Sacrifice

Does anyone realise that to play this game you've got to be willing to sacrifice so many different things?

No, you don't. You never can understand since you're not the one who has to give up everything you know just for the sake of the greater good! I, unfortunately, did and continue to sacrifice everything for the likes of you!

You complain about how hard your life has been, about how bad it is that you've no longer got cable, about how you won't see your families everagain.

I don't have that luxury. I have nothing to complain about. Nothing.

I have nothing because I am nothing. My name is irrelevant, just a name that others can call me, it holds no special significance to me. I am merely a ghost in the machine. I repair for you what I can and help where I can but in truth, I am not wanted.

I wonder, if I really did leave, whether through death or being left behind, how you would all cope. Would you be able to fix the things I can fix? Would you be able to make the sacrifices I make daily to save your sorry skins?

Or would you flounder like a fish in an oceanless desert? Would you want me back because, though you may hate me and want me dead, you realise you need me if you are going to survive?

Could you swallow your pride and tame your ego? Sacrifice your reputation for the greater good? Give your life to save but a few?

I know I could, but I'm not so sure about you.

"Hey Doctor Rush!" a cherpy, happy voice called out to him. He tried to it ignore it but he knew that it would be kind of pointless doing that, since the owner of that voice would keep muttering for at least ten minutes until he told him to 'shut up'. He thought he might as well pre-empt that.

"What Eli?" he asked quietly not bothering to look up at Eli as he focused on the scrolling Ancient text. It was quite fascinating... but not what he was looking for. Shame.

After a few seconds of the sound of slow footsteps Eli responded, still with his cheery voice,"I've got hot coffee... thought you'd like a cup." he ended tentatively, almost afraid that he was going to get shouted at like he was a schoolboy.

"..." He opened his mouth, to automatically respond with a hurtful, sardonic comment but stopped himself as he actually processed what Eli had actually said. He floundered for something to say but before he could Eli spoke again.

"I'll just leave it here then." Eli said, sounding timid and sad as he placed Rush's cup of coffee next to him before turning away and heading over to his little corner.

Rush closed his mouth and continued to work on the console he was at for a few minutes. The silence was almost stifling and eventually Rush felt the urge to say something to release the pressure building up.

He opened his mouth and looked over at Eli, noticing that Eli was looking through one of the hand-held tablets they'd managed to bring with them. He smiled sadly at the sight before saying softly, but loud enough for Eli to hear, "Thank you Eli." before continuing on with his work, purposefully missing Eli's look of surprise and then glee.

He couldn't help but wonder as he continued to work.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are a few who could do what I can... maybe there are a few who care about me in some strange, unfathomable way.

I do not know for certain but I doubt that I will die by coffee... the boy's too kind, too human to do that.

Not too sure about the others on this ship though.

"Hey Rush, Eli." The voice of Lt. Scott echoed around the lab where Rush was looking through yet more data, he was going insane from the amounts of unimportant data he had to sift through just to find one thing of merit!

When he heard Scott's voice his mind suddenly stalled. Could something bad have happened? Would the Lieutenant look so relaxed if something had happened?

"Hey! Scott!" Eli exclaimed, almost as though he was happy for Scott's appearance. Rush couldn't understand why. He felt like his heart would stop at any moment.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice taught and tenuous.

Scott looked away from Eli and over at Rush with a confused expression, "Huh?" he said, his voice adding to his confusion.

"What's wrong!?" Rush almost screamed out. Why else would he be here if not for his help on some random thing? Maybe he wanted to see Eli? Not him, that's for sure.

Scott raised an eyebrow and lifted his arms in a non-threatening and reassuring manner. He smiled slightly and said, "Nothing Doc. Just wanted to see how you guys are doing... you kinda live in here." he added smirking at Rush who glared at him.

He didn't have anything to say to that so he just harrumphed and turned back to the console.

Eli grinned like a schoolboy who had a piece of candy and said dismissively, "Don't mind him. He hasn't finished his coffee yet."

Scott laughed quietly before looking at the tablet in Eli's hand and over at Rush at the console. He felt his curiosity get the better of him and asked,"Soo... what are you guys doing anyway?"

Rush snorted quietly, refocusing on his work but a part of his mind was wondering about something that didn't relate to the Ancient language and it's many infuriating terminologies.

Perhaps I should reassess my opinions of some of the people aboard this ship... some are more worthy of respect than others...

He looked over at Eli and Scott and watched them, smiling slightly as he thought about that. He didn't really notice that Eli and Scott had both felt him staring at him and had looked at him.

Eli, after a few minutes, managed to dredge up the guts to ask, "Err... Doctor Rush? Why are you staring at us?"

Rush, startled, snapped his eyes onto Eli's own and saw the slight flinch when his eyes collided against soft brown ones, he softened his gaze and said, his voice quiet and soft, "...Just thinking..."

Scott and Eli both looked at each other, rather disconcerted since they weren't used to Rush being anything other than... mean-ish. Eventually, Eli said quietly, "Oh... oh-kay then...." and once again there was a stifling silence which Rush didn't have to break this time.

Scott cleared his throat and said, in an attempt to change the subject, "Eli... could you teach me how to use on of the Kino's? I wanna see how they work." he sounded genuinely interested in the things and Rush reasoned that if he wasn't so occupied with the database he, himself would quite enjoy playing with them.

Eli grinned happily and exclaimed, "Sure!" before looking at Rush and asking, "Doctor Rush?"

Rush sighed quietly and said, waving a hand half-heartedly, "Go ahead Eli."

Eli, gave him a grin that reminded him of a child on Christmas day before turning to Scott and saying, "Come on Scott!" before leaving the room at a quick pace. Leaving Scott to catch up.

Rush smiled and stared at one of the Ancient walls opposite him. He began to think and didn't bother trying to stop his train of thought.

I used to believe I was nothing... a ghost in the machine. Not wanted but needed... I can see that, for some, that is not true. I am wanted, by those I suppose I can call friends of a sort. They care about me and don't want me to die...

My name has a meaning now... Doctor 'Doc' Nicholas Rush.... that is who I am... that is who I have always been but never knew...

I have friends... and I can smile with that knowledge.

Maybe being wrong isn't so bad after all.

He laughed quietly and said out loud, "Maybe it isn't so bad... maybe it isn't..."

FIN

Review please... tell me what you think!! I've re-edited this soo... please review it again. It's better than it was AND LONGER TOO!!

KaseyKC