Adrian glanced up at the clock. It had been two hours and he was still sitting in the exact spot where Natalie had left him. He couldn't bring himself to move. All he could do was replay the interaction that had just happened between them over and over again. It didn't feel quite real. He had to admit, he was shocked.
How did I not see this coming? He thought to himself. I'm supposed to be the world's greatest detective, and I couldn't recognize that my closest friend has been in love with me for seven years?
He blinked several times, surprised by his own thought. Natalie was his closest friend, he realized. But was she more than that? After all, she had seen him naked (well, naked-ish) and she hadn't freaked out. She actually said he had a..."great body." And they had just kissed. And it was quite a kiss, indeed, not just a friendly peck. And he wasn't grossed out. He wasn't feeling guilty. He didn't regret it. And he wasn't running away. In fact, he felt...excited? Adrian wasn't quite sure what that feeling felt like. Yes, it had been five years since he had put Trudy's case to rest but, still, it had been quite some time since he genuinely felt a happy excitement about anything. But what all of did this mean?
He thought back on their relationship and some of the things that had happened throughout the years. When he looked back now, it was patently obvious. Natalie really had been in love with him. She had given him sign after sign, and he had completely missed them all. He just didn't understand it. Natalie obviously knew how she felt. She'd had plenty of time to be sure of that. Adrian knew, rationally, that Natalie would have never risked losing their relationship by telling him that she was in love with him unless she was absolutely sure. But he still really couldn't believe it.
"Why?" He whispered to himself. Why would she want to be with me?
He couldn't wrap his mind around it.
Are you in love with her?
Adrian flinched, the sound of Trudy's voice clear in his mind. He hadn't seen a vision of her in years, but every now and then, he heard her voice in his head, when he was confused or stuck and needed clarity.
I think you are.
Adrian sighed, leaning forward and resting his head in his hands. Was he in love with Natalie? It had been so long since he had even thought about love in any way other than mourning Trudy's loss. He wasn't sure he still knew what it was supposed to feel like. He closed his eyes, trying to picture Trudy's face in his mind, but he couldn't help but see Natalie instead. He blushed, feeling surprised at himself and slightly embarrassed.
That's your answer, Adrian. It's really okay, darling, I just want you to be happy.
Trudy's voice resounded in his mind. He felt his heart rate increase, and had to swallow hard to force himself not to panic. Could her really love her? He was scared to answer that question out loud, but he felt Trudy's memory had already answered it for him. Trudy had always been his voice of reason and he felt, even now, that she was still helping him see things clearly. He forced himself to relax, closing his eyes and picturing Natalie's face in his mind again. He replayed the moments that had happened just before she left. The sincerity in her voice when she said she was in love with him. The tension that built between them when they stood close together. The way her eyes had locked with his, full of anticipation and hope. And the kiss...
What had come over him during that kiss? He had grabbed Natalie's body and pushed her against the wall. It was not even remotely the type of thing he would normally do. But he had realized in an instant how deprived of intimate touch he had been for so long, and how desperately he had been waiting for someone to release him from that. And not just anyone. He realized he had specifically been waiting for Natalie. He swallowed hard, remembering the feeling of her lips on his. It had felt wonderful. More wonderful than he ever could have possibly imagined. It stirred something alive in him that had been dormant for almost two decades. Adrian opened his eyes and glanced over at the picture of Trudy on his wall. Maybe she was right.
Natalie paced the floor of her kitchen. After having left Adrian's apartment, she had spent the past two hours deep cleaning her entire house. Now that Julie was out of the house, and after years of being around Adrian had worn off on her, cleaning was the only thing she knew to do with her nervous energy. But the house was spotless now, at least by her standards, and she didn't know what else to do. She forced herself to sit down at the kitchen table. Gripping the edge of the table in an attempt to steel herself, she took a deep breath.
She could not believe what had just happened. It felt like a dream. She had seen Adrian shirtless and, somehow, that had led her to, finally, after all these years, tell him that she was in love with him. And he didn't run away or seem upset. Then, they had kissed. And, God, what a kiss! The way Adrian was consumed with intensity, the way his eyes pierced hers, the way he gripped her waist and pushed her against the wall. Just the memory of it made Natalie tense up with arousal. She shook her head, trying to keep herself calm. In a million years, she had never expected that reaction from him. But, then again, he was a different man than he was when she first met him.
When Natalie had first met Adrian, he was consumed with grief. His only mission in life was to solve Trudy's case. And even though he had made progress over the years that she had worked with him, he still never really seemed to have any peace until after he had solved Trudy's case. In the first year or so afterwards, Adrian had seemed lost. He didn't know what to do with himself once his life's mission had been resolved. But Natalie had continued to support him, encouraging him to use his talents to help others, urging him to get out of his comfort zone and try new things. In the five years since he had solved Trudy's case, Adrian had grown immensely. He still wasn't a fan of handshakes, and Natalie still carried wipes for emergencies, but many of his phobias had subsided or decreased dramatically. Yes, he still had a few quirks, but seemed happier, in general, and more able to enjoy his life. But could he ever love her?
Natalie sighed, overcome with mixed emotions. Her gut reaction, the one that had been telling her to bury her feelings for almost a decade, told her that Adrian was in love with Trudy and that he could never love her. But the interaction that had just taken place between them told her otherwise. Adrian Monk had kissed her, and not half-heartedly either. He had grabbed her waist, pushed her against the wall, and kissed her. His tongue brushed against hers and he didn't need a wipe. That was huge. Natalie had spent the past seven years training herself to force her feelings down. She had become very skilled at concealing her feelings for Adrian, not only from him, but from herself. But in reliving the events that had just taken place between them, she couldn't contain her reaction. Her body was still alive with excitement, surprise, hope, and...arousal. As much as she tried to remain calm, she couldn't help it. Her and Adrian had kissed and it was breathtaking. She couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to kiss him again. Or, even better, what it would be like to feel his hands against her bare skin... She blushed, surprised that she had let her mind go there. She had made a point long ago to keep herself from thinking about Adrian in that way. But now, after what happened, it didn't feel completely impossible. She shook her head vigorously, standing up from the table. What was she thinking? He had just nearly had a mental breakdown because she had seen him shirtless. She was getting way ahead of herself here. She didn't even know how Adrian really felt about her. She began pacing again.
Natalie desperately wanted to just go back over to Adrian's apartment, talk to him, ask him how he was feeling, hug him, be close to him. But it had now only been three hours. Surely that wasn't enough time for him to process what had just happened. She sighed. This was going to be a long night.
Adrian held the phone in his hand, tracing his fingers over the buttons again and again. He wanted to call Natalie. To tell her to come back over. She had only been gone three hours now, but his apartment felt depressingly empty without her. To his surprise, he wasn't feeling panicked at all about everything that had happened between them that morning. He did feel that Trudy was right. He did have very strong feelings for Natalie, he just hadn't allowed himself to see it until now. And although the thought of saying the words out loud felt incredibly intimidating, he wanted to reassure Natalie that she wasn't alone in her feelings.
Doubt had threatened to creep in, to tell Adrian that he wasn't worthy of Natalie's love, that someone like her would never want to be with someone like him. But the actual events that had just taken place told him that wasn't true. Natalie was genuinely in love with him. He knew. He had seen it in her eyes. He had heard it in her voice. And he had definitely felt it in the way she had kissed him. Adrian just wanted her to come back. To put her arm around him like she always did and tell him everything was going to turn out okay. Her reassuring voice comforted him in a way that only one other person's voice ever had...That was really all the confirmation he needed to know how he felt about Natalie.
He sighed, looking down at the phone again. She had told him that she would give him time to think. He had thought. Now he desperately just wanted her to come back. But he wasn't sure if he could get up the courage to call her. He knew things would be different between him and Natalie, now that they had kissed. It was scary, but he didn't regret it at all. He just wanted her to come over and put her arm around him and make the worry and the racing thoughts go away. He inhaled sharply, and began dialing her number before he could lose the nerve.
Natalie gasped, startled by the ring of her cell phone, which echoed loudly through the silence of her house. She had dozed off on her couch, in an attempt to escape from the anxiety she was feeling. The phone continued to ring. She looked at the screen and felt a lump in her throat when she saw Adrian's name. She swallowed hard, gripping the arm of the couch with one hand, and answering the phone with the other.
"Hello?" She answered softly.
"N - Natalie," he began, his voice faltering, "It's me, Adrian...Monk."
She smiled, amused by his familiar formal greeting.
"Yes," she said, laughing softly, "I know it's you,"
"Right," he continued, clearing his throat. "Well, Natalie, I just...I was just wondering..."
She waited as there was nothing but silence on the other end. The seconds passing by felt like hours.
"Are you still there?" She asked.
"Y - Yes, I - I was just wondering, Natalie, w - would you...come back over? I mean, only if you want to, but you don't have to, I just thought maybe if you-"
"Yes," she said gently, smiling at his nervousness. "Of course I'll come back over. I guess you...you've had enough time to...think about everything?" She stammered, now overcome by her own nervousness.
"Yes, I have." he said, surprising her with his confidence.
"Oh. Well...I will be over there in just a few minutes, okay?"
"Okay. Goodbye."
He hung up the phone and Natalie took a deep breath. She ran to the bathroom, combing her fingers through her hair and taking a quick swish of mouthwash. She blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed. She had seen Adrian a million times. Why was she now so frantic to look just right before going back to his apartment? She shook her head and hurried back out of the bathroom, grabbing her cell phone and her purse, and leaving for Adrian's apartment.
