Title: In His Arms
Chapter 2 – Making Amends
A/N: Okay so a special thanks to rgs38 for the plot bunny for chapter 2. Instead of making two separate one shots, thought that these two would work well back to back and hope you all like it.
"Words in italics and double quotes – directly from the eppy - 2.05 'Perfect Family'"
The next morning Donna awakens to find herself alone in her bed with a small note on the side where Ed had been most of the night.
'Sleep well. I'm only a phone call away and will see you tomorrow. Love Ed.'
As much as she wants disappointment to wash over her at waking up alone, she tells herself that it was a bit too soon for that and the fact that he was there for part of the night and then left a note was reason to wake up with even a small smile. That small smile continues to widen upon her lips as she reads the end of his note over and over again. 'Love'. Not really wanting to get her hopes up too much or read more into the meaning than she probably already has, she leans back in her bed, the small handwritten note pressed against her heart, her mind somewhat at ease.
The night, as expected was tormented at first until her body finally gave into sheer mental and physical exhaustion and allowed her some solid rest until the morning. How long had he stayed? Did he get any rest himself? Would things now change for them? And if so, for the better? Or the worse?
Eager to get up and get the day started, Donna hops out of bed, heads for the bathroom, her step a little lighter than normal, her mood certainly lifted. A hot shower, a light breakfast and it was time to head into work; her mind fixing now on one person and one person alone.
"Morning," Ed greets her with a warm smile. "Sleep okay?"
"I did thanks to you," she replies with her own tender gaze. "Did you sleep at all?"
"I got some," he admits with a kind tone.
"Ed…"
"No need to be sorry, last night wasn't about me right?"
"I didn't want anyone else there but you," she admits in a quiet tone, not wanting anyone to hear.
Ed watches her facial expression change from a soft smile to a worrisome frown. "What? Donna it's okay…"
"I just don't want you to think anything less…"
"Never," he quickly interrupts. "What you did last night was pour out your heart to a trusted friend after your first kill shot."
"Okay."
"But if you don't feel…"
"Ed, I'm okay," Donna tries to assure him as Wordy enters, spies the two of them together, nods and keeps going. Ask him for a drink or something as a thank you, her brain urges. Before you lose the moment. "About last night…"
"I wanted to," he nods as Greg also enters. "Guess we should get the day started right?"
"I wanted to know if…"
"Morning you two," Greg walks up to them and greets them with smiles. "Ed got a minute?"
They both utter good morning back and then before Ed can answer, Greg whisks him away and her question is never answered; the shift running well into the evening so that by the time she was done with the super market incident, fatigue ensures that she heads straight home to get some much needed rest – alone.
What would tomorrow bring?
XXXXXXXX
The following morning, Donna arrives earlier than the rest, waiting by the door to the men's locker room for Ed, her mind racing as to what his actual response might be.
"Waiting long?" He slightly teases as he approaches her. "I know yesterday that you wanted to ask something and Donna I'm sorry that I never got back to you. Is everything okay?"
"It is," she answers with a firm nod, her blue eyes giving him a new sparkle as she smiles back. "I wanted to show my thanks for the other night by…seeing if maybe you wanted to get a drink or something after shift? My treat?"
"I'd love to."
"Really?" She asks and then gives her head a small shake before both of them nervously laugh.
"Yes really," Ed replies with a warm smile.
"Okay then," she agrees as Sam and Spike enter. She gives him one last warm smile before heading for the locker room to change and get the day started. But unlike the day before, today wasn't going to go as planned; in fact disaster wasn't just looming, it was about to toss a tormented wrench into their happy plans.
"Team One hot call…"
"Subject's family history made suicide likely and the danger to the infant was extreme. I gave the order to take the shot and Constable Sabine was unable to so and the subject made it to the structure and descended. Donna do you have anything to add?"
It was twice in a matter of days that Greg had asked her, in front of everyone if she had anything to add at the end of another angsty team meeting; another death being discussed. This time, however, it was different. Two days ago, Ed's gaze at her was soft and remorse filled; today it was disappointed and regret-filled? She could only meet his eyes for a few seconds before the boring into her soul by his hardened gaze forces her to look away and his eyes to wander elsewhere for a few seconds. Greg continued talking and once again she found herself praying for a quick end to another self-defeating moment. Damn it, she curses as Ed's eyes look down instead of at hers once more. The seconds slowly drag by into minutes and as soon as Greg says that's it, she's up and hurrying for the locker room; wanting to escape before the one person she knows she let down more than the others catches up.
Fate wasn't to be kind however.
"Hey," Ed's firm voice calls making her turn back before things could escalate further. She turns to him and sees frustration flashing in his sapphire orbs and feels herself instantly swallow and step back. A tongue lashing was coming of that she was sure; she just wasn't prepared for it to sting as much as it did when he was finished.
"Why don't we go back in there and finish the debriefing and tell the boss what really happened, because Donna the only thing that is more dangerous than a cop who shoots too fast is a cop that can't shoot when they need to. Now you had the shot and I saw it."
Damn that stung. She knew the pedigree of Team One when she submitted her application but the first day they met she had told herself, letting Ed Lane down would be her mental and not obviously emotional demise; today he was very clearly writing her obituary. But damn his eyes for still holding tenderness in them despite his stinging words; she couldn't even walk away if she wanted to right now. She would of course curse herself later for not just biting her tongue and not talking back but that wasn't her and some personal justification was in order. So against her own mental urgings, she fires back.
"You saw it? Well where were you then?"
What are you doing? She asks herself. Walk away now! Two days ago he had let himself into her apartment and she couldn't express her thanks enough for that kind gesture and now she wanted to jump down his throat and tell him to just back off; she made the right call. However, he was questioning it and that could only spell inner doom.
"I was pointing my gun at a scared kid with a baby in his hands," she continues, her mind racing with thoughts of regret at taking another innocent life; her…again.
"We got an order…"
"You questioned the order," she countered; once again ignoring her warning signals of backing down.
"Yeah I did…I asked a question and then I did my job like any member of this team is supposed to. Alright…are you a member of this team?"
For a split second he half expected her to tell him to go to hell, she did what she thought was right and it was up to Greg to make that final decision not him. How dare he question her? Her eyes hold remorse and regret, but for a few seconds longer he holds his breath until she replies with the one word…the only word he wants her to hear.
"Yes."
It was strained and he couldn't blame her, questioning her wasn't the part of the job or their working relationship that he enjoyed; but sadly it was up to him to treat each member the same, he wouldn't have been easy on the others. Donna forgive me, he begs and hopes that relief resounds on his words as he replies, "that's good."
But it was her sentence that follows afterward that holds the most telling emotion and for a few more seconds he wonders if now he has pushed her too far and this was it.
"Does this job get any easier?"
He could lie but that wasn't part of the job…no matter the consequence, so he holds his breath and then answers in a softer tone.
"No."
And before he could add another word, she turns on her heel and leaves him standing there to ponder his actions, wanting to escape and get some fresh air and just clear her head to see if she did actually mean 'yes' when she told him she was a member of Team One, implying she wanted to stay the entire course. She had asked him earlier in the day if he wanted to go out afterward and he had said yes, but now she just wants to leave…leave and in reality not look back until the morning.
Ed feels his whole frame slightly sag and kicks himself mentally for his challenging tone. Was he treating her fairly? Would he really be as hard on the others as her? Maybe it was to show outwardly that since they were on the same team, there was no unfair bias…no favoritism…no growing attraction? Damn it, Ed curses himself as he turns to see Greg watching with a very authoritative expression; and for a fleeting moment feels like a son who had just scolded his sister and now has to face his father's wrath for overstepping his bounds.
Had Greg heard? Was he out of line? Or was he just watching their tense interaction to make sure there was no dissention in the ranks? Or was it merely a moment caught in time that meant nothing? He quickly takes his leave, heading for the locker rooms and wondering if Donna's invitation from earlier was still valid. Why should it be? You embarrassed her. I waited until we were alone, he tries to reason back. She's hurting and you have to make it right.
"So what happened with Donna the other night?" Wordy asks in a low tone as Ed hurries to get changed and go in search of his elusive date.
"She needed a shoulder and I was there," Ed replies with a small shrug as Wordy purses his lips but says nothing. "Nothing more can happen right?"
"Why not?" Wordy asks leans in closer, "you've been looking for someone like Donna right? Someone who gets your job, can share it with you and…"
"And where there is no conflict. Right now she's on Team One…"
"But Jules is coming back," Wordy reminds him with a pat on the shoulder.
"You know what…it won't matter now," Ed sighs as he reaches for his jacket and offers a heavy sigh.
"Why not?"
"I…never mind."
"Ed, talk to me. What happened that would make things change so quickly? Yesterday you were on cloud nine and…"
"I was not," Ed offers in defense.
"Yeah…you were," Wordy argues back with a smile. "And trust me it was great. Now what changed in a matter of hours?"
"I was hard on her," Ed turns to Wordy with misery and frowns. "I don't know why I push her so hard."
"Because you want her to be as good as you and…and you are afraid of her leaving."
"But she is right? Like you said Jules is coming back."
"Donna just came into your life…she's leaving the team not leaving your li…"
"Yeah unless I let her right?" Ed interrupts.
"Okay yes."
"After tonight I'm just hoping we can talk as friends."
"That bad?" Wordy asks softly and Ed nods. "So one night you're working on something more than friends and now you're back to square one?"
"Way to go Constable Lane," Ed deadpans as Wordy smirks. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Ed..."
"Yeah?"
"Good luck."
XXXXXXXX
What about your date with Ed? "It's not a date…just a thank you and…not tonight…just not tonight," Donna sighs as she pulls herself away from her tormented reflection in the mirror. I didn't want to take another life…not another tormented life…"What the hell are you doing?" Donna looks at herself once more before she slowly stands up and grabs her bag. "Do I want to be here," she mulls over as she heads back to her locker and then looks once more at her expression in the mirror. She slams her locker shut and then looks up to see Ed watching her with a tense expression.
"Come back for round two?" She asks with a stinging bite and his face slightly winces.
"It wasn't personal," Ed insists as he remains fixed in place.
"You sure about that?"
"Yes I would have said the same to any member of the team in your place."
"Well then that's…good," she states with a tight lipped smile as she nears him, his body slightly shifting to match her movements, blocking her path. "I think I'm just gonna go home."
"Donna be fair," Ed's voice pleads with a small hint of exasperation.
"Your pride never been threatened?"
"Right."
"I didn't take the shot you said I should have taken…enough said," she looks at him directly and then pulls her gaze away; praying his searching won't penetrate her thin shield.
"Then why am I starting to feel guilty for even saying anything? For doing my job as team leader?" He asks as his arm leans against the wall and he cocks his head to the right, still watching her intently.
"Don't. Goodnight," she utters softly, quickly ducking under his arm and hurrying for the common area, where she hopes someone will run interference. But no one is coming and she just shakes her head and sets a determined course for the exit and into the fresh air; Ed still in tow.
"Ed I just need some space tonight," she states, not turning around to look at him.
"I can't feel guilty for doing my job Donna…come on now," he huffs as he catches up to her and finally stops her in her tracks.
"If I tell you what you want to hear can I go?"
Ed looks at her with a heavy frown and then looks away for a few seconds, letting out a heavy exhale before turning back. "You had the shot," Ed turns back, his lips slightly pursing.
Donna turns to leave, walks a few steps and then stops and turns back after looking around to ensure that no unwanted ears were listening in. "I couldn't take another kill shot. I saw him…Ed his expression…I couldn't," she stops as her voice cracks. "And if that means I'm not cut out for team one fine…next time you be the one to kill him. I ddin't want him to die...not another death."
"He jumped."
"Did you know that?" She holds her ground.
"I…no…none of us…the boss knew the history and…that's not the point."
"Just say it Ed, say it and let's call it a night."
"Say what?"
"Just say it damn it!" She lightly curses in exasperation.
"Say what?" Ed asks again, his own anxiety rising.
"I let you down…I failed you. I know you vouched for me and I thank you but I know I missed the shot…I just couldn't take another life…not this soon. And if that means I'm not a member of team one then fine. You wanna blame me? Hear my excuse? There it is," she throws up her hands and turns and heads for the main street, to call a cab and head for home.
"Donna, wait," Ed calls after he hurries after her. He gently takes her arm and turns her to face him.
"You said the job doesn't get any easier."
"I wasn't going to lie. Should I have?"
"Maybe it would have made things easier for a brief time but the lie would have come through…Ed I don't blame you."
"Will you be here tomorrow?"
"I'm just gonna concentrate on getting through tonight."
"Tonight," he sighs as his hands shove in the pockets of his jacket and he looks down and then back up with a small pensive stare. "I'd like that drink."
"I see her face…I see his…two people with so much pain and inner turmoil only wanting another chance...a new life with their own child…with no way out but death or jail or something terrible. When I joined team one I wanted to make a difference not label myself the grim reaper," she replies with a huff as she shakes her head. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Donna…"
"I can't," she utters weakly, her voice breaking the exact moment as his heart. "I know not all calls go the way we want; I know that life has other plans that we just can't alter…I know that but right now I just wanna go home and…"
"And what? Convince yourself that this isn't the role you thought you wanted?" Ed interrupts, his tone thick with emotion.
"Or to convince myself that I am human and I made a mistake and yeah it sucks but to just deal with it and move on."
"Alone?"
"Alone."
"Will you be here tomorrow?" Ed asks directly.
"Yes," she answers, nearly a whisper escaping her lips and his ears almost straining to hear. "Goodnight Ed."
"Yeah…goodnight," he sighs as he watches her leave, his fists tight in his pockets. He watches her get into a cab and just shakes his head. He can't blame her, despite the fact that he laid bare her faults to her alone it still stung and he would probably be reacting the same way. He never intended for the night to digress the way it has but there was in effect nothing he could do; he wasn't about to force himself into her apartment again, this time she needed space and she had made it clear who she'd be spending the night with – no one.
So with a heavy heart he gets into his car and heads for his lonely apartment, Wordy's very telling words still dancing around in his head. Looking for someone like Donna…same profession, gets your job…she's not gone yet. "Yeah Wordy…she's gone," he laments as he pulls into the underground parking lot and lingers in the seat a few seconds longer before going in.
He enters his quiet apartment and frowns, thinking how comforting it would be to come home to a partner that not only really understands and sympathises with the stress from the job but can offer insightful support that comes from someone on the exact same professional page. For a brief second his mind pictures him and Donna at the table, enjoying supper and talking about the days events; laying the stresses out to be dealt with and sharing some team one laughs.
"Not to be," Ed groans to himself as he tosses his jacket onto the hook and heads into the living room. He puts an easy listening CD into the player to fill the silent void as he heads into the kitchen to get something to eat. Ed pulls out a plate of leftovers from the night before and a few other items, reaching for a bottle of beer but pausing just as he goes to open it.
He pokes his head around the corner, thinking he's heard a soft knock but telling himself he's just imagining it. "She's not here," he grumbles as his hand rests at the top of the bottle about to twist. But sure enough another soft knock is heard at the door, and he can't place the bottle down quick enough and hurry to answer it; pulling it open and offering his guest a warm smile.
"Hi?"
"Your caretaker wasn't home and my lock picking skills need work," Donna quips as she looks at him with a small smile that turns into a frown. "I hear that baby as clear as I hear myself."
"It will get better…Donna it's been a rough couple of days…"
"Better?"
"Better in that you'll learn how to come to terms with these calls. It took me awhile…it takes everyone a while and even now it still stings. But not giving up is key. I've been team leader for five years and there isn't a day in those five years when I don't think…okay what could we have done better? But we learn from it and keep going."
"I don't want to give up."
"I know you don't."
"So…you still want that drink?"
"I do. Come in," he gestures in haste before she could change her mind. "You um…can I take…" he stammers nervously making her smile at his boyish charm.
"You like red?"
"Will go perfect with leftovers."
"Leftovers what kind?" She asks in a softer tone as she accompanies him into the kitchen. Just before he's about to pull open the fridge her hand rests on his making him turn to her with a wondering expression. And before he can react, her left hand rests on his cheek and guides his face lower, her lips planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "I'm not giving up," she whispers as their skin remains locked. "On us."
He pulls back with a smile and nods, thankful and delighted that she wasn't holding any kind of resentment or ill-will toward his actions earlier and that his confession about caring for her the other night wasn't in vain; she wanted more and her few heartfelt words had cemented that.
"Me either," he assures seriously as he leans in closer. But just as their lips were about to meet, her stomach growls and both pull back and laugh. "Okay stomach first."
"Right…what do you have?"
"Well," Ed pauses as he pulls his fridge open. "Looks like yours."
"Okay so I'm not exactly high up on the domestic scale," she lightly moans as her hand rests on his back as they peer into his fridge, finally pulling out a few things to make a small salad. "But I can shoot better than most women."
"And that is a real turn on," he grins.
"I do know this great market a few blocks from here where they do cater to both sexes in the SRU. Could offer you a guided tour on Saturday if you want."
"Sounds like a date," Ed offers her a half turn with a smile before his arm wraps around her waist and holds her close.
The two of them head to the counter, talking a bit more about the day, Ed listening to Donna talk about the situation and her own motivation and her in return listening to his experience and then some of the tougher calls he had to make and now has to live with.
They settle at the table, Ed's wish holding out hope of coming true of the two of them regularly sitting down to a meal at the end of a long, hard day, talking about work, the team and then other things in general. And Wordy was right, Jules might have been on her way back to the team, but in his heart and his future Donna was there to stay.
"Okay so tell me about the cat."
"The…cat?" Ed arches his brows as he leans back in his chair and looks at her with a smile. "Really?"
"Only fair."
"Okay there was this cat…" his voice trails off as she leans in closer, her mind too acknowledging the fact that this was the start of something new for them; something new and something permanent.
A/N: Okay so I might be adding a third installment to complete this series and if so then the ending to Remote Control would come next. I know I did an M rated one but this would be T and hopefully add to this little ficlet. Hope that's okay and please review before you go and let me know thanks!
