Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with Star Wars or The Loud House.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away…

(The words "Loud House" in the form of the Star Wars logo appear over a vast sea of stars as the Star Wars theme song plays. The title fades off into the distance and an introduction summary slowly crawls up.)

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Rebel Alliance. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, the Empire has chased the Rebels out of their hidden and across the galaxy. But you probably knew that already.

You should also know that Lincoln Loudwalker and the other Rebels now operate in a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth. Somehow it was the best place for them to hide.

The Empire's leader, the evil Darth Lola, now obsessed with finding the Rebels, especially Lincoln, for some reason, has had her forced dispatch thousands of probe droids in the far reaches of space. Now let's see what's going on now…

Chapter 1: Ice Planet Hoth

(Above the white snowy ball that is the Hoth system, an Imperial Star Destroyer sails through space. Several small pods come out of its underside dock and fall to the planet below. One of the pods zooms over the snowy hills and hits the surface creating a crater. When the smoke clears, a weird mechanical sound is heard and black droid with a flat, circular head with antennas and camera eyes on it and long claw-like legs dangling below it, emerges from the crater and floats across the snow plain.)

(A figure gallops across a massive ice slope. A masked rider bundled in snow gear rides on a Tauntaun, a large, gray snow lizard with long legs and short arms. The rider gallops up a slope and reins the lizard to a stop. He pulls of his goggles and scarf, revealing to be Lincoln Loudwalker, and looks around. He notices something something in the sky heading down to the ground. It crashes into a hill in the distance. Lincoln curiously takes out a pair of binoculars and looks where the object hit but sees nothing behind the smoke. He puts the binoculars away and activates a comlink transmitter on his arm.)

Lincoln: Echo Three to Echo Seven. Bobby, old buddy, you read me?

(After some static, a voice is heard.)

Bobby: (through comlink) Loud and clear, kid. What's up?

Lincoln: Just finished my circle. No life readings detected.

Bobby: (through comlink) There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a space cruiser. Why's this place called "Hoth"? They ought to call it "Coldth". Anyway, the sensors are placed. I'm going back.

Lincoln: Right, I'll see you shortly. There's a meteorite that hit the ground nearby. I'm gonna check it out. Won't take long.

(He clicks off his transmitter and reins back on the Tauntaun. It starts making noises and shaking nervously.)

Lincoln: Hey, steady girl. What's the matter? You smell something?

(Suddenly a large shadow looms over him and he hears a monstrous howl. He turns and sees an eleven-foot-tall abominable snowman creature called a Wampa right in front of him. He tries to grab his blaster is hit it the face by a huge, white claw. He falls off the Tauntaun which is immediately killed by the Wampa.)

Lincoln: (weakly) Oh, man… I am not gonna get off easy in this one…

(He then blacked out as the Wampa dragged him and the Tauntaun across the frozen plain.)

(On another part of the planet, the Rebel base resides in a series of ice caves. Another Tauntaun rider gallops through a field of mounted laser turrets and battle trenches where Rebel soldiers are at work. He enters the gate of an enormous hangar with numerous Rebel starfighters and snow speeders. The rider swings off the lizard and pulls down his hood on his blue coat revealing to be Bobby Soltiago. He walks through the hangar toward the back where his spaceship, the Millenium Falcon sits. It had been damaged in battle and needs repairs. On the roof is Bobby's copilot, Ronnie Anne, wearing a face shield and using a blowtorch to fix a part of the roof.)

Bobby: (calling out) Ronnie. Ronnie!

(Ronnie Anne stops working and lifts up her face shield.)

Ronnie Anne: (stressed out) There you are! These repairs are taking too long!

Bobby: Alright, take it easy. I'll be right back to give you a hand.

(Ronnie Anne goes back to work as Bobby walks past the ship and into the hallway. He takes off his coat as he enters the central command center set up in an area of thick ice. Computers and electronic equipment are set up all along the room. Controllers monitor radar signals. Bobby approaches Pop Pop in his general uniform overlooking the room. At a nearby console, Princess Lori, wearing a white combat jacket with her hair braided across her head in a Nordic fashion, sees them and overhears their conversation.)

Pop Pop: Captain Soltiago?

Bobby: No signs of life out there, General. Sensors are in place. You'll know if anything comes around.

Pop Pop: Good. Has Commander Loudwalker reported in yet?

Bobby: No, he's checking a meteorite that landed near him last we spoke.

Pop Pop: With all the meteor activity in this system, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships.

Bobby: (sighs) I hate to do this General, but I gotta get out of here. There's a price on my head and if I don't pay off Huggins the Hutt, I'm a dead man.

Pop Pop: Sorry to hear that. A death mark's not an easy thing to live with. You're a good fighter, Soltiago. I hate to lose you.

Bobby: Thanks, General.

(He leaves the room and goes into the hallway. Lori hears what he said and and goes after him.)

Lori: (upset) Bobby!

Bobby: (turns around) Yes, your highness?

Lori: I thought you were gonna stay.

Bobby: Yeah, well, the bounty hunters that are gonna come for me made me change my mind. But I'll give you my email address. It's "BobbySoltiago64

Lori: (raises her eyebrow) Compu...

Bobby: Yes, CompuServe.

Lori: But you can't leave now. You're a natural leader. We nee…

(A Rebel trooper holding a bag of ice cubes walks up to them.)

Trooper: (snickering) Hey. Do you guys need some ice? 'Cause I've got a bag of ice here. Thought you might need some ice.

Bobby: (groans) Yes, we get it. There's a lot of ice around. We're having a a conversation here.

(The trooper walks away to someone else in the hall.)

Trooper: Hey. I thought you might need some ice.

Trooper #2: What? Why would I need ice. We're surrounded by… Oh! (laughs) Oh, what a day brightener!

Lori: Bobby, we need you.

Bobby: Oh, really? "We" or "I"?

Lori: What do you mean?

Bobby: (smirks) Come on. You just want me stay because of how you feel about me.

Lori: (blushes and rolls her eyes) Oh, please. You're literally imagining things.

Bobby: Am I? Then why are you following me around? Afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?

Lori: Come on. I'd rather kiss someone from Star Trek.

Bobby: Is like to see that. You could use a good kiss!

(He continues to walk down the hallway as Lori just stares angrily at him. A little while later, in another ice corridor, Leni and Lisa, wearing sweaters and hemp hats, head down towards the main hangar.)

Lisa: It's cold in here! If only we could activate the thermal heater without melting the ice and getting everything all wet!

Leni: Good thing I made these matching sweaters and hats! You know, I like how all these big wires are just nailed to the wall. That's safe, right?

(They enter the hangar and see Bobby and Ronnie Anne struggling with repairs on the bottom of their ship.)

Bobby: (annoyed) Why do you take this apart now? I'm trying to get us out of here and you pull both of these?

Ronnie Anne: I don't know how this all works! I'm just improvising!

Leni: (to Bobby) Excuse me, Bobby?

Bobby: (to Ronnie Anne) Just put it back together. (to Leni) What?

Leni: It's Lori. She's been trying to like talk to you but your communicator won't pick up.

Bobby: I turned it off. I don't wanna talk to her.

Lisa: She's questioning the whereabouts of Master Lincoln. He hasn't returned yet. She doesn't know where he is.

Bobby: Well, we don't know either.

Leni: Yeah, nobody knows.

Ronnie Anne: Wait, what do you mean, "nobody know"?

Leni: Well, uh, you see…

(Bobby looks around and sees a trooper walking by.)

Bobby: Deck Officer!

Leni: Excuse me, Bobby? Might I…

(Bobby abruptly puts his hand over Leno's mouth as the officer approaches them.)

Officer: Yes, sir?

Bobby: Do you know where Commander Loudwalker is?

Officer: I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the south entrance.

Bobby: It's possible? Why don't you go find out? It's getting dark out there.

Officer: Yes, sir.

(The officer leaves in a hurry. Bobby takes his hand off Leno's mouth.)

Leni: Might I ask what's going on?

Bobby: I'll be right back.

(He walks away from the Falcon.)

Ronnie Anne: Hey! You gonna leave me hanging here again?!

Lisa: Let's just find Lori. Master Lincoln could be in considerable danger.

(The two droids leave the hangar. Ronnie Anne follows them.)

Ronnie Anne: (sighs) Well, looks like we won't be getting any work done now.

(Bobby enters a tunnel where Tauntauns and other methods of transport are kept. The Deck Officer goes up to him.)

Officer: Sir, Commander Loudwalker hasn't come in through the south entrance. He might have forgotten to check in.

Bobby: (concerned) That's not like him. Are the speeders ready?

Officer: Not yet. We're having trouble adapting them to the cold.

Bobby: Then I'm going out on a Tauntaun.

(He goes up to a Tauntaun and saddles up on it.)

Officer: Sir, the temperature's dropping rapidly.

Bobby: (determined) That's right, and my friend's out in it.

Officer: Your Tauntaun will Freeze before you reach the first marker.

Bobby: Then I'll see you in hell!

(He gets ready to leave when the trooper from before walks up to him.)

Trooper: Wait, Captain, you'll need this. (snickers) Bag of ice!

Bobby: (sighs) Alright, get out of here you knucklehead, but know I love you.

(He maneuvers his mount out of the cave and races into the dark bitter night. In an ice cave somewhere in wilderness, Lincoln hangs upside down, his ankles frozen in the icy ceiling, his arms dangling and some small scars on his face. He slowly regains consciousness and opens his eyes as a chilling moan echoes through the cave. The Wampa sits in another corner across the cave feasting on the dead Tauntaun. Lincoln pulls himself up and tries to pulls his feet out of ceiling to no avail.)

(He drops back into hanging position. He then spots his lightsaber sticking out of the snow a few feet out of reach as it must've fallen off his belt. He desperately tries to reach for it but can't. The Wampa hears him move from across the cave and starts head towards him. Lincoln hears it coming and takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes and reaches for the saber again this time being more relaxed and concentrating really hard. Through the power of the Force, the saber moves slightly and then shoots out of the snow and into Lincoln's hand. He ignites it and swings up at the ceiling, cutting himself loose. The Wampa reaches the area and sees him freeing himself. It lifts up its arm and prepares to attack as Lincoln gets up. The arms comes down and Lincoln swings his saber at it. The arm is cut clean off and the Wampa roars in pain. Lincoln puts the saber away and runs for the exit of the cave leaving the wounded beast behind.)

(He staggers out of the cave and into the the dark and snowy night. He tries to run as fast as he can but can't see through the blizzard. He travels some distance until he struggles to stand up. Weak and exhausted, he stumbles down to the ground.)

Lincoln: Geez… I'm so not getting off easy in this installment.

(Somewhere out in the cold, Bobby races through the blizzard on his Tauntaun. He keeps looking around for any signs of Lincoln. By the entrance of the base, Lisa holds up a scanner from her head trying to find any life forms in the distance. Leni walks up to her.)

Leni: (worried) Any sign of him?

Lisa: (puts her scanner away) Negative. Too difficult to detect anything.

Leni: Oh, this is awful! What if we never see him again!

Lisa: Don't say that! He'll be back soon. Let's just get back inside before our joints freeze up.

(They go back in the main hangar. Lori and Ronnie Anne stand near the entrance waiting for any sign of Lincoln or Bobby. A rebel trooper comes in and walks up to Pop Pop nearby.)

Trooper: Sir, all patrols are in. No contact from Loudwalker or Soltiago.

(Leni and Lisa go up to Lori and Ronnie Anne.)

Lisa: I can't detect any signals but my own range is far too weak to abandon all hope.

(Lori sadly nods in acknowledgement.)

Pop Pop: There's nothing more we can do tonight. The shield doors must be closed. (to the trooper) Close the doors.

Trooper: Yes, sir.

(The trooper walks away.)

Lisa: I'm afraid the chances of survival are like 775 to 1.

(Ronnie Anne buries her head in her hands and lets out a mournful groan. Lori pats her on the back comfortingly. The huge metal doors close and slam shut. The sound echoes throughout the huge cavern.)

Leni: Well, from what I know about Lisa, she has like made small mistakes when making estimates… from time to time.

Lisa: (sighs) And I'm sure we all hope I did for this.

(They all leave the hangar in silence. Back in the cold, Lincoln lies face down in the snow and slowly crawls forward only to stop after a short distance. He becomes nearly unconscious and almost passed out completely until he hears a familiar, friendly, ghostly voice in the air.)

Voice: Lincoln… Lincoln.

(He looks up and sees a barely visible spiritual vision of Luna Kenobi appear a few dozen in front of him. She looks at him with a casual smile.)

Lincoln: (weakly) L-Luna?

Luna: Hey, little dude. You look awfully cold, but I sure ain't. One of the perks of being one with the Force is that I don't get uncomfortable with hostile environments no matter where I appear. You of course are suffering from the cold, but don't worry, you'll be found and given shelter from the storm real soon. But before that, I gotta tell you to do something. Lincoln, you will go to the Dagobah system.

Lincoln: Da-Dagobah system?

Luna: Yes. There you will learn the ways of the Force from Lana, the Jedi master who instructed me. See ya around!

Lincoln: (groaning faintly) Luna…

(The vision of Luna fades away and a lone Tauntaun rider appears from the blurry air. Lincoln completely drips into unconsciousness as the rider approaches him. Bobby pulls up and leaps off his mount. He hurried up to Lincoln and starts shaking him urgently.)

Bobby: Lincoln! Lincoln! I got you, buddy! You're gonna be alright! C'mon, give me a sign here!

(Lincoln only responds with faint groans as his eyes remain closed. Bobby hen hears a larger groan behind him and sees the Tauntaun fall over and die from the cold.)

Bobby: Well, they said that would happen. Not much time here.

(He pulls Lincoln over to the dead reptile. Lincoln continued to moan with his eyes closed.)

Lincoln: Luna… Dagobah… Lana…

Bobby: Hang on, kid. (takes his lightsaber) Okay, how does this work?

(He clicks the button and ignites the blue blade.)

Bobby: Whoa! Okay, that's impressive!

(He carefully cuts a big gap in the Tauntaun's torso. He puts the saber away, pulls out the intestines and quickly tosses them into the snow. He then takes Lincoln's inert form and starts to stuff him inside the carcass.)

Bobby: This may not smell too good, kid but it'll keep you warm until I get the shelter set up.

(He struggles to get Lincoln inside and then stops to take a breather.)

Bobby: Ooh… and I thought they smelled bad… (gasping)... on the outside.

(The wind picks up considerably. Bobby takes out a shelter pack and begins to set up.)

(The next morning, the blizzard had ended and weather has cleared up. A squad of Rebel snowspeeders race above the white landscape. Most of them break off and fly in different directions while the lead one keeps flying forward. In that one, Stella, in her orange pilot uniform, focuses on sight ahead of her. A beeping sound comes on her monitor and she speaks in her communicator.)

Stella: Echo Base, I've got something. Not much, but it could be a life form.

(She switches over to a new transmitter.)

Stella: Commander Loudwalker, do you copy? This is Rogue Two. This is Rogue Two. Captain Soltiago, do you copy? This is Rogue Two. This is Rogue Two.

(She continues flying farther over the snowy landscape.)

Stella: Commander Loudwalker, do you copy? This is Rogue Two. This is Rogue Two.

(There's a crackle of static, then a faint voice.)

Bobby: (through the transmitter) Good morning! Nice of you guys to drop by!

(Stella smiles with relief and switches back to the other communicator.)

Stella: Echo Base, this is Rogue Two. I found them. Repeat, I found them.

(She flies her speeder to where the snow-covered shelter is housing Lincoln. Bobby stands next to it waving his hand up as the speeder lands near them. The search party is soon called back to the base and Lincoln is rushed to the medical center. Soon, he is put in a large tank of healing liquid wearing undergarments and a breathing mask. He looks peacefully asleep in the tank as a medical droid monitors him. Lori, Leni, Lisa, Ronnie Anne and Bobby, sipping on hot cocoa, watch from outside.)

(Later, Lincoln sits in bed in the recovery room, feeling much better. Lori, Leni and Lisa are with him.)

Leni: It's so good to have back to being okay, sir Lincoln.

Lisa: Yes, very pleasant to have you fully functional again.

(Bobby and Ronnie Anne enter. They look pleased to see Lincoln.)

Bobby: How ya feeling, kid? You don't look so bad anymore.

Ronnie Anne: Yeah, you look strong enough to pull the arms of a Gundark.

Lincoln: (to Bobby) Thanks to you.

Bobby: That's two you owe me now, bro. (turns to Lori, grinning) Well, your managed-to-keep-me-around-a-little-longerness, it looks like you managed to keep me around a little longer.

Lori: (sternly) I assure you, I had nothing to do with it. General Pop Pop thinks it's too dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy shield.

Bobby: (smugly) Yeah, that's a good story. I think you just can't stand to let a suave guy like me outta your sight.

Lori: (scoffs) I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brain.

Ronnie Anne: (amused) Ooohhh, trapped in the friend zone, aren't you?

Bobby: Yeah, laugh it up, fuzzball. You didn't see us alone in the south passage. (smirking) She expressed her true feelings for me.

Lori: (blushing and irritated) Why, you stuck-up… half-witted… scruffy-looking… nerf-herder!

(Everyone else gasps. Bobby looks slightly offended.)

Bobby: Who's scruffy-looking?

Ronnie Anne: You can't use "nerf-herder" as an insult! You can only use it as playful banter!

(Leni and Lisa look confused at the exchange while Lincoln just rolls her eyes.)

Lori: (to Bobby) I'm afraid you just don't know everything about women yet.

(Suddenly, the muffled sound of an alarm is heard.)

Announcer: (over loudspeaker) Headquarters personnel, report to command center.

(Everyone leaves the room except for Lincoln.)

Ronnie Anne: Take it easy, pal.

Well, this is off to a good start. It's widely regarded to be the best installment for many reasons after all. Gotta say, I got the giggles when writing Han and Leia's dialogue for Bobby and Lori. Anyway, big battle scene coming up so stick around!