He logged off.
I signed out of my Yahoo and started to play one of the only online games that weren't blocked.
I felt like dying right there and then on the spot. I can't believe I did such a thing. What was wrong with me?
First a freak, weirdo, any other name in the book! But now I was probably classified as a cheater.
I looked over at Kenneth and saw him talking to a girl that was on his right. I sighed and did my work for the rest of the period.
Once third period ended, we walked out and he took my hand as he guided us through the hall. Once out of the building, I looked up at him.
"Are you mad at me?" I just had to ask.
But all Kenneth did was shake his head. "Not mad at you. More mad at this guy." He looked straight ahead, his blonde-ish hair covering my view of his face.
There was a long silence as we got closer to my fifth period- English. "Are you going to break up with me?" I choked on the word 'break' as a tear came off the corner of my eye.
Kenneth didn't reply until we were next to my fifth period's door. "Never. We can just forget about this. Or at least try to." He moved his hands to my waist and I smiled briefly.
"I love you so much." I whispered, moving my right hand to his neck and playing at his collar bone.
His other hand snatched up to take mine, startling me a bit. "Don't do that. You make emotions run through me that I've never felt before." He grabbed my hand with a force so strong, I crumpled into him.
"I have to go to class. See you at lunch." He murmured into my ear. I looked up and smiled a bit as he leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips.
He walked away from me that moment but he refused to walk out of my life that day. And I'll love him forever for that.
Fifth period dragged on but finally finished as I met up with Jen and Jeremy. We walked out of the building, Jeremy going down the gravel to get his lunch as Jen and I walked to the vending machine to meet up with Kenneth.
None of us had money so we decided to head to our spot in between the science buildings near the vending machines there.
I threw my bag on the ground in front of one of the pillars and sat in front of a pair of doors that wouldn't open without a key. Kenneth sat down next to me and pulled out his friend's iPod touch. Jen stood in front of the pillar where the bags were as she waited for Jeremy to arrive.
I sat there and played with my phone while I waited for Kenneth to take notice in my existence but he continued playing with the iPod. I looked up to see Jen giving me a glare. I nodded.
She knew what I had done and she was the one who told me that I HAD to tell Kenneth. She raised her eyebrows and gave me a questioning look. I shrugged and she gave me a small smile.
I smiled back and then Kenneth turned the iPod off just as Jeremy came.
The rest of the lunch and day went pretty smoothly. Kenneth walked me to my bus and we departed unwillingly. He didn't have a phone. He was waiting for the phone company to fix his and send it back but it has been over a month already. So I didn't get my hopes up that he'd be able to contact me.
The bus ride home was a bit crazy and I stayed at Jen's until my mom picked me up.
.
"Why couldn't Nick pick you up?" She questioned me, looking straight ahead with the phone glued to her ear.
"He's working." I replied, lowering the window so that the air could calm my heated face.
"Fucking asshole never wants to do shit. Always making me do it and I'm sick of it…" I hear her mumbling.
What the hell is she talking about? My step dad Nick is always cleaning, cooking, and doing stuff for us three kids. SHE'S the one who doesn't do anything.
I breathed through my nose and tried to ignore her but she kept rambling on and on and on.
"Evelyn, I think I'm going to send you to live with your father this weekend." My mother finally said.
WHAT?
"Doesn't he still live in Orlando?" I asked, my hands shaking. This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't be.
Oh, but it was.
"I'm sure you'll do fine over there. At least better than how you've been acting here."
"MOM, why can't I go during the summer? I only have about two more months' left- NOT EVEN! PLEASE!" I started to beg, the tears rolling down my cheek.
"Evelyn, I've made my decision. I already purchased your ticket for Saturday morning. I need you to start packing your stuff as soon as we get home. You only have two days left." She parked the car in the driveway in front of our house, pulling the key out of the ignition with a final glance at me.
"Who knows? Maybe you'll like it better up there." I shook my head at what she was saying.
Has my mother gone insane?
I ran out the car with my bag and into the house, heading straight for my room and locking the door.
I slid down the wall next to my door, my butt hitting the floor with a slight thud. The tears were blurring my vision.
I took my jacket off and threw it across the room, and then I dug into my bag to find my scissors.
The tears started to stop and I wiped the remaining away. I looked down at my wrist and took all the bracelets I had on- off.
I opened the scissors and pressed one of the blades onto my wrist, the feeling so natural and welcoming. I pushed down and then moved the blade sideways as a pink line started to rise. A few drops of blood surfaced and I smiled, feeling a little better. This was one of the only things I could ever control in my life. One of the things I could handle.
I did this twenty-three more times before I finally put the bloody scissors away. I watched my arm as it bled. It wasn't massive but enough to make me have to get up and find my bandages. I put a wristband on, changed my clothes, and went to bed. Not bothering to pack anything.
The next day at school, I told everyone what happened the night before with my mother. Of course, I didn't tell them about the scissors so I left that little detail out.
"What the fuck!" Kenny exclaimed, his eyes growing bigger. The expression used to make me laugh but all I wanted to do was cry.
"Evelyn, you can't be serious." Jen said quietly. This was how I knew she was really pissed off.
I frowned and nodded my head. Even Jeremy's eyes were large with surprise. I'm pretty sure he had no idea what to say.
"I have to start packing my stuff. Today and tomorrow are my last days." I murmured. Jen turned to Jeremy, her hands covering her face as he wrapped his arms around her and I heard the crying.
"Jen please don't-"
"Just give me a few minutes Evelyn." She managed to say. I felt another set of fresh tears threaten to spill over and when I turned and look at Kenneth, that's exactly what they did.
In one step, he was standing in front of me, towering over my body like he's always done. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck, burrowing my face into his shoulder. He ran his hands up and down my back, trying to calm me but I could tell he was just as mad as everyone else was.
If anything, more.
"What're you going to do today?" He asked me, his voice sounding too calm for me.
I looked up as he stared into my eyes with his green ones. "I already told my step dad to come and get me from school instead of taking the bus. And I called your mom and asked already. But, you're coming home with me to help me pack."
I saw the look on his face. He was disappointed that my step dad hadn't tried to do anything but he also knew that my step dad wouldn't.
"Even the slightest bit of time we spend together has to be made worth it." I mumbled to him, looking over his shoulder at the wall. I wiped the tears resting on my cheeks, my jacket sleeve falling as I did so.
Kenneth saw it. He's seen it. What have I done now?
He looked around, I guess making sure that Jen and Jeremy were nowhere in sight. Then, one of his hands flew up and caught my arm.
"What's this?" He questioned. I looked down at the ground and bit my lip.
"Evelyn, you have got to be fucking kidding me. I thought I told you to stop and I thought you promised."
"Kenneth, I've tried! Nothing works! I've relapsed more than a drunk or a smoker has. A fucking crack-head is probably doing better than I am!"
His eyes were fuming. I'd done the wrong fucking thing.
"You don't have to raise your voice at me, I wasn't yelling. Why'd you do it?"
"I.."
Why did I?
"I don't know Kenneth, I don't know."
He shook his head. With his other hand, he pulled the sleeve down more, seeing the more dangerous and deepest cuts I have ever done. He closed his mouth, it looked like he was biting on his lip, trying not to cry.
I yanked my arm out of his grip and made a run for it, heading to the track and field. Jen and Jeremy weren't in sight, which meant they were probably in the building.
"Evelyn!" I heard Kenneth yell. I ignored it and kept going until I reached the gate.
I could jump it now. Leave school, leave this place, and find a way out of my situation.
Find a way out of here.
I need to. Have to. It's the only thing I can do.
But I heard footsteps coming up behind me and I knew I had lost my chance.
"Damn boot camp for teaching him how to run so fast."
I turned and Kenneth grabbed me.
"I'm s-s-sorry. I just d-don't want you t-t-to go." He started stammering and that's when I broke down and told him exactly why I had cut.
My mom was controlling my life. Always telling me what I could do and what I couldn't do. Just recently, I have noticed how bad it really was. She was this type of monster, an unknown species. It scared me. A lot. I don't believe I've ever been more scared of my mom and what she can do than I have this past year. I cut.. because I try to control my own life. Try to replace as the emotional pain with physical pain. Try to replace things and people with cutting. Control my life and decide my own time of death. Decide what I want to do and how I want to do it. But recently, I learned things aren't meant that way. Never were, never will. Things happen to you for a reason but I tried escaping this one. Tried to run off and not believe any of this could be real. Could actually happen to only me. I don't know what to do anymore.
There's just no escaping this time.
