Part 2

June 2353 (The Janeway home in Indiana) Kathryn Janeway is seventeen years old

". . . and so, I close my remarks with a quote from Dante: 'Remember tonight . . . for it is the beginning of always.'"

Kathryn Janeway put down the PADD she'd been reading from and looked at the lounging form of her younger sister.

"Well, Phoebe, what do you think?"

The thirteen-year-old rolled over on her back on the bed. "Is that the end of it?"

"Of course." Kathryn had been selected by her classmates to make a few remarks at her high school graduation later in the day and had been struggling with the speech for weeks. "I should have known better than to expect any constructive criticism from you."

Phoebe sat up and crossed her arms. "I don't get the last part, and neither will they."

"What last part? The quote?" She looked down at the PADD and sighed. "The line from Dante? They'll get it."

"It's just so hokey. 'The beginning of always.'" She rolled her eyes. "What does that mean?"

"I'm not about to explain it to you."

"You're only using it because it's Dante. You think anything Dante wrote is automatically great, but to me, and your classmates, I might add, he's just a dusty old Italian poet."

"He's one of the greatest human poets, Phoebes. Maybe, when you're my age, you come to appreciate him."

"You like Dante because Dad quotes him all the time, and whatever Dad likes, you like," Phoebe countered. She flopped back on the bed. "Why not use something a few centuries less than three thousand years old?"

"Like what? Some of the song lyrics you think are so special?"

"The Galactics' lyrics are pretty deep, Katie, and the Laughing Vulcans' new single has plenty of lines that make more sense than 'the beginning of always.'"

"You've got to be kidding."

"All I'm saying is that using something modern would help your classmates understand your speech better. Isn't that the point? They are the ones who asked you to make a speech, after all."

"I'm not worried about them," Kathryn sniffed. "It's the rest of the audience I'm worried about."

"The rest of the audience? Or Dad?"

Kathryn rolled her eyes.

"That's it, isn't it?" Phoebe got onto her knees. "You're using Dante because you want to impress Dad by using his favorite poet."

"I'm using the quote because I think it ties up everything I'm trying to say in the speech."

Phoebe wasn't listening. "Everything you do is aimed at impressing Dad, isn't it? You want his approval and his attention more than anything. Maybe they should have named you 'Electra' instead of Kathryn."

"Phoebs," Kathryn sputtered, her eyes flashing with anger. "You'd better take that back."

"Daddy's Girl!" Phoebe taunted, delighted at the emotional reaction her words were causing. She stood up on the bed and took a flying leap for the door as her older sister stomped toward her. "Daddy's Girl! Daddy's Girl!"

Because Kathryn had to circle the bed to reach the door, Phoebe had time to run out into the hall where she very nearly bowled over their mother. Sidestepping her neatly with a word of apology, Phoebe barreled down the stairs and out the front door with a whoop of victory.

Meanwhile, Kathryn stopped at her door and gave her mother an exasperated look. "Mom, can't you make Phoebe behave?"

"You know how she is, Katie," Gretchen replied. "The best thing to do is to ignore her."

"I try. But one of these days, Mom, I'm going to let her have it."

"Just don't get blood on the carpet," she chuckled as she steered her daughter back into her bedroom. "Are you happy with the speech?"

"I think so." She looked down at the PADD in her hand with a sigh. "Phoebe thinks I'm quoting Dante just to impress Dad."

Gretchen gripped her hands behind her back as she watched Kathryn pace back and forth, reading her seven-minute speech for the thousandth time. Her two daughters were as different as night and day, a fact that neither girl perceived or appreciated. Kathryn was her father all over again—serious, studious, hard-working, brilliant. She'd set her sights on Starfleet from the time she'd been able to talk, and she wasn't going to settle for anything less than a corner office at Starfleet Command. Phoebe was more like Gretchen's side of the family—sensitive, artistic, dreamy, and just as brilliant in a more creative way. It was only natural that Edward, their father, felt more comfortable with Kathryn.

"I think Phoebe is jealous of the closeness she sees between you and your father," she offered after a long moment. "It's easier for you to communicate with him because you have so much in common, while Phoebe doesn't know what to say. If he were here more, spent more time with both of you, I'm sure she would be less hurt."

"I guess." Kathryn sighed. "I'll try to be patient. After all, I'm leaving for the academy in just a couple of months."

"That's right. You can put up with her if you know the time is short." Her mother stood stiffly just inside the door, her hands still gripped behind her back, and soon enough, Kathryn picked up on her uneasiness.

"What is it, Mom?"

"I got a message from Admiral Thompson a few minutes ago."

"Don't tell me that Dad's going to miss my graduation," Kathryn pleaded. "He has to be there, Mom. He just has to be there."

"He's trying his best, but his transport had to divert around a huge ion storm, which is going to delay his arrival by a few hours. Admiral Thompson has arranged for him to beam directly to the graduation, though. It will be close, but he should make it."

"The graduation is in six hours, Mom. Are you trying to tell me that he's going to travel from somewhere out in deep space to Bloomington, Indiana, in less than six hours?" Tears burned behind Kathryn's eyes as she threw the PADD containing her speech onto her desk. "It takes three hours just to get to Earth from Jupiter Station."

"That's assuming that the delay just happened. It's possible that it happened hours ago and he's already in the Sol system."

"Then he would have called himself." Kathryn shook her head in disbelief. "He won't be here. I might as well not even expect to see him."

"He's doing his best, Katie. He knows that your graduation is too important to miss and how much you want him to attend. He's doing everything in his power to be here."

As much as Kathryn wanted to burst into tears and rant about the way her father had waited too late to start for home, she repressed those thoughts, reminding herself of the importance of her father's work. He was on the Federation team that was negotiating with the Cardassians over the end of their conflict, and his presence was essential to the establishment of a working peace. Against the backdrop of galactic war, her high school commencement paled into insignificance.

"We'll record it for him," she said at last, giving her mother a wan smile. "That way, if he arrives too late to attend the ceremony, I can play it for him. Or give him my speech in person, if he wants."

Gretchen was suspicious of her sudden acquiescence. "You're being very generous about this, Katie."

"Mom, I know that this isn't fair, but I can't blame Dad for it." She stood tall and took a deep breath. "Starfleet families have to accept that duty takes precedence over everything and anyone else."

"Do you really believe that, sweetie? Do you really think that your dad is more worried about duty than he is his daughter's feelings?"

"He has to put duty first." Kathryn shrugged.

Gretchen, a Starfleet brat herself, was visibly upset by her daughter's attitude. "This is what I always feared when Edward and I decided to have children. I worried that you would feel that you didn't deserve our primary attention, because you do deserve it. And your father loves you more than he does duty. You have to believe that."

"Oh, I believe he loves me, but I know that duty has to come first." When she saw Gretchen's eyes fill with tears, she continued, "I'm going to be a Starfleet officer, Mom, and I'm going to expect my husband and kids to understand when duty interferes with what I want to do. How can I expect them to forgive me for that if I can't forgive Dad for it?"

"All I can say is that you are a better person than I am. I'm furious with him for not being here on time, and I'll probably rake him over the coals when he finally arrives."

"Don't do it, Mom," Kathryn begged. "I don't want him to feel any worse than he already does."

She ignored the plea and returned to the doorway, pausing to look back. "I'll listen to your speech whenever you're ready."

Kathryn looked down at the PADD. "Maybe I'll look for a different quote after all."

"Don't do it because of something Phoebe said. If you like it, stick with it."

"Okay." She gave her mom a weak smile. "I have plenty of time to think it over."

Kathryn collapsed on the bed after Gretchen disappeared down the hallway. She was determined not to cry over her dad's delay, but found it impossible to keep the tears back. She tried to remember the last time her father had been there in person to see one of her accomplishments—a tennis match, swim meet, science project, student play, or birthday party. She couldn't remember a single time in the last five or six years, not for herself and not for Phoebe, and the unfairness of it simply broke her heart.

"This isn't 'the beginning of always,'" she muttered as she erased Dante's words from the end of her speech. "This is 'the continuation of always' for me, just another of a million disappointments in my life as a Starfleet brat." She stopped to brush a tear from her eye. "Maybe Phoebe is right. I should use some modern song lyrics, something familiar to my classmates, to close out this speech."

She delved into the music database on their home computer, eventually finding a line from a popular song that summed up the hope she had for the future—for a career in which she was never so busy with work that she made the people she loved feel like they were second best.

Her father arrived the next morning, sixteen hours after her graduation ceremony had ended. He never found the time to listen to her speech.

* * * * *

March 2379 (15 months after Voyager's return to the AQ)

Kathryn Janeway's promotion ceremony took place early on a Thursday morning in a nondescript conference room in Archer Hall. The attendees gathered around an array of sweet rolls, juice, and, of course, plenty of coffee, as early morning sunlight poured into the room. The table's single decoration was a basket of flowers, a gift from her mother and sister, which added a delightful scent of perfume to the room.

Twenty people witnessed the event, including three members of Kathryn's staff, four members of her family, her immediate boss and his staff of four, two officers from the Public Affairs office, the adjutant general, Admiral Hayes and his aide, and the caterer. One or two passersby stepped in, as well, but that was the extent of the guest list.

The promotion itself took less than five minutes, including several posed pictures taken for the record and for posting in the inevitable Fed News report. By eleven o'clock, everyone was back to work, the conference room was clean and deserted, and Gretchen and Phoebe Janeway were back home in Indiana.

"That was hardly worth the effort," Phoebe observed as she began to divest herself of her dress clothes. "A three-day trip to Earth for a five-minute ceremony."

"Kathryn told you it would be anticlimactic."

"I didn't think the promotion would be a big deal, but I did imagine a proper celebration afterward—a party or dinner or reception. Something."

"She's never been the type to 'celebrate' a promotion. You know that."

"But this is the biggie, Mom. How many Starfleet officers actually get promoted to admiral?"

Gretchen sighed. "I think she feels guilty, that she didn't really earn it."

"You've got to be kidding."

"There is something about the way Voyager got back to the Alpha Quadrant that troubles her, something that she won't talk about."

"Rumor has it that the whole incident is highly classified."

"I'm thinking that she might have broken some rules to accomplish it."

"I've heard there were some irregularities, all right."

"Maybe someday we'll learn the truth." Gretchen sat down on the family room sofa and slipped off her shoes. "In the meantime, we need to do what we can to help her feel better."

Phoebe flopped into a chair. "I wonder if we can do that without knowing the facts?"

"We'll have to do the best we can."

Phoebe paused, deep in thought. "It's occurred to me that there are people who know what happened, people who might not be as dedicated to Starfleet secrecy."

"Some of Voyager's crew?" Gretchen guessed. "I doubt that they'd tell us anything, especially if Kathryn asked them not to. They're very loyal to her."

"If they won't tell us, maybe they can help her adjust to whatever happened."

"She'd never ask them to help her, Phoebe. In fact, she seldom sees them now that the debriefings are over, and she refused to invite any of them to the ceremony this morning. She said, 'How can I invite one or two and not all of them?'"

"Yeah." Phoebe sighed. "Sometimes I think her martyr syndrome is just too much to bear."

"That's not it," her mother disagreed. "She doesn't really expect much from life. Or maybe I should say that she isn't surprised when life disappoints her. She's been that way since she was a tiny girl."

"Really?" Phoebe frowned. "For example?"

"When your daddy let you down, you kicked and screamed about the unfairness of it all, but Kathryn simply accepted it as her lot in life, as the 'burden' of being a Starfleet brat. She didn't complain and she didn't blame him at all."

"Now that you mention it--." Phoebe's eyes took on a faraway look as she recalled the many times her father had let one of the other of them down. Her memories were dotted with many such events, most of them still painful to remember. "Well, only Kathryn could find a way to feel guilty about a promotion."

Gretchen laughed. "Can I convince you to stay for a few more days? Or must you hurry back home?"

"I need to head back first thing tomorrow. I'm sorry, but my boss barely let me get away at all."

"Oh, I understand."

Two days later, Phoebe Janeway stepped off of the Earth transport at Starbase 47 only to learn that the next scheduled flight had been cancelled indefinitely because of severe ion storms along the flight path.

"Nothing is ever easy," she muttered after letting her boss know of the delay. She scanned the crowded transport ring, taking in the hundreds of passengers who filled every seat and most of the available floor, especially those areas that were next to walls that could serve as back rests. She picked her way through the crowd, stepping over sleeping forms, past crying children, around couples who cuddled together for warmth, and between groups that were busy playing cards, working on computer access terminals, or simply chatting to pass the time.

There didn't seem to be a square meter of free space, and she was about to despair of finding a place to rest, when she spied a man who looked familiar—dark hair, bronze skin, and a tattoo across the left side of his forehead. He had appropriated a remote corner near a window that looked like it might accommodate another small person. Smiling to herself, she set course toward his location.

Meanwhile, Chakotay was struggling to find a position comfortable enough to let him get some sleep. He'd been stuck on the station for two days and had only managed a few short naps because of the noise and slow encroachment on his space by other stranded passengers. He was just ready to shut his eyes when he a shadow fell over him.

"I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Kathryn Janeway's sister, Phoebe."

Chakotay raised his head to see a brown-eyed version of Voyager's captain smiling down at him. "Of course, I remember you." He pulled his legs back and gestured at the floor space in front of him. "Please, sit down and tell me where you were headed."

"Just trying to get home." She sank down with a groan and clutched her bag against her chest.

"You're heading for Earth, then?"

"Not that home. I live in the Chiega system these days. I'm on my way back there from Earth."

"Special occasion?"

"You could say that. My sister got promoted, so, of course, I had to come be a witness to history."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Kathryn is an admiral now?"

Phoebe nodded. "And has been for three whole days, already."

"I thought she'd let some of us know when that happened."

"She wanted to keep it low key. I bet there weren't thirty people there, and no one from Voyager."

"Not even Tuvok?"

"Strangely enough, she didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I wonder if she feels she deserves it, to tell the truth."

Chakotay frowned. "I would have liked to have been there to tell her she does deserve it."

"Mom and I think it has something to do with the way Voyager returned. But, she won't discuss the details of what happened, of course."

His eyes grew unfocused as he gave her a dismissive shrug. "She has nothing to feel guilty about."

"Maybe not. Whatever happened out there, she's been different since Voyager. She isn't the same person she was before."

"It changed all of us, Phoebe."

She laughed and moved so that she could relax against the window. "I don't mean to be melodramatic or alarming. Kathryn is doing well, as always, and seems to be content flying a desk instead of a starship. There's just an aura of hopelessness around her that is very out of character. She always met every challenge with her head down and her feet churning."

"Not always." He remembered the depression the captain had fought during their journey. "When she's not being challenged, she tends to think too much and obsess over decisions."

"The only time I saw her act like that was after the accident."

"Accident?"

"When our father and her fiancé were killed."

"When she was an ensign."

"Yeah. We attributed the depression she went through to her serious injuries and some sort of recurring dream she had where she thought she could have saved one of them."

"It's hard to imagine a pessimistic Kathryn Janeway. In all the years we were out there, she never seemed to run out of steam. She always had hope for the future."

"Hope? No, I think it was probably just a simple refusal to accept reality."

Chakotay chuckled. "I think the goal of getting us home is what kept her from collapsing into a heap."

"You're right. But now she's back, and suddenly she has to find something else to give her life meaning. That's a tough problem after seven years, don't you think?"

"It is. But, she's not the only one struggling with that particular demon. In many ways, all of us from Voyager are in the same boat."

"Really?" Phoebe's interest was piqued. "Tell me about it."

"We shared the same goal and did everything we could to make it happen." His eyes softened as he remembered. "My secondary goal was to lighten the heavy responsibilities the captain carried." He swallowed hard, looking out the window at the ships that surrounded the station. "I miss the feeling of family that developed among the crew, and the overriding goal that gave me a purpose in life." He looked at Phoebe, his dark eyes revealing his own misery. "I miss Kathryn, to tell the truth. We were friends out there, but we've drifted apart."

"What are you doing these days?"

"I'm for hire as a starship pilot. I brought a ship here and am waiting for a ride back to Trebus, which is my home planet."

"I thought your home planet was destroyed by the Cardassians. Isn't that why you left Starfleet and joined the Maquis?"

"Not exactly. After I left for Starfleet Academy, my family moved from Trebus to Dorvan V, which was destroyed by the Cardassians, but I've always considered Trebus as home."

"And your family?"

"Most of them were were killed, except for an older sister, who had stayed on Trebus, and a few cousins on Earth."

"I'm so sorry."

"We've all suffered terrible losses in our lives, Phoebe, especially after the Dominion War."

"I guess so." She leaned back against the wall. "But losing most of your family in one blow had to be awful."

He nodded, too upset to talk any more. They were quiet for awhile until a general announcement blared from the loudspeakers informing them that a fourth food kiosk and overflow waiting room was opening on level three.

"Not a good sign." Chakotay rubbed his face. "I imagine we'll be here awhile longer."

Phoebe pulled out a thermos and a small sealed box. "If you're hungry, I'll share."

"Let me guess. Caramel brownies and coffee."

"I'm not Kathryn," she laughed. "Brownies, yes, but lemon tea, not coffee."

"Are you sure you're a Janeway?" He accepted a brownie, but waved off the tea. "I have my own thermos, thanks."

They munched the brownies in companionable silence, careful not to drop a single crumb.

"These were left over from Kathryn's reception," she explained as she stored the container in her bag. "Mom always makes them for special occasions, but I have to say that sweets are a little much for party that takes place at 0830."

"The ceremony was first thing in the morning?"

"Oh, yeah. Kathryn had a meeting at noon that she couldn't miss."

He shook his head. "She won't even slow down for the biggest promotion of all?"

"She's never slowed down for a promotion, or anything else. It isn't her style."

He smiled and sipped his tea, letting that thought hang between them as he worked up the courage to ask the question that was foremost in his mind. Phoebe waited, a tiny smile on her face, determined to force him to ask about what he wanted to know.

"I was wondering," he said, at last, "who attended the ceremony."

"A very select few."

"Was Seven there?" He studied the cup in his hand, avoiding her eyes.

"You mean Annika Hansen?"

His eyes bored into hers. "I mean Seven of Nine."

Phoebe smirked and gave him a sideways look. "No, Seven wasn't there. And neither was Annika Hansen."

"Hmmmph." He scowled. "I can't imagine that Seven would miss such a magical moment for her mentor and surrogate mother."

"Is that derision I'm hearing in your voice?" she teased.

"Not really." He had the decency to blush. "I don't want to talk about her."

"Need I remind you that you brought up the name, not me?"

"No. You don't need to remind me."

She studied him as he busied himself with his thermos. "For your information, Seven resides on Vulcan these days. Kathryn says she prefers the emotional serenity of a species that controls their passion rather than submitting to it."

"That sounds like something she'd say."

"Rumor has it that she dumped you. I always wondered if that was true."

He rolled his eyes, even though he found Phoebe's direct manner refreshing. "I'd call it a simultaneous dumping."

"Then why so bitter?"

He didn't answer for a long moment, taking the time to put his thermos away and rearrange his belongings before he crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a level look.

"Getting involved with Seven was not one of my better decisions."

"Really? How surprising." She grinned. "Most people would think that getting up close and personal with a former Borg drone would be a trip to the moon on gossamer wings."

Chakotay laughed and gave her a sideways look. "Are all Janeway women irreverent teases?"

"I'd say so." She softened her smile, though. "What was so bad about getting involved with Seven?"

"It cost me a lot."

"Such as?"

"It's hard to say, since I can only speculate about what might have happened differently if I hadn't started dating her."

"You can tell me," Phoebe whispered. "I'm trustworthy."

He leaned back and closed his eyes, remembering the sudden chasm that had opened up between himself and his captain. The admiral had hurt her deeply when she'd mentioned that he and Seven had married. He knew that she felt betrayed because he'd kept his new relationship a secret from her, and no matter how hard he'd tried to explain or how often he'd apologized, she'd never been the same toward him, never opened up to him as she had before. With a groan, he opened one eye and gazed at Phoebe, who was watching him intently. He decided to tell the truth and see what happened. Maybe Phoebe would have some sage words of advice on how to handle her sister. "It cost me my friendship with Kathryn, for one thing."

They were silent for a few moments before Phoebe leaned toward him and said, so softly he could barely hear her, "Alternate timelines are disquieting, aren't they?"

"Huh?" Chakotay's eyebrows shot up in surprise. The intervention of the admiral from the future was highly classified, and yet that had to be what Phoebe was referring to. Could it be that Kathryn had told her sister about the circumstances of their return? "What are you implying?"

"I know nothing," she protested, holding up her empty hands. "Kathryn hasn't said a word, but I have overheard a few discussions, and I can put two and two together." She leaned toward him again, her voice a whisper, "The thing is that changing the past really changes everything, doesn't it?" She paused, but her eyes bored into his. "Every. Single. Thing."

Chakotay was tongue-tied, unable to think of anything to say that wouldn't compromise his oath to protect the truth from becoming common knowledge, from bringing down criticism on the head of the woman who had given her life to change the past and rescue the people she loved.

Phoebe laughed at the stricken look on his face. "You don't have to say a thing—your expression answers my question. I don't think Kathryn has figured out, yet, just how different her future can be from . . . another timeline." She waited a beat. "Maybe you should teach her."

Another announcement interrupted them. Flights between the starbase and Chiega had been restored, and passengers were advised to report to docking ring eight for immediate departure.

"That's my cue," she said, gathering her things and standing up. She looked down at him with a smile. "I think Kathryn would appreciate hearing from you and from anyone else from Voyager. She has this quaint idea that she has to remain aloof from you all, that 'once a captain, always a captain,' and she's too damned proud to admit that she misses you."

"I'll keep that in mind," he answered. He slumped against the wall, suddenly exhausted by the emotional strain of their chat. "Have a safe trip home."

"You, too." She turned and picked her way through the crowd, looking back to observe him as she waited for the next available turbolift. Chakotay sat perfectly still, staring out into the darkness of space. To Phoebe, he looked sad, as if he'd lost his best friend.

"Perhaps, he has," she thought to herself, and then shook her head. "But I don't really think so."