rival cannot be bothered to walk up the stairs, he will jump up from this street and land on his balcony."
"Right… Like that's less work…" Asuma looks at me incredulously.
"You know what? We'll make a bet out of it," Kurenai smiles, "We will each stake out the door we think he's going to use. And the one that was wrong will pay for the first round of drinks."
"Drinks?" Genma suddenly interrupts our conversation, "I'm up for drinks," The man is in the company of his own best friend, and Raidou quickly concurs. Kurenai quickly explains that we're waiting for Kakashi to join us, and they tell us they will go on ahead then. Maybe see if more people want to join in. They ask which bar we're going to and I quickly step in.
"Across from the gate, that one with the palms on either side of the door," They nod and walk off, while Asuma throws me a questioning look.
"That's quite a ways away…"
I bend my knees for the high jump, curtly explaining that it is my rival's favorite before leaving them on the street. I actually lied. Kakashi does not have a favorite bar; Neither of us does. Neither of us drinks very often. But that one time we did – And my rival won that challenge – we went to that bar, and Kakashi stated he kind of liked the place. And since this is all about cheering him up enough so my rival will talk to me, I figure that bar will be a good place to start.
I cannot have been waiting long. Ten minutes at most. I have settled myself semi-comfortably on the railing, waiting for my eternal rival to return home. When he lands beside me, I look up. He looks startled. Of course he is. It is not often that I go over to his apartment after all.
"Please don't lie to me, my friend," I want to say more, but he cuts me off.
Shrugging, Kakashi tries to get me to believe that his laundry is actually more important to him than watching his favorite movie. The concept is almost funny. But at the same time it is too sad, so I do not reply, instead calling out to Asuma and Kurenai, "He's here! My youthful instincts proved right once again, my friends!"
It hurts when he refuses to even look at me, "Gai, just leave me alone, will you?" His soft sigh almost breaks my heart. If only this man would realize how much I care about him! I try to hide my feelings by pulling him closer before jumping down to the street once more. He is so close now. It is difficult for me. But Kurenai is already here, and Asuma is not far behind.
"Seems like we're paying the first round of drinks, then," The bearded man smirks at me, and I point out that since there are two of them, they should each pay one round before the bet is settled. They agree grumpily and as we head for the bar we've agreed to meet the others in. I try to ignore my rival's obvious reluctance to accompany us. I fear I cannot let go of his flack vest; The man might actually try to run away. So I hold on. Even if this is slightly painful for me. He is my eternal rival. He is my best friend. He is so much more.
XXX
Inside the bar, I push my friend down on one of the empty chairs surrounding the table that Genma and Raidou have picked out. The latter of the two immediately greets us with a round of liquor, pushing a glass in my rival's limp hand. Conversations are loud around us, but I pay no attention to that. Instead I focus on my friend, hoping to see him relax if only a little. But he does not. Carefully pouring out his glass in pot of the palm next to him, he attempts to return to his reading material. I yank the book away from him, feeling a little annoyed with his self-chosen solitude. The book is quickly taken from me, I do not try to get it back. As Anko's drunken voice starts reading out loud, I study the man before me. He is once again emptying his glass in the palm, that thing will most likely not survive the sheer amount of liquor that Kakashi has already given it. It's a little funny if I'm honest. My rival is carelessly murdering a plant, and no-one else seems to notice.
Apparently something Anko reads from the Icha Icha book resonates with Genma and he starts telling us all about 'some chick I met last night'. It nauseates me a little, but I do not say a word about it. I cannot see what someone could ever see in 'some chick I met last night'. I prefer longstanding relationships, preferably without any 'chicks' in them. Not that I actually have that much experience on the subject either way. I'm sure by now they all think I am asexual or something of the sort. Not that I care.
I got lost in my own thoughts, looking up to find my eternal rival not sitting in his seat. I blink, nudging Raidou to ask where my friend has gone.
"He said he was getting another round. Taking his sweet time, though…"
I sigh quietly, searching for that familiar head of silver hair. I sincerely hope Kakashi has not managed to sneak away after all. It would completely defeat the purpose of having downed more liquor than I care to ingest on a single night. Spotting him, I hurry over to the bar. Maybe he will talk to me when there are no others listening in.
I keep my tone soft, even though the volume is rather high; the people that have accompanied us tonight are being too loud for me, "My friend, what is the matter?" He does not reply, only sighing as he looks away from me. It hurts more than I would care to admit right now, but I try again, voicing the suspicions that have been distracting me from my training for weeks now, "Kakashi… This isn't just about your students leaving is it?"
My rival shakes his head, and I cannot help but place a hand on his shoulder. I just wish that he would talk to me! I urge him to, but only get a humorless chuckle in return. Again, my best friend looks away from me. There seems to be hesitation in his posture though, so I decide I will not push again. I will wait. I silently resign myself to remain quiet until after midnight at least. But if he has not spoken until a quarter past, I will drag him out of here and force him to. I cannot take this anymore. He is… Kakashi. I care about this man.
Behind me, Genma has finished his tale, and the laughter is dying down. In the almost-silence that ensues, Kakashi's voice seems to sound even louder than it actually is.
"I'm in love with you, Gai!"
