Note: The previous chapter takes place just before episode 4x01 "After All These Years", this chapter takes place during Korra's wanderings in the Earth Kingdom, a few days before she ends up in the swamp in "Korra Alone"
Choking! Falling! No air! Can't breathe! Flesh burning! Blood boiling! Pain! Fear! Light! Darknessā¦
Korra's eyes snapped open. She couldn't breathe, she felt like a huge weight was crushing her chest. She dragged herself over onto her side and drew a few ragged, shuddering breaths as the weight lessened but didn't lift. She limply slapped her fist against the ground, more out of habit than anything else. She was numb and exhausted and she felt like she was drowning, being consumed by darkness.
Every muscle in her body ached from months of walking across the Earth Kingdom and sleeping on the ground, but she could barely feel it. The constant pain that had been with her since⦠since that day blotted out everything. This was worse than when Amon had stolen her bending, worse than when Unalaq had ripped Raava out of her. Zaheer had broken her, he had crippled her, taken everything she was- her bending, her connection to the spirits, her strength and her confidence. Every step was an ordeal, her body felt like lead, her limbs were weak, her head was splitting open, and the nightmares and visions haunted her, disappearing for weeks before striking back to torment her again.
Shivering, Korra tucked up her legs to her chest and hugged her arms around them. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to even out her breathing, trying one of the breath exercises Tenzin had taught her. Her heart slowed down a little and she opened her eyes again. She didn't know where she was, she didn't really care, just lying in the dirt by some road connecting one village to another in the middle of the Earth Kingdom. She hadn't bothered to make a fire, she didn't have any wood even if she had wanted to. The only light was the cold, grey moon, bleaching the landscape around her. It was hours to sunrise and she knew she should try to sleep, but she couldn't face the nightmares again.
Suddenly Korra felt a stab of rage, at herself and the world. She slammed her fist down on the ground again, harder and with purpose. A head sized chuck of earth jumped out of the ground, and, with a yell of frustration, pitched it as far as she could. It flew a few feet, and then hit the ground, skittering and bouncing across the plain, before breaking apart into dirt. Another reminder of just how weak she'd become. She couldn't go back to Republic City, she couldn't help anyone, she couldn't be the Avatar, not while she was like this. Useless, pitiful.
It was the pity she couldn't stand, it was the reason she'd left. In her last few weeks in Republic City, her friends had treated her like she was made of glass, doing almost everything for her. Asami most of all: constantly hovering over her, running to get anything she asked for, offering to help with the smallest tasks, and always looking at her with sad and gentle eyes. Korra couldn't bear to see that look on anyone she cared about, least of all perfect, sweet, brilliant, beautiful, elegant Asami Sato.
And yet, while she had been fighting to heal, struggling to stand and walk, she had clung to Asami's friendship. Having the other girl so far away made her easier to talk to somehow. She had poured out her heart to Asami; telling her about her visions, about her pain, about how she couldn't feel Raava inside her, and about her fear that she was broken forever. She had clung to Asami's letters, to her words of encouragement and compassion. In the last three years, Asami had become her strength.
Korra sat up and ran a hand through her newly short hair. With a grunt of effort she forced herself back up on her feet. She wasn't getting any more sleep tonight, so she might as well start walking. Pushing all thoughts of Asami's porcelain features from her mind, Korra started wearily trudging along the nameless road,
